MOONWALKIN' : The Favorite Dance of President Barack Obama.

Motown's 25th Anniversary subjected the world to a moment in Music and Television history that will probably not be forgotten until everyone born before 1980 has all returned to the grave. On this night, a juicy haired, Glitter gloved, high pitched talking, limber kid from Gary, Indiana, Michael Joesph Jackson, caused a stir and craze that sent a vibrant shock through the youth of the globe on that night.

What did Jackson do you ask? Cure Cancer? Nah. Invent the Condom? Nope, they been around for a long time but for some reason, ain't being used as much as they should. No, Jackson didn't invent anything that could be measured, but rather, he invented something that could be seen. The Moonwalk. Actually, no, he didn't invent it. He Auto-tuned it from a kid he saw doing it breakdancing named Bugaloo Shrimp, AKA, TURBO from Breakin' 1 and 2.

What does this have to do with Barack Obama?? Nothing, other than the fact that it seems the Commander and Chief seems to have been practicing this dance move and all we're waiting on is TWITTER to confirm that he just bought a Glitter glove.

Yes, I do say the title of this blog entry in jest but at the same time.. It is an eerily accurate portrayal of the President Obama's behavior over certain statements he's made during his Campaigning as well as his first 19 months into his Presidency.

Now, I know this may be an unpopular blog. I know some of those reading may not have understood even one political policy and platform that Obama stood for in his Quest to become the most powerful man in the world(on paper). Many just saw a dude that needed a razor to keep his hair line fresh(And it should be much fresher) and was like, "I want him to be President." However, I don't insult everyone... there are actually some who researched Obama, his ideals, his life, etc. Like me. The D.A.V. Read both of the early books on him and even the White Dude who wrote that Conspiracy Book about him. Interesting read they all were. Told me about Obama.. about his life early on, how he was shaped, his struggles and triumphs.. and even some dealing with some Shady individuals.

Please, do not believe you are on Obama's level of dealing with those who come from the land of extreme Shade because you know the big time Weed man in your city or one of your Baby Daddies may or may not have had 1 bird or 2 within his lifetime. Those are not major players. Major Paupers? Indeed. LOL, I know yall hate me. Ya think I care? I envoke my George Bush DECIDER card. This my blog. I'm the DECIDER.

Anyway... I'm not going to turn this into an Obama Bash Blog. Well, maybe a little bit. However, If in your rebuttal you mention George Bush messing up the country and Obama needing time to clean it up.. Not only will I probably delete your comment. Unless you are very very very very cute, I'll probably delete you. Don't be coming around the Middle Finger speaking that obvious bull ish and acting like you have made a point that is extremely significant.

You, my reader, HAVE NOT. I'll touch on that quickly right now. Yes, Bush screwed up the Money. Yes, Obama needed time to get it right. Yes, now OBAMA is Fk'n up the money and he's gonna need more time to clean up not only what Bush fk'd up, but the new fk'd upness caused by our beloved President.

As a black male, I am proud to see a person of color in office. I remember in conversations with my father and he saying that he would probably never see it in his lifetime. Unfortunately, he was correct. I used to concur with my paternal provider quite often. I did not believe I would see a person of color in my lifetime either be inside the Oval Office behind the Oak desk. Yes, I've seen Morgan Freemanboth play President as well as "god" on the silve screen, but that is the land of make believe. Obama is really the president.

I do however agree with many White Americans who say, that he's as much White as he is black.. and technically they are correct. Subjectively? They full of ish. In Tennessee, 1910, the One drop rule was instituted on a much larger scale. One drop of Black blood, ANYWHERE, makes you basically a brotha. Watching Katt Williams the other night, he dedicated a small segment to Obama and praised him to no end. However that was 2008 and he had yet to win. Many believed as the shortest Comic with the biggest Mouth did in those times.

I'll admit.. I like Obama as well. I didn't know how good of a president he would be but I liked him more because he was a SYMBOL. Young black males, who shockingly today I found out that across the US are only graduating 47% of the time from High School.. yes.. HIGH SCHOOL... less than half of our black males are finishing Grade 12, got to see a person who looks similar to them getting respect and praise of the highest form from the majority of the world.

Yes, 47%. Many of those from a single parent household. Many of those single parents being single black women. Still think Women can make boys into men?? How about getting them thru HS first. But that's another blog. And yes, A single mother or 2 probably got angry. (Kanye Shrug) x 10. Tragic #'s right thurrr.

Back to Obama... his latest snafu... The Mosque Issue at Ground Zero. (Middle Finger puts down his head and shakes it as he continues to write) Sometimes, you just have to look at Obama and say,

"Damn, Homey, Again? You let them get on you that again? How you keep getting Sarah Palin'd?" .

This is how you know Obama hasn't been in tune with his Black side as much early on. When a Bill Collector calls you and you see that number... LOL.. You ain't picking it up. You hitting Ignore or letting it go to VoiceMail.

"Dawg, I don't know why you callin me.. You gonna get your bread when I get the bread. No faster" So they have to switch up they style. They can't keep coming at you the same way.

Not so much with Obama. They just be asking him basic stuff.

"Mr. President.. Burger King is selling Ribs and Shyt... What you think about that?"

"Ummm, hello, I like to believe that Burger Kings Ribs are delicious... and um....Scrumptous, Me, Michelle, Malia, Sasha and Bo love nothing more, than on a Saturday evening, calling the Secret service over and telling them to go get us some Ribs from BK. And a Diet Coke for Me."

Until the one black dude in the back who cleans the Press room be like, "That Ninja lying, he know he don't eat no pork. and he like Wendy's anyway. He don't even go to BK."

One reporter hears this... Runs a Story, "Obama lies.. He's really down with Wendy's Fries." and next thing you know, Feux News picks it up and says Obama is ANTI AMERICAN because he didn't mention McDonalds.

Obama calls a press conference and says, "My fellow Americans... I'd like to renounce, repudiate, and distance myself from the statement on Burger King's Ribs. What I was actually commenting on was that Me, Michelle, Sashsa, Malia and Bo, would LIKE to one day go get Burger King ribs but we just dont' simply have time. "

Then everybody looks around and is like, "WTF? This dude just said yesterday that them shyts was scrumptous... what he on?" (Then Antoine Dodson sticks his head around the corner and says, "You are really dumb... Fa REEEEEEEEEL".

All jokes aside.. This is my biggest beef with President Obama. When he was asked about the Mosque, intially, he said what was correct. He supported it being built. Period. This country was founded on Religious Freedom as one of it's BIGGEST values. It was one of the core reasons that those from England left so that they would not be persecuted or controlled based on their beliefs.

America has to be America.. All the time, Tried and True, across the board. Either the constitution respects and protects Religious Freedom EVERY SINGLE TIME or it cannot do so at all. If it does not do it every single time, then the words are not worth the paper that they are written on. If those who want a Mosque built at that site have the money to build it and permission from the City of New York, then they have every single right to build whatever they want right there. If South Carolina, can still fly a CONFEDERATE FLAG at it's State ran facilities, and there is no uproar, for the life of me I can't understand why there is an uproar with this.

Wait.. I'm lying... I can TOTALLY see why there is an uproar. What they don't tell you is that Freedom is only true, if it does not offend the masses of this nation. Oh, there is freedom of speech from Tea party Rallies, who spew Racially tinged rhetoric disguised in popular code words...

"Side Bar.. DO THEY REALLY THINK WE DON'T KNOW? BLACK PEOPLE INVENTED CODE WORDS... A BLACK DUDE CAN TELL ANOTHER DUDE, "SKEEE BADEE BEEBOP, SHIBBIDYA, SHIBBU, YEAH, I'MMA NEED THAT, ON THE HUMBLE, YESTERDAY PLUS 2MA AND THURSDAY TOO." AND THE OTHER BLACK DUDE CAN BE LIKE, "I'M ON IT." AND KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HE MEANT.

But your freedoms usually extend to the level of what those who represent the masses will Ok.

Yes, I understood this issue was polling badly with Americans. Sidebar pt 2.) By show of Hands, How many black people have ever been polled on this? Or anything? Not me.

However, part of being a LEADER, is taking that first step when nobody wants to take it with you on that freshly frozen Ice and showing others that it's safe. That is a HUGE part.

It's why I say I respect Obama's intelligence, but not his Cajones. Intellectually, he knows the constitution.. the dude is a former Constitutional law Professor... but like The Oracle told NEO,

"Knowing the path, and Walking the path are 2 different things."

To see him come back and then back track, YET AGAIN, when many in white america disagree with him on his stance is disheartening. It's like, what's the point of being In charge if you ain't gonna be IN CHARGE?

Bush, for all his shortcomings.. and I do mean ALL... Wasn't about to Back down. He watched that Ultimate Fighting movie everyday when he woke up... "NEVER BACK DOWN". He was in the Oval office doing kicks, blocks, throwing elbows, knees and all kinds of stuff and kept saying, "I won't back down."

No matter how dumb Bush sounded... His main thing was .. "I'm President". And then he may or may not have said, "BAWSE", chucked up dueces, and walked off after each press conference. Waiting on Twitter to Confirm that too.

I'd like for Obama to have some of that too. I know poltics is a tricky game. I was an excellent political science student in college. My professor said I received the highest grade he ever gave a Freshman in that class... A 99%. We'd talk after class and he would kind of be astounded at some of the stuff I'd say... but he almost always agreed. I think I saw in his eyes,

"Damn, this a black kid.. and he's an athlete.. and he's not an idiot.. in fact, he's rather refreshing." Funny, I got that look a lot. Wonder what he'd think 16 tattoos later.

But yes, Poltiics is a dirty and brutal game. I understand the pandering Obama must do. He can't be TOO BLACK to the White People and as long as he's "Black Enough" to the majority of Blacks, they'll keep buying T-Shirts, keep defending him to no end against him Cleaning up Bush's mess and always talk about how they want Michelle Obama arms.

Yes, I get all that. But just once.. Just once. I want him to go DAV on the public. Just go Middle Finger. Be like...

"Yeah, I said it. I said they have the right to build the Mosque and I support it. And you know what?? I sure do. Cuz yall kill me, ya know? They build McDonalds everywhere in the d*mn country and yall fat mutha suckas don't never have a problem with them throwing up one of them so you can be fat and lazy and eat your fries and double cheeses and get your arteries clogged up and die of heart attacks and spend half your check on blood pressure medication. No, yall don't care about that.

But yall got an issue with me standing up for a Core belief in this country, Religious Freedom, because not only is it the right thing to do, it's what we SAY we believe in as a nation. If it was a Christian Church... if Joel Osteen went up in there with "This is my bible" at Ground zero with his mullet wearing self, would yall be trippin? Nah. If it was a Catholic church... And they wanted to build a church so they could put in a secret room where they could keep playing with lil boys, would you have an issue? Nah.. It's all well and good. As long as Mass is an hour long and you can get home to watch Football.. you could care less. You know what... "Yall some fake MF's" Faker than the Fakers on Face Book fronting it into Front Book. Well guess what? What's my name?

Barack Hussein Obama.. Please say the Hussein and guess who I am? The President.... El Presidente for my Latin Lovelies.. Holla at cha boy. So basically that means.. I'mma say what I wanna say and if you don't like it.. Jeremiah Wright says HELLO. Yall need to check yall self cuz yall ain't real. And 50 was right... "These Industry Voters ain't friends they know how to to pretend." "I know yall rather see me fall than see me ball, but Me, MIchelle, Sasha, Malia, and Bo.. we not GOING. We like Drizzy Drake... We here till it's OVER... OVER... So I'm out."

Then he turns to Joe Biden and says, "Tell them to send in Chris Breezy to play me off stage, "

*Enters Chris Brown, dancing, singing... DUECES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, I know I won't get that.. But just once... Just once... Stand up and be like... I know white america don't like this. And then Kanye Shrug on it. And say, "I got the most votes."

Instead... Obama takes a deep breath, looks directly in the camera... Reaches in his pocket... Pulls out his Glitter glove and puts it on... and Moonwalks away.




This is The Middle Finger.... Wondering why the HOPE on the Politician's Tongue never ever trickles down to the City?

GOT THE INTERNETS GOIN NUTS...

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I said I was gonna double up and do two blogs this month. I'm sorry, for those of you expecting the Tipping Point or the NFE(everybody asks what that is), neither are quite done yet mentally. The NFE might be the Pinnacle of all that I have written so far.

This one is gonna be kinda informative...and probably somewhat opinionated and somewhat of a ramble. If you notice the title, you'll see it's from a Paul Wall Song. I have no idea which one, nor do I care to look it up.. I just remember him saying it and thought it was funny.

I was just on a friends of mine's page and he was talking about where we are now... Facebook. How it's became juvenile, and High Schoolish and plain ignorant. In many ways I see what he's talking about, but I cannot compare it to Myspace, as many of you might be able to because I think I logged into the myspace page I had maybe twice. I think before I joined FB, there was a mass Exodus from Myspace over to FB. Am I correct? If anybody knows that background, please inform me. I used to always think FB was just for college kids so when people would say, "Dav, you gotta get on FB.." I was like, "Yo, I'm 30, son.. I dont wanna see any college kids doing what we was doing on Blackplanet( Oh don't you lie, you know you was a BP junkie back in college... hell, I joined BP back when it was only 400,000 Members and now it's like 30 million or something.. and Dav won't lie, I adored BP like it was Willy Wonka with a lifetime supply of Chocolate... cuz you know, Dav loves chocolate.)

Hell, I remember when they blocked Blackplanet at work.. Ni**s damn near lost they mind. Salty the entire day.. Damn near boycotted like it was the Freedom Riders or something.

It's crazy, but there is a reason for this overwhelming attraction. CONNECTIONS. (And for my Louisville people, not the place where you go see the Drag show)

Regardless of what we may think.. We are all connected. The universe binds us in a way that nothing else can. It's been that way from the Big Bang(AKA GOD's VOICE) and It will continue to be that way until God decides to turn out the light on this little planet.

One of my favorite Hip Hop Albums of All Time is by my fav group, Foreign Exchange. What is it called.... Connected? If you are a true hip hop fan... AMAZON.COM or WWW.THEFOREIGNEXCHANGEMUSIC.COM and get that album. It is amazing. Created in 2004 and still damn near better than ANYTHING out today.

If you know about the group, you know how they found each other. If not, Dav will give you the story.

Foreign Exchange is originally composed of two memebers. Phonte of Little Brother( who has knocked out Common of the top spot as my fav MC ever) and Nicolay (Super Producer from the Netherlands)

The two met on a MESSAGE board... Called Okayplayer.com. It was a place where Hip Hop heads go to place beats, or rhymes or read up on whatever what was going on in the Hip hop world.

It was on this message board that Nicolay began placing Beats he created while overseas, wondering if anybody was feeling his style. Nicolay was in a band I think if I remember correctly and was on the verge of getting a real job before his music career took off.

Phonte just happened to be scanning the board that day and came across the Beats and immediately he was blown away. As I listen to CONNECTED now as I write this.. and my favorite song, RAW LIFE is about to come on(Damn this song makes me wanna jump up and just bop exxxtra hard errrtime I hear it) I can see why. Nicolay is amazing. Anyway, Phonte heard the beats and was like, "This is bananas" and I believe he contacted Nicolay and asked what he was going to do with the beats and Nic was like he was just looking for feedback. I can't remember which beat Phonte heard first, he said it at the Concert in the Nati back in Jan 2009 but I was SMASHED with my cuzzo and So geeked that my fav group was performing and still trying to pull Nati Chicks that I can't remember which one specifically. I wanna say Nic's Groove. Could be wrong. I'll ask his wife next time I see her logged in.

Back to the story.. Anway, Phonte then tells Nicolay he'd like to Flow over his beats and see what came up. Nicolay was like, Cool.. and Phonte went to work making Gems.

{Sidebar. I'mma grown ass man. I'm secure in my manhood. I have no problem saying that Phonte, LYRICALLY is AMAZING. Dude literally is blessed by GOD... and annointed with Truth. A focused Phonte Coleman, Lyrically, to me is on Par with all the greats. Jay, Nas, Em, Rakim, Etc. That's big shoes to fill, but not to play with words on the name of the Album, As far as CONNECTING, with what a person says.. I've never linked up and was eager to hear what else someone said on the Mic as I am with Phonte.}

Okay, i'mma get through this story.. But As time went on, they continued to interact. Nicolay would continue to send Phonte Beats, Phonte would continue to kill them. Mind you, these two have NEVER met. This was all done over the computer through IM's and Emails. They didn't actually meet until the ALBUM was done. With the help of Others in Phonte's crew of the Justice League.. The Connected Album was mixed and mastered and brought to life by something as uncanny as CHANCE.

Think about it. These two just happened to link up. One was Thousands of miles away in another land. One was in NC trying to blow up in the group Little Brother. They've been together for going on over 7 years I think.. And they were just nominated for a Grammy for their Second Album, Of which I have tattooed on my arm, LEAVE IT ALL BEHIND. I actually was lucky enough to meet the guys a few times, and there is even a picture of Us together in my "DAV" album.

I just think that's an amazing story. They are now, GRAMMY NOMINATED THE FOREIGN EXCHANGE.. Doing shows all over the United States. If you get a chance to see them. I swear, it's worth it. I've seen them twice and will see them every time they come in this area. But think about how it all happened. What if Phonte, the day before he met Nicolay online, said, SCREW OKAYPLAYER.. I'm never logging in again. I'm tired of the wack beats on there. Wack Emcees who are a bunch of wannabees, fakes, and frauds. BUMP that BS, I'm done with that joint.

Then we'd never have got Connected. From that I never would have got Leave It All Behind... And it may have delayed a mentally breakthrough that I had while constantly playing that Album over and over and over...

When me and Jax's mother split... As much as it needed to occur, it was still a BIG shift. I was now a Single man, with a child trying to not let his boy become a statistic. I was a little clueless. Still Angry because of time wasted that coulda been used more productively... I didn't have my Father to lean on for Advice. My sister had her own family to focus on. It was just me and Jax. I'll admit. I was a little scared of the unknown... But I needed a mental breakthough. I was so drained mentally that the devil was able to delay gifts and ideas God had planned for me because I entertained thoughts he gave me.

But I serve a good God. One that will come down in the trenches and Pull you out if He has to. It was just that I couldn't hear God.. not because He wasn't speaking but because there was so many other noises going on in the background of my life that I couldn't focus.

God's brilliant as well. For some reason, right around that time we split, Foreign Exchange just HAPPENED to drop their second album. When I say Leave It All Behind was a HUGE help to me.. I'm not lying. So much so that I'll have it permanently marked on my left Forearm forever with the Chinese symbol for "THE PAST". It was such a great life lesson when I realized it. The album itself, it was just like a good friend who made sense to you. It was emotional, during a time where I was less Logical and more emotional(hell, I'm human). I loved all the songs, but the final song on the Album.. The Title song... LEAVE IT ALL BEHIND was extremely special. On this Album, Phonte sings alot more than he raps. He's influenced Drake a great deal. But he sings starting off talking about singing to his Son or just SOMEONE's son... and I think I read in his interview that the song was like a Lullaby. Anyway, the hook goes,

'Cause only heaven knows What to make of these changing times But for tonight, let's just leave it all behind I know this world's so cold But don't let teardrops change your mind So for tonight, let's just leave it all behind

And I remember the first time hearing it.. and I was like... "There it is." And I played that song like 10 times in a row.. and It was like I big lightbulb was placed over my head. The song just kinda spoke to me and I snapped RIGHT outta my funk. Called up my Tattoo dude and was like, "I need to get in today, can you fit me in?" And he did. And that's the story of how I got that tattoo.

What I'm trying to say in somewhat a long winded way is that YOU never know what your gift is and when it's going to come to fruitition and from that, who you will help and what you can change.

That's why I try to add a new FB friend every day. It never appealed to me to have just a link to people who I already know. There was no need to reconnect with anyone of my past because anybody to me that was in my past that was Important was always still in my life in some way or another.

I use FB for the opposite of others. I love adding people I don't know. People who I may look at and think, Yo, They may be interesting. I play Six Degrees of Separation a lot. I'll add friends of friends of friends of friends of friends of Friends. Hell, I have more FB friends that I DONT know personally than those that I do.

True enough, Facebook has its moments. The constant, "I'm having haters status updates" or the Facebook Subliminal shots at Ex Boyfriends or Girlfriends.. Facebook Beef. People hating on others who have more than others. People faking who they are trying to get some attention.. Even though If you are on FB more than 2 hours a day.. You love attention. Dav included. That's the fun part of it if it's done with Moderation and you remain who you are and don't come out of character to get it. I have TONS of female friends. Mostly attractive. But from them, I get so much information that they don't know. Characters and ideas for Movie scripts. For plays, Novels Etc. There are some that I've taken pieces of one girl, pieces of another, and two more and made one character.. So if you see a J. Brandon Davenport production soon.. and you look up and think, "Damn, that sounds like something I have done or would do." Probably check to see if we're FB friends. Cuz yes, Dav is always watching everyone.

FB is as powerful as it's members. So while yes, you may feel like you above some of the ruckus, Uncle Ruckus(no relation) I feel you. Just take FB for what it is and what it can be.

I challenge you to make new connections for whatever reasons. Meet new people you probably wouldn't have ever met in any other circumstance The world is much bigger than our towns, and Cities and States... FB helps shrink it. I have friends In California, Ohio, Texas, Florida, New York, Chicago, Hawaii, England, etc. and many more. Some tell me in notes, "Dav, I know we dont talk much but I read all your blogs and they really help me and thanks for taking the time to write them."

I get that alot. Not everyone wants to comment, but they let me know they read and enjoy. And if I'm helping them.. I'm doing a good thing.

So if you got a gift, or whatever you think you can share with others.. I challenge you to share it with someone you DONT know. Meet people who have no idea of your fears and your dreams and hopes and have no preconcieved notions about you. They've never hated on you or talked about you behind your back because they've yet to meet you.. And if you do meet them... Allow them to see who you really are. Don't be afraid to be who you really are.. Even when other eyes are watching.

Who knows, that person you were about to delete may actually be one day away from reading something you write that could begin to help change their life.

I know many of the new friend I've found have helped change mine.


This is the Middle Finger... Giving TWO in the air of what his name is to all the ignorance and BS that is in the Universe... Trying to beat it back, One Blog at a Time

When The Party's Over....

I was meaning to drop The Tipping Point, but I'm holding it back just a little. I didn't do a blog in June so I guess I'm one behind. July I will have to Double up.

I had no idea I'd write this one.. but that's usually how this talent of mine works. When it comes.. it comes.

Today, I learned that a friend of mine lost her father. From the interactions and readings of this network, it seems that quite a few people have lost someone recently.

I'm no expert on death. I'm not an expert on anything. I'm just a guy who's F'd up just enough that it left me with the ability to speak on the pain and problems of life with as much honesty and truth as I could possible muster.

As many know, I lost both of my parents before I was 25 years old. If you did not know that fact...You do now.

Everything in this Universe, I truly believe has both a Yen and a Yang. A beginning and an End. It is within thoughts and meditation on this truth that one can see this hypothesis being proven, in no better way than the Uncertainty of Life and the Certainty of Death. Isn't that something? You have no idea what you're going to get in Life... When you're born you don't know how long you'll live or what job you'll have, or who you'll marry or how many kids you'll have or where you'll live and who you'll meet along the way. The part of life that makes it beautiful, and encouraging is the Uncertainty. When you're up, will you go higher? And when you're low, will you sink deeper? One of my favorite artists, Talib Kweli had an Album called, "The Beautiful Struggle" and I think that's an accurate portrayal of what life is and will be like along the way.

However, no matter how hard any of us try we can not truly sever the universal bond between taking our first breath and taking our last. It is in my opinion, that I do not believe we should.

I'll come back to that point, but right now.. I just wanna kinda ramble.

It's difficult at times to accept things that are constant and absolute in our lives regardless of how hard we try to combat them with as much effort as we can. None of us really enjoy hearing an explanation of "That's just how things are and it's how they are gonna be."

Nothing makes us as humans feel more weak, more insignificant, more desolate and powerless as in the death of someone we love. It's one of those things that WILL COME FOR US ALL. Death is a race that you cannot win, but only run in the hopes that your clock ticks as long as humanly possible. Eventually, that opponent will begin to stalk you down, then pull even with you, and then certainly pass you by.

A man once told me, "Live everyday thinking as if it may be your last, for one day, son, You'll be dead right."

The Death of My Father and The Death of my Mother were each totally different. My mother was victim to Cervical Cancer. This was the 1980's. Cancer treatment was nothing like it is 30 years later. Her death was not painless. It was not quick. It was agonizing. For her. For my father, for my family, me, and probably most to my sister, Rosalyn.

I dont have many memories of my mother.. It's like Swiss Cheese in my brain when I think of her and that is ironic because my memory is usually impeccable. I can actually see the memories when I close my eyes but I also literally see the holes in them. They are incomplete completions. I still keep pictures of her and when I look at me growing up I see our resemblance. I do not, however, hear her words as I do my father. She still speaks, but it's channeled through my sibling.

I remember a story my sister told me once of her being in a laundromat with my mother and she had an orange. She had to be younger than 10 because I wasn't born yet and I'm going off memory so I may not be totally accurate. Anyway, there was a young girl in the laundromat as well at the same time. She was looking at my sister eating the orange and my sister told me she recalled it was a look as if she wished she had an orange as well. So Rosalyn, being a normal kid... said she begin to REALLY enjoy the orange. Somewhat teasing the little girl because she had an orange and the girl did not. My mother, all 5'2 of her, came over to my sister and smacked the orange right out of her hand. I remember Rosalyn telling me that and I'm chuckling now because I can really see the orange falling out of her hand in slow motion, hitting the ground and then rolling away.

I remember Rosalyn telling me something like our mother saying, "You shouldn't do that to people. Be thankful for what you have because you might not always have it.. Like you no longer have an orange."

Roz, if you reading, and it's different, feel free to correct me... and I am now wondering if I didn't get my witty sarcasm/ a hole side, from my mother. They say she was funny.

From that story.. I did learn a little more about the woman I couldn't remember much. I know that Rosalyn is now a total 180( Not 360 for those of you who screw that up) from that day as a child and it's rubbed off on me. Actually, both our parents were like that. If they had, they gave to those who did not. I think that's why me and my sister both have a voice that sounds how ours sounds. We are usually ones people come to for advice because we are both very straight forward and raw. Roz is a little more straight forward than even I am.. I think I am a little more "Ah-ha ish" if that's a word. You'll get Roz's point more often right then and there.. With me, you usually get it a little later down the road.

Dad's death was unexpected. I believe that's why I took that one so hard. I had just talked to him the night before and honestly, if things didn't happen in a certain sequence of events, I never would have got to have that final conversation. I've told a few stories of me and My father in previous entries so I won't re-hash them here.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that although death puts a barricade up between the ones we love, nothing can block out the memories and life lessons that they taught us.

For all the things that my father bought me.. wanting me to have the best of every thing... not one of those gifts, or toys, or trinkets compare to the knowledge he gave me growing up.

Telling me things such as certain Bible verses like, "Guard your heart.. For where your heart is, your treasure will be also." And the stuff would come Random and I'd be like, WTF?

Or, "Stop being predictable.. You've done that move three times now.. A good guard is gonna see that and start timing you and it won't work. Stop thinking so much and let it flow."

Funny, I hear me say both of those things often now. Telling some of our players the same stuff he taught me. Scolding Jax the same way he scolded me. Caring for others, even those I did not even know the same way he cared for me.

Even though he's gone and been gone for over 7 years the pain doesn't get any easier. The hurt is still there. There are still moments early in the morning in the shower when Jax is still sleep that I may softly weep as the water runs down my face and hides some of my tears.. Wishing he was here to watch Jax grow. Or a phone call away to ask for advice.. or to meet a lady friend of mine and ask her what he thinks..

For my sister, it has to be double the agony because she has vibrant memories of them both.

Back to the point that I was making earlier.. It's the time between the first breath and the last breath we take that gives us the only weapon we have against death. Living a fruitful, plentiful, filling and memorable life.

It is in this that we can take solace. When we lose a grandmother who held the family together or a mother or a father, or close aunt or uncle.. We honor them and their memory by being the best we can each day that we have with them, and being even better each day we have without them.

Death is the balance to unbalanced equation that is life.

So laugh.. make good memories, enjoy time shared and love shared while we have them, but when they leave us... Mourn and Grieve, Sob and Cry.

Nothing of this world lasts forever. We're all eventually going to return to the dirt from which we came. Ashes to Ashes.. Dust to Dust.

Speak in the wind to them.. They will hear you. Ask them to Hold it down until you join them.... but until then Live your life to the best that you can.

It's what those who Death has already came for, would want you to do.


This is The Middle Finger... Wondering if you look at your life up to this point... If Death asks you, are "you ready" ?

FORGIVE ME

I've been trying to write this blog for the longest time. I've started and stopped in my head at least half a dozen times and everytime I sat down to put it on paper.. It just wouldn't flow. It was like there was something that was gonna be mising. When I write, I love when it erupts from a place in my soul where I know originates from something bigger than who and what I am. I wasn't feeling that way when I first began to formulate this entry.... It was so much of just my head. It wasn't the experience itself projecting from my core, through my arms and leaving out of my fingers.. It was something that would have been flat.

With the knowledge of knowing that this weekend, May 7-9, will be a trying weekend for me and for my sister, Rosalyn, and even my 2nd oldest brother, Courtlandt, ... I want to dedicate this one to my Father, Jerry Don Davenport.

This Friday, May 7, marks the 7th year I've lived this Earth without the one who gave me the name that is tattooed across my back. My father was both born into this world and left it, on the same day. That was not intended by fate or by chance... It was a decision that his Children had to make. My father died from complications from a massive stroke. He was 54.

Probably the earliest memory of my father that I have is sitting on his lap, watching him and his friends on our patio deck drink Miller High Life and tell stories about female conquests and other male conversations. I remember sitting there, in awe, listening and vaguely understanding some of which they were saying. The stylish 70's that still crept into the early 80's this group of men, some who I hardly knew, planted seeds, unbeknowing to them, that would grow and manifest into part of who I am today.

In honor of my father, as I do every May 7th.. I will drink One Miller High Life, and play, The Gap Band's YOU DROPPED THE BOMB ON ME, on repeat very, very loud. As I child and as my sister could attest, whenever we heard this song blasting, and the grill going.. We knew our father was on one. Our father, for all the wisdom and love that he had..had two vices he struggled with... Alcohol and Women.

It was in times of my later High School years, that my father and I began to bond not just as father and son, but as men. He would give me deeper insight into his intellect.. into his struggles, his past, his pain, and his pleasures, usually in between gulps of a Quart of Miller. I even felt a sense of frustration just as I typed that last sentence because I remember having to pick him up from work and drive him beause he had lost his license for traffic violations and every monday(because he was off on Tues) he'd say, pull into the store.. Meaning the liquor store that was right across the street from his job.

I hated hearing him say that. Gimme a quart of Miller. Not because of anything, other than I hated to see my father drink. I would glare at him and scowl as he'd take that first long pull on the bottle and he'd just look at me, and in his eyes I could see him telling me, "You don't understand, son." but his lips would tell me, "Shut up and drive, boy." And I would drive. This was back when gas was 99 cent a gallon and I had a Ford Escort, with no power steering. LOL, all my homeys remember the Escort. That's how I ended up with big arms.. Driving that damn car. It was on these drives, through the city of the OB's backroads and alleys, that me and my father would talk and conversate on a variety of topics. Politics, Race relations, How I needed to put more "TRICKS" into my basketball game, my GF at the time, our family...

It was those lessons on those drives, that I'll never forget. Over 15 years later, I still remember most of them like they happened last night. One of those though... I have remembered more vividly than others. It was the night my father could have died. It was a night that would change a part of me forever....

My junior year, 1995. We had just taking a beating from Evansville North in Evansville... and actually it was the only game that I started for OHS that we did not have a chance of winning late in the game. We got destroyed. I was the only one who showed up that night. Of our 48 points, I had 22 of them and 7 assists. I remember because I needed a haircut and I was in the picture of the Evansville paper making a crazy one handed shot. On the ride back, I wasn't caring about losing.. and that was rare for me because anyone who could tell you that played with me or against me knows that one thing I could not stand was losing. I have such a competitive nature that I couldnt stand to not be thought of as #1. However on this night, it was the furthest thing from me. All I wanted to do was get back to Owensboro and see this new girl that I was talking to on the low. It was one of my most selfish displays in life and God in Heaven knows that DAV has had quite a few of those.

When I got home... My father was not there. He was probably at Tigue's(excuse me OB people if I didnt spell it right.) the local bar where the blacks of Owensboro hung out. My father was such a cool guy, many cats respected him and quite a few feared him because my father had a MAJOR temper and could go from chillin smoking a Kool Filter king and making a joke, to raging nuclear in 2 seconds.

He'd argue about basketball, sexual conquests, who was the coldest guy back in the day, his basketball career, and probably most notably in my adolescent years.. ME.

There were a lot of things you could say to my father. He was cool. Calm, collected. Something that I developed as I grew and improved on the court. But mention his kids... anything negative about them and Buddy, You better square up or lock and load cuz Daddy Dav was about to give you the business. I'm sure he had countless arguements about me.

"Dav, ya son shoot too much." or "He aint all that, he too small to go big time." "He ain't never gonna win no Mr. Basketball." I know this because I was told this on future drives with my Dad.

Those type of statements didn't bother Dad much because he knew that GOD had the final say in all of them. However, on this night... whoever it was said the WRONG thing at the wrong time.

From what I recall, my dad told me that some guy who he was arguing with said, "Dav, he ain't gonna make it, cuz you ain't make it. You think you was the shit, but you right here with us and he gonna be just like you."

My father told me that this drove him into a rage... and he approached the man with the intent to knock his block off. It was during this time that the dude pulled a blade or told my dad he had a blade and he'd cut him if he tried anything. My father, being the Alpha male that he was... promptly left the bar and drove about 3 miles to our house to retrieve his Revolver and return back to the bar to finish the arguement I suppose.

I remember as he pullled up he almost hit the other car in the driveway and damn near sprinted into the house. I knew something was wrong because he didn't say anything to me. Even under the influence of alcohol, he always spoke. I was sitting on the hood of the new girls car, talking to her... and I didn't want to be embarrassed because of my father's drunkeness. So I told her to hold on and ran into the house to see what was wrong. I found my father in his drawer pulling out his 38 snub nose. All he said was, "This nigga wanna bring a knife, to a gunfight, I'll show him what's up."

I freaked.. Because wasn't a doubt in my mind that my father woulda popped dude like it wasnt nothing. I told him.. Dad, gimme the gun. My dad was 6'2, I'm 5'9. But I wasn't gonna let him leave the house with that gun.. We argued for a minute and he was like, "Captain, ain't no nigga ever gonna talk about yall. I'll die for mine."

I remember that phrase because my sister told me that some guy who wanted to see her socially would drive up and down our street and my father, who I guess did not approve, would go outside and simply remind whoever it was that wanted Rosalyn of this.

I looked at him and said, Dad, I don't care what anybody says... We know it's not true. Who cares. They are jealous. They are the people you told me to use as my fuel to be the best. Why are you letting them get to you? You always tell me on the court, that I am in control of my situation. Nobody can get me out of my zone unless I allow them to.( Things like this is why I'm so big on not making excuses for your situations and blaming them on other people.) I promise Dad, it's not that serious to take a gun. Please give it to me. After about another minute of hearing him rant and rave he laid down on his bed and gave me the gun. I went and took it and hid it in my room.

Thinking that this night was over...and that he was on the way to passing out, I felt accomplished. Crisis solved. I went back out to the car to talk to the girl who was calmly still waiting for me.

I had did this before.. I had to play voice of reason sometimes to the one who taught me about REASON. Was it something that a 17 year old should have to bear??? Probably not, but I handled it because it needed to be. On this night... I forgot one minor thing.... To take the Car Keys to his car with me. I had did it dozens of times out of habit. He'd wake up, look for his keys, and couldnt find them and pitch a fit, but in the end, he'd fall back asleep.

I was in SUCH a rush to get back to that girl that I overlooked something that was a vital mistake. Leaving the Car keys in the basket. If I wasn't being selfish, and self centered and about me, I would have remembered, Like I always had to get the keys. But... I did not. I went back outside to talk to her and she saw that I was shaken a little and was like,"Let's go for a drive and get outta here" I agreed.

After spending close to an hour or so with her, I returned home to find that my father's car was missing. I had a HOMER moment where I hit my head and said, "DOH". Brandon you idiot... YOU FORGOT THE F****** KEYS!!!!!

For some reason.. I didn't sweat it. I thought.. He'll be okay. He'll go back, talk some more shit, and then come home like usual. However I woke up in the middle of the night and he wasn't home. Owensboro shuts down pretty early, so for him to not be home at 3 AM was shocking to me. I knew something wasn't right.. I could feel it. I started feeling so bad that I didnt get the keys that I started worrying and praying that God got him home safe.

My father, had fallen asleep at the wheel of his car. Drove into a field, and almost totaled his car. I still remember pictures of how that car looked when it was towed to the shop. I remember thinking, there was NO WAY, my father shoulda walked away from that unscathed. It wasn't humanly possible. But he didn't have a mark on him... Not a scratch. He did however, now have a charge for DUI and was arrested and spent the night in jail.

That night haunted me for a few years. I used to have nightmares about it... This is actually the first time telling ANYONE about those dreams. Not even Rosalyn knew about them. The guilt was engraved in my mind and heart. I could have prevented it. What if he would have died that night? What if someone else would have died? Why, when I had the ball with 2 seconds left did I miss a simple routine layup? All I know is that I'm thankful that God spared him that night. SEVEN. Such a special # in the relationship between me and my father.

He was born on the 7th. The perfect # of God. I was born on a 6. The number of man. On that night, I showed just how falliable a man is. My father did not die that night. He would leave this Earth, 7 years after.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aI-GOt-w90

I posted the link to a video. It's one I've posted a few times before.... It's my favorite Gospel song, Tonex's Make Me Over Again done with the Mime.

You don't have to watch the entire video, but if you can, watch from about the 5:20 (Five Minute 20 second) mark of the video until about 7 minutes. If not. You won't understand this next part.

If you can watch.. Click now and fast forward to the above number.

If you've have watched... I'll continue. There is a part in this... Where Tonex is singing and he says, "I'm ready Lord.. I'm Ready Lord... Forgive Me.. Forgive Me" When I hear that part.. No matter what I'm doing, what I'm thinking, what I'm talking about.. I'm instantly in tears. Doesn't matter. A few weeks ago I was getting ready for church and I was playing this song.. This video actually. And I noticed the scene that takes place when the "FORGIVE ME" line is sung.

The reason I asked you to start bout 5:20 is because of the setup. The "Take it outta me... Take it outta me" is a prayer that my father used to always pray when it came to his drinking. That part of the video describes his situation during that battle, perfectly. I remember that Sunday morning I was balling and I watched that segment I listed for over 45 minutes... Just over and over and over and over... It was like God was saying, "Why haven't you seen it?" And I'm thinking I've seen this video dozens of times.. what am I missing? So I watched again, and when I heard Tonex say... "FORGIVE ME... FORGIVE ME" It was like a weight being lifted off me. I quickly played it again and watched the scene how they acted it out.

A few seconds before 6:20 which is where he says Forgive me is played, about 6:15... If you watch the guy in the robe.. which I'm taking to be Christ.. I could be wrong.. but that is how i'm interpreting it... But watch.. After he cleaned him up and made him whole again... Watch how he puts his hands in his pockets and slowly strolls away? Watch it once.. Watch it twice... That's exactly how Christ is. When we aren't right.. and aren't whole.. He'll restore us adn then go on HIS way.. Because He doesn't force you to do anything you don't want to do... His sheep, know His voice. So they follow. When Tonex sings Forgive Me... The reason I'm in tears is because I feel that annointing in that moment. That is the moment where I connect with God, Spirit to Spirit. It's like a perfect moment.

The thing to notice is watch how he turns around... What does he do? He immediately outstretches His hands to welcome him back into his grace. I sat here at my computer on that Sunday and marveled once again at God. How something so simple could speak with such a profound voice. Two words... Forgive Me.

It easy to ask for forgiveness when we wrong someone... When we screw up. Where often we struggle and I know that I do is when it comes to forgiving Ourselves.... I had never forgiven myself for that night. Even after his death I carried that around because from that moment, our lives had such a dramatic shift. It was such a stressful situation in our household... It nearly broke us. Not that incident, but because that incident brought so many underlying situations to the surface.

I struggled to forgive myself because I watched my father struggle to forgive himself. That was pain that I hated to see. It's like when I look frustrated and angry.. how Jax comes up to me and asks for a hug or touches my face and says, "Love you, Daddy." In my heart, there was nothing I could do or say to bring him out of it.

I had always thought on that night that I shoulda saved Dad from that. I shoulda had his back. We were home team. For all he did for me, I felt so much, that I had let him down. It was just once... just one time.. I had never forgot the keys before... Why God, did I forget them that time?

For some time, I thought that the reason my college career struggled was because of that night.. That I was being tested. Could I be consistent? Faithful? Over little things, so that I may be blessed with the big things. I know now that in those moments of mental weakness, it was just the enemy taking shots at me while I was down.

As God forgives us... we have to learn to be better at forgiving ourselves. That guilt, those burdens, can eat away at our souls. My father loved to praise me in interviews... he beamed when he spoke of me.. my accomplishments, my academic success.. and as a son, I was glad that I could honor him and his name in a way that made him proud.

I still hear him from time to time... although now, his voice sounds more like my own. I knew, once I heard Tonex sing that line, that God was telling me to let that go... To forgive myself... Not just for that night... but for all things that I hold on to that I don't have to. For everyone who has taken the time to read this... If you are holding onto something that happened to you or something you did, but you can't fix it.. and you hold on to it because it's the only thing you can control... Release it. One does not have to prove their ability to be valiant by being in self inflicted bondage.

Two words... Two words that I've said time and time again throughout my 31 years to many different people.

Sometimes, God gets you over BIG THINGS, with a small gesture.

To you, Dad... I thank you for every sunny day and every rainy night that your wisdom got me through. I pray that I have honored you as a son and that I live up to the promise you told me to make you... To take our name further and lead the evolution of who we are. I promised you I'd do my best to do that... and I will.

As I end this.. as with the title of this blog, I say the same to you, for the times I didn't live up to my potential... FORGIVE ME.... Oh yeah.. my father beat his battle with alcohol and was alcohol free for the last 6 years of his life.

This is the Middle Finger, who today, is just someone's son... With tears on his face.