As you may now have realized if you are not a complete moronic idiot... that I titled this blog entry somewhat similar to black women's favorite playwright, and no I'm not talking about William Shakespeare... as if they would be so cultured as to understand and appreciate the idiosyncrasies of ole Bill. Yeah, I'm talking about Mr. Unoriginal, Mr "I've done got lazy with my ideas and I know that women with issues are gonna wanna see a movie about someone with more issues than them." Mr, "I'mma recycle all my plays and basically my other movies, switch up the characters and put bald black men in AFRO wigs, give them a job as a guy who works at the Ketchup packet factory, and let a woman fall in love with him when she doesn' t have but just mustard for her hot dog and he saves the day with his free ketchup and they fall in love and it's a happy ending thanks to Oscar Meyer's"
Yes, your boy, Mr. Tyler Perry. Shout out to my boy , Tywan French, who I just learned has a new blackberry and is playing with it at work when he should be working, as his status states, but yet he ain't hollared at his boy in a while. Guess he's still muggin that the CARDS SUCK. KRAGTHORPE SUX. And just for Good measure, let us throw in Ricky P.... He just kinda suck... cuz he lied. Don't be Lying, Ricky P... Don't Be Lying... 3 G's? Shoulda went to Magic City in ATL and you woulda had much more fun. Heck, you coulda went to PHAT's and been like the Biggest Bawse that we've seen thus far.
Anyway, that's enough bagging on French and his team... but French allowed me to watch one of the few Tyler Perry movies I could actually get through without cooking French Fries in my head like me and Jon and David used to do in Eight grade when we used to get lectures every morning from he who used to lecture.
LMAO.... If you reading, Jon..... remember, "MMMMMM, Salt... Ketchup.."
Yes, your boy, Mr. Tyler Perry. Shout out to my boy , Tywan French, who I just learned has a new blackberry and is playing with it at work when he should be working, as his status states, but yet he ain't hollared at his boy in a while. Guess he's still muggin that the CARDS SUCK. KRAGTHORPE SUX. And just for Good measure, let us throw in Ricky P.... He just kinda suck... cuz he lied. Don't be Lying, Ricky P... Don't Be Lying... 3 G's? Shoulda went to Magic City in ATL and you woulda had much more fun. Heck, you coulda went to PHAT's and been like the Biggest Bawse that we've seen thus far.
Anyway, that's enough bagging on French and his team... but French allowed me to watch one of the few Tyler Perry movies I could actually get through without cooking French Fries in my head like me and Jon and David used to do in Eight grade when we used to get lectures every morning from he who used to lecture.
LMAO.... If you reading, Jon..... remember, "MMMMMM, Salt... Ketchup.."
Back to the real intention of the blog.... When I watched this Tyler Perry movie, I wasn't as bored as I usually am. It was pretty decent. It wasn't as Lady Gaga as some people think his movies are.. .In my opinion, actually none of them really are all that. Ain't nothin really worth bringing out of the movie to use as a tool within this blog... I'm sure you seen it.
I've been getting a little flack, on the sly from a few partnas, about some of my recent penmanships.... most notable, DREAMGIRL... I love that poem. I love part 1, part 2, and if I could ever decide on how to wrap it up, I love part 3. Part 3 has been a bytch with no hair and bad breath to write.... In conversations, I've been asked why it's taking me so long to finish when I normally write poems in 30 min or less like Dominos.
Part 3 is such a reflective look at myself and the cultivation of my attitude and my interpretations on what I feel that love is and how it should be bestowed and honored, and how choices and bad decisions in my life have kept me from reaching that pinnacle.
It is quite simply, the most HONEST piece of literature that I have ever written.... I know, I've gone thru FOUR DRAFTS of it and scrapped them all.... Well, one, Jax scrapped by turning off the power to my CPU before I could save it.
The idea for this particular blog entry has been bouncing around in my head for quite a while. Because in conversations with my own mind, it has came up numerous times... No, Inner dialogue.. Watchu think? Dav don't do that.
I have tied the struggle with writing Dreamgirl, part 3 into this blog because on the grand scale of things... the lack of reflection, honest and brutal reflection on one self is something that many of us lack to do in our lives.
I told someone that I will keep at least one draft of DG(let's call it that for sake of key strokes) because it did something that my writing hasn't done since the death of my father.... It actually made me shed a tear. About Four fell from my face onto the page...and I can see the stain marks... Maybe I can sell it when I make it big... EBAY!!!!!!
Now, if you thinking I'mma punk for admitting that... LOL... Take the name of my blog and put it right up ya ass... I am human. I am also emotional... Not this whiny sensitive EMO type of girly emotion. I mean PASSION. Those who played ball with me growing up will co-sign. I'd punch teammates in the chest, hell I think I jumped and kicked one of them down once when they made a big shot... It's how I have always had my release of energy.
DG, as it has been written, is actually my inner reflection and release portrayed in real time. From part 1 and the large number of comments to part 2 as it began to become more dark and somewhat desolate and as you can see, not as many people commented...
I take that as, it is easy to fall in love with the first version... It was the essence of it... It's what we want.. Someone to love us, to adore us and make us feel as if we are not as insignificant in this world as we really are. When I was inspired to write that poem, I was re-charged if you will. Dealing with issues stemming from my last relationship, I felt that it would be safer if parts of my died instead of being subjected to pain and frustration. I get the questions from people such as " Are you as you say in your writings?" "What inspires you?" and the most prevalent question during chats... "Why are you single?"
To those, I say, "YES", "Life and Love" "Because I needed time to heal and make sure that the resentment and anger was not taken out on the next woman".
Ironically, something touched me.. and opened up my mind and my heart to realize that even though it didn't work out... I don't have to stay anywhere I don't want to stay. I can have what I want. I can find someone who I can love and protect...If i don't close myself off to that possibility.
I have to admit, that I have lost faith in women for a time being and I touched on those reasons in previoius blog entries.... I believe my soul is rather old...and times have changed. Especially in terms of Marriage... It has truly mighty morphin power rangered it self into a Joint Venture rather than a union of two people who are deeply in love for one another.
You have to look at Assets prior to nuptials, Liabilities prior, Assets during, Liabilities during, as well all the other questions and unknown unknowns( GIN RUMMY from BOONDOCKS).
While I agree finances play a role in this, I do believe that we've made them play a much larger role than they have to. Somtimes, Money is grand and sometimes, I understand why people hate it.
I've seen first hand what it can do, the divide it can cause... the problems that can be solved and problems that can occur. Money may buy comfort... Trips to Africa, Spain, Benz's whatever... I do not believe or at least I hope that it's not true, that it cannot buy happiness...
I often ponder why it is that we all seem to know what we want but many of us seem to struggle to find it? We make excuses about not settling, or knowing what I want and not finding it yet... I used to believe that last line with all my heart... and that was the true reason that I had yet found a companion. The more I mature and grow older, the less I believe myself. Deep down, I know qualities that I look for in a woman, but honestly, I dont know what I want. If i'm gonna be totally honest... I have no utter clue.
I interact with numerous types of women daily, weekly, and I find attraction in quite a vast majority of them. Certain aspects I truly can smile about. Whether it's physical attributes, emotional stability, or a just plain old fasioned good girl, with a good heart. When I have further in depth conversations, or in the rare times that there is interaction within another's presence, often I see that much of the words or descriptions of what I was told or what I thought I saw, were rather hollow.
For the life of me, I do not understand why people have the need to want to make others feel as if they are complex.... Many of us just aren't that hard to figure out when we are honest with ourselves...
We ain't Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery....but I believe many are conditioned into thinking that "If i'm not mysterious, I'm not attractive, I do not stand out." I have made that mistake a few times in my day. My ego wouldn't allow someone to compare me to another... DAV had to be one of a kind.. But you know what... All though I am... concurrently, I am not.
There are lots of DAV's out there... I had a convo with my homegirl who lives in ATLANTA after my recent trip to Georgia and she had me thinking.... She told me, "Brandon, there are a lot of guys like you here...Good looking men, talented, articulate, successful, etc... So some of the things you used to be able to do and get away with, wouldn't fly here."
She was right... No, I digress...She IS right. I know coming to that conclusion, as hard as it was for me to hear, it was needed...
I can have the ability to make someone feel special, without being special in how I used to believe I was... I have nor will I ever lack not one ounce of confidence ever... but it's like I told the guy who asked me for that dollar that day... "If the dead could speak, they'd call all cynics, realists...." It is my cynical nature that caused me to believe that I would probably never get married because I doubted I could find someone who could understand that level of commitment and what it means in the face of adversity and triumph in today's society.
One coversation I've had recently was that I told someone that I want a woman that I can smile at the the thought of as I lay on my death bed. She doesn't like that I talked about my dying so effortlessly, but I know what comes for me... it comes for us all. I look at my life somewhat backwards and instead of viewing it terms of LIFE, I view it in terms of death. When I die, am I going to regret? Will I be fullfilled and not just satisfied?
I want to be with someone that I can have incredible memories with.... because those are timeless... Those are the small and intricate things that are interwoven into our souls and that I truly believe that we take with us into the transition of the next phase of our evolution as concious beings.
In my last hours, I don't want thoughts and recollections of the time we fought because I couldn't buy you something or the time we wasted 2 weeks on being upset because you didnt' think I listened to you when you spoke...
That should be a time for retrieving the sensation that is within our hearts and minds of that time I held you from behind when you were so frustrated at life and I wrapped you in my arms and whispered in your ear, "You are amazing... and I love you..." and you finally realize that it's not worth losing it over and you grasp my arms with your hands and exhale knowing that we are.... Truly free.. as long as we don't make our own prisons..
I've been getting a little flack, on the sly from a few partnas, about some of my recent penmanships.... most notable, DREAMGIRL... I love that poem. I love part 1, part 2, and if I could ever decide on how to wrap it up, I love part 3. Part 3 has been a bytch with no hair and bad breath to write.... In conversations, I've been asked why it's taking me so long to finish when I normally write poems in 30 min or less like Dominos.
Part 3 is such a reflective look at myself and the cultivation of my attitude and my interpretations on what I feel that love is and how it should be bestowed and honored, and how choices and bad decisions in my life have kept me from reaching that pinnacle.
It is quite simply, the most HONEST piece of literature that I have ever written.... I know, I've gone thru FOUR DRAFTS of it and scrapped them all.... Well, one, Jax scrapped by turning off the power to my CPU before I could save it.
The idea for this particular blog entry has been bouncing around in my head for quite a while. Because in conversations with my own mind, it has came up numerous times... No, Inner dialogue.. Watchu think? Dav don't do that.
I have tied the struggle with writing Dreamgirl, part 3 into this blog because on the grand scale of things... the lack of reflection, honest and brutal reflection on one self is something that many of us lack to do in our lives.
I told someone that I will keep at least one draft of DG(let's call it that for sake of key strokes) because it did something that my writing hasn't done since the death of my father.... It actually made me shed a tear. About Four fell from my face onto the page...and I can see the stain marks... Maybe I can sell it when I make it big... EBAY!!!!!!
Now, if you thinking I'mma punk for admitting that... LOL... Take the name of my blog and put it right up ya ass... I am human. I am also emotional... Not this whiny sensitive EMO type of girly emotion. I mean PASSION. Those who played ball with me growing up will co-sign. I'd punch teammates in the chest, hell I think I jumped and kicked one of them down once when they made a big shot... It's how I have always had my release of energy.
DG, as it has been written, is actually my inner reflection and release portrayed in real time. From part 1 and the large number of comments to part 2 as it began to become more dark and somewhat desolate and as you can see, not as many people commented...
I take that as, it is easy to fall in love with the first version... It was the essence of it... It's what we want.. Someone to love us, to adore us and make us feel as if we are not as insignificant in this world as we really are. When I was inspired to write that poem, I was re-charged if you will. Dealing with issues stemming from my last relationship, I felt that it would be safer if parts of my died instead of being subjected to pain and frustration. I get the questions from people such as " Are you as you say in your writings?" "What inspires you?" and the most prevalent question during chats... "Why are you single?"
To those, I say, "YES", "Life and Love" "Because I needed time to heal and make sure that the resentment and anger was not taken out on the next woman".
Ironically, something touched me.. and opened up my mind and my heart to realize that even though it didn't work out... I don't have to stay anywhere I don't want to stay. I can have what I want. I can find someone who I can love and protect...If i don't close myself off to that possibility.
I have to admit, that I have lost faith in women for a time being and I touched on those reasons in previoius blog entries.... I believe my soul is rather old...and times have changed. Especially in terms of Marriage... It has truly mighty morphin power rangered it self into a Joint Venture rather than a union of two people who are deeply in love for one another.
You have to look at Assets prior to nuptials, Liabilities prior, Assets during, Liabilities during, as well all the other questions and unknown unknowns( GIN RUMMY from BOONDOCKS).
While I agree finances play a role in this, I do believe that we've made them play a much larger role than they have to. Somtimes, Money is grand and sometimes, I understand why people hate it.
I've seen first hand what it can do, the divide it can cause... the problems that can be solved and problems that can occur. Money may buy comfort... Trips to Africa, Spain, Benz's whatever... I do not believe or at least I hope that it's not true, that it cannot buy happiness...
I often ponder why it is that we all seem to know what we want but many of us seem to struggle to find it? We make excuses about not settling, or knowing what I want and not finding it yet... I used to believe that last line with all my heart... and that was the true reason that I had yet found a companion. The more I mature and grow older, the less I believe myself. Deep down, I know qualities that I look for in a woman, but honestly, I dont know what I want. If i'm gonna be totally honest... I have no utter clue.
I interact with numerous types of women daily, weekly, and I find attraction in quite a vast majority of them. Certain aspects I truly can smile about. Whether it's physical attributes, emotional stability, or a just plain old fasioned good girl, with a good heart. When I have further in depth conversations, or in the rare times that there is interaction within another's presence, often I see that much of the words or descriptions of what I was told or what I thought I saw, were rather hollow.
For the life of me, I do not understand why people have the need to want to make others feel as if they are complex.... Many of us just aren't that hard to figure out when we are honest with ourselves...
We ain't Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery....but I believe many are conditioned into thinking that "If i'm not mysterious, I'm not attractive, I do not stand out." I have made that mistake a few times in my day. My ego wouldn't allow someone to compare me to another... DAV had to be one of a kind.. But you know what... All though I am... concurrently, I am not.
There are lots of DAV's out there... I had a convo with my homegirl who lives in ATLANTA after my recent trip to Georgia and she had me thinking.... She told me, "Brandon, there are a lot of guys like you here...Good looking men, talented, articulate, successful, etc... So some of the things you used to be able to do and get away with, wouldn't fly here."
She was right... No, I digress...She IS right. I know coming to that conclusion, as hard as it was for me to hear, it was needed...
I can have the ability to make someone feel special, without being special in how I used to believe I was... I have nor will I ever lack not one ounce of confidence ever... but it's like I told the guy who asked me for that dollar that day... "If the dead could speak, they'd call all cynics, realists...." It is my cynical nature that caused me to believe that I would probably never get married because I doubted I could find someone who could understand that level of commitment and what it means in the face of adversity and triumph in today's society.
One coversation I've had recently was that I told someone that I want a woman that I can smile at the the thought of as I lay on my death bed. She doesn't like that I talked about my dying so effortlessly, but I know what comes for me... it comes for us all. I look at my life somewhat backwards and instead of viewing it terms of LIFE, I view it in terms of death. When I die, am I going to regret? Will I be fullfilled and not just satisfied?
I want to be with someone that I can have incredible memories with.... because those are timeless... Those are the small and intricate things that are interwoven into our souls and that I truly believe that we take with us into the transition of the next phase of our evolution as concious beings.
In my last hours, I don't want thoughts and recollections of the time we fought because I couldn't buy you something or the time we wasted 2 weeks on being upset because you didnt' think I listened to you when you spoke...
That should be a time for retrieving the sensation that is within our hearts and minds of that time I held you from behind when you were so frustrated at life and I wrapped you in my arms and whispered in your ear, "You are amazing... and I love you..." and you finally realize that it's not worth losing it over and you grasp my arms with your hands and exhale knowing that we are.... Truly free.. as long as we don't make our own prisons..
Inner reflection of ourselves... honest assessment of our feelings, letting go of the trivial things that do not matter, and being able to love and be loved in a way that can trascend all.... should all be factors when you join a union with someone... If you are not or cannot do these things yet... it would be better to wait until you can.... It's a work in progress... and we learn daily. Waiting until I truly master these things, are a reason Why I did not get married.
In closing, if we look at ourselves as a flower... and when the rain falls on us...yes, it dampens us... but without it... We'd never grow... We'd wither and die.
This is the MIDDLEFINGER.BLOGSPOT.COM... Sometimes, home to where the writer of the blogs lets you know his inner most feelings on topics that he thinks are important.
In closing, if we look at ourselves as a flower... and when the rain falls on us...yes, it dampens us... but without it... We'd never grow... We'd wither and die.
This is the MIDDLEFINGER.BLOGSPOT.COM... Sometimes, home to where the writer of the blogs lets you know his inner most feelings on topics that he thinks are important.
