The Middle Finger

MOONWALKIN' : The Favorite Dance of President Barack Obama.

2010-08-18T16:22:00.001-07:00

Motown's 25th Anniversary subjected the world to a moment in Music and Television history that will probably not be forgotten until everyone born before 1980 has all returned to the grave. On this night, a juicy haired, Glitter gloved, high pitched talking, limber kid from Gary, Indiana, Michael Joesph Jackson, caused a stir and craze that sent a vibrant shock through the youth of the globe on that night.

What did Jackson do you ask? Cure Cancer? Nah. Invent the Condom? Nope, they been around for a long time but for some reason, ain't being used as much as they should. No, Jackson didn't invent anything that could be measured, but rather, he invented something that could be seen. The Moonwalk. Actually, no, he didn't invent it. He Auto-tuned it from a kid he saw doing it breakdancing named Bugaloo Shrimp, AKA, TURBO from Breakin' 1 and 2.

What does this have to do with Barack Obama?? Nothing, other than the fact that it seems the Commander and Chief seems to have been practicing this dance move and all we're waiting on is TWITTER to confirm that he just bought a Glitter glove.

Yes, I do say the title of this blog entry in jest but at the same time.. It is an eerily accurate portrayal of the President Obama's behavior over certain statements he's made during his Campaigning as well as his first 19 months into his Presidency.

Now, I know this may be an unpopular blog. I know some of those reading may not have understood even one political policy and platform that Obama stood for in his Quest to become the most powerful man in the world(on paper). Many just saw a dude that needed a razor to keep his hair line fresh(And it should be much fresher) and was like, "I want him to be President." However, I don't insult everyone... there are actually some who researched Obama, his ideals, his life, etc. Like me. The D.A.V. Read both of the early books on him and even the White Dude who wrote that Conspiracy Book about him. Interesting read they all were. Told me about Obama.. about his life early on, how he was shaped, his struggles and triumphs.. and even some dealing with some Shady individuals.

Please, do not believe you are on Obama's level of dealing with those who come from the land of extreme Shade because you know the big time Weed man in your city or one of your Baby Daddies may or may not have had 1 bird or 2 within his lifetime. Those are not major players. Major Paupers? Indeed. LOL, I know yall hate me. Ya think I care? I envoke my George Bush DECIDER card. This my blog. I'm the DECIDER.

Anyway... I'm not going to turn this into an Obama Bash Blog. Well, maybe a little bit. However, If in your rebuttal you mention George Bush messing up the country and Obama needing time to clean it up.. Not only will I probably delete your comment. Unless you are very very very very cute, I'll probably delete you. Don't be coming around the Middle Finger speaking that obvious bull ish and acting like you have made a point that is extremely significant.

You, my reader, HAVE NOT. I'll touch on that quickly right now. Yes, Bush screwed up the Money. Yes, Obama needed time to get it right. Yes, now OBAMA is Fk'n up the money and he's gonna need more time to clean up not only what Bush fk'd up, but the new fk'd upness caused by our beloved President.

As a black male, I am proud to see a person of color in office. I remember in conversations with my father and he saying that he would probably never see it in his lifetime. Unfortunately, he was correct. I used to concur with my paternal provider quite often. I did not believe I would see a person of color in my lifetime either be inside the Oval Office behind the Oak desk. Yes, I've seen Morgan Freemanboth play President as well as "god" on the silve screen, but that is the land of make believe. Obama is really the president.

I do however agree with many White Americans who say, that he's as much White as he is black.. and technically they are correct. Subjectively? They full of ish. In Tennessee, 1910, the One drop rule was instituted on a much larger scale. One drop of Black blood, ANYWHERE, makes you basically a brotha. Watching Katt Williams the other night, he dedicated a small segment to Obama and praised him to no end. However that was 2008 and he had yet to win. Many believed as the shortest Comic with the biggest Mouth did in those times.

I'll admit.. I like Obama as well. I didn't know how good of a president he would be but I liked him more because he was a SYMBOL. Young black males, who shockingly today I found out that across the US are only graduating 47% of the time from High School.. yes.. HIGH SCHOOL... less than half of our black males are finishing Grade 12, got to see a person who looks similar to them getting respect and praise of the highest form from the majority of the world.

Yes, 47%. Many of those from a single parent household. Many of those single parents being single black women. Still think Women can make boys into men?? How about getting them thru HS first. But that's another blog. And yes, A single mother or 2 probably got angry. (Kanye Shrug) x 10. Tragic #'s right thurrr.

Back to Obama... his latest snafu... The Mosque Issue at Ground Zero. (Middle Finger puts down his head and shakes it as he continues to write) Sometimes, you just have to look at Obama and say,

"Damn, Homey, Again? You let them get on you that again? How you keep getting Sarah Palin'd?" .

This is how you know Obama hasn't been in tune with his Black side as much early on. When a Bill Collector calls you and you see that number... LOL.. You ain't picking it up. You hitting Ignore or letting it go to VoiceMail.

"Dawg, I don't know why you callin me.. You gonna get your bread when I get the bread. No faster" So they have to switch up they style. They can't keep coming at you the same way.

Not so much with Obama. They just be asking him basic stuff.

"Mr. President.. Burger King is selling Ribs and Shyt... What you think about that?"

"Ummm, hello, I like to believe that Burger Kings Ribs are delicious... and um....Scrumptous, Me, Michelle, Malia, Sasha and Bo love nothing more, than on a Saturday evening, calling the Secret service over and telling them to go get us some Ribs from BK. And a Diet Coke for Me."

Until the one black dude in the back who cleans the Press room be like, "That Ninja lying, he know he don't eat no pork. and he like Wendy's anyway. He don't even go to BK."

One reporter hears this... Runs a Story, "Obama lies.. He's really down with Wendy's Fries." and next thing you know, Feux News picks it up and says Obama is ANTI AMERICAN because he didn't mention McDonalds.

Obama calls a press conference and says, "My fellow Americans... I'd like to renounce, repudiate, and distance myself from the statement on Burger King's Ribs. What I was actually commenting on was that Me, Michelle, Sashsa, Malia and Bo, would LIKE to one day go get Burger King ribs but we just dont' simply have time. "

Then everybody looks around and is like, "WTF? This dude just said yesterday that them shyts was scrumptous... what he on?" (Then Antoine Dodson sticks his head around the corner and says, "You are really dumb... Fa REEEEEEEEEL".

All jokes aside.. This is my biggest beef with President Obama. When he was asked about the Mosque, intially, he said what was correct. He supported it being built. Period. This country was founded on Religious Freedom as one of it's BIGGEST values. It was one of the core reasons that those from England left so that they would not be persecuted or controlled based on their beliefs.

America has to be America.. All the time, Tried and True, across the board. Either the constitution respects and protects Religious Freedom EVERY SINGLE TIME or it cannot do so at all. If it does not do it every single time, then the words are not worth the paper that they are written on. If those who want a Mosque built at that site have the money to build it and permission from the City of New York, then they have every single right to build whatever they want right there. If South Carolina, can still fly a CONFEDERATE FLAG at it's State ran facilities, and there is no uproar, for the life of me I can't understand why there is an uproar with this.

Wait.. I'm lying... I can TOTALLY see why there is an uproar. What they don't tell you is that Freedom is only true, if it does not offend the masses of this nation. Oh, there is freedom of speech from Tea party Rallies, who spew Racially tinged rhetoric disguised in popular code words...

"Side Bar.. DO THEY REALLY THINK WE DON'T KNOW? BLACK PEOPLE INVENTED CODE WORDS... A BLACK DUDE CAN TELL ANOTHER DUDE, "SKEEE BADEE BEEBOP, SHIBBIDYA, SHIBBU, YEAH, I'MMA NEED THAT, ON THE HUMBLE, YESTERDAY PLUS 2MA AND THURSDAY TOO." AND THE OTHER BLACK DUDE CAN BE LIKE, "I'M ON IT." AND KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HE MEANT.

But your freedoms usually extend to the level of what those who represent the masses will Ok.

Yes, I understood this issue was polling badly with Americans. Sidebar pt 2.) By show of Hands, How many black people have ever been polled on this? Or anything? Not me.

However, part of being a LEADER, is taking that first step when nobody wants to take it with you on that freshly frozen Ice and showing others that it's safe. That is a HUGE part.

It's why I say I respect Obama's intelligence, but not his Cajones. Intellectually, he knows the constitution.. the dude is a former Constitutional law Professor... but like The Oracle told NEO,

"Knowing the path, and Walking the path are 2 different things."

To see him come back and then back track, YET AGAIN, when many in white america disagree with him on his stance is disheartening. It's like, what's the point of being In charge if you ain't gonna be IN CHARGE?

Bush, for all his shortcomings.. and I do mean ALL... Wasn't about to Back down. He watched that Ultimate Fighting movie everyday when he woke up... "NEVER BACK DOWN". He was in the Oval office doing kicks, blocks, throwing elbows, knees and all kinds of stuff and kept saying, "I won't back down."

No matter how dumb Bush sounded... His main thing was .. "I'm President". And then he may or may not have said, "BAWSE", chucked up dueces, and walked off after each press conference. Waiting on Twitter to Confirm that too.

I'd like for Obama to have some of that too. I know poltics is a tricky game. I was an excellent political science student in college. My professor said I received the highest grade he ever gave a Freshman in that class... A 99%. We'd talk after class and he would kind of be astounded at some of the stuff I'd say... but he almost always agreed. I think I saw in his eyes,

"Damn, this a black kid.. and he's an athlete.. and he's not an idiot.. in fact, he's rather refreshing." Funny, I got that look a lot. Wonder what he'd think 16 tattoos later.

But yes, Poltiics is a dirty and brutal game. I understand the pandering Obama must do. He can't be TOO BLACK to the White People and as long as he's "Black Enough" to the majority of Blacks, they'll keep buying T-Shirts, keep defending him to no end against him Cleaning up Bush's mess and always talk about how they want Michelle Obama arms.

Yes, I get all that. But just once.. Just once. I want him to go DAV on the public. Just go Middle Finger. Be like...

"Yeah, I said it. I said they have the right to build the Mosque and I support it. And you know what?? I sure do. Cuz yall kill me, ya know? They build McDonalds everywhere in the d*mn country and yall fat mutha suckas don't never have a problem with them throwing up one of them so you can be fat and lazy and eat your fries and double cheeses and get your arteries clogged up and die of heart attacks and spend half your check on blood pressure medication. No, yall don't care about that.

But yall got an issue with me standing up for a Core belief in this country, Religious Freedom, because not only is it the right thing to do, it's what we SAY we believe in as a nation. If it was a Christian Church... if Joel Osteen went up in there with "This is my bible" at Ground zero with his mullet wearing self, would yall be trippin? Nah. If it was a Catholic church... And they wanted to build a church so they could put in a secret room where they could keep playing with lil boys, would you have an issue? Nah.. It's all well and good. As long as Mass is an hour long and you can get home to watch Football.. you could care less. You know what... "Yall some fake MF's" Faker than the Fakers on Face Book fronting it into Front Book. Well guess what? What's my name?

Barack Hussein Obama.. Please say the Hussein and guess who I am? The President.... El Presidente for my Latin Lovelies.. Holla at cha boy. So basically that means.. I'mma say what I wanna say and if you don't like it.. Jeremiah Wright says HELLO. Yall need to check yall self cuz yall ain't real. And 50 was right... "These Industry Voters ain't friends they know how to to pretend." "I know yall rather see me fall than see me ball, but Me, MIchelle, Sasha, Malia, and Bo.. we not GOING. We like Drizzy Drake... We here till it's OVER... OVER... So I'm out."

Then he turns to Joe Biden and says, "Tell them to send in Chris Breezy to play me off stage, "

*Enters Chris Brown, dancing, singing... DUECES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, I know I won't get that.. But just once... Just once... Stand up and be like... I know white america don't like this. And then Kanye Shrug on it. And say, "I got the most votes."

Instead... Obama takes a deep breath, looks directly in the camera... Reaches in his pocket... Pulls out his Glitter glove and puts it on... and Moonwalks away.

This is The Middle Finger.... Wondering why the HOPE on the Politician's Tongue never ever trickles down to the City?

GOT THE INTERNETS GOIN NUTS...

2010-07-20T15:25:00.000-07:00

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I said I was gonna double up and do two blogs this month. I'm sorry, for those of you expecting the Tipping Point or the NFE(everybody asks what that is), neither are quite done yet mentally. The NFE might be the Pinnacle of all that I have written so far.

This one is gonna be kinda informative...and probably somewhat opinionated and somewhat of a ramble. If you notice the title, you'll see it's from a Paul Wall Song. I have no idea which one, nor do I care to look it up.. I just remember him saying it and thought it was funny.

I was just on a friends of mine's page and he was talking about where we are now... Facebook. How it's became juvenile, and High Schoolish and plain ignorant. In many ways I see what he's talking about, but I cannot compare it to Myspace, as many of you might be able to because I think I logged into the myspace page I had maybe twice. I think before I joined FB, there was a mass Exodus from Myspace over to FB. Am I correct? If anybody knows that background, please inform me. I used to always think FB was just for college kids so when people would say, "Dav, you gotta get on FB.." I was like, "Yo, I'm 30, son.. I dont wanna see any college kids doing what we was doing on Blackplanet( Oh don't you lie, you know you was a BP junkie back in college... hell, I joined BP back when it was only 400,000 Members and now it's like 30 million or something.. and Dav won't lie, I adored BP like it was Willy Wonka with a lifetime supply of Chocolate... cuz you know, Dav loves chocolate.)

Hell, I remember when they blocked Blackplanet at work.. Ni**s damn near lost they mind. Salty the entire day.. Damn near boycotted like it was the Freedom Riders or something.

It's crazy, but there is a reason for this overwhelming attraction. CONNECTIONS. (And for my Louisville people, not the place where you go see the Drag show)

Regardless of what we may think.. We are all connected. The universe binds us in a way that nothing else can. It's been that way from the Big Bang(AKA GOD's VOICE) and It will continue to be that way until God decides to turn out the light on this little planet.

One of my favorite Hip Hop Albums of All Time is by my fav group, Foreign Exchange. What is it called.... Connected? If you are a true hip hop fan... AMAZON.COM or WWW.THEFOREIGNEXCHANGEMUSIC.COM and get that album. It is amazing. Created in 2004 and still damn near better than ANYTHING out today.

If you know about the group, you know how they found each other. If not, Dav will give you the story.

Foreign Exchange is originally composed of two memebers. Phonte of Little Brother( who has knocked out Common of the top spot as my fav MC ever) and Nicolay (Super Producer from the Netherlands)

The two met on a MESSAGE board... Called Okayplayer.com. It was a place where Hip Hop heads go to place beats, or rhymes or read up on whatever what was going on in the Hip hop world.

It was on this message board that Nicolay began placing Beats he created while overseas, wondering if anybody was feeling his style. Nicolay was in a band I think if I remember correctly and was on the verge of getting a real job before his music career took off.

Phonte just happened to be scanning the board that day and came across the Beats and immediately he was blown away. As I listen to CONNECTED now as I write this.. and my favorite song, RAW LIFE is about to come on(Damn this song makes me wanna jump up and just bop exxxtra hard errrtime I hear it) I can see why. Nicolay is amazing. Anyway, Phonte heard the beats and was like, "This is bananas" and I believe he contacted Nicolay and asked what he was going to do with the beats and Nic was like he was just looking for feedback. I can't remember which beat Phonte heard first, he said it at the Concert in the Nati back in Jan 2009 but I was SMASHED with my cuzzo and So geeked that my fav group was performing and still trying to pull Nati Chicks that I can't remember which one specifically. I wanna say Nic's Groove. Could be wrong. I'll ask his wife next time I see her logged in.

Back to the story.. Anway, Phonte then tells Nicolay he'd like to Flow over his beats and see what came up. Nicolay was like, Cool.. and Phonte went to work making Gems.

{Sidebar. I'mma grown ass man. I'm secure in my manhood. I have no problem saying that Phonte, LYRICALLY is AMAZING. Dude literally is blessed by GOD... and annointed with Truth. A focused Phonte Coleman, Lyrically, to me is on Par with all the greats. Jay, Nas, Em, Rakim, Etc. That's big shoes to fill, but not to play with words on the name of the Album, As far as CONNECTING, with what a person says.. I've never linked up and was eager to hear what else someone said on the Mic as I am with Phonte.}

Okay, i'mma get through this story.. But As time went on, they continued to interact. Nicolay would continue to send Phonte Beats, Phonte would continue to kill them. Mind you, these two have NEVER met. This was all done over the computer through IM's and Emails. They didn't actually meet until the ALBUM was done. With the help of Others in Phonte's crew of the Justice League.. The Connected Album was mixed and mastered and brought to life by something as uncanny as CHANCE.

Think about it. These two just happened to link up. One was Thousands of miles away in another land. One was in NC trying to blow up in the group Little Brother. They've been together for going on over 7 years I think.. And they were just nominated for a Grammy for their Second Album, Of which I have tattooed on my arm, LEAVE IT ALL BEHIND. I actually was lucky enough to meet the guys a few times, and there is even a picture of Us together in my "DAV" album.

I just think that's an amazing story. They are now, GRAMMY NOMINATED THE FOREIGN EXCHANGE.. Doing shows all over the United States. If you get a chance to see them. I swear, it's worth it. I've seen them twice and will see them every time they come in this area. But think about how it all happened. What if Phonte, the day before he met Nicolay online, said, SCREW OKAYPLAYER.. I'm never logging in again. I'm tired of the wack beats on there. Wack Emcees who are a bunch of wannabees, fakes, and frauds. BUMP that BS, I'm done with that joint.

Then we'd never have got Connected. From that I never would have got Leave It All Behind... And it may have delayed a mentally breakthrough that I had while constantly playing that Album over and over and over...

When me and Jax's mother split... As much as it needed to occur, it was still a BIG shift. I was now a Single man, with a child trying to not let his boy become a statistic. I was a little clueless. Still Angry because of time wasted that coulda been used more productively... I didn't have my Father to lean on for Advice. My sister had her own family to focus on. It was just me and Jax. I'll admit. I was a little scared of the unknown... But I needed a mental breakthough. I was so drained mentally that the devil was able to delay gifts and ideas God had planned for me because I entertained thoughts he gave me.

But I serve a good God. One that will come down in the trenches and Pull you out if He has to. It was just that I couldn't hear God.. not because He wasn't speaking but because there was so many other noises going on in the background of my life that I couldn't focus.

God's brilliant as well. For some reason, right around that time we split, Foreign Exchange just HAPPENED to drop their second album. When I say Leave It All Behind was a HUGE help to me.. I'm not lying. So much so that I'll have it permanently marked on my left Forearm forever with the Chinese symbol for "THE PAST". It was such a great life lesson when I realized it. The album itself, it was just like a good friend who made sense to you. It was emotional, during a time where I was less Logical and more emotional(hell, I'm human). I loved all the songs, but the final song on the Album.. The Title song... LEAVE IT ALL BEHIND was extremely special. On this Album, Phonte sings alot more than he raps. He's influenced Drake a great deal. But he sings starting off talking about singing to his Son or just SOMEONE's son... and I think I read in his interview that the song was like a Lullaby. Anyway, the hook goes,

'Cause only heaven knows What to make of these changing times But for tonight, let's just leave it all behind I know this world's so cold But don't let teardrops change your mind So for tonight, let's just leave it all behind

And I remember the first time hearing it.. and I was like... "There it is." And I played that song like 10 times in a row.. and It was like I big lightbulb was placed over my head. The song just kinda spoke to me and I snapped RIGHT outta my funk. Called up my Tattoo dude and was like, "I need to get in today, can you fit me in?" And he did. And that's the story of how I got that tattoo.

What I'm trying to say in somewhat a long winded way is that YOU never know what your gift is and when it's going to come to fruitition and from that, who you will help and what you can change.

That's why I try to add a new FB friend every day. It never appealed to me to have just a link to people who I already know. There was no need to reconnect with anyone of my past because anybody to me that was in my past that was Important was always still in my life in some way or another.

I use FB for the opposite of others. I love adding people I don't know. People who I may look at and think, Yo, They may be interesting. I play Six Degrees of Separation a lot. I'll add friends of friends of friends of friends of friends of Friends. Hell, I have more FB friends that I DONT know personally than those that I do.

True enough, Facebook has its moments. The constant, "I'm having haters status updates" or the Facebook Subliminal shots at Ex Boyfriends or Girlfriends.. Facebook Beef. People hating on others who have more than others. People faking who they are trying to get some attention.. Even though If you are on FB more than 2 hours a day.. You love attention. Dav included. That's the fun part of it if it's done with Moderation and you remain who you are and don't come out of character to get it. I have TONS of female friends. Mostly attractive. But from them, I get so much information that they don't know. Characters and ideas for Movie scripts. For plays, Novels Etc. There are some that I've taken pieces of one girl, pieces of another, and two more and made one character.. So if you see a J. Brandon Davenport production soon.. and you look up and think, "Damn, that sounds like something I have done or would do." Probably check to see if we're FB friends. Cuz yes, Dav is always watching everyone.

FB is as powerful as it's members. So while yes, you may feel like you above some of the ruckus, Uncle Ruckus(no relation) I feel you. Just take FB for what it is and what it can be.

I challenge you to make new connections for whatever reasons. Meet new people you probably wouldn't have ever met in any other circumstance The world is much bigger than our towns, and Cities and States... FB helps shrink it. I have friends In California, Ohio, Texas, Florida, New York, Chicago, Hawaii, England, etc. and many more. Some tell me in notes, "Dav, I know we dont talk much but I read all your blogs and they really help me and thanks for taking the time to write them."

I get that alot. Not everyone wants to comment, but they let me know they read and enjoy. And if I'm helping them.. I'm doing a good thing.

So if you got a gift, or whatever you think you can share with others.. I challenge you to share it with someone you DONT know. Meet people who have no idea of your fears and your dreams and hopes and have no preconcieved notions about you. They've never hated on you or talked about you behind your back because they've yet to meet you.. And if you do meet them... Allow them to see who you really are. Don't be afraid to be who you really are.. Even when other eyes are watching.

Who knows, that person you were about to delete may actually be one day away from reading something you write that could begin to help change their life.

I know many of the new friend I've found have helped change mine.

This is the Middle Finger... Giving TWO in the air of what his name is to all the ignorance and BS that is in the Universe... Trying to beat it back, One Blog at a Time

When The Party's Over....

2010-07-13T14:24:00.000-07:00

I was meaning to drop The Tipping Point, but I'm holding it back just a little. I didn't do a blog in June so I guess I'm one behind. July I will have to Double up.

I had no idea I'd write this one.. but that's usually how this talent of mine works. When it comes.. it comes.

Today, I learned that a friend of mine lost her father. From the interactions and readings of this network, it seems that quite a few people have lost someone recently.

I'm no expert on death. I'm not an expert on anything. I'm just a guy who's F'd up just enough that it left me with the ability to speak on the pain and problems of life with as much honesty and truth as I could possible muster.

As many know, I lost both of my parents before I was 25 years old. If you did not know that fact...You do now.

Everything in this Universe, I truly believe has both a Yen and a Yang. A beginning and an End. It is within thoughts and meditation on this truth that one can see this hypothesis being proven, in no better way than the Uncertainty of Life and the Certainty of Death. Isn't that something? You have no idea what you're going to get in Life... When you're born you don't know how long you'll live or what job you'll have, or who you'll marry or how many kids you'll have or where you'll live and who you'll meet along the way. The part of life that makes it beautiful, and encouraging is the Uncertainty. When you're up, will you go higher? And when you're low, will you sink deeper? One of my favorite artists, Talib Kweli had an Album called, "The Beautiful Struggle" and I think that's an accurate portrayal of what life is and will be like along the way.

However, no matter how hard any of us try we can not truly sever the universal bond between taking our first breath and taking our last. It is in my opinion, that I do not believe we should.

I'll come back to that point, but right now.. I just wanna kinda ramble.

It's difficult at times to accept things that are constant and absolute in our lives regardless of how hard we try to combat them with as much effort as we can. None of us really enjoy hearing an explanation of "That's just how things are and it's how they are gonna be."

Nothing makes us as humans feel more weak, more insignificant, more desolate and powerless as in the death of someone we love. It's one of those things that WILL COME FOR US ALL. Death is a race that you cannot win, but only run in the hopes that your clock ticks as long as humanly possible. Eventually, that opponent will begin to stalk you down, then pull even with you, and then certainly pass you by.

A man once told me, "Live everyday thinking as if it may be your last, for one day, son, You'll be dead right."

The Death of My Father and The Death of my Mother were each totally different. My mother was victim to Cervical Cancer. This was the 1980's. Cancer treatment was nothing like it is 30 years later. Her death was not painless. It was not quick. It was agonizing. For her. For my father, for my family, me, and probably most to my sister, Rosalyn.

I dont have many memories of my mother.. It's like Swiss Cheese in my brain when I think of her and that is ironic because my memory is usually impeccable. I can actually see the memories when I close my eyes but I also literally see the holes in them. They are incomplete completions. I still keep pictures of her and when I look at me growing up I see our resemblance. I do not, however, hear her words as I do my father. She still speaks, but it's channeled through my sibling.

I remember a story my sister told me once of her being in a laundromat with my mother and she had an orange. She had to be younger than 10 because I wasn't born yet and I'm going off memory so I may not be totally accurate. Anyway, there was a young girl in the laundromat as well at the same time. She was looking at my sister eating the orange and my sister told me she recalled it was a look as if she wished she had an orange as well. So Rosalyn, being a normal kid... said she begin to REALLY enjoy the orange. Somewhat teasing the little girl because she had an orange and the girl did not. My mother, all 5'2 of her, came over to my sister and smacked the orange right out of her hand. I remember Rosalyn telling me that and I'm chuckling now because I can really see the orange falling out of her hand in slow motion, hitting the ground and then rolling away.

I remember Rosalyn telling me something like our mother saying, "You shouldn't do that to people. Be thankful for what you have because you might not always have it.. Like you no longer have an orange."

Roz, if you reading, and it's different, feel free to correct me... and I am now wondering if I didn't get my witty sarcasm/ a hole side, from my mother. They say she was funny.

From that story.. I did learn a little more about the woman I couldn't remember much. I know that Rosalyn is now a total 180( Not 360 for those of you who screw that up) from that day as a child and it's rubbed off on me. Actually, both our parents were like that. If they had, they gave to those who did not. I think that's why me and my sister both have a voice that sounds how ours sounds. We are usually ones people come to for advice because we are both very straight forward and raw. Roz is a little more straight forward than even I am.. I think I am a little more "Ah-ha ish" if that's a word. You'll get Roz's point more often right then and there.. With me, you usually get it a little later down the road.

Dad's death was unexpected. I believe that's why I took that one so hard. I had just talked to him the night before and honestly, if things didn't happen in a certain sequence of events, I never would have got to have that final conversation. I've told a few stories of me and My father in previous entries so I won't re-hash them here.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that although death puts a barricade up between the ones we love, nothing can block out the memories and life lessons that they taught us.

For all the things that my father bought me.. wanting me to have the best of every thing... not one of those gifts, or toys, or trinkets compare to the knowledge he gave me growing up.

Telling me things such as certain Bible verses like, "Guard your heart.. For where your heart is, your treasure will be also." And the stuff would come Random and I'd be like, WTF?

Or, "Stop being predictable.. You've done that move three times now.. A good guard is gonna see that and start timing you and it won't work. Stop thinking so much and let it flow."

Funny, I hear me say both of those things often now. Telling some of our players the same stuff he taught me. Scolding Jax the same way he scolded me. Caring for others, even those I did not even know the same way he cared for me.

Even though he's gone and been gone for over 7 years the pain doesn't get any easier. The hurt is still there. There are still moments early in the morning in the shower when Jax is still sleep that I may softly weep as the water runs down my face and hides some of my tears.. Wishing he was here to watch Jax grow. Or a phone call away to ask for advice.. or to meet a lady friend of mine and ask her what he thinks..

For my sister, it has to be double the agony because she has vibrant memories of them both.

Back to the point that I was making earlier.. It's the time between the first breath and the last breath we take that gives us the only weapon we have against death. Living a fruitful, plentiful, filling and memorable life.

It is in this that we can take solace. When we lose a grandmother who held the family together or a mother or a father, or close aunt or uncle.. We honor them and their memory by being the best we can each day that we have with them, and being even better each day we have without them.

Death is the balance to unbalanced equation that is life.

So laugh.. make good memories, enjoy time shared and love shared while we have them, but when they leave us... Mourn and Grieve, Sob and Cry.

Nothing of this world lasts forever. We're all eventually going to return to the dirt from which we came. Ashes to Ashes.. Dust to Dust.

Speak in the wind to them.. They will hear you. Ask them to Hold it down until you join them.... but until then Live your life to the best that you can.

It's what those who Death has already came for, would want you to do.

This is The Middle Finger... Wondering if you look at your life up to this point... If Death asks you, are "you ready" ?

FORGIVE ME

2010-05-05T17:31:00.001-07:00

I've been trying to write this blog for the longest time. I've started and stopped in my head at least half a dozen times and everytime I sat down to put it on paper.. It just wouldn't flow. It was like there was something that was gonna be mising. When I write, I love when it erupts from a place in my soul where I know originates from something bigger than who and what I am. I wasn't feeling that way when I first began to formulate this entry.... It was so much of just my head. It wasn't the experience itself projecting from my core, through my arms and leaving out of my fingers.. It was something that would have been flat.

With the knowledge of knowing that this weekend, May 7-9, will be a trying weekend for me and for my sister, Rosalyn, and even my 2nd oldest brother, Courtlandt, ... I want to dedicate this one to my Father, Jerry Don Davenport.

This Friday, May 7, marks the 7th year I've lived this Earth without the one who gave me the name that is tattooed across my back. My father was both born into this world and left it, on the same day. That was not intended by fate or by chance... It was a decision that his Children had to make. My father died from complications from a massive stroke. He was 54.

Probably the earliest memory of my father that I have is sitting on his lap, watching him and his friends on our patio deck drink Miller High Life and tell stories about female conquests and other male conversations. I remember sitting there, in awe, listening and vaguely understanding some of which they were saying. The stylish 70's that still crept into the early 80's this group of men, some who I hardly knew, planted seeds, unbeknowing to them, that would grow and manifest into part of who I am today.

In honor of my father, as I do every May 7th.. I will drink One Miller High Life, and play, The Gap Band's YOU DROPPED THE BOMB ON ME, on repeat very, very loud. As I child and as my sister could attest, whenever we heard this song blasting, and the grill going.. We knew our father was on one. Our father, for all the wisdom and love that he had..had two vices he struggled with... Alcohol and Women.

It was in times of my later High School years, that my father and I began to bond not just as father and son, but as men. He would give me deeper insight into his intellect.. into his struggles, his past, his pain, and his pleasures, usually in between gulps of a Quart of Miller. I even felt a sense of frustration just as I typed that last sentence because I remember having to pick him up from work and drive him beause he had lost his license for traffic violations and every monday(because he was off on Tues) he'd say, pull into the store.. Meaning the liquor store that was right across the street from his job.

I hated hearing him say that. Gimme a quart of Miller. Not because of anything, other than I hated to see my father drink. I would glare at him and scowl as he'd take that first long pull on the bottle and he'd just look at me, and in his eyes I could see him telling me, "You don't understand, son." but his lips would tell me, "Shut up and drive, boy." And I would drive. This was back when gas was 99 cent a gallon and I had a Ford Escort, with no power steering. LOL, all my homeys remember the Escort. That's how I ended up with big arms.. Driving that damn car. It was on these drives, through the city of the OB's backroads and alleys, that me and my father would talk and conversate on a variety of topics. Politics, Race relations, How I needed to put more "TRICKS" into my basketball game, my GF at the time, our family...

It was those lessons on those drives, that I'll never forget. Over 15 years later, I still remember most of them like they happened last night. One of those though... I have remembered more vividly than others. It was the night my father could have died. It was a night that would change a part of me forever....

My junior year, 1995. We had just taking a beating from Evansville North in Evansville... and actually it was the only game that I started for OHS that we did not have a chance of winning late in the game. We got destroyed. I was the only one who showed up that night. Of our 48 points, I had 22 of them and 7 assists. I remember because I needed a haircut and I was in the picture of the Evansville paper making a crazy one handed shot. On the ride back, I wasn't caring about losing.. and that was rare for me because anyone who could tell you that played with me or against me knows that one thing I could not stand was losing. I have such a competitive nature that I couldnt stand to not be thought of as #1. However on this night, it was the furthest thing from me. All I wanted to do was get back to Owensboro and see this new girl that I was talking to on the low. It was one of my most selfish displays in life and God in Heaven knows that DAV has had quite a few of those.

When I got home... My father was not there. He was probably at Tigue's(excuse me OB people if I didnt spell it right.) the local bar where the blacks of Owensboro hung out. My father was such a cool guy, many cats respected him and quite a few feared him because my father had a MAJOR temper and could go from chillin smoking a Kool Filter king and making a joke, to raging nuclear in 2 seconds.

He'd argue about basketball, sexual conquests, who was the coldest guy back in the day, his basketball career, and probably most notably in my adolescent years.. ME.

There were a lot of things you could say to my father. He was cool. Calm, collected. Something that I developed as I grew and improved on the court. But mention his kids... anything negative about them and Buddy, You better square up or lock and load cuz Daddy Dav was about to give you the business. I'm sure he had countless arguements about me.

"Dav, ya son shoot too much." or "He aint all that, he too small to go big time." "He ain't never gonna win no Mr. Basketball." I know this because I was told this on future drives with my Dad.

Those type of statements didn't bother Dad much because he knew that GOD had the final say in all of them. However, on this night... whoever it was said the WRONG thing at the wrong time.

From what I recall, my dad told me that some guy who he was arguing with said, "Dav, he ain't gonna make it, cuz you ain't make it. You think you was the shit, but you right here with us and he gonna be just like you."

My father told me that this drove him into a rage... and he approached the man with the intent to knock his block off. It was during this time that the dude pulled a blade or told my dad he had a blade and he'd cut him if he tried anything. My father, being the Alpha male that he was... promptly left the bar and drove about 3 miles to our house to retrieve his Revolver and return back to the bar to finish the arguement I suppose.

I remember as he pullled up he almost hit the other car in the driveway and damn near sprinted into the house. I knew something was wrong because he didn't say anything to me. Even under the influence of alcohol, he always spoke. I was sitting on the hood of the new girls car, talking to her... and I didn't want to be embarrassed because of my father's drunkeness. So I told her to hold on and ran into the house to see what was wrong. I found my father in his drawer pulling out his 38 snub nose. All he said was, "This nigga wanna bring a knife, to a gunfight, I'll show him what's up."

I freaked.. Because wasn't a doubt in my mind that my father woulda popped dude like it wasnt nothing. I told him.. Dad, gimme the gun. My dad was 6'2, I'm 5'9. But I wasn't gonna let him leave the house with that gun.. We argued for a minute and he was like, "Captain, ain't no nigga ever gonna talk about yall. I'll die for mine."

I remember that phrase because my sister told me that some guy who wanted to see her socially would drive up and down our street and my father, who I guess did not approve, would go outside and simply remind whoever it was that wanted Rosalyn of this.

I looked at him and said, Dad, I don't care what anybody says... We know it's not true. Who cares. They are jealous. They are the people you told me to use as my fuel to be the best. Why are you letting them get to you? You always tell me on the court, that I am in control of my situation. Nobody can get me out of my zone unless I allow them to.( Things like this is why I'm so big on not making excuses for your situations and blaming them on other people.) I promise Dad, it's not that serious to take a gun. Please give it to me. After about another minute of hearing him rant and rave he laid down on his bed and gave me the gun. I went and took it and hid it in my room.

Thinking that this night was over...and that he was on the way to passing out, I felt accomplished. Crisis solved. I went back out to the car to talk to the girl who was calmly still waiting for me.

I had did this before.. I had to play voice of reason sometimes to the one who taught me about REASON. Was it something that a 17 year old should have to bear??? Probably not, but I handled it because it needed to be. On this night... I forgot one minor thing.... To take the Car Keys to his car with me. I had did it dozens of times out of habit. He'd wake up, look for his keys, and couldnt find them and pitch a fit, but in the end, he'd fall back asleep.

I was in SUCH a rush to get back to that girl that I overlooked something that was a vital mistake. Leaving the Car keys in the basket. If I wasn't being selfish, and self centered and about me, I would have remembered, Like I always had to get the keys. But... I did not. I went back outside to talk to her and she saw that I was shaken a little and was like,"Let's go for a drive and get outta here" I agreed.

After spending close to an hour or so with her, I returned home to find that my father's car was missing. I had a HOMER moment where I hit my head and said, "DOH". Brandon you idiot... YOU FORGOT THE F****** KEYS!!!!!

For some reason.. I didn't sweat it. I thought.. He'll be okay. He'll go back, talk some more shit, and then come home like usual. However I woke up in the middle of the night and he wasn't home. Owensboro shuts down pretty early, so for him to not be home at 3 AM was shocking to me. I knew something wasn't right.. I could feel it. I started feeling so bad that I didnt get the keys that I started worrying and praying that God got him home safe.

My father, had fallen asleep at the wheel of his car. Drove into a field, and almost totaled his car. I still remember pictures of how that car looked when it was towed to the shop. I remember thinking, there was NO WAY, my father shoulda walked away from that unscathed. It wasn't humanly possible. But he didn't have a mark on him... Not a scratch. He did however, now have a charge for DUI and was arrested and spent the night in jail.

That night haunted me for a few years. I used to have nightmares about it... This is actually the first time telling ANYONE about those dreams. Not even Rosalyn knew about them. The guilt was engraved in my mind and heart. I could have prevented it. What if he would have died that night? What if someone else would have died? Why, when I had the ball with 2 seconds left did I miss a simple routine layup? All I know is that I'm thankful that God spared him that night. SEVEN. Such a special # in the relationship between me and my father.

He was born on the 7th. The perfect # of God. I was born on a 6. The number of man. On that night, I showed just how falliable a man is. My father did not die that night. He would leave this Earth, 7 years after.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aI-GOt-w90

I posted the link to a video. It's one I've posted a few times before.... It's my favorite Gospel song, Tonex's Make Me Over Again done with the Mime.

You don't have to watch the entire video, but if you can, watch from about the 5:20 (Five Minute 20 second) mark of the video until about 7 minutes. If not. You won't understand this next part.

If you can watch.. Click now and fast forward to the above number.

If you've have watched... I'll continue. There is a part in this... Where Tonex is singing and he says, "I'm ready Lord.. I'm Ready Lord... Forgive Me.. Forgive Me" When I hear that part.. No matter what I'm doing, what I'm thinking, what I'm talking about.. I'm instantly in tears. Doesn't matter. A few weeks ago I was getting ready for church and I was playing this song.. This video actually. And I noticed the scene that takes place when the "FORGIVE ME" line is sung.

The reason I asked you to start bout 5:20 is because of the setup. The "Take it outta me... Take it outta me" is a prayer that my father used to always pray when it came to his drinking. That part of the video describes his situation during that battle, perfectly. I remember that Sunday morning I was balling and I watched that segment I listed for over 45 minutes... Just over and over and over and over... It was like God was saying, "Why haven't you seen it?" And I'm thinking I've seen this video dozens of times.. what am I missing? So I watched again, and when I heard Tonex say... "FORGIVE ME... FORGIVE ME" It was like a weight being lifted off me. I quickly played it again and watched the scene how they acted it out.

A few seconds before 6:20 which is where he says Forgive me is played, about 6:15... If you watch the guy in the robe.. which I'm taking to be Christ.. I could be wrong.. but that is how i'm interpreting it... But watch.. After he cleaned him up and made him whole again... Watch how he puts his hands in his pockets and slowly strolls away? Watch it once.. Watch it twice... That's exactly how Christ is. When we aren't right.. and aren't whole.. He'll restore us adn then go on HIS way.. Because He doesn't force you to do anything you don't want to do... His sheep, know His voice. So they follow. When Tonex sings Forgive Me... The reason I'm in tears is because I feel that annointing in that moment. That is the moment where I connect with God, Spirit to Spirit. It's like a perfect moment.

The thing to notice is watch how he turns around... What does he do? He immediately outstretches His hands to welcome him back into his grace. I sat here at my computer on that Sunday and marveled once again at God. How something so simple could speak with such a profound voice. Two words... Forgive Me.

It easy to ask for forgiveness when we wrong someone... When we screw up. Where often we struggle and I know that I do is when it comes to forgiving Ourselves.... I had never forgiven myself for that night. Even after his death I carried that around because from that moment, our lives had such a dramatic shift. It was such a stressful situation in our household... It nearly broke us. Not that incident, but because that incident brought so many underlying situations to the surface.

I struggled to forgive myself because I watched my father struggle to forgive himself. That was pain that I hated to see. It's like when I look frustrated and angry.. how Jax comes up to me and asks for a hug or touches my face and says, "Love you, Daddy." In my heart, there was nothing I could do or say to bring him out of it.

I had always thought on that night that I shoulda saved Dad from that. I shoulda had his back. We were home team. For all he did for me, I felt so much, that I had let him down. It was just once... just one time.. I had never forgot the keys before... Why God, did I forget them that time?

For some time, I thought that the reason my college career struggled was because of that night.. That I was being tested. Could I be consistent? Faithful? Over little things, so that I may be blessed with the big things. I know now that in those moments of mental weakness, it was just the enemy taking shots at me while I was down.

As God forgives us... we have to learn to be better at forgiving ourselves. That guilt, those burdens, can eat away at our souls. My father loved to praise me in interviews... he beamed when he spoke of me.. my accomplishments, my academic success.. and as a son, I was glad that I could honor him and his name in a way that made him proud.

I still hear him from time to time... although now, his voice sounds more like my own. I knew, once I heard Tonex sing that line, that God was telling me to let that go... To forgive myself... Not just for that night... but for all things that I hold on to that I don't have to. For everyone who has taken the time to read this... If you are holding onto something that happened to you or something you did, but you can't fix it.. and you hold on to it because it's the only thing you can control... Release it. One does not have to prove their ability to be valiant by being in self inflicted bondage.

Two words... Two words that I've said time and time again throughout my 31 years to many different people.

Sometimes, God gets you over BIG THINGS, with a small gesture.

To you, Dad... I thank you for every sunny day and every rainy night that your wisdom got me through. I pray that I have honored you as a son and that I live up to the promise you told me to make you... To take our name further and lead the evolution of who we are. I promised you I'd do my best to do that... and I will.

As I end this.. as with the title of this blog, I say the same to you, for the times I didn't live up to my potential... FORGIVE ME.... Oh yeah.. my father beat his battle with alcohol and was alcohol free for the last 6 years of his life.

This is the Middle Finger, who today, is just someone's son... With tears on his face.

SHARK TANK.....

2010-04-07T16:50:00.000-07:00

Been a long time. Yet, this wasn't the entry I expected to write. I was inspired to write this by a status I read. Ever seen the show with the magician who wears a mask and he shows you all the tricks and illusions that magicians use to astound the crowd? Once you find out how it's done, it's not as cool is it? It doesn't have the same effect when you see it? It loses it's luster. So to with this blog. I wrote a blog earlier in my blog days, Just over a year ago, called Short Con, Long Con, how to spot the BS man. It's still on the website if you go to the wwwthemiddlefinger.blogspot.com link it's self.

This one is similar but far far more detailed. The weather has changed and it's now warm again. Winter relationships are now ending and as women start to wear less and less clothing, men with intentions of exploring the anatomy of these females will come out more and more. It's how it always is. If you got a relationship that was started when it was cold and if it lasts thru warm weather, you may have a keeper. If you have one and it failed and you are hurting because of that... One, you should have probably expected it, and two, it's all good. It happens.

The purpose of this entry to help assist you in seeing potential pitfalls and road blocks in your social interaction with the opposite sex. You may thing, Dav, why should I listen to you... You sometimes come across as a know it all, like your opinions are the only ones that matter, and that we are just idiots. You know what... Sometimes I do. But just because I do, doesnt' make me wrong. One thing about opinions, is that everyone has one... however this isn't an opinion piece. It's acutal factual honest truth given to you from one of those type of men I have spoken about earlier. If you don't care for the messenger... that's fine... It's far more important to me that you get the MESSAGE. I am a reformed player... Not one of the type of dudes who thinks he is... I LITERALLY am. It is and was in my blood. Father was. Brother was... Grandfather was... so there wasn't much of a chance I wasn't going to see it. I was a manipulator... Smooth talker to make the chicks panty droppers. I've studied women from more aspects and different angles than most..

I learned what they liked... the dislikes, their weaknesses, and their strengths.. All in order to gain an advantage to get exactly what I wanted from them while we were interacting with each other... Before you start, it's not just low self esteem women.., Honestly, you'd be surprised at how many women who think they have the highest esteem in public, are scared little girls in private who just seem to want a man to be open and honest with, but I won't say that at times that I didn't attempt to search out easier targets. The ones that throw themselves at you aren't very difficult to get what you want with because they need what you can give them more than you need what you will want from them. There have been times in my past that I probably had juggled 5-6 women at a time. I wasnt always intimate with them all.

Some I just wanted domesticated things from.. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, whatever.. So the first mistake that women make is to think that it is ALWAYS about sex. It's not. 75-80 % of the time it is.. but not always.. With me, it was more about control. It was like the replacing of the rush I got when I used to be on the court with the ball in my hands and the crowd going wild. Once those days were gone.. I needed another passion. Another drug... It became women. It wasn't that I purposely attempted to become one.. I just happened to have the oppertunity and basically.. I was really freaking good at it. I'm intelligent, and I have a way with words.

I'm attractive, articulate and I can conversate. Looks may get you in the door, and they are very helpful.. but it takes far more to keep different cons going with different women.. You had to remember great deals of things.. Plans, Jobs, Friends, Locations, all of their likes and dislikes.. What you were to them.. and what they were to you. It was like a Playstation 3 game and you were the star...

It was work, but I never looked at it that way.. It was FUN. Mountains of fun. Like in sales, there is no feeling other than the rush you get when you sell yourself to a woman that you see, and desire and then get her. Why else do you think so many men try to do it so often? Again, it's not always about the sex. But I was hooked. From about 17-26, I was the most gamespittin', hearthrobbin, seducing, selfish, greedy motha sucka I knew. Especially from 24-26 after my father passed and I was angry and hurt.. During those years... Those ladies.. Man, I hope they just chalk it up and forgive me because I put them thru HELL.

A friend of mine wants to tell me about Karma kicking her butt.. .Well, from all that, you best believe Karma came back and got me too. When I decided to settle down.. .WOW. Bad choice, Dav. Bad Choice. I can't get too mad because like OMAR says in THE WIRE, "The Game is the Game" and if you gonna play it, you gotta play it fair. My old roomate from Memphis in college, who was another playa I borrowed from, used to say, "The game is hard, but it's fair." You get out of it.. what you basically put into it.

Dav put a great deal into it. I'm running back thru my mind how many different personas I created.. The # of masks I wore... I got caught up... ONE TIME.. and Jo Jo or Amanda if yall reading this... Yep, yall got me good. Quick story. In HS I was dating 2 chicks...actually 3. They were all in different towns but on a straight line.. So I could see them all. After winning Mr. Basketball, my Head was far bigger than it ever was and I got sloppy and careless. I gave 2 chicks, the same picture of me. Not knowing they were friends(My bad on lack of research) but they had a mutual friend. The friend saw one of the pictures and said, "Why do you have a picture of such and such's man?" And the girl was like, "Her man, he's my man". Honestly, they were both side chicks. I dug em both, but they weren't the main.

However, they set me up. One called me over one day in the Summer to visit... I took my cuz with me because there was a girl for him too. So we chillin in the crib.. and the friend of my chick goes and makes a call I guess. 5 min later, knocking at the door. 2 chicks walk in. So i'm thinking, "Awe shit, it's about to get AB LIVA in this joint." Eh, not so fast... The third chick was the other side chick. My face dropped. Couldn't say nothing. At all. I was Busted. They both going off on me at the same time, and I'm just thinking, "Dav, how could you be so careless?" Hey, I was young and just starting... but funny thing, one of the girls started dating my cousin after that. Weird. Oh well. Is what it is. Anyway, I have much more of a resume but that's enough... This isn't about me.. this blog is about showing others what dudes like me(or how I was) try to do to manipulate and things you can do to prevent it. First off... Ladies, understand that you can or will be played at some point in your life. If you are one saying, Nope, not me…You are lying. Some women learn from the mistakes and don’t make them again, but it seems the majority continually seem to fall for the same type of stuff t and only to place the blame solely at the foot of the man. You can't do that. If you keep falling for the same stuff.. That is as much on you as on him.

So, let’s get this underway… This is going to be vital for many.. There are lots of dudes who think and wanna be players; however, and with how I think about my intelligence… I don’t believe they’ve studied and schemed as much as I have to go into such detail. For many, the gratification came from bedding the women. For me, it was the fact that I knew any persona I created, if I wanted you bad enough, you’d fall for it. I’m giving you all my strategery… And if you ask why, it’s because I can. Because I don’t need it anymore. Within all the masks I created, the different sides of Dav, in truth, they were still all apart of me. As I matured with the relationship with my son’s mother and the birth of the little computer hogger… I realized that I can be all of things, at the same time to just one person.

I’ll begin by a question I know many women ask themselves… “What am I doing wrong?” That is a FANTASTIC place to start. You have to realize that in your selection of men, or interaction with men, that while you may keep getting BS dudes that there is a possibility that you are potentially the biggest roadblock in your own way.

This… is one thing that MANY MANY MANY women refuse to acknowledge and until they will the odds will still be stac

ked against them. If you aren’t going to have self reflection in all aspects in your life, whether it’s positive or negative in terms of your assistance, then you are not yet finished growing and maturing as a person. A woman’s CONFIDENCE is by far the easiest way to manipulate her. If you think the male ego is big.. .it has NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING, on a woman’s. I loved meeting confident women who talked and talked and talked and wouldn’t shut up. The ones that care where the eyes roam to when she enters the room. And as I listen to Dru Hill’s , Enter the Dru(the album that spawned me head first into playerdom)..I’m running back thru my head all the women that were able to be obtained that would put my cockiness to shame.

Women who are OVERLYCONFIDENT, and ooze it, especially to males, more times than not are overcompensating for a lack in another area. Maybe their success isolates them from those around them being able to connect with them in their daily avenues. They may have trust issues of being used.. They may not feel good enough or think highly of themselves enough that who THEY are instead of WHAT they are would allow them to keep a man. Seriously, think about it.. What woman, who even understands men on a small scale, openly would go in and constantly make references to how talented they are.. especially if they really believe that they are intimidating to men? Here is a secret about men.. Most aren’t as dumb as they play…Not in terms of women or interactions.. Oh, they may not understand everything you think they should and the blog, “HELP ME, HELP YOU” can dive further into that.. but when a guy wants what he wants from a female.. he tends to put his thinking cap on. When I met an overly confident woman, I immediately played to it. I fueled it. The more she’d talk and talk about her accomplishments, her goals, aspirations, I just smiled, kept eye contact, shifted my body weight to act surpised when she’d say something that she thought was going to be unique, nodded my head when it was appropriate and filed away all the information she gave. These women are like the WWW. They are the “GOOGLE ME” type chicks. The only thing is that I don’t even have to log on to get what I wanna know. Women like this are so proud of their accomplishments and wanna be looked at so special, that I pretty much know everything you are going to say on a first date. As a woman, if you are this type, and if you’re being honest with yourself, you are going to have to pull back. Don’t give out so much so soon… Especially not the first few dates. Remember to KISS.. .Keep It Simple Sally. Be basic. I know LIL DUVAL talks about Basic Bishes, but this is one time where you’re going to have to be. Communication is not just about what you say, but it’s non verbal too and what you don’t say. It’s in how you breathe.. It’s in your ability to maintain eye contact.. If you’re fidgety, what you wear, your makeup..your hair… Even what you eat and order if you have dinner… Your tastes in Movies…. ALL THIS STUFF IS STUDIED by the best of the best. If you a thick girl, and you go out to eat and try to eat a Corn Cob salad with Avian water and a touch of lemon.. but you have a donk and a half and some nice juicy thighs ( and I’m still talking about good thick) but light weight don’t wanna be “PIGGY” and you know you can throw down.. I already know a few things… One, you care about my opinion and you don’t wanna overdo the food too early. When I learn that… I already know that you’re going to be receptive to pretty much anything I say that’s not too stupid. You have to always be yourself from jump. Just as you don’t want to meet a man’s representative, a man doesn’t wanna meet your’s either. If you like to eat.. Damn it, EAT.

Get you a drink.. Hell, get two. If you are interested, do not give off too many eager signals early on. Play hard to get… Not too too too much, because even a guy with true intentions, even if he is fancied by you, won’t jump thru too many hoops when he probably has other options.. You have to find a happy medium.. To give just enough to keep him interested, but not enough to where he feels you are a pushover. If you want the best odds for success, you have to let the man LEARN about you, and stop telling him about you. Because you’re going to tell about yourself in the most positive light and make yourself coming out looking like you just left the 3 dollar car wash on Dixie Highway.. unless you are like me and you just are upfront and will tell people the honest to God… If he’s LEARNING about you, then he’s making his own impression of who you are into his brain and possibly into his heart. As this goes on, it’s harder for him to be able to just discard you as being crazy. You aren’t always gonna be your best everyday… but when you come across initially as you don’t have OFF days, and then you start having them.. .this is a dramatic shift for a dude to deal with. Men like consistency in their women as much as they like it in their man.

That whole, “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best” bullshit is about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.. No one should try to be at their worst but if I’m putting in time to be with you, as a man, then I ALWAYS deserve your best effort every single day. It may not be your best, but put forth that effort. A man who sees an effort is less apt to start playing games with emotions because more than likely respect has built up. Back to the Google Me’s.. If you drive a nice car, have a good job, nice things, if the dude isn’t blind, he can see this. The Google me’s are the ones that thinks any dude that doesn’t hit every single bullet on their “list” constitutes SETTLING. However, every now and then, this SUPERWOMAN becomes a regular woman and gets tired of being alone… Bam.. When that happens… More than likely, they will be gamed. Then they will return back to the list and blame it on a man why they will NEVER deviate from the list. My advice, HAVE NO LISTS… NO EXPECTATIONS, NO PRECONCEIEVED NOTIONS, take each dude, and each social interaction as it is and see it for what it’s truly worth. You may think you’re special… that you are such a catch.. and you may just be, but in the eyes of most men, you’re just a woman. You may have more money than Becky, more class than Cassandra, but you still have 2 breasts and a vagina. To many men, who you are is just the wrapping to get to the yummy treat. I’m sorry for being so jumpy, but I’m writing in a short amount of time to get this done…

We’re gonna go from the Google Me’s to the next group I dealt with the most and honestly, they are the are the ones that probably hurt the most from games and that’s the single women with children. *SIGH* God, forgive me for lies I’ve told these types of women. For the false hope that I gave them initially instead of being upfront and honest. Single women with Children are by far the ones with the biggest target on their back. Not all, and I’m sure there are lots of women with Children who are single…and will refuse to think they fall into this category and that’s fine.. but for those of you who are being honest.. I’ll have to say this.. It is by FAR the hardest on yall. I already knew back in the days I was in the game that I would NEVER date anyone serious with more than 1 child… Honestly, back before I had Jax, if you had a kid… It was pretty much a wrap before you got unwrapped. I had no kids and I was selfish and wanted to please only me. However, women with kids have the shape that I really really really like. Legs, Ass, full breasts, etc… So while I couldn’t get with them on the kid tip… Goodness gracious, it was far far far too hard to give up on being able to have fun with that body of hers. I mean seriously, if you cut out women with kids, especially on a PHYSICAL tip, you’ve cut out so many women that you’ve dealt yourself a bad hand. If you are in this boat… and you meet a man and he immediately tries to get physical or talk about physical and comes across as he’s not really interested in getting to know who you are… DO NOT IGNORE THIS SIGN. He’s telling you without telling you. Men see a woman with kids and he already knows that she has sex…probably often. The type of man you have to watch out for is who I called my Cassanova side. These types are the ones that are all about you..before you even get a chance to show who you are. He makes you feel like the princess from jump.. and he’s your prince charming.

See, I banked on the probability that women with multiple kids need that break from reality because they deal with the stress of their kids, their job, the kid’s fathers, etc and they have to give up so much of themselves that when someone who is attractive, witty, takes a shining to them, they seem to forget for a brief second the struggles about being single and start to believe again that they can have something real again after dealing with all the bullshit in terms of a real relationship. Often, these women get whirlwinded and swept off they feet… so much so that they ready to give as much as they can to keep that feeling around them. They open their legs much sooner. Never never never a good sign. If you give it up quickly, regardless of what a man says, he often won’t take you very seriously. Within all the effort his doing to make you feel special, the odds are that there is a reason behind it. There is a goal he has in mind. The Cassanova moves FAST.. He sends you the texts when you frustrated at your job to tell you he’s thinking about you.. He’s always there to take you out on your off weekend from your kid(s) and keep you all to himself during the time he doesn’t have to share you. I hated being Cassanova deep down, but it was the easiest CON. It had the highest effective rate. The good looking single guy who is smart, funny and all that good stuff has now taking a liking to me and my baby daddy(ies) be on that BS but this cat talks to me like a person.. Makes me feel good about how Iook.. doesn’t call me dumb or a bitch, or lie to me(That I know of) Maybe…. JUST MAYBE I can have this. I don’t have to sacrifice my happiness to have a bullshit relationship.. He possibly could be the real deal. He knows I have kids and he hasn’t ran off yet.. Then it goes from Maybe.. to HOPING.. and from HOPING to WISHING… Once it gets to WISHING.. Cue LIL FLIP’s music… GAME OVA. The ringer more than likely is your next cycle… This is when all of a sudden, after he’s got you and yall been physical, and your emotions get involved, he starts to become distant… no more texts.. no more making time to see you or go out of his way to see you, just if it was for an hour or two. He’s harder to get on the phone.. he’s always busy now. When you wanted him to come by.. he was never longer than 20-30 min.. but now, he quick talks you off the phone. He only wants sex when he comes around or something physical.. Even typing this, I feel so much regret because I ran this con on autopilot. I did however make it a point to be as least involved in the children’s lives as much as possible. I was an ass, but I wasn’t cruel. Women with children.. my advice to you is to ASK AS MANY QUESTIONS AS POSSIBLE from EARLY on. Make him do the talking and explaining. Here are a few questions I think you should and should not ask… Questions to avoid "Why do you feel this way about me?" "Why do I get all your attention and focus?" "Who else have you told this to?" These should be self explanatory… they all come across as if you aren’t used to being treated well. If you give indications as to this, you can’t expect to be treated well. No man is gonna buy the cow if he doesn’t have to pay for the milk. You have to always, even if you haven’t been treated well lately, ACT AS IF.. Act as if you are royalty, regardless of your circumstances and situations and that not only are you Supposed to be treated great, but I’mma need you to not give me 100% but 110% homeboy.

Even if you are impressed with him and his approach and his whole entire package.. you can’t let that be known to early on. You may not have as much confidence but you can’t let that be known. Anytime you come across as vulnerable or that you feel like you don’t deserve all of the goodness, you’re leaving yourself open for attack. You are throwing a bloody carcass in the water where a shark is swimming. As much as women size up men.. MEN really size up women. That’s when we determine if she’s worth the effort to try and get some from her or to respect her and try to have something REAL with her. Questions that you should ask... "What about me do you like the most?" (Listen to this answer) You should be able to see if it's Bullish or not. "What do you think will come of our friendship?" "What do you look for in a woman?" (listen to this, and see if you fit this.. if you dont..don't force yourself to fit) What’s one thing about yourself that would possibly turn me off? Do you see the differences in the questions… The first ones show a timid nature… The latter show more confidence and control. Especially the second question. Because now you have taken back the power and put it out there.. the F word. Men who are full of ish usually cower from this word. Nobody wants to be in the friend zone. A Cassanova type uses mostly lines and contrived stuff. Hell, I’ve taken verses from songs, remixed them like Diddy(Take that take that take that) and used it and made females think that I had the original. Girl please, I stole that from an old song.. or an old movie. Anything that seems too good to be true… probably is. Ask men about their flaws.. What they did wrong in past relationships.. etc. These are things you can’t BS and Lie and Charm your way out of. If he acts like he didn’t do anything…. LEAVE HIM ALONE. He’s lying. Even in my relationship, I did stuff. I coulda been better. Coulda did more, paid more attention, etc. I always give this information out when asked. Any person who will honestly admit that they did NOTHING in a relationship that ended more than likely has a issue with they index finger and they probably love to point it. That’s for anyone. Anyone who never takes blame is probably not a good match for you. Women with the childrens(PLURAL)… You are gonna have more work on your hands. That’s just the game. You have to take more control. Because you have the most to lose. You have to decide whether this is the type of guy you can bring into your children’s life and it wont do them harm. So just because he likes you, and wants to do things for you on Monday, doesn’t mean on Friday he’s gonna answer your call. When you ask your questions…LISTEN TO THE ANSWERS.. REMEMBER WHAT THEY SAY. EVEN ASK IT AGAIN in a different way to see if you get another answer. You all have to game plan better than other females. You have to be smarter and can’t be as careless and cavalier with your heart. If he has a problem answering your questions, then that’s a red flag. If he won’t go the extra mile to put your concerns at ease… He probably wont be doing that in the long run either. Determine how many red flags are too many for you. Don’t allow your situation cause you to be satisfied with any ole thing. If you just want a man to have a man and not feel different.. A shark is gonna eat you for breakfast.. You are NEVER gonna have a stable and productive relationship. You are going to Barter and trade.. your happiness for a warm body.. and men are gonna PLAY on this hoping that you fall in that category. If he can’t get with you, and leaves.. LET HIM. It ain’t for you.

There are many other types of women, each one requires different angles to play. But I'm so tired and been writing for so long I dont feel like going into to detail anymore about them.

This was hard because my mind jumped around so much and it was like, Say this, but say that, but don't forget this... and I'm like WHOA.. OVERLOAD.

To go back to some key things...

Pay attention to SIGNS, changes in behavior. Big Red Flag.

Ask specific questions to gain specific answers... This is Vital, this weeds out many BS dudes from jump. If it sounds rehearsed, it is. It's something that we've used over and over. On the spot, most dudes who aren't articulate enough to come off the top of the dome reverts back to something that is safe.

Charm is good, but it can't be enough for you.. Look for substance. tangible evidence.

Don't be too over anxious to describe who you are. Less is more, trust me. Be Vague early on. Not to the point where you aren't polite, but just be vague about yourself. Let him learn about your story more than you tell it to him.

When you're asking questions.. Listen to his responses.. A closed mouth don't get fed. The more you make a potential player talk about things you wanna hear and less things he's comfortable with telling you.. the easier it is to weed out BS.

If you see red flags and you ignore them.. Don't be mad at anyone but yourself when BS shortly follows.

And my final piece of advice.. .SOMETIMES a N**** is just gonna be a N****, no more no less. If you get one of these dudes, don't try to change them, clean them up, fix them.. etc.. They not broken.. They just have no more aspirations other than being a N****. You won't be able to F*** it or Suck It out of him. He just goin be what he goin be. So you have to decide to move away from him, or stay and get some BS.

Some women who complain about BS, really actually like it. They don't feel like they are loved or involved unless it's F****** up. They have to have drama, or some issues, to blame someone or everyone. Those, I rarely ran cons on.. and I usually ran from.

Like I always say, you will NEVER know if someone is full of shit, until you actually know. So crying and making excuses about past men messed you up and you can't trust new men is some horse shit from the planet of sucking Donkey Balls.. (Sorry, just saw Stepbrothers and wanted to find a place to add that in).

When you drive your car in the morning, you have no idea if you're gonna crash, get hit or hit someone until you actually do. But that doesn't keep you from driving does it? Do you say, I'm not gonna drive because someone might hit me or I might hit someone or get f***** up in an accident?

Unless you have Automobilophobia, I'd say no. You have to take that same stance in social interactions. Not every dude you like is gonna be a Royal Flush.. You gonna run into a few small pair type negroes.

Be patient and trust your instincts... Or be needy and get played on.

Either way, I'm tired of writing.. If you wanna ever chat.. and I'm on, hit me up. I'll answer anything you may wanna ask... or just to bounce ideas off me. That's why I am here.

This is the Middle Finger... Telling my ladies... If you gonna be in the Water... Be prepared to deal with some SHARKS.

The Sound of Silence....

2010-01-21T08:00:00.000-08:00

Hello Darkness, my old friend...

I've come to talk to you again

Because a vision softly creeping,

Left it's seeds while I was sleeping,

And the vision, that was planted in my brain,

Still remains... Within the Sound of Silence....

You may recall the opening words of this song, The Sound of Silence, by Simon and Garfunkel as the Pool song in the movie, Old School, when Frank the Tank was shot with the tranquilizer dart and fell into the pool.

The opening few notes of this song are some of the most recognizable sounds in music history.

I remember this song because I was reading an old article written about me playing a game back during the Kentucky State Tournament about 13 years ago. The writer, Jim Pickens, who is a long time writer of the Messenger-Inquirer, the paper in my hometown, wrote a creative piece about a performance that put me on the map and allowed me to eventually capture my state's Mr. Basketball award.

A reporter asked the opposing coach of the team that just beat us by two points on a last second shot in Overtime(they went on to win the entire thing blowing everyone else out) to name a better guard he played against than myself. Mr Pickens then wrote that the coach seemed to struggle in doing so and began to pull a SIMON and GARFUNKEL.

I remember asking my father while reading the article, "Who are they and what does that mean?" It was then that he clued me into the duo who had written a song by the same name as the title of this entry. I remember thinking, well, I guess that's pretty cool...but I was 17 at the time... I was gone off the FUGEES.

My pops, who was a lover of all music, had the old school record of the song and played it for me to hear the lyrics. As a teenager, who was just beginning to scratch the surface and still lacing up the shoes that would lead me on the journey into my adult live, this song confused the heck outta me. I initially thought it made no sense.. I would think to myself, Sound of Silence?? What the Hell? Silence isn't a sound, it's nothing. I wonder if they were on Acid? Maybe a bunch of the Stickiest of the Icky?

Funny, while taking a shower this morning, this song returned to me in my mind. As I stood in my bathroom, alone, with the water running down my back, I began to softly cry... I'm not afraid to admit that. Being a man, if I could not cry, then I would began to wonder about myself. It is even written, "Jesus Wept." I am not ashamed of being an emotional person. I dont do it alot and often when I do, it's when I am alone because usually, that's when I'm slowed down and all that is around is "the sound of silence."

When I reflect over my life, I often look at it as I was coached to look at my performance on the basketball court... Where did I screw up? Why did I screw up? How should I have handled it, and how will I handle it from this point on? I was told never to breathe... Keep my head down and push forward, for perfection. To play, The perfect game. At times, I have been close. There were games where I did not miss a shot for the entire game nor did I miss a FT. Actually, I've done that twice, both in college..

In both games however, I had at least 1 turnover in each. A play where I made a choice or decision and the outcome was postive for my opponent and not for my team. Coaching basketball, I see the game, now, from a different point of view. It's slower for me. It was always slow for me.. since a young age. It was one of the biggest advantages I had growing up and why I became so good so fast. One thing though, that is a constant, especially playing the Point Guard, like I did, is turnovers.

They are a part of the game. They are bound to happen. You will think you see the right way to do something and when you try to do it, you soon find out that what you thought you saw, wasn't really there.

It could be in anything... Your job, your relationships, how you raise your kids, who you decide to let into your heart, who you decide to keep out.... In all areas of your life.. You will at sometime, turn it over.

Some are costly... Very costly. I've had a few that have caused me a lot of pain and strife in my days of adulthood. Turnovers where I knew there was no opening and the defenders were already on both sides of the lane closing it off and yet I still tried to force the ball where it wouldn't fit.

Going back to the song that I wrote at the start of this entry.... That opening stanza basically seems as it was written for me.

My "Free Your Mind" tattoo, which in the beginning was to be a statement to others, ironically came back to being a loud, screaming statement to myself.

If I do not do as the tattoo states, I stagnate my own personal growth as an individual. That is always where my own personal battle is... In my mind. I'm sure many of you have that same problem. One of control. Of thinking that you can control everything if you plan well enough. If you prepare wisely, there will be no pitfalls. Or if you don't allow yourself to feel anything, for anyone, on more than a surface level, you can never be hurt.

Another tattoo, that is on the other side of my body, that reads, "LEAVE IT ALL BEHIND, with the Chinese symbol for "The Past", also comes to my mind now. While I agree with the premise of the tat, Leaving your past behind you... I do believe at times, you have to go back and look and observe what you've did, what you've come through and what you've learned from it so that you do not fall asleep with the "BEAT" of your life on repeat, and re-live your mistakes on a repetitive loop when life seems to greet thee...

Unfortunately, in my case, there is no Doc Brown... I am not Marty McFly, I do not have a Delorean that could change the Space Time Continuum if I hit 88 mph. Neither is there a Samuel Beckett to step into the Quantum Leap accelerator and vanish... Striving to put right where once went wrong.

The reflection in the mirror, just now, showed an unshaven man... Shirtless and somewhat fatigued. He looks at himself and sees the dreams that have been deferred from his own mistakes and his own miscues. Visions of what he believed he should have been and could have been by now, but occasionally it seems as if those seeds have been over-watered.

Within the silence of the keystrokes that I hear, words that have been spoken throughout my lifetime come to my forefront..

"Be Quick, but don't hurry." "Believe in who you are and why you were made" "Look before you leap." "Be wise a a serpent but harmless as a dove." "Hold your follow through." "Do more for others, not because you can, but because you should." But one of them recently has rang out louder than any other phrase I can recite...

"I have seen the enemy, and he, is me."

I've looked in the mirror more the last 2-3 days at myself, more than probably any other time in my life. With no other intention other than to find out when the reflection looking back at me would stop keeping me from reaching my full potential.

My turnovers, have got me where I am on the scoreboard of my life... and it's closer than it should be.. Sure, I've made some tough shots... pulled off some clutch passes and played some good defense(Hey, I played defense after HS for all my old teammates reading this).. But none of that matters, unless I win.

My opponent has the ball, and seems to be stalling. Wasting time trying to run out the clock, but I can not allow that to happen... I need the ball back, but I have to change my strategy because the reflection knows my methods.. It knows my fears, and places and points of weakness inside me. He mimics each movement with a counter move of his own. He's scouted me far too well.

He knows what I want. He knows I need the ball back to try to score.. And he's patient. I cannot be over anxious and overzealous in my attempt to retrieve what I have lost through my own actions. Time for a new approach. Much more cautious, much more astute. More simplistic.

It is in the silence, that I fully understand that there is no perfect game for me to play, but rather just to play... to keep going until the clock runs out and the game is over and someone up there turns out the lights in my Gymnasium.

This is Brandon, creator and CEO of Middlefinger, Inc... Looking you in your eye and asking,

"What does your silence say to you?"

GOODBYE, MY LOVER....

2010-01-10T08:44:00.000-08:00

Before you even say anything, the title of this blog is borrowed from one of my favorite songs of all time. For some reason this morning, I just awoke with James Blunt on my mind. No, JAMES BLUNT, not weed, you idiot. Dunno why I'm on a Blog inspired by Song kick, but I guess I'll just ride it out until the wheels fall off. To understand this blog, you'll probably have to listen to the song because I'm going to try to tie in much of what I'm saying into the lyrics.. Here it is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUUAYrNdekQ&feature=PlayList&p=DD0774EFA12CB580&index=0

However, it's so confusing because I felt my eyes going white and I shook it off.

I was telling myself, "I'm not writing on this song.. there is no angle and it will be misconstrued and a few moronic people think that someone has hurt me in my past and that's why I have certain opinions."

But, I couldn't let it go. I've played this song at least 20 times this morning and I've heard it plenty of times before today. There is a line that says, " I saw the end, before it begun." This line was on my brain at about 8 am. Ironically, I couldn't remember the song but I was beating myself up trying to figure it out and then BLAM, James Blunt came to mind.

I guess I'm thankful for my eccentric taste in music. I think lots of people will be able to relate to this one. I doubt I'm as witty and funny in the others because it's such a serious topic, but I think the twist... Or at least I'm hoping... Will make sense.

This weekend has been an eventful one. Actually, this past week has been uncanny, but life always unfolds how it unfolds for it's specifics purpose.

Often, in these blogs I mention my sister... Probably the only person on earth that truly knows who I am through and through. That has both it's pros and cons.. It's good to relate to her because we have a family blood bond, but it's also bad at times because I cannot bull shyt Rosalyn. If you think I give it straight with no chase and my delivery is a little raw... I have NOTHING on my big sister. If I'm 180 proof Gin, she's MOONSHINE.

I won't go into detail about what we talked about but her words caused me to self-reflect on a deeper level than I have in quite a time. It made me realize that I needed a change in my approach to how I view myself, my world and my interactions with others.

If you listened to the song, the reason I love it is because I can truly connect with each lyric that he sings. That's such a huge part of who we are as individuals.. Our connections, with ourselves, others, the elements, wildlife, plantlife and everything else that inhabits this planet.

This is a song that everyone can relate too, even more so than the last one I used, Comfortable... It's hard to say good bye to the things or people that we love... myself included.. but in this blog, I didn't write it thinking on someone I was thinking of myself.

I say this title, Goodbye My Lover, to myself. Because I am who I love. That was the angle that I was told to reflect on. As unorthodoxed as it is, it's the simplicity of it that makes it such a profound discovery.

My lover, is... My pain. All of it. The failures, the death, the nights of uncertainty, the discouragement, the cynicism, the lies told and the lies received. The coming to grips with the imperfection, with my intellect, the direction of my life's journey.

"I saw the end.. before it begun"

I do this so much that it's pretty much on autopilot. My sister, and I say this half laughing, told me,

"As smart as you are, you miss the simple things. Life isn't some problem where you can always out-tough it.. Out-heart it, Out-think it... or Out-run it, or whatever action you do to try to give yourself the advantage. Brandon, you calculate the odds before even having all the information you need. You limit yourself because of that.. Always trying to control your heart, or how you feel about someone, or something isn't healthy. That's why you push people away before they see who you are. Not because you are afraid of them seeing you, but your cynical side makes you sever connections because you have told yourself that you need to be isolated to be "FREE".

I F***** HATE TAKING ADVICE... But, she was right. I can control being alone. I go back and forth often on weighing wanting someone and needing no one.

There is a voice inside me that is small but speaks up from time to time... He longs for longstanding connections.. for interactions, he longs to be loved and to give it in return. The only issue is that the louder voice, "My Lover", often overtalks him. Drowns him out when he makes sense. When he starts breaking through. The smaller voice is the voice of my writing. The louder voice often is the voice of my actions.

My struggle... Getting the two voices to merge. That inner battle has gone on for so long that it's hamstrung me. Caused me to over think, and try to play both Director and the STAR in the movie of my life.

The louder voice has always been easier to listen to because he has always protected me. Gave me the angles to play to get my way. He told me when to Hold em and when to fold em... When to walk away and when to Run. He has been the voice of reason.. or at least in my mistaken line of thinking at times, he has been REASONABLE. He has, over time, hollowed me out. Left me partly as an empty shell... and I allowed this because I felt, FOR ME, I repeat, FOR ME, life would be easier this way.

He led me to believe that although I am a dreamer, to dream alone. To dream for only one..

He has held my hand for so long, that I get antsy when I don't recognize his grip being there... And even now as I write this, I'm wondering if it was not the louder, more familiar voice that drowned out the smaller one... but rather, was it me? Ironically, any way that I reply to that, the answer is yes.. Because I am both of them.

Lately, I feel like the Grinch after he saw little Cindy Lou. It's like my heart, which is pretty icy, has grown 3 times it's size lately. I don't wanna fight off the reason or reasons why that has happened, but I hear him... Calling me. Reaching for my hand to lead me away and back to what I have always considered safe.

"You've been to this place before.. You've looked at the ocean.. You've seen the waves... You know them. You know what comes with them.. They are unpredictable.. You don't have the answers... because there are none.. You cannot solve this problem because there is no solution..

Why stand at the end of the peer, teasing yourself.. You're being silly... There is no freedom out there, on uncertain waters, the freedom you seek, the liberation, that you crave, that you desire is not found within anyone or anything... It is within YOU. Only you.. No one will understand you as I do.. I've been there for you.. Do not shut me out.. Do not leave me, Brandon.. You need me. You love me...

For so long, I believed every word he says... I'd like to think I've helped quite a few people over my life, through trying to talk with and understand them. To take my experiences and connect with them so that they know someone has been there.. Alas, it's one thing to battle external conflict... and it's another when there is an internal battle, a war that is constantly waging.

I heard once from a great man of wisdom and knowledge, a cat named HOFFA, and he once said,

"I'm scared everyday... but I'm not afraid."

I understand that phrase now. I've been scared into believing that I can only share the surface of who I am with someone... That revealing who I am, genuinely, at my core, gives them some type of power and control over me.. But in recollection, I have not lost any power because I am the one making the choice.

When we CHOOSE for ourselves... We choose to allow what hurts us. What Guides us, What pushes us, what scares us...

The smaller voice, which has been getting louder, tells me, "You've always known this.."

"Your Liberation, your freedom, is what you choose it to be. You're killing yourself, Brandon because you're fighting your God Given nature. Liberate Tutemae"...(Latin for Save Yourself)

I swear, they stay going at it, but the Smaller voice isn't backing down lately. I've never listened to him as closely as I have been recently. He makes so much sense, but the other one knows me so well. He will tell me, "Stop this nonsense, and let's just go get another tattoo."

Touche' on the Tattoo, old friend. Touche'.

That side understands that I love that pain because it's so familiar.. That I engrave into my skin to remind me to not think of letting it go, regardless of how much it holds me back.

This is why I've had the itch the last few days... He doesn't want to let me go... He wants me to forget feeling this way. Open, touched, vulnerable, imaginative...

So it looks as if I have a choice to make... I'm standing at the end of the dock.. and my feet are hanging over... All that's left is to jump.

This is the Middlefinger, telling myself.... "Damn that water looks cold, son"

SO BROKENNNNNNN IN

2010-01-01T12:00:00.000-08:00

It's good to finally be back again... It's been a long time since I've done this.. .Probably close to two months or a little longer...and I'm sorry that I haven't been able to write as much like I promised. I've been so utterly busy with working, coaching and Jax that I just haven't had time to really breathe and put together any coherent thoughts on any subject not related to those three things. A lot of things have gone on recently... I just had a birthday, and now I am officially closer to 40, than I am 20. Ouch, it kinda pains me to say that out loud. I'm still looking good... What am I talking about... Dav is looking great!!!! Don't hate me, and don't worry, I probably don't like you either...

We're having a good season so far, we've lost a few but they've all been close games and we really haven't been beaten, but rather we've beat ourselves. I'm super excited about this group's potential come February and March.

The kid is growing like a weed... School year is half over and it seems to be flying by. Xmas is around the corner.. Time just keeps moving forward. As the year comes to an end, and the calendar changes from 2009 to 2010, it becomes a fresh start for everyone. With a fresh start comes change... In behavior, attitude, thought procession...but it's not always easy..

First on must have an acknowledgement that there is a NEED for a change, the COURAGE to start the change, and the ability to be consistent and dilligent in striving to make sure that the change is permanent.

If you know me, you know I LOVE body art. I'm addicted to tattoos...One of my most recent tattoos are a set of praying hands with the verse Matthew 10:16 and reads:

"Behold, I send you forth and Sheep admist the Wolves."

There is a certain belief about sheep and that is that they are not the smartest of the animals. They don't seem to make the best of decisions... Not only that, but they are rather weak, somewhat lazy, and constantly need someone to look over them and protect them from harm.

While meditating on this, it's not hard to understand why Jesus used the metaphor relating Humans to sheep. Now I know you, reader... and I know this doesnt apply to you. I know it's "Everybody else". You don't have to worry about stuff like that, you the BESTEST, you just be coming off the top, Asbestos. (lol, love that Nicki Minaj) But for us who are less fortunate than you, reader.. The ones among us that do not have it all together, that are perplexed about our own personal issues..Those of us who at times cannot see the Forest for the sake of the trees... This blog is for you.

I wanna talk for a little bit on the title of this blog. One of my favorite muscians and singers is a guy named John Mayer. White dude. Incredibly talented guitar player, singer, and songwriter. I'm sure a few of you know him... If not, he was the white dude on the Chappelleshow playing the guitar on that one episode when they was in the Barber shop and that dude was doing the robot... (WTF happened to him?)

When I came up with the idea for this blog, I was listening to his new CD, and getting ready for Saturday night playing a song of his called Assassin. Even used part of it as a status... It was while searching for this song on the Youbeeest of Tubes, that I saw a song that I fell in love with a LONG time ago. It's name. COMFORTABLE.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YX5ZAF21IDc

The title of this blog, "So Brokennnnnnn In" is part of the chorus of this song. I''ll provide a link to it at the end of this. I have been trying to mentally write this for two weeks, but could never find the direction to take. I guess I was a lil rusty with my "eyes going white" but when I clicked on this song, it happened IMMEDIATELY.

This song is just incredible.. and Mayer does a fantastic job of putting real life situations that people actually go through without being looked at like they crazy like that got damn "It Kills Me" song. Gawd, I dont think i've EVER hated a song as much as that one. Crazy enough, while rappin on the phone with my partner, French, it seems a lot of chicks really are closer to her line of thinking that I originally though. That, my friends, as a single guy, is a SCARY concept. Don't think this is going to be a bash piece. Yeah, I'll probably take a few shots cuz that's just was Dav does. If you don't like it.. My blog is called Middle Finger for a reason.

Ever wonder why people stay in certain situations for too long? Even when they know the situation isn't going to improve? Listen to this song. Over, and over, and over and over. I wanna quote a little bit of it before I get really into the meat of this.

"I just rembered that time at the market, snuck up behind me and jumped on my shopping cart...and rolled down... Aisle Five.
You looked behind you , to smile back at me.... Crashed into a rack full of magazines....They asked us..... If we.... Could Leave"

Man, isn't it always like this when you first start out new with someone? Everything is awesome. Colors are more color-ree-errr, everything is just great. You don't care who sees you and what you're doing because you're happy. And feeling that way is more important than anything currently in your world.

The song goes on, "Can't Remember, what went wrong last September, though I'm sure... You'd remind me.. If you have to."

Of course she'll remind you, John, she's a woman.. that's what they live for. To remind you of sh**. LOL, just kidding for all you soft a** ladies out there who can't take a joke.

Lemme jump a head in the song a little...

"She thinks I can't see the smile that she's faking.. and poses for pictures that aren't being taken." <----- That may be one of the greatest, most honest lines in a song I've ever heard..

" I loved you... grey sweatpants(my goodness I have some that I wear everyday) No Makeup... So Perfect..."

And now the Chorus... "Our love was, COMFORTABLE, and so Broken In, She's perfect...So Flawless, I'm not impressed... I want you Back........."

We have ALL, lemme repeat, ALL have been here. One of the biggest reasons in relationships that are becoming, have become or will become sour is Comfortability.

It's much easier to deal with the devil that you DO know, instead of the one that you do not.

I cannot believe how many women(still not bashing, crybabies) I've came across within the last year or so that are really deep into this. I remember that status that I had up about "WTF does it mean when you put up "It's complicated?" That's like the DUMBEST thing anyone can do. Again, if it is complicated, do you not think you are complicating it more by putting it out there that your ish is jacked up like an old buick on the side of the road waiting for Triple A?

And it be good looking girls too... Not the unattractive females that you would think would put up with more BS to keep a man around, but it be some cuties. I mean, THICK, BUSTY, lips all pouty and moist and wet with the Lip gloss... Hair(whether it's real or not, hell I don't even be knowing) be looking good. Skin be looking like a pan of Rice Krispy treats with just the right amount of butter than Momma used to make when you was getting good grades on ya report card... and then you talk to her and be like, "Wow, look at you, you have the look of someone who is potentially special..." and then they say, "Well, i'm single, but I got a situation."

Middlefinger <------------------ DEAD. Not really but hearing this is enough to just jump out the window.

Here's usually the rest of the conversation from a male perspective....

He says..."Well what's your situation baby"

She says..."I got a dude that I used to be with(we not dumb, ladies) and either he ain't treating me right, or it aint going no where... What she's thinking but doesnt say---->( And I dont know why I cant leave, but I haven't yet and I'm not getting any younger but still I don't present myself to other possibilities because i'm stuck on this dude.)

I have heard it countless times. Not always in females in which you try to approach but more times in general conversation. Now fellas, I am not a fan of dudes rollin they eyes like Ms Peachez, but if u hear this... You do have the permission of DAV and everyone at Middlefinger.Inc to do the FACEPALM.

Step one, Open your hand wide. Step 2, place ur open hand over your face. Step 3, Wipe down slowly. Repeat if necessary.

It's so sad to hear stories like this. It's like BETA MAX with these chicks, like.. "they still make you? Why cant you just go away and be obsolete."

I , for the life of me, cannot understand this line of thinking and I really wish someone would explain it to me without making excuses. Men or Women, because both do it.. But being a man, and the song coming from a man and hearing this more from women than men, that's why this blog is coming out how it is.

The craziest ish is that a majority of the time, the female, KNOWS... Lemme say that again, say that again Dav, I got you, "They KNOW" that it ain't going nowhere and yet, neither are they.

There is a reason I asked for it to be explained to me without excuses... Because it's damn near impossible. And nobody comes up with excuses better than the ladies...

It's been 2 years and he ain't treated you like he treated you in the first 2 months for the past 20. And you still there? Oh for real? Yeah, you got a situtation all right.. and it's F**** up. However, the one person who's fault it is... is YOU.

A statement I live by, "I have seen the enemy, and HE is ME."

Regardless of how crappy the other person is in your shotty bullish, fake, shell of a relationship, is, IF you stay around and waste time, It's on you. Stop complaining about how bull it is.. Stop allowing yourself to be guilted by sweet talk and texts when the actions don't mirror what they are saying. Ain't you worth more than that? Is that was you were born for? That's what you've overcame obstacles and struggles for? For someone to take you for granted and you really not do anything to stop it but whine? And it be that cheap ish too.. that $6.99 bottle.

So we're back to the song again... "Our love was, Comfortable and... So Brokennnnnnn in."

Newsflash, that ain't love. Ask any woman about love and she can quote First Corinthians like it is her child's social security number.. However, a majority of them have yet to ever experience that consistently or even still wanna try to look for it.

People say, A woman shouldn't seek, but she should be found.... Really, well Shi*, how you gonna find her when she's always in a situation?

"Hello, good woman? Where you be? Oh, there you are, you over there in that bullsh*t" Well, I just got these new sneaks and you know, I really don't feel like wading and walking thru that with you, so I'mma be over here... But i see you... How ya momma doin?"

I told French as I drove to basketball practice yesterday, "Yo son, it's crazy, it seems females rather walk barefoot in Bull Ish, than to come out of her comfort zone, step out on faith, and start walking on another path that possibly could turn into a street paved with gold."

We discussed this for a few minutes(yeah, guys talk too) and it's crazy. We could not come to any logical answer as to why, when someone finds out and has an Epiphany, an AH HA moment, or whatever, and finally realizes that someone ain't no good for you, or ain't what you thought they was... what is the hold up with you being out, B?

Why is there such fear of the unknown? Why don't people take risks anymore? I tell my players all the time, to be the HERO, sometimes you have to risk failing and taking the blame.

The sex can't be that good. Seriously. If there is a female out there with a sugar box that is so good that I allow myself to be treated like I'm stuck on stupid by her, I pray to every Angel that they make her shine so bright that my black @ss runs the other way.

Why can people not let some individuals go? What are you holding on to? Why do you want calloused hands? The tighter you grasp, the more damage you do and you don't undersand why.. Well I don't either. Eventually, you just end up existing instead of living..

I went thru this not too long ago. There was someone I was interested in... I really Dug her, used to write her poems in the moring on my way to work and texting her these creations. She was one of the very very few that met Jax. hugged on my boy..and i was like, "Maybe, just maybe..." and then, I asked a question and got an answer and I was like, "Oh for real? You did that? Hmmmm. Wow, I ain't think you was like that. But it seems that your handshake ain't matchin' your smile, B."

And that stung, stung for about 15 min... and then I was like, "Dav, what?" Why does it sting? It be that way sometime. You know how people are.. Not everything that Glitters is gold, People are selfish, and not selfless.. It's about them, son. You know because you used to just be about you too. So, I regrouped and handled that situation. Not a month later, not a week later.. Not a few days. That night.

"Baby, this will be the LAST time we talk. Don't call me no more, your action told me all I needed to hear." On the first of the next month, she was relieved of her duty as the Captain of My Favs (T-mobile people feel me) And the number was deleted from my phone. She called once and said, "I ain't gonna just let you cut me off or something like that"

For real, B? Hmmm. well, she ain't called anymore. She's probably moved on... Heck, maybe she's with the other dude.. If so, more power to her. Hope she's happy. But I love Dav far too much to waste another minute on BS. I dont care if we dealt with each other for 5 minutes of 5 years. You aint who I thought you was... Cool. I'm be over this way... I'll holla. Because I thought about all that I wasted, the energy, the time, the thoughts, the conversation, the creativeness and I won't be able to get any of it back.

Neither will you.. So the question is, "Well what chu goin do?" Cuz in his/her eyes, he/she knows, "LOL, he/she ain't going nowhere and even if he/she does, he'll/she'll be there when I call." Yeah, B, He/she laughin at you when you ain't lookin. He/She laughin with his/her actions. He/She done sized you up and measured you.. and they dont think you got the guts to make a move.. wait, They KNOWS IT.

This is the MiddleFinger, telling you. Outkast and Goodie was correct. You better Get up, Get out, and Get something, Don't let the days of your life pass by

WHY I DID NOT GET MARRIED...

2009-10-05T15:53:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's your favorite blogger, the world's sexiest poet, you already know it... Back again, on the blog tip. I had meant to start blogging again regularly but I went off on an experiemental poetry binge... and now, I'm off that. Anyway, people have been saying that it's hard for them to read my blog because they are rather long...and for those.. I think you are just an idiot with OCD. They don't take longer than five to eight minutes to read unless your ass is hooked on phonics, level 2. How about you just STFU, read it, absorb it and then understand it. <---- MIDDLEFINGER!!!!!!!!!!! Man, it's been so long since I styled... it felt tremendous to just say that.

As you may now have realized if you are not a complete moronic idiot... that I titled this blog entry somewhat similar to black women's favorite playwright, and no I'm not talking about William Shakespeare... as if they would be so cultured as to understand and appreciate the idiosyncrasies of ole Bill. Yeah, I'm talking about Mr. Unoriginal, Mr "I've done got lazy with my ideas and I know that women with issues are gonna wanna see a movie about someone with more issues than them." Mr, "I'mma recycle all my plays and basically my other movies, switch up the characters and put bald black men in AFRO wigs, give them a job as a guy who works at the Ketchup packet factory, and let a woman fall in love with him when she doesn' t have but just mustard for her hot dog and he saves the day with his free ketchup and they fall in love and it's a happy ending thanks to Oscar Meyer's"

Yes, your boy, Mr. Tyler Perry. Shout out to my boy , Tywan French, who I just learned has a new blackberry and is playing with it at work when he should be working, as his status states, but yet he ain't hollared at his boy in a while. Guess he's still muggin that the CARDS SUCK. KRAGTHORPE SUX. And just for Good measure, let us throw in Ricky P.... He just kinda suck... cuz he lied. Don't be Lying, Ricky P... Don't Be Lying... 3 G's? Shoulda went to Magic City in ATL and you woulda had much more fun. Heck, you coulda went to PHAT's and been like the Biggest Bawse that we've seen thus far.

Anyway, that's enough bagging on French and his team... but French allowed me to watch one of the few Tyler Perry movies I could actually get through without cooking French Fries in my head like me and Jon and David used to do in Eight grade when we used to get lectures every morning from he who used to lecture.

LMAO.... If you reading, Jon..... remember, "MMMMMM, Salt... Ketchup.."

Back to the real intention of the blog.... When I watched this Tyler Perry movie, I wasn't as bored as I usually am. It was pretty decent. It wasn't as Lady Gaga as some people think his movies are.. .In my opinion, actually none of them really are all that. Ain't nothin really worth bringing out of the movie to use as a tool within this blog... I'm sure you seen it.

I've been getting a little flack, on the sly from a few partnas, about some of my recent penmanships.... most notable, DREAMGIRL... I love that poem. I love part 1, part 2, and if I could ever decide on how to wrap it up, I love part 3. Part 3 has been a bytch with no hair and bad breath to write.... In conversations, I've been asked why it's taking me so long to finish when I normally write poems in 30 min or less like Dominos.

Part 3 is such a reflective look at myself and the cultivation of my attitude and my interpretations on what I feel that love is and how it should be bestowed and honored, and how choices and bad decisions in my life have kept me from reaching that pinnacle.

It is quite simply, the most HONEST piece of literature that I have ever written.... I know, I've gone thru FOUR DRAFTS of it and scrapped them all.... Well, one, Jax scrapped by turning off the power to my CPU before I could save it.

The idea for this particular blog entry has been bouncing around in my head for quite a while. Because in conversations with my own mind, it has came up numerous times... No, Inner dialogue.. Watchu think? Dav don't do that.

I have tied the struggle with writing Dreamgirl, part 3 into this blog because on the grand scale of things... the lack of reflection, honest and brutal reflection on one self is something that many of us lack to do in our lives.

I told someone that I will keep at least one draft of DG(let's call it that for sake of key strokes) because it did something that my writing hasn't done since the death of my father.... It actually made me shed a tear. About Four fell from my face onto the page...and I can see the stain marks... Maybe I can sell it when I make it big... EBAY!!!!!!

Now, if you thinking I'mma punk for admitting that... LOL... Take the name of my blog and put it right up ya ass... I am human. I am also emotional... Not this whiny sensitive EMO type of girly emotion. I mean PASSION. Those who played ball with me growing up will co-sign. I'd punch teammates in the chest, hell I think I jumped and kicked one of them down once when they made a big shot... It's how I have always had my release of energy.

DG, as it has been written, is actually my inner reflection and release portrayed in real time. From part 1 and the large number of comments to part 2 as it began to become more dark and somewhat desolate and as you can see, not as many people commented...

I take that as, it is easy to fall in love with the first version... It was the essence of it... It's what we want.. Someone to love us, to adore us and make us feel as if we are not as insignificant in this world as we really are. When I was inspired to write that poem, I was re-charged if you will. Dealing with issues stemming from my last relationship, I felt that it would be safer if parts of my died instead of being subjected to pain and frustration. I get the questions from people such as " Are you as you say in your writings?" "What inspires you?" and the most prevalent question during chats... "Why are you single?"

To those, I say, "YES", "Life and Love" "Because I needed time to heal and make sure that the resentment and anger was not taken out on the next woman".

Ironically, something touched me.. and opened up my mind and my heart to realize that even though it didn't work out... I don't have to stay anywhere I don't want to stay. I can have what I want. I can find someone who I can love and protect...If i don't close myself off to that possibility.

I have to admit, that I have lost faith in women for a time being and I touched on those reasons in previoius blog entries.... I believe my soul is rather old...and times have changed. Especially in terms of Marriage... It has truly mighty morphin power rangered it self into a Joint Venture rather than a union of two people who are deeply in love for one another.

You have to look at Assets prior to nuptials, Liabilities prior, Assets during, Liabilities during, as well all the other questions and unknown unknowns( GIN RUMMY from BOONDOCKS).

While I agree finances play a role in this, I do believe that we've made them play a much larger role than they have to. Somtimes, Money is grand and sometimes, I understand why people hate it.

I've seen first hand what it can do, the divide it can cause... the problems that can be solved and problems that can occur. Money may buy comfort... Trips to Africa, Spain, Benz's whatever... I do not believe or at least I hope that it's not true, that it cannot buy happiness...

I often ponder why it is that we all seem to know what we want but many of us seem to struggle to find it? We make excuses about not settling, or knowing what I want and not finding it yet... I used to believe that last line with all my heart... and that was the true reason that I had yet found a companion. The more I mature and grow older, the less I believe myself. Deep down, I know qualities that I look for in a woman, but honestly, I dont know what I want. If i'm gonna be totally honest... I have no utter clue.

I interact with numerous types of women daily, weekly, and I find attraction in quite a vast majority of them. Certain aspects I truly can smile about. Whether it's physical attributes, emotional stability, or a just plain old fasioned good girl, with a good heart. When I have further in depth conversations, or in the rare times that there is interaction within another's presence, often I see that much of the words or descriptions of what I was told or what I thought I saw, were rather hollow.

For the life of me, I do not understand why people have the need to want to make others feel as if they are complex.... Many of us just aren't that hard to figure out when we are honest with ourselves...

We ain't Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery....but I believe many are conditioned into thinking that "If i'm not mysterious, I'm not attractive, I do not stand out." I have made that mistake a few times in my day. My ego wouldn't allow someone to compare me to another... DAV had to be one of a kind.. But you know what... All though I am... concurrently, I am not.

There are lots of DAV's out there... I had a convo with my homegirl who lives in ATLANTA after my recent trip to Georgia and she had me thinking.... She told me, "Brandon, there are a lot of guys like you here...Good looking men, talented, articulate, successful, etc... So some of the things you used to be able to do and get away with, wouldn't fly here."

She was right... No, I digress...She IS right. I know coming to that conclusion, as hard as it was for me to hear, it was needed...

I can have the ability to make someone feel special, without being special in how I used to believe I was... I have nor will I ever lack not one ounce of confidence ever... but it's like I told the guy who asked me for that dollar that day... "If the dead could speak, they'd call all cynics, realists...." It is my cynical nature that caused me to believe that I would probably never get married because I doubted I could find someone who could understand that level of commitment and what it means in the face of adversity and triumph in today's society.

One coversation I've had recently was that I told someone that I want a woman that I can smile at the the thought of as I lay on my death bed. She doesn't like that I talked about my dying so effortlessly, but I know what comes for me... it comes for us all. I look at my life somewhat backwards and instead of viewing it terms of LIFE, I view it in terms of death. When I die, am I going to regret? Will I be fullfilled and not just satisfied?

I want to be with someone that I can have incredible memories with.... because those are timeless... Those are the small and intricate things that are interwoven into our souls and that I truly believe that we take with us into the transition of the next phase of our evolution as concious beings.

In my last hours, I don't want thoughts and recollections of the time we fought because I couldn't buy you something or the time we wasted 2 weeks on being upset because you didnt' think I listened to you when you spoke...

That should be a time for retrieving the sensation that is within our hearts and minds of that time I held you from behind when you were so frustrated at life and I wrapped you in my arms and whispered in your ear, "You are amazing... and I love you..." and you finally realize that it's not worth losing it over and you grasp my arms with your hands and exhale knowing that we are.... Truly free.. as long as we don't make our own prisons..

Inner reflection of ourselves... honest assessment of our feelings, letting go of the trivial things that do not matter, and being able to love and be loved in a way that can trascend all.... should all be factors when you join a union with someone... If you are not or cannot do these things yet... it would be better to wait until you can.... It's a work in progress... and we learn daily. Waiting until I truly master these things, are a reason Why I did not get married.

In closing, if we look at ourselves as a flower... and when the rain falls on us...yes, it dampens us... but without it... We'd never grow... We'd wither and die.

This is the MIDDLEFINGER.BLOGSPOT.COM... Sometimes, home to where the writer of the blogs lets you know his inner most feelings on topics that he thinks are important.

Expect the Unexpected

2009-08-20T15:02:00.000-07:00

You know... I've enjoyed myself a great deal over the last two weeks. A small vacation to Cincy to see my cousin and go to the Jazz Festival... I've met some interesting people.... I've got to see my favorite group in the world, Foreign Exchange, perform in Indianapolis with some of my best friends. That last one was a blast because everytime I see them, whenever I listen to their music, it makes me smile. Looking at my pictures, and yes, there are a lot (i've actually been deleting some..) you can see that I'm not a huge smiler(is that a word?). It's not that I don't like to smile... I love when I actually have things to smile about. I smile at Jax but lately, he's just been on one. There's been less smile and more, "Boy, what in the Hell are you doing? What would give you the idea to just dump everything out of your toybox and just start lobbing them up the steps?"

Kid keeps me SMH. (Shaking my head for you slowbies).

You know what else keeps me SMH????? LIFE. How it progresses, how it changes, and how it unfolds. How certain aspects are effected by the choices we make and more specifically, the consequences of those choices. Choose to stay with the wrong person after they've done you wrong multiple times and you end up with esteem issues, heartache, cynisism, time lost, and a plethora of other internal complications. All... from....one.....bad....choice. Doesn't seem fair, huh? I'd have to agree. In the balance of this world, and within the battles of Good and bad, right and wrong, light and dark, those who follow the positive of those previously posted in the prior statement should probably project a small portrayal of those positions personified... primarily... If you do good, you should have good returned to you. Makes sense doesn't it?

Alas, we do know that this is not the case... More times than we'd care to admit or even than we can even believe... those who do not attempt to do good in the least always seem as if they are the ones who profit and are rewarded the most. I dont have to share examples of that... i'm sure if you're reading this you know plenty.

Yesterday, after picking up Jax like I do everyday thru the week, I noticed my car smoking. Immediately I started thinking, "WTF? Now what?" I looked at my tempature guage and I saw it rising almost to the highest and I realized that my car was starting to overheat. GREAT... JUST GREAT. (sidebar... I want some Famous Dave's Rib Tips... Ionno why..I smell something and my brain just gave me that craving.)

So hear I am, driving down Cane Run Road, saying, "God, not now... Come on... don't let this happen to me." (WHY THE HELL DO I KEEP SMELLING FAMOUS DAVE'S??? I will be right back, I gotta see who's eating ribs at 8:50 am). Okay I'm back.. It wasn't Dave's but I still want some... Where was I? Oh yeah.. So I'm driving and my car looks like Snoop Dogg's dressing room circa 1993. I'm trying not to curse because Jax is in his car seat and he doesn't need to pick up anymore bad habits.

I pull into that new Walmart on Cane Run and I'm in the parking lot with my hood up staring at my car and I notice that all my coolant has ran out and I'm hoping that it's just a hose or something. Normal ish. Wear and tear, some things gotta get replaced every now and then... So I bend down to look and see if I can see where the leak is coming from... It's not a hose... It's the Radiator. Great... Just Great. I stand looking at my inner makings of my automobile and by this time I notice that Jax has undid his buckle, opened the back door and climbed out and has came around to stand next to me.

I'm already furious and I'm about to take it out on the kid for getting out, but I pause. He looks at me and doesn't say anything, but just kinda shrugs like, "ISH HAPPENS, POP... You know that."

I knew that... I knew because that's what went into my mind when I looked into that kids eyes. BUT I wasn't trying to hear that right then. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to be pissed off.. And Complain and throw a fit and break shyt, because that's where my heart was at. Back to what I said about smiling... I used to be afraid to smile. When I was growing up, anytime I would smile or get too happy or think things were just peachy, something bad or something adverse would happen shortly after. I still deal with some risidual effects of that... although I'm working on it.

Long story short... I was thankful to make it to the car place this morning to get it worked on... $476.13 is what it's gonna cost me. OUCH. That's why I said in that status I was hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. Immediately I went back to thinking,

"Dav, you smiled too much. You had too much fun... You started to "LOSE YOUR WAY" (song by Nicolay and Carlitta Durand, first single off Nicolay's new album, CITY LIGHTS 2, which is what I'm listening to on repeat as I write this entry... Sept 15, pick up City Lights 2.)

As children, and even as adults, when obstacles and speed bumps appear in our paths at unexpected times often we look at our own selves to and say, "Damn, what did I do for this to happen.. What did I do to deserve this?" Now, sporadically , your actions will merit and reflect your current situation, but not always. Sometimes, you just have to listen and meditate on what Jesus said in his Sermon on the Mount....

Matthew 5:45

So that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.

That's a helluva verse to meditate on... My father used to always say the last part to me... "The Rain falls on the Just and the Unjust, alike" It's raining as I create this piece and that just kinda hit home. Go outside. If the rain falls on you and you have done good today... You know what??? Smoove!!!! If someone is outside and has done bad, the rain is falling on them as well. I can even quote DMX from Belly... "When it rains... N***** get wet...."

Although Earl Simmons didn't put it as eloquently as I would have, you get the what he's saying with at least a small modicum of understanding.

What I take from that verse is just because you do good, doesn't mean you are always gonna get good things at all times. If you did not understand adversity, how could you recognize Triumph? How can you understand the jubilation of winning, if you've never lost? Things happen and unfold how they unfold because there is a purpose. Frustration occurs from our frail human minds, in all our spledor and acclaimed wisdom, can not grasp hold of such a simple truth. .. Bad things happen to Good people sometimes, and Good things happen to bad people sometimes. That's just how this shyt works.

In wrapping this up... I'd ask you to revisit one of the most powerful stories in the Bible that deals with an amazing shift from Favor, to brokeness and despair, and ultimately, RESTORATION.

JOB. not (JOB as in where you work) but JOBE. Ionno why they spelled it JOB, I didn't write it. I don't know how you have a "V" in FAVRE and get "FARVE"

Think of JOB... here is the richest most faithful man walking the Earth. Got it all, Big Body Benz's... Kids with no child support, a wife(not a baby momma) Cribs with Flat Screen, Pools, Food in the Fridge, Bills paid and far ahead on his Cable... Job was balling so hard, he was on the 5G network when everybody else was on 3G.

What happens? Job lost everything. Why? Nothing that Job did. Job was upright and pleasing to God. God spoke this Himself. God bragged on Job to satan and was like, "You see my servant Job? He loves Me, and keeps it 100 in his praise and his faith.. watcha gotta say about that?" And satan, the hater that he is, always muggin replied, " He only that way cuz you hooked him up with all kinda stuff. You broke him off with all that money, and stuff and what not.... let him lose it all and watch what he does... Cuss you the heck out."

Now, I'm paraphrasing Bible.... I know what it says but just for comedic relief inside a great moral.. .Ride with me.

What does God do? Not what you think a loving God would do. At least, not what your small mind would believe a loving God would do... But God told satan... "Okay, playboy... Is that what you believe... fine, take it all from him... but don't touch his life." With that, satan did the Stanky leg outta God's presence and went to work on JOB.

Dude lost it all... like Tiger Woods in the Racial Draft on the Dave Chappelle show. No more money, cars, the clothes....Job just wanna be, Job just wanna be, Job just wanna be SUCCESSFUL. Not no more Job.

How many of us would lose our rabbit @ss minds if that happened to us? Well, lots of people lost a great deal in the flood we just had. Tragic and unfortunate... but JOB's suffering was not over.

That devil went back and God told him again, "See, you took all Job's stuff and he still praises me...Job is that truth." and to that satan replied, "Yeah, but he still has his family and his good health... he can make his bread again...take away his support structure on EARTH, and he'll crumble like old bread."

God once again, said, "You know what, satan, be like Digital underground and "Dowatchalike" but again, don't touch his life."

And this time, satan did the gangsta walk outta God's presence and went to work again on Job. He lost all of his kids.. Died one after the other... as a father, I couldn't fathom life with Jax... losing him would be too much. He's one child. Job lost EVERY CHILD he had.

So by now, Job was on the verge of tweeking out. He had big boils all over his body.. His wife was telling him to curse God and die. His boys was like, "Ah man, you look like you got hit for a Hot Boyz T-shirt"

Everybody was in his ear about giving up, just saying I can't take it and letting go of his life. In every way, Job had suffered immeasurably. No one could fault Job for wanting to throw in the towel. If in the history of this spinning ball of rock, if one person had the right to end it all and not be scoffed at, it is JOB.

He didn't. And Job has some fiyah quotes in his book. Job styled on his wife in JOB 2:10 when she said Curse God saying:

"He replied, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" In all this, Job did not sin in what he said

Or one of my personal favorites in Job 1:21

And JOB said, Naked came I from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: The LORD givith, and the LORD hath taketh away;blessed be the name of the LORD

In the end... do you know what happened? JOB got it all back. WITH INTEREST... HE GOT HIS CHIPS, WITH DIP(FRENCH's fav movie).

He got a new and better wife...he made more money than ever before... he had even more childrens..

God restored Job, not only to where he was, but even further because in the tough times, Job remained faithful. He didn't bird out(I'm stealing that Phonte) he just knew that things happened...and even though they do.. God is still God.

No matter how bad it is... how fall you've fallen.. How many times you've screwed up.. You can be restored.

There is something about brokeness in human species that is so tangible...that I struggle to put it into words. The emotion of tears that stream down ones face... The unanswered questions, the silent screams that are choked off by boisterous sobs..The pleas that you say so much that you wonder if God has tuned you out.... I know...Trust me, I know.... It's in those times, when you think that you're "Dying.." but in Real Time.... my friend..please understand... that you are "LIVING."

This is the Middle Finger...saying, even though it inspired a powerful blog.... I still don't wanna write that Check. :)

I AM, WHO I AM.

2009-08-07T14:22:00.000-07:00

Man, it's been so long since I been doing what I love to do and that's write my thoughts out for the world to see... Been almost 2 months. Where has the time gone? I know that you missed the Middle Finger... Well, he's back... with a Vengance like Samuel L Jackson and It's A TIME TO KILL this PULP FICTION and give it a LONG KISS GOODNIGHT.. See, I created the Middle Finger to assist me in battles and STAR WARS, and I do my best to keep it BASIC and spit that truth to all the JACKIE BROWN's out there but it's hard when people put up this front like they are UNBREAKABLE.

It's frustrating when it seems that on some issues people applaud you for your efforts but then on others they don't seem to want to be on the same SPHERE of wisdom that you occupy. It is my goal with this lingusitic commentary to ONE-EIGHT-SEVEN the acceptance of coonery and the bafoonery of a group of people that are the most creative, innovative, and duplicated on this planet.

Alas, it seems that I will come up against a great deal of opposition on this quest because taking stances, or saying things similar to what I say, seem to be TRIPLE XXX. Mindstates rarely change when people are so focused on the straight and narrow and they seem to always wanna resist to CHANGING LANGES, and drive a different path mentally. I do not speak to you from an elevated LAKEVIEWTERRACE, but sometimes I do attempt to acheive a level of conciousness that is so elevated that there are no SNAKES ON A PLANE, flying that high.

True, at times My Black Snake can make you moan, but it ain't always about that... So let's get into today's topic while I drink my JUICEand daydream of holding my dreamgirl as we stare at the sunset over Eve's Bayou.... I've given up my stance as THE NEGOTIATER and have since decided to become COACH CARTER... Why you ask? Because I can... the middle finger is MY BEER... DRINK MUTHAF****.

If you caught what I was doing earlier in this entry, good for you. I like smart people. If you did not, it does not mean that you aren't smart, just that you didn't pick up on it. I was describing, in a creative way, basically the mission statement of my blog and my attitude with movies either starring of featuring my favorite actor, Mr. Samuel L Jackson. If you wondering.. Nope, I didn't have to look them up... My memory is just one of those that can recall information from within it's depths.

Middle Finger... Why you do that though? Is there a purpose?

Indeed. There is always a method to my madness. Each power move is calculated, recalculated, and then finally put it play. I love strategery...

I just wanted to do that because I wanted to. I love Sam Jackson. He's a jack of all trades... He can be funny, serious, dramatic, and he's also the HIGHEST grossing actor(as far as films starred in Revenue) of all time. Did you know that Samuel L used to be on drugs? Yes sir. Mr #1 of the silver screen used to be a junkie. The lowest of the Low. The people you look at and scrunchy up your nose and be like, "Ewwwww".

Just goes to show you, it's not where you start.. but where you finish.

I always thought about being an actor growing up.... But you know what, I wouldn't be very good. It would be a difficult transition from one role to the next. To put on different faces at different times and live in an exsistance of Make believe so to speak.

I like being me too much. I like being real a great deal. ALL MY REAL PEOPLE... I KNOW YOU FEEL ME. WE AREN'T FOR EVERYONE, WE'RE AN ACQUIRED TASTE.

It seems lately, though, the middle finger has been looked at as revvin' up his A** hole engine to about 8000 RPM's. I don't believe that's the case.. Hell I've been the exact same. Like the Jigga song... I NEVA CHANGE...

Yes, he's the guy who brought you, Going Over The Mountain... and Stay Connected, and many other positive, feel good, inspirational blogs. I encourage you to go back and read those if you have not and even if you have, just go read them again.

He's also the guy who's brutally honest and blunt. He doesn't like to sugarcoat it because sometimes you just have to have someone give it to you RAW. Like Yo, "You F**** up" or "That's probably one of the dumbest things I've heard."

I've been told on numerous occasions that it's not what you say... but rather how I say it. I say it how it needs to be said. They're the same words. Whether I'm nice about it or straight to the got damn point. Either way with me, you're going to get the same message.

If you think I act as if I'm a know it all, you what, I don't give a shyt. I'm not, nor do I claim to be. The only reason that I have the level of reasoning that I own is that I have F'd up so often that there was no other choice for me but to learn, adapt, retain, and distribute that information back out to help someone else. Hov didn't tell you to sell drugs... he did that, so hopefully you didn't have to go thru that.

I had a status that said, MY INNER CIRCLE IS MATHETMATICALLY PERFECT, SO I KNOW THAT THEY WILL ALWAYS BE (A)ROUND. I mean that shyt... I love my homeboys. I don't have a great deal of them, but I know that they are rock solid, stand up guys. I care about what they think... Not to the point of changing who I am because Dav has to play the role given to him by the Almighty and use the talents he was blessed with to form his piece of VOLTRON, but these are the cats who I opinion I hold in high regard.

Other than them, and my family, I'm good. F' ya. You ain't GOTTA LIKE ME. What you eat don't make me ISH. I've walked this earth DOLO, like KWY-CHANG- CAIN( dude from the old movie KUNG FU) for upwards of 30 years... What type of idiot would I be to let how someone feels about me derail me from who I am?

I don't apologize for anything I've said in the aspect of it being TRUTH. It's funny to me to see people act one way, when you know really, they ain't always like that... Why? Cuz you've seen them away from the Flashing lights and others.

Wanna get to know a person... GET THEM AWAY FROM ANYONE ELSE... and that person will show you who they truly are, regardless of how many masks that they may wear. It's an innate human function. In the end... You will be who you are. If that's a closet freak who likes to get busy.. Then that's what's gonna come out. If it's a person with fake confidence but really they are afraid of what everyone thinks and how they look... then that will come out. Defense mechanisms, Escapism, it's all a tool developed to keep from dealing with what is real within oneself.

I was up last night fighting sleep, talking to two ladies... both asking me advice on two different things. Yeah, that's me. The A** stayed up to make sure that he could help two people whom he's never met in person have a different level of perspective put on their situations. Why? Because I could. Because they asked, and Because I believed that I could help them. They both said that I did, and I went to bed with a smile. Ya boy did good.

If you asked them... I didn't sugarcoat it... I told them straight up the situation. One struggled to make a decision on her future and is not used to dealing with issues of a certain magnitude all at once like she has been forced to. The other broke a cardinal rule in JUMPOFFDOM, and caught feelings for the jumpoff but now ish has changed and she has a choice to make. Give up the jumpoff and keep it moving but not have anyone to have sex with for a while... or stay in it and probably continue to feel more confused and allow him to keep having his Cake and eating it too.

That's all life boils down to is choices. I choose to be how I am because it fits me. I'm the agitator... I'm the Devil's Advocate.. I'm the 1 % in the the perfect harmony of your own individual Matrix. I can't be the type of person to smile in your face and talk about you behind your back and then have the gall to hang out with you when we hit the town... And that happens a GREAT deal. I know because I've had the conversations with many of people. Funny what people are willing to tell you if you just listen and ask... Stroke their ego a little bit... and boom. ALICIA KEYS STOPS singing in the background because your "SECRETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSSSSS are NOT SAFE WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

Don't worry.. . The middle finger doesn't snitch, but I know what I know. I'm able to be trusted. I'm reliable and I'm available with an ear to listen. People may say I'm opinionated, that I'm judgemental, that I'm harsh. I'll take the first and the last. I am those. I don't judge anyone. No where in any blog do you find me going after a specific person. Now, situations and ideas and choices are fair game. Just because I don't excuse someone from making a bad choice or a non power move doesn't mean I view them as a bad person. But Stupid is as Stupid does. I saw the clip from Real Coonery in Atlanta...on DIMEWARS.COM. KANDI is DUMB. SIX kids and 4 baby mommas and you thinking about ending up with him? There is no other way to say it but it being DUMB. You may say it's my opinion, that's fine... It is, but that don't change the fact that it's dumb.

What SELF ASSURED, CONFIDENT, WOMAN, you know, like every single one that you meet and ask them if they are, and they all say YES, would actually believe, under any circumstance that she has the capability to change him or that he is ready to change himself? Who would want to deal with that Stress. The momma was spot on.. ONE BABY MOMMA is hard enough, but FOUR of them??? Then all the children? That's a situation where you just gotta say, "You know what... I gotta pass."

You know I had to take a shot at the Coonery... I know many readers can tell me more about that show and Tiny and Toya than they can tell me who was the first black Supreme Court Justice, What was the outcome of Plessy Vs Ferguson, The Dred Scott case, what was The Grandfather Clause, What is the function of the Trilateral Commison, or the Council on Foreign Relations... But let me close..

Last thing before I end this is that there is a word that I love and it's something that I want in my future wife(if I ever get married).

Starts with a "C". Compassion???? Yes, but that's not the word. Cooperation? Another good one, but still not it? Candygirl? Negro, who are you, Ralph Tresvant?

The word is CONSISTENT. There is no more joy as a man in knowing that your lady is CONSISTENT.... That you can count on her to be who she is, ALL THE TIME. Not one day she's nice, and another she's a Bish, and another she's clueless... Just plain ole Consistency.

One thing I am beginning to stay away from... is the girl who seems to have it all together. The girl who is the princess... the one who knows all the political correct things to say about a man or a relationship, or blazay blazay... The one who has all the options but is by herself. I often step back and evaluate and be like, "Yo, there's gotta be a reason." Usually, it is. I wont name them though because it's a vast number of possibilities.

You know what I love? The broken girl. The one who knows what it's like to have tears in her eyes from her struggles and yet she can still muster enough strength to look up from her Valley and say Thank you, to the SkyChief. The one that KNOWS she doesn't have it all together and doesn't even try to portray that she does... She just wants to live her life the best she can with peace and to find happiness in someone and something before she gives up her ghost. Give me the one who's SHATTERED... Who knows what it's like to be in a million pieces and not know if you have enough glue to put yourself back together.

I'm not looking for the glitzy, prinstine, shiny, girl made of priceless crystal... The one who's never got a blemish on her dress.. or her slip is never showing... The one who in public is the "FIERCEST" (No H*M*) chick walking around, but in private she truly a mess... Nah, that's not for me...Give me the chick with the dress that has the stain on it...the one with her nails not perfectly manicured... the one that can take the punch in the mouth and shake it off and spit out the blood cuz she's a FIGHTER... I want the one that has the callused hands from being in the TRENCHES and knowing the work and the struggle and the WILL POWER it takes to keep digging.

The lady who looks at my problem as OUR problem, and doesn't stand on the sideline, but checks herself into the game to help fix the shyt. The woman who understands, "Yes, there are some people smarter than me... wiser than me, better looking than me, but they can't be a better ME than I can be." The lady who when she doesn't know the answer... she is smart enough to know where to GO TO GET THE ANSWER and is not afraid to do so.

The one who has the TRUE confidence to say, "F what they lips may say about me, because YOUR lips are the ONLY ones that touch me..."

Shyt, I gotta end this cuz yall gettin a free preview of NOVEL material....

I know this blog kinda jumped around, but it's been so long that I didn't really wanna stay on a focused issue... There is something in there for everyone. I'll get my mojo back.

This is the Middle Finger... Telling you, The world is just a stage... and we are all the players... What role will you play? Your true self... or your Representitive?

PS, I"M BACK MUTHA******

STYLIN AND PROFILIN'

2009-06-26T13:54:00.000-07:00

It's been a crazy day... however, it's been one to remember. I lost power this AM and woke up late for work and was so warm that me and Jax was both a lil sweaty. However, I slept thru the storm. Didn't even wake me. Guess I kind of had some peace. Then, Michael Jackson died yesterday, RIP, and everybody and they momma had it in their status. Kudos to yall and the King of Pop.

My partna Calvin had the red jacket and my boy Tywan, BOTH OF THEM ARE ON FACEBOOK, had the Glitter glove and could spin around like nobody else.

LULZ, nah they didn't.. I just wanted to rag on them.

Just stylin a lil bit. Been Profilin too. Changing my profile pics pretty much every week with different shots.. Getting my JON MOORMAN, SHIRT OFF POSE on... Still Coming for you, JON, and we going to Dallas soon to ball outta control. Brandy, I'm on the way next time with Jon so he better get this gig so we can come "SOONER THAN LATER"... one of my favorite Drake songs.

Anyway, while watching the Draft last night(SNORE, I'm going Free Agency to the Orlando Magic to play with Jameer Nelson(who I have been mistaken for, but I'm much more attractive)... I went back and was thinking, "Yo, you ain't blogged in a while... Gotta find some inspiration."

So layin in bed last night I was lookin at my Facebook page and admiring my profile pic(Yes, I'm proud of my hard work... you don't like it, BLAH, Cuz I'm in Polo's and flops) but I was like, "Why did I choose this one." You don't even see my face.. Just my back...and while it is quite LUSCIOUS(yeah, u know it is... u ain't gotta tell me, shhhhhhhh) I have changed it a few times, but I came back to it.

Wow, just got hype because DIAMOND GIRL just came on in my playlist and I did the real hard shoulder shrug(Kara and Sheena know what I mean) Loves this song, and maybe I'll find her soon.

Returning to the pic... Today, was going to be a good day... I keeps it real at the Middle Finger so I'll let you all know that I had fallin behind a lil bit in my finances dealing with house upkeep(running a house on 1 income when it was being ran on two) and fixing ish and making sure that the car I got from my sister to replace the car I allowed my son's mother to take possesion(she was on the loan, long story, big mistake) and take over payments, was up to par.

Pretty much is there...waiting for a small piece to come in 2ma from AutoZone to fix the AC, cuz it been rough since it went out. I made due though...

The reason that today was really suppossed to be good was that I was going to finally drop my mortgage checks for the time that I had fell behind. I mean, it was pouring the last 40-50 days with expenses, but I didnt' get too frustrated. Didnt' get too high, or too low.. I told God, "Just make a way like you always do, I trust You, Lord... but I need You."

Hard work and scrimping and saving doesn't bother me. I can eat the same thing over and over 8 days a week and not be tired of it cuz I'm a picky eater.. So I had to cut back a lil to get back to the top. Had to take out a loan against my 401K and cut back on a lot of luxury items. What was left over, Jax got first dibs and then if there was anything, I'd maybe get that cash..

I was pumped though when I got to work... I called my mortgage company and was planning on apologizing for being a little behind(2 months) but that I was back on track again. Here's the thing that you won't believe and I still don't really believe.

I called them and when I got the automated system, it said, "YOUR ACCOUNT IS CURRENT."

"DO WHAT" I screamed into the phone to the robot voice...

Uh oh, I might have to shout like Dr. Cosby was up in here.... cuz I think you know where I'm going...

I didnt believe it.. How could that be, Nah, I'm behind 2 months, but I got all my bread and for July, I'mma be smooth to get it to you before the 16th when it's due.

Hit back to main menu and rekeyed the info.... "YOUR ACCOUNT IS CURRENT"

Why is Bank of America playin with me???? I'm behind. I know it.

So I talked to the Home Retention dept, because when me and my ex broke up and she split, she wasn't giving me ANYTHING on any bills for the last 2 months she was here so I had to foot the entire ish and I was still having to pay on my car, etc. I ended up getting a Loan Modification and they lowered my interest rate.

When I spoke to the guy, he was like "Mr Davenport, the account is current and your next payment isn't due until July 1st and as long as it's in by the 16th, you're fine."

I was like, "Nah, but playa, u ain't hearin me, I owe for 2 months, there gotta be a mistake."

So he puts me on hold and goes and checks... comes back in 2 minutes and was like, "Mr. Davenport, it's been taken care of." Payment is due on July 1st. I can transfer you to Customer service and they can tell you who did it."

So I get transferred and I talk to the girl in Customer Service...tell her the same situation and was like, "You serious???" Cuz she said the same exact thing. She went to go check why it was paid and then she was like, "Well, it won't tell me that, but I know it's paid." Payment is due July 1st.

I'm like, "Can I get this in writing?" She was like "I can send you another statement stating that you only owe the amount your payment is for July."

Are you sure?? I am like, "WHAT THE HELL is going on????"

She said, "Yes sir."

So I get off the phone and call back Home Retention and was like, "Nah, this ain't right..."

And I got another girl and she was on it... She said the same thing... but she found out the reason... When I did the Modification, when it was approved an adjustment wasnt made to assist me in catching up. Get this, the Collection dept of Bank of America caught it and adjusted it and paid the payment. FOR MAY AND JUNE.

I'm shocked. And like really shocked. They said, "Mr. Davenport, we have it documented that you don't owe a payment until July and you've talked to two people and we have told you this... Here are our names for your reference..."

All I could say was Thank you, JESUS...cuz I was just happy to get back to where I was before my finance trouble hit.

Now, let's get back to the Profile pic... What am I doing???? My arms are outstretched and my head is down . What does it remind you of?

I don't compare myself to HIM, but I was driving back from my lunch and looking at FACEBOOK and saw the picture again and then it hit me....

HE PAID IT ALL.... JESUS paid it all... OH, I know you betta be shoutin right now, cuz I'm about too myself again...

PAID IT ALL...HE HUNG ON THAT CROSS and PAID ALL OUR DEBTS... He took the reward that we deserved, DEATH, and gave us instead, LIFE ETERNAL.

See, I only deserved, in my opinion to get back to where I was and I was thrilled about that... However, GOD, had MORE in store for me...

Nah, Playboy, I heard your prayers, I see you hustlin, I see you sacrificing... and not losing faith.... You ain't about to be back to where you were, I'm PUTTIN YOU AHEAD... Yes, I just shouted.

And when I was pulling into the parking garage to walk back into my building, two tears fell because I got it.

I called my sister after I got off the phone and she shouted.... I'm still in amazement. God knew... I was ready to settle in what I thought I was gonna have, but GOD showed me, Keep your Faith and I'll always take care of your needs.

So, in wake of Michael Jackson and Ferrah Fawcet both passing on, be encouraged that as of today, you have life and as long as you have that... You are ahead of the game.

You may not have much, but what you got, use it, and be thankful and keep your faith and God will take care of you... He always does.

This is the Middle Finger... Happy as he** that I didn't lose faith, and kept looking at my "STACK" instead of my "LACK".

PATIENCE....GRASSHOPPER

2009-06-15T14:20:00.000-07:00

As Father's Day approaches this coming Sunday, I was inspired, well, not inspired but thinking about writing a blog about something that ties into it...However, going back thru the blogs that I have already written, I vaguely touched on being a Father already. However, because this is THE MIDDLE FINGER( and I'm sorry but this song I keep playing with DRAKE and LLOYD, A NIGHT OFF, has me wanting to spoil somebody with kisses and and all kind of other stuff for a special occasion, so I don't know how this is gonna come out) we don't repeat topics.

Did you just re-read that last thing that is inside the parenthesis? I know you did... You ain't slick, Middle Finger knows you by now.... Yes, men do actually do those things when the oppertunity and the right person allow them the permission to do so... Unfortunately, I don't think I'm gonna get permission for the actions I wanna take, but HOT DAYUM, I'd freak the hell outta that song on her. Cuz the Middle Finger knows what to do with it....(Like the song says).

It's difficult because I want to do that soooooooo bad, but alas, It doesn't seem to be in the cards, in my opinion. ... BUT... Who knows, I may get a message with the Disarm codes and then The MIDDLE FINGER may get to RAISE up to DEAFCON 5... LOL. Get ya minds out of the gutters... Okay, I guess I gotta get mine out first. There, I just did it. But I'mma play this song one more time and then visualize all my spontaneous moves and counter moves, cuz the Middle Finger plays a STIMULATING game of Chess with ya body that ya man probably won't take the time to do...CHECKMATE!!!!!!!

Okay, Okay, Okay..... I gotta get you to refocus with me because I don't want you to miss this message and I can't be passing on the enlightenment that is bestowed upon me as get kinda, well, You know... .. YEAH.

Whew, had to get that out of my system... But I want it..... I WANT IT, I WANT IT, I DESERVE IT, WHY AIN'T IT GONNA HAPPEN? UGH, I'M SO FRUSTRATED... I'M SURE THAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE PROBABLY FREAKIN THAT SONG(probably not, and not like I would, but saying that for dramatic effect and to prove a point)... I GOT TO DO IT BEFORE WITH SOMEONE ELSE(another example) BUT I WANT TO DO IT WITH HER.... LOOK @ HIM??? DUDE OVER THERE....DAMN, HE LOOK LIKE HE'S SPOILING HIS CHICK(I'm better at it) WITH ALL KINDS OF AFFECTION... I WANNA BREAK SOMETHING BECAUSE IT'S NOT FAIR. I'M ME.... I AM SPECIAL... WHY CAN I NOT GET EVERYTHING I WANT, WHEN I WANT IT? SHE GOT IT... 20 OTHER PEOPLE GOT IT, BUT I DIDN'T GET MINE. THE WORLD'S F'D UP CUZ OF THAT.....

Now, there was a reason I wrote that last paragraph...Ever had thoughts like that?? Said similar words like that in other situations?? I'm sure you have, even if you wanna admit it because we know this is the INTERNET and we ALL have it together don't we? As I went on in those first few paragraphs... and yes, that is a real situation... but I just couldn't let it go. Why you ask??? Because I desire it. Part of me feels that I need it. That my energy craves it... but it's not up to me. I'll say it again... It's not up to me. However, even if I don't get to show that particular person how it feels to have my mouth gently move like a BISHOP and ROOK(Chess pieces) all over her mid-section... eventually, there will be someone who I feel the same way about and probably will end up showering her with that affection.

The point I'm trying to make is something that many Granny's and Momma's have told you and I since we hit our grown up years as we begin to accumlate different types of thing..... "What God has for you, is for You." So why stress? Seriously? I know it's easier said than done but why Stress about what someone else gets or someone else has that you don't have? Why do we always look at our "lack" instead of our "stack"? True, it's difficult at times to see people constantly reach a level that you are trying to obtain, especially when you don't believe that they are as talented as you are, or have worked nearly as hard as you have or struggled nearly as long as you may have. They may be blowing money on IPHONE's and Kanyeezy shoes and you may have to hit up the Check Advance place to make sure that you have enough cash to make all the payments on time...

You know what??? It's how it is... and complaining, or whining, or crying or envying ain't gonna do NUTHIN in terms of an aspect of getting you to where YOU wanna be. Everybody at your job may have got that RAISE, and even if they only got 3 percent and you didn't get anything.... You know what... It sux, but at least you still got a job. At least you not at Sixth and Cedar at the UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE, standing in line wondering if they gonna get you together...(No offense to ANYONE who has to deal with that right now because you wont be like that forever).. We should all really take the time to mediate on that phrase that we've been schooled on by our loved ones... WHAT GOD HAS FOR ME, IS FOR ME.

Deep down, I think we really all understand it but I don't think that we always wanna go thru the tough times that we occasionally have to endure to get our reward. God promised to supply our NEEDS... Not our WANTS. You may WANT new Jimmy Choo's, but right now, you gotta rock what is already in your closet. You may want a new SUV truck but right now, you gotta drive your Honda Civic. You may want a HOUSE and a yard, but right now, You gotta reside in your Apartment... or even your momma's house.

One thing I've learned about God over my years is that.... GOD KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING. FROM EVERLASTING TO EVERLASTING is a LONG TIME, so I'm sure that the ALMIGHTY has had plenty of Practice getting people together. Think back to Bible Stories... It's full of them. JOSEPH... who's brothers sold him into slavery and was out KICKING it while Joseph was locked up...It was while JOSEPH was in that jail that he began to interpret dreams...and long story short, In the end, the Brothers who sold Joseph, bowed before him. Think of the Virgin Mary.... and being pregnant by the Holy Spirit.... Imagine her thinking??? "Why I gotta do this?" "Why do I have to endure this??? Everyone knows that I haven't been with my future husband who I am engaged to, but yet here I stand pregnant. They gonna think I'mma ho." You know how that story goes.... She gave birth to the savior of the world. See, That was FOR her.

That's the plan GOD had laid out for her since she was first thought of. And think about the person who wrote more of the NEW TESTAMENT than ANYONE.... PAUL the APOSTLE. Think about PAUL and how he started off KILLING and MURDERING Christians... Only to be given the task to push the message and name of JESUS further than anyone in the BIBLE. Think about that. THINK OF THAT RADICAL effect. It wouldn't be as spectacular of a testimony to the power of GOD if it was someone who was always put on that path. Again, that was what GOD had in store for PAUL. Even in the midst of his struggles and the killing and slaying, GOD had him right where HE wanted him to be.

There are countless other stories. The MIDDLE FINGER knows how it is... Yeah, I wanna ride BIG BODY BENZ, huh???(HOT BOYZ CD INTERLUDE) but right now I ain't. I'm thankful though... I have a car. It is Mine and it's making it to and from work and to and from getting JAX VEGAS every day. I want a huge house, like Tpain...(man, his house is LAID, cuz I saw it on Cribs and was like, "T-pain can me and Jackson come ova???") but right now I don't got it. I have a house and a roof that's over my head and my air works... and my Power is on.... and the Windows work and the ROOF doesn't leak ( thank you Jesus) when it rains... I eventually want to be with someone long term... It's hard at times being alone as much as I am. Not really connecting with anyone on some serious progression ISH long term...

I've been the type that scrolled through the phone at night.... Listening to the LOVE BELOW and VIBRATE( LOL @ Nard)... but I haven't been into that in so long that I ain't really trying to go back... Sure, I'd like her like 2 weeks ago, but again... What God has for me is for Me. I have a lot of female friends who are incredible to conversate and talk with about many subjects... To laugh and joke and cut up with... So I'm not doing too too bad. I'll get what God wants me to get when I am ready. Not because I think it's owed to me, or that I deserve it, or that because other people have it and so should I but because there is a level that I have to get to myself, so that I can show Him that I can handle how he REALLY wants to bless me.

We live in a MICROWAVE popcorn society... We wanna be able to throw the bag in, push a button and get what we want...ASAP. In closing... think deeper on that bag of popcorn. On most Microwaves, isn't there a preset button for POPCORN? So doesn't that mean that it is ALREADY programmed in when the BAG is going to be ready to be enjoyed? How much heat and power is gonna be used to maximize the unpopped popcorn to get a FULL BAG?

If you don't use the button and say you don't know how long the button's time is and you put it on for TOO long what happens? The popcorn burns. If you put it on for too short of a time, what occurs? Yep, not all the popcorn gets popped and you lose a lot of the bag to waste. Mediate.... You are the Bag... If you wait too long, you'll ruin your blessing.... If you want it too fast, you will WASTE it. But be thankful and rejoice that GOD has already had a PRESET button ready for your life... and when YOU are done popping.... I promise you, if you TRUST in HIM...Your bag will ALWAYS be full. Might not be FULL of Hundeds and Twenty's.... But it will be Full.

THIS IS THE MIDDLE FINGER, HOPING THAT AT LEAST ONE PERSON WAS REMINDED OF SOMETHING THEY NEEDED TO HEAR....

PS WATCH THE VIDEO OF THE SONG I'M JAMMIN LATELY.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1C0GFJHADgs

EYE OF THE STORM....

2009-06-10T17:48:00.001-07:00

Growing up... all I wanted to ever do was play in the rain....

Fully Grown, now it seems... in life, I remain in the pain...

Ain't changing the game..driving a Range...damn... sometimes it 's sooo tuff..

In the eye of the storm...outside of da norm...why these winds be blowin' so ruff

This is no bluff.. lookin down at the hand I'm holdin'.... it's not great... Cuz I'm....poker faced in

dispair.... with a.... small pair, and the dealer just flopped a "nut straight"...

Damn !!!!!

That was just a freestyle that I made up for this blog.. Me and my boy, French, was flowing to J Dilla this past weekend, to one of the illest beats I've heard from the Late, Great, Producer... Glamour Sho(75)... and if he's reading this... which I'm sure he is... French knows that was was getting grimy on the beat like we already had a deal. I was reminded of how much I got love for my homeboys...seriously. We have been together as a crew since we was like 3-4 years old and that's all the way 100 honest. I mean, we all went to the same daycare together... We rep the same area of town we grew up in, MECHANICSVILLE, (OB, Baby)... we've been in fights together, we've been in fights with other people... we stood up to the neighborhood bullies who tried to pick on us, we laughed at the haters who were jealous of our bond...

We've experienced the death of my parents, the birth of my and Calvin, and Jon's and Mason's sons. The death of Jon's first son, the death of Mason's father...and a lot more. True Friends.... aren't easy to come by and while I type this listening to "BE ALRIGHT" by my favorite group, Foreign Exchange(yes, I'mma always plug these guys) I'm smiling. My favorite MC in the world currently, PHONTE, of Little Brother and lead vocalist and Spitta of Foreign Exchange, talks on the intro, and this is why I love Phonte and believe he is truly gifted as an artist... Everytime he spits... I feel exactly what he's saying... It's no wonder this album is called, "CONNECTED" because it connects to me... Super Producer, NICOLAY(Betta Man from the Netherlands) is the other half of the group and his creativity and amazing ear, and imagination on the boards, embraces Phonte's words with the strength of an old school box style Lincoln town car...( I used to drive one and it was like a tank...French, remember when I ran into the pole at Headliners when we was buttered off Jimmy Beam???).

I love that album, and when I first heard Be Alright.... It hit me like, "Oh Snap... I gotta hear that again, and again, and again.." I think I played it like 5 times in a row before I went to the next song...

On the intro, Phonte says.... "

I know, I know how it can be somtimes...youknowwhatImsayin??? When you feel like, youknowhwhatImsayin...like, you know when you feel like it's nobody you can turn to...or when it's, shyt starts getting real out here... I know how it is man... We can identify with that shyt for real....Since yall know it's going to be okay...yaknowImmean??? It's goin be alright.... TROUBLE DONT LAST ALWAYS...Ya Mean?"

SideBar-----Then he spits one of his classic verses... I mean... I am including the link to the video... WATCH IT. This is from like 2004 and it's so much better than the bullshyt out today...

It's that last part, the trouble don't last always, that perked my ears up the first time I heard it and it became stored away in my mental roledex to be contacted at a later date....The later date was today. It's something that people say, in many different forms and connotations, but the utter and simple truth is that it's exactly right... Trouble don't always last. However, knowing that the end of the storm will eventually come.... doesn't always comfort you when you are within those winds... Remember when the disciples were with Jesus on the boat and they were all of a sudden awakened by a massive storm..where the winds and water were crashing upon their small vessel and they were all afraid and worried..and Jesus was in sleepy land, thinking about feeding the 5,000 and cheesin' like he was going to get the last piece of chicken and cornbread from Grandma's house??? I'm sure you do...

Can you recall what Jesus said???? 5 seconds....I'm going to have to know if that's your final answer???? LOL... Well, I'm sure many of you do...at least you know the part of the statement which is what he said to the storm.... "Peace, Be still." It's something about what he said..AFTER he calmed the winds and the waves that is on my mind... "Why were you afraid... Where is your faith?" In virtually every aspect of our exsistence, and some point, we will have storms... Now, I know you remember the blog, OVER THE MOUNTAIN??? Yeah, I liked that one too... but this is a wee bit different. See, in OVER THE MOUNTAIN, I wanted to express the actual movement toward a goal... toward the completion of a task...Toward growth in both your mind and your spirit.

Over the mountain was about YOU moving..... Eye of the storm is written to remind you about GOD moving. My sister...man... She's incredible.... I love her so much...She's held me down since I was a small, big headed, nappy headed, buck tooth, lil boy to now that I've grown into a fine, sexy, piece of visual stimulation... (Don't hate...you lucky you ain't seen the new pics and videos of the workouts..) But back to my sister.... I wouldn't trade her for the entire world... and she knows how I am.... Brandon is a super duper thinker and she even tells me, "As smart as you are... how come you struggle to remember the simple lessons we was taught growing up..." She knows me... I always think within a storm... Worst case Scenario... and I try to cut things off at the pass, often to my own demise because I think that I'm talented enough, and smart enough to do it... Time and time again, she reminds me as well as life reminds me.... I am not.

I'm in a mini storm right now...dealing with some iddish that I'm sure many of you probably can relate to. Relationships with certain people, thoughts of financial comfort, future aspects of things...etc. But it's this verse that I awoke with on my heart after my sister was sending me a series of text messages last night reminding me not to be discouraged. I have to ask myself from time to time... Where is my faith? See, like the disciples, I rip and run and try to stop the water from coming into my own personal boat...

I attempt to keep the winds from blowing my sails away... but to no avail, my efforts go in vain... If you are like me, then it is within the storm that you have to seek the answer as to why.. It's because there are times where God wants you to move....and there are times where He wants you to "BE STILL." It's much easier, In my humble opinion, to move rather than be still. Because when you are still, it reminds you just how little control you really have over your own life in many situations.

I couldn't control the fact my Water Heater busted a few weeks ago... but it did. That's part of life... Things occur. Luckily, I had the money to get it repaired, even if it did set me back a little bit. The belt on my car broke...and now I'm without my ride until probably Friday...and at first I was pissed and agitated and angry because it seems like it's one thing after another. Like you only get ahead to shortly be kicked right back to where you were.... Like you just won a big hand at poker only to get caught in a bluff with a small pair and the dealer has a "nut straight" When it seems like the harder you push, the more you grind, the faster you sink into the quicksand...the more problems and pitfalls you accumulate...the more you wail and flap your arms in the water... the faster you sink... It's those times, where you have to know... It's not the season for you to go over the mountain.... It's time for you to Be Still.

To open your ears... To listen, to shut off your fear and worry and apprehension and remember to take God at His word. To remember who He is and that He is bigger than your storm. The Disciples, after Jesus spoke and calmed the winds, were amazed....and they whispered amongst each other... "Who is this man that even the winds obey him?" No matter how much you prepare, or how much you plan, or panic, Storms are going to come...and when they do, remember where to go and what to do... When you are in your storm....and your behind on your rent, and your car payment is late...or you are struggling to find a job, or struggling with your own inner issues, and you feel as if the winds are blowing too hard and that there is no end to the raging Waves that crash all around you, and your boat is rocking to and fro....take a deep breath. Remember, as a believer, who you belong to...

Remember the promises, and clutch onto them with all the life you have in you.... My friends, if the storm flattens you to the ground...remember... All you need is the strength to get to your knees...and once you are there... Remember... Peace is there for you, if you remember to Be Still. I know you have so much that relies on you, so many that depend on you, but remember... Be Still.... Your kids are having issues and you are struggling to find out what and why... Be still. People are turning their backs on you and hating on you.... Be Still. Bills are due and you may not know if you going to have all the money to pay them.... Be Still and let God do what He does...Return the raging waters of your life back into Calm seas.

This is the Middle Finger..... Being Still.... cuz actually, It's the only move I got left.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kD0zoziotU0&feature=PlayList&p=E7A19862939DC265&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=6

AND WITH THE FIRST PICK IN THE N.B.A. DRAFT.....

2009-06-03T18:13:00.000-07:00

It's June.... and you know what that means for all the basketball junkies in the world... .Two things... First, the NBA Finals will be taking place and Second, THE NBA DRAFT. I haven't missed a first round of a NBA draft in at least the last five years. I follow it starting about the end of March and read reports and scouting information on all the top athletes and what team is looking for what and so on. You know, the draft has changed so much since when it was first implemented all those many years ago.

In the earlier times, teams would select players based on their immediate impact. Teams wanted someone to come in and play right away and make things happen.. They wanted PRODUCTION for their investment in a high draft pick. A college senior who may have just went to a Final Four or even won a National Championship... a proven winner. Flash Forward to about the last 7-8 years and that sentiment has changed and done a complete 180. ( I hate when people F*** up and say 360, if you did a 360, you'd be right back where you started...The correct term is 180 so don't F*** it up anymore. )

Now, NBA teams draft on what they call "upside".... or to put it in simpler terms, POTENTIAL. Potential has taken the place of production on draft night.... and with NBA salaries being worth Millions of dollars to get one of the 30 First Round Selections( Money is not guaranteed if you aren't drafted in 1st round for all those who didn't know.) it's amazing to see how many teams are willing to shell out money and draft a kid who may be athletic but still learning how to play the game over someone who has proven himself over and over again.

You may be saying: "Yo, Middle Finger... that doesn't make sense to me... Why would someone do that... Ain't they trying to win?"

To that I reply: "I mean... Pssssssst ( sound effects with my mouth as I shrug my shoulders... take a second and visualize me doing that) I have no clue for real. People do things all the time to fit their own needs and that doesn't always require making much sense to anyone other than themselves. I guess, Reader(that's you), they have they reasons. AND, I really don't know.

I know how the draft works.. Teams pick based on needs...both Current and Future.... You may not need a Center,(NORMALLY THE TALL GUY)... but say you pick #16 and there was a kid who was pegged to go in the top 5 and for some reason he didn't and kept dropping and dropping and here you are with the #16 pick thinking you were going to get a good player Who you need, but now you have a shot for a GREAT player, that you really don't need. What do you do? I titled this blog, "And with the first pick in the N.B.A draft...." for two reasons... One, that's what David Stern says at the beginning of the first round each year.. (He's the lil white dude who runs the league...man, there always seems to be a lil white dude running something, don't it? No offense to white readers... Middle Finger loves yall.) and two, notice the periods between each letter of N.B.A.

I didn't mean National Basketball Association in my title.... I am saying the N.B.A. as in the "NEVER BEING ALONE" draft. Let that marinate.... like a freshly cut T-Bone that you about to throw on the Grill.... is it flashing back thru your head yet??? The initial paragraphs? Is it taking shape?? Good... Peel away the layers... and focus your eyes on visualizing the final product. Do you know people like that??? Maybe you are one. The kind of people who can NEVER BE ALONE... So much so that they seem to undervalue their draft picks in the important aspect of dating and interaction. I used to struggle with this in my earlier days... THE BJ days... Before Jackson...as I have broken my life down into two parts, BJ and AJ. Ten bonus points for the smart person who can guess what the "AJ" stands for.

One of my favorite rappers, COMMON, has what I've called "A perfect song." Meaning that the lyrics and the beat just seem to mesh and join in every possible way... The Song is called, "Ghetto Heaven" here is one of his verses....

"Love, your happiness dont begin with a man Strong woman, so why should you depend on a man

I understand you want a man thats resourceful..If he pay your bills, he feel like he bought you

Talkin to a friend, about what love is...Her man didnt love her, cuz he didnt love his

Hugged her from afar, said what I felt...You never find a man, till you find yourself

Time helps mistakes, you can learn from...Cuz ONE MAN fucked up MEN you shouldnt turn from

You want a certain type of guy, gotta reach a certain point too.....At the destination, a king will annoint you <-----( MY FAVORITE LINE)

Goin through the storm, MANY BODIES SEEM WARM

That relationship died, for you to be born, you worth more

Than anything you could cop in a store

For you to GROW he had to GO so what you stoppin him for <-------(MESSAGE)

Not even I could ignore being alone its hard

Find heaven in yourself and god."

Man, you just don't know how LONG I've been waiting to use that verse in a blog... I've tried before... but I just couldn't make it fit.... I think in this blog... It's just right...Mary J, and Keyshia Cole ain't the only ones you wanna listen to to get some type aspect on relationships in music... cuz COMMON just crushed it right there...I promise you, if you can get what he said and let it get down in you... You'll be good to go.

Although Com's verse was directed towards Females.... It applies to males the same way.... It's UNIVERSAL.... That GOING THROUGH THE STORM line.... I know EVERY SINGLE PERSON READING THIS CAN RELATE...except Juanita Bynum Jr... and she knows who she is.... LOL...
The reason I tied the NBA draft with the N.B.A. draft is because we tend to do it the same way. We tend to look for mates or possible mates, often based on potential rather than production. I'm not saying one way is better than the other because deep down, I think everyone has an idea of what they want and don't want and what they can and cannot put up with.

Just like in the NBA draft... selecting someone that you wish to get to know on a deeper level of connection is a crap shoot. There have been #1 picks in the NBA draft ( a spot normally reserved for the best overall player) who have been complete and utter BUSTS. Michael Olawakandi (yall remember him, my dudes) was AWFUL, but he was 7 feet 2 inches Went #1 overall to the CLIPPERS... There have been guys who were dropped all the way into the second round, Gilbert Arenas and Rashard Lewis( Lewis is playing for the NBA CHAMPIONSHIP) and they were overlooked by every team at least ONCE, only to both become All Stars and have major NBA contracts. Arenas makes about 80 million, Lewis, 119 million.

Not bad for two guys who NBA teams didn't think were good enough to get chosen in the first round.... Oh yeah, Olawakandi now works at Target in Hawaii... Or so I heard, I just know that he's no longer in the NBA cuz he was flat out AWFUL.

So what you trying to say Middle Finger????

That I want you to be careful and cautious when you are making your pick.... Understand what the pro's and con's are. If you are going to draft on potential...the set a time limit on how long you are willing to wait to see the potential turned into production. Don't draft a guy based on you thinking that he's going to be something and then five years later, he's only inched 2 centimeters closer to his GED.

See the signs.. Constant promises about "Doing this" or "Getting this done" or " I'mma change" , but nothing ever gets done or changes... There is a high probability that you have drafted a bust. Most men, and use the term, "MEN" lightly because many real men are either losing faith in our sisters and turning red states blue( switching races) or they just won't commit because they don't think it's the right time. So the Sisters's pickens are gettin what they call, "Slimmer".

With this, creates a down turn in the quality of men being produced to lead households of familes into years of prosperity.

I'm really trying to say don't settle. Now, on the flip side, don't be unrealistic and demand outlandish shit and think that everyone of your demands should and must be met because you think you are a Queen. I doubt any of yall is related to Cleopatra, Nefertiti, Elizabeth, Latifah, Queen of the Damned (AALIYAH's last movie)...Queen Bee( damn her face is messed up) and any other Queen I may have over looked.

The Middle Finger wants you to know, it's okay to be alone. It's okay to take your time and choose wisely. To study your potential draft pick before you give yourself the OK to make the deal.

Nothing hurts me more than to see people unhappy with another person just because they don't wanna be unhappy by themselves.... Like someone is going to look at you like you are a LEPER because you are single and have been for a while. AINT NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU... I promise. NOTHING at all... .Unless, well, there really is something wrong with you and then you outta my ability to assist you.

Don't make excuses as I did.... Knowing I shoulda left long before I did because of not wanting to leave my son behind... That was my crutch. I hated where I was in my last relationship, but I hated the Idea of not seein Jax daily much more. If I could go back in time and do it over again, I woulda been out, got my same lawyer, and got the same deal as I do now in which I get my son everyday.

I know it ain't always easy because of finances, and other obstacles, but I'd rather be ALONE and happy than with someone and miserable. Don't be fooled into thinking that you can't make it without that person... or if you have a child or two... that you have to settle.... Now, being a parent.... I'm there with my other parents... but If you got more than two baby daddies...Well, hmmmm, You probably are going to have to look a little harder... PRAY A LOT MORE....because you require a great deal of understanding and assitance and if the guy you with ain't already part of a brady bunch, you're asking him to accept alot of responsibility that he didn't create. Same way for any guys who may read this and you got multiple Baby Mommas... it may be easier for you to find someone, but still, same principles apply.

I've said it once before..... "NEVER MAKE SOMEONE A PRIORITY, WHEN THEY HAVE THE ABILITY TO MAKE YOU AN OPTION."

So before you jump into that next relationship... Breathe, Stretch, Shake( LOL, I just wanted to give a reference to MASE)

Be wise...make choices that are good for both parties... Think, "Would we have a good future together based on our strengths and weaknesses" and not, "He/She's fine and they like me." and don't cement anything until you get some of your questions answered. Give yourself a chance to find someone to make you happy. Happy, that's a word everyone needs to experience. Happiness.

This is The MIDDLE FINGER...saying that Derek Fisher still sux, Go KOBE and the Lake Show....and you should probably read this blog and the last one again..... Just cuz you should.

UN SONADOR DIFERIDO

2009-05-28T17:10:00.000-07:00

It's been such a long time since I've been behind this keyboard with the intention to create something that was worth being brought into the realm of reality... Over the past 30 days, so much has gone on, gone up, gone down, gone out in my life. Mi Vida Loca.

Earlier this morning I had a thought cross my mind as I swerved in an out of traffic on Cane Run Rd. and looking in the rearview mirror at my pride and joy still sleep from the previous night, to drop him to his mother, and I asked myself, "Do you still believe in love?"

You may say, "Middle Finger, you talk to yourself?"

To that I answer, "Yep, it's one of the only way that I know I'm going to have Stimulating, intelligent, conversation."

I really don't know why I was having this conversation with myself cuz I was really trying to get to Kroger's before work because they have Caramel Popcorn flavored Rice Cakes on sale for a dollar and I was about to have them on smash down at the job... Cuz Baby, they the best, baby they the best, baby they the best, baby they the best, they the best I ever Smashed, Best I ever Smashed, Best I ever smashed, Best I ever smashed.... Yep, I ate the whole bag.

I love them. Love 'em, Love 'em, Love 'Em. You know what, I love Diet Cherry 7up too, with the Antioxidants included. Whoever thought of that shit... is cool with me.

Okay... I got a lil distracted.. Love can do that too you. It can take you in a thousand directions at once while your feet stand still on the ground. It can sustain you in the desert with no water for miles and miles and yet, you can get by on it.

If you're lucky enough, you'll get to experience the true essence of what the word really is.

I've always been a fan of the early GREEK philosphers, and no, I don't mean some Alpha or Kappa, or Delta, or Zeta or AKA(even though I'm kinda partial to them ;)

As a kid, Socrates, Plato and Aristotle were all able to fascinate me. See, my first love was not a girl.... wasn't the basketball, was not some athlete on the TV I was trying to emulate... It was THOUGHT.

People hated for me to come around during a discussion at an early age because I would always have tons of questions... "What If...." "Why is...." "How come...." And over my three decades I have acquired quite a bit of knowledge from many numerous sources on my different topics...except one..... LOVE.

It is because Love is something that cannot be described in mere words. It is truly something that one must experience on different levels... In the Greek, there is Agape, Eros, and Philia. Each of these forms a different aspect of love depending on what translation you read on.

Eros is where Erotic is derived from. It's a sexual type of love. Based on Sensuality, arousal, excitment, etc.

Philia is more of the love you have for your brother or sister, (non related).

The love that I really like to focus on is AGAPE. I love what C.S. Lewis said in his book, The Four Loves, about Agape... he called it

"the highest level of love known to humanity—a selfless love, a love that was passionately committed to the well-being of the other."

In mediation on this, it makes one ponder why it is such a struggle to love in this way. Why do we love with conditions?

One of my favorite movies of ALL TIME, CITIZEN KANE(watch that joint) directed by ORSON WELLES, has a scene where the main character has an interaction with one of his friends and they discuss love Kane's so called love of the people(he ran for Governor)

Jedidah--- "You don't care about anything except you... You just wanna persuade the people that you love them so much that they outta love you back, but you want love on your OWN TERMS, something to be played your way according to your rules..."

Kane... "A toast then, Jedidah, to love on my terms... that is the only terms anybody ever knows... his own."

I first watched this movie in college... and that line Kane said has rang within my mind for over 10 years... "That is the only term anybody ever knows... His Own.

As much as it pains me to say this... Kane was correct. People do seem to only love on their own terms... Sure, they can P.C. it up and say all the proper things like they was trying to do an OBAMA sound bite, but when it comes to practical application of Loving in the real world.... We seem to love, based on the condition of what suits us.

In that rather long thread on my page today... I asked people what they thought of love truly being able to conquer all or was it rather just a nice thing to say.

I had some people on both sides of the spectrum... but I was torn....The skeptical cynic in me knows what I know about people and how we have the tendency to revert back to being selfish instead of selfless in times of turmoil and conflict within our relationships.

However, I know someone who loves to accessorize, and she often wears numerous bracelets... I've counted anywhere from 6-9 at one time... and there is one that is engraved with a word tht makes me smile everytime I see it.... the word.... "DREAMER"

The Dreamer in me has always longed to believe that the aspect of love, in the Greek terms of both AGAPE and EROS, with the belief that if you could combine the two... then you will have something amazing. I never believed it was attainable because of my cynicism but now i have to ask myself... why not? Why are we afraid to love someone else on a plane that is undescribable with words?

As death comes for us all and in the reflection of that certainty... I think we should dream more. Dream that we can shape and mold ourselves into vessels that could easily exhibit a type of adoration and pleasure, and promise, that we deny ourselves and others because it would force us to come out of our box... To take chances, to risk being hurt and rejected.... to have that love returned voided and unfullfilled..

We have became a people of no risks.... of playing it safe when our hearts are on the line because we don't wanna look foolish like Ashanti in the rain in some too small high heels, not being able to dance worth a damn. "Awe baby...."

There is a conciousness that we as humans have not obtained yet.... To love with more then our minds... or Dick's, or Vagina's... but to love from our essence.... from our inner most core a force that radiates, that reverberates....and moves through lifetimes and generations echoing the simplistic aspect of love that God had in mind for us.... To love... With Freedom.

Excuse my French... but I want someone that I can love the "phuck out of." Not sexual, but just someone who I can just be so engulfed in, so saturated by that in her lowest, unsexiest, unappealing moment, I'd cry out for her touch, her voice... her energy, her scent, to inhale her just as I would on her best day.

Someone that I can love so deeply that if she's broken, then I'll shatter myself into a thousand pieces so that she's not broken alone...

That's the love that the DREAMER in me has gotta have before I die and transition from this life into the next.... If I have to crawl, on my hands and knees to it. Cry out to God for it... Fast in the wilderness for Forty Days, tempted for it... It's what I'm willing to do. That is God's greatest gift to us outside of HIS SON.... To love as He loves us... For, beloved, all that I have listed... Is far less than what God is willing to do to show us AGAPE...

Imagine if we shake off our chains, unloose society's hold on our minds and hearts, and forget our fears... and embrace that type of love.... Imagine what we could do.

This is THE MIDDLE FINGER.... Wondering where all my DREAMERS are, trying to reach you t help begin a change in not only ourselves but in the world...... But yall don't hear me though.

HELP ME....HELP YOU.

2009-04-21T03:40:00.000-07:00

The Middle Finger is thankful for all of it's readers. Because of that... We decided to take a request for a topic of a blog.

While I've never read Steve Harvey's book, I do know that he has an awful hairline and his bald head scares young children. However, his book "Think Like a Man, but Live like a Lady" is like the new new craze sweeping females across the nation. *SIGH* I'm sorry... but the Middle Finger must "style" real quick. Why women continue to be manipulated and marketed to and constantly fall for it is beyond me.Some of ya'll will buy ANYTHING that claims to have answers or advice or claims it can improve your weight...your appearance..etc

As a man with a degree in Business(another in Literature and yeah I'm still stylin') you are taught everything from Marketing, Finance(my degree's focus), Business Ethics, Macro and Microeconomics as well as a slew of other classes. The largest group of consumers in America may not be who you think. It is Women, age 18-36... Or at least it was the last time I checked. Maybe it has changed, but since the Middle Finger aint about to check the net... We gonna go with what I said. Have I led you wrong yet? Didn't think so.

People have told me... "Yo, Middle Finger... you needs to write a book. You got skillz".

To this I reply, "Yeah, but it's hard baby when i gotta pay this house note and this car note and make sure that the fridge is stocked and still find time to coach these kids."

However, If I did write a book, it would be called "The Business Side of Love". Pretty much every business class I've mentioned can be translated into an aspect of how people interact in a relationship. You've got your MARKETING....(how we represent outselves to others to make who we are "Stand Out"), ....FINANCE...(how we monetarily maintain or possibly provide a lifestyle for ourselves and potential future mates)...ETHICS....( what our morals and values are and how they effect and affect the way we view certain things of importance in these relationships),.. MACROECONOMICS...(how our behavior in these relationships determine our interactions with EVERYONE in our lives) and MICROECONOMICS..(how our behaviors in these relationships determine how we interact with ourselves.)

"Damn, Middle Finger,.... I ain't never thought of it that way, you just broke it all down and I see it."

That was the point. That's why I write how I do. So you can't misunderstand what I say... That's how I like to be shown direction... Show me to how I can't misunderstand.

Just like with Steve's book... Or any book that tells YOU how you should be, look, dress, etc is all CRAP. How can someone else who ain't you, know what's best FOR YOU??

It's one of the biggest reasons that I switched from being a Pysch major in college as a Freshman into a Business one. I was so caught up with how prestigious being a Clinical Pyschiatrist was that I didn't stop to realize that I didn't need to go to school all those years to really be one. Hell, life experiences were an adequate enough teacher to show me as much as what I learned in those classes. My Psych 101 teacher was this blonde lady with these UGLY and I mean UGLY glasses and had some of the worst dresses in the world. I wanted to use my scholarship money to get her a gift certificate to somehwere... Hell, I didn't know where, but she needed to change that ish up. I remembered she called me out one day in class because I was trying to get this girl on the Track team's phone number.

I wasn't paying attention., but I don't know if she thought I was some dumb black athlete, or what, but I was one of the only black guys in the class along with this dude who looked like Carlton. LULZ. Anyway, I remember now, it was about Sigmund Freud...but she didnt' know I was already up on him. She got mad cuz I was missing the lesson on one of the greatest forefathers of Pyschology. I sighed and looked at the Track girl... and she was like, "Dayum, she cracked your face." Now, me, with my cocky attitude I had back then that was "REALLY BAD" had a decision to make... "STYLE back on her and at least save face with the Track girl, or straighten up and get punked by BAD dress...

So you already know which one I did. I had to Style back. So I said, "Ma'am, I don't know about anyone else, but I know all about the Coke head Austrian, who was in love with his mother, went crazy from his own dreams, and then asked his friend to help him commit suicide." She sat there with her mouth hanging open...She didn't expect me snap back... but, that was a fundamental difference not between teacher and student but between male and female. She thought I would retreat into my shell, she didn't know that I had already thrown my shell away..

That's what I want to discuss in this blog for my ladies... Understanding why some Men are the way they are in terms of expressing their feelings.

Again, I haven't read Steve's book, but I can probably tell you where he went. He probably broke down aspects of certain signs and issues to look for, and attempted to give advice in how to avoid these.... He probably even talked about putting stipulations in place to protect you. I fundamentally, and whole heartedly disagree with that approach if that's the way he took.

The Middle Finger ain't hating on Steve... Get ya money, man, but use some of it to cover that bald head. Shyt, I can almost see your thoughts. Plus, I care about you all too much to charge you for anything. If you don't like what the Middle Finger says, it ain't cost you nuthin but about 10 minutes. All of this is my opinion from what I've seen. If you dont agree, that don't make you wrong. As long as we have that established... I'd like to talk a lil bit.

The first thing we must realize in our difference as sexes is that we are going to look at things differently. I wouldn't want my woman to think like a man...because that implies that a man's way of thinking is either the correct way or it leads you think that men are simple enough to be placed into a box. Thinking like Dav may not help you in dealing with your man because we are two different people. As men, we as a whole do Compartmentalize our feelings. It's a defense mechanism that is instituted as a form of survival. That is one of the biggest reasons many men and women struggle to connect and understand each other on an emotional level. THIS, is my biggest beef with the title of Steve's book. Thinking like a man isn't going to help your man deal with this issue that he has. HE NEEDS YOU TO THINK LIKE A WOMAN.

Since the beginning of time, men have been conditioned that showing emotion when it is either compassion or empathy is a sign of weakness. Men are taught to be strong... Hunters, Gatherers. To protect the wife and the children. Men understand that women love to feel SECURE. Whether it is to feel secure physically from harm or financially from lack, men do there best to hold these two of the TRINITY of SECURITY in check. It is the third level of the TOS(my phrase, copyrighted by MiddleFinger, Inc) that men struggle with and that is the ability to make your woman feel secure, EMOTIONALLY. In my interaction with other brothas(not brothers) I seem to find that this is something that is acquired from experience rather than installed from birth.

How many times have you said either to your man(men in the past) or to yourself, "You (he) don't care, you(he) don't understand and (he)you dont wanna understand."

Occasionaly, my dear, this is true. Often times it is not. It's that the man often does not UNDERSTAND how to take his ability to sympathize and empathize and put it into a proper reaction to your dilemma. Many men, think this is a cry for him to "SOLVE" the problem for you. With some women, that's the case, but not usually it's not. You may be giving all the details of what's going down but as a man, normally all we hear is "PROBLEM, SHE HAS, WE GOTTA SOLVE IT, TO GET PEACE AGAIN". So then the man may try to solve it and then that makes you more angry because that's not what you wanted.

Now, your man is confused. This is why I told that story about my Psych class. You can't assume anything about anyone. Being able to be nice in the start of a relationship does not constitute that he can understand how to comfort you at your time of weakness.

As a man, I have learned and acquired many different talents and abilities to interact with others. Some I use with disgression, others I just put on autopilot. This is a situation where I have to fault the female because if you don't understand the language your man speaks, or the makeup of his personality... you can cry, scream, be frustrated all you want. You are gonna be on AM and he's gonna be on FM.

Wanna send your man into the arms of another woman as fast as possible???? Do what I just said. Because as a man, more times than not, we'd rather just remove ourselves from the situation than constantly have to deal with the nagging and the insecurities that life and society has placed into the subconcious of many women.

Read the following... Your man cheated on you in the past??? Shyt, I didn't, why you coming at me like that, have you not got over this dude? ..... OR, "I don't pay attention to you?? Why does it always have to be about you? Why do you always have to say something to me about shyt like this? EVEN, "I'm not romantic like in the beginning??" Shyt, what have you done for me, you always expect something...why? Cuz you're the woman?" F**K that"

These are thoughts that flow through the minds of men daily. Many just don't know how to form the words to say this to their woman without coming across as a whiny lil bytch. Until they do, there will be a Dichotomy of sorts... "How do I get my girl to understand I care, but still at the same time be able to remain masculine in my approach." Many guys around the world, if there were on that Nickelodeon show we watched growing up would be covered in Green slime because a majority of them would answer, " I DONT KNOW".

So the man then looks at the situation and has a decision to make... LEAVE or work through the Confusion to get to a solution. What happens? Most men leave... or do things to make the women leave them. Why? Because it's easier. From the male POV, it's easier to start all over with someone new and have that feeling of how it is in the beginning again before EMOTIONS become deeply involved. Basically, this is Relationship Fight or Flight Syndrome. Now, again, I don't want you to think this is all men. Some of you may have a good husband and your are past some of these things and you learn how to deal with these issues.

"But Middle Finger... The door is locked... Ain't you gonna open it up?"

Yep, and here is the KEY, it's called COMMUNICATION.

You, as a woman, have to communicate with your man to tell him that it's ALL RIGHT that he opens up to you. That he can spill his guts out to you and that you won't look at him any other way but PROUD to be involved with him. In a round about way, you have to possibly TEACH your man how to deal with his emotions and how they tie into yours to make your union better.

Now, if you are just an emotional wreck, the Middle Finger does not approve of you doing this.... If you are a classic, run of the mill, psycho nutbag who has thoughts that you cant tell anyone about, hear voices or whatever else.... We suggest that you call Seven Counties at one of their locations if you are in Jefferson County, or if there is not a Seven Counties near you... please check yourself into a mental institution. If you are F*****D up, don't F*** someone else up. Figure out your issue first.

Seriously, If you want your man to respond to you, you have to understand that the odds of him learning YOUR LANGUAGE on his own is pretty slim. Because after the smooth rap and the things used to get you, if he doesn't speak your language, he normally runs out of things to say. Then, like a box of old RITZ, things get stale.
But Middle Finger... You seem as if you get it??? Why can't they?

Well, baby, that's cuz I've been BROKEN. Life has kicked me in the butt, the nuts, the forehead, the back of my head, the armpit, jabbed me in the stomach and about 5 other moves. However, I used to be exactly that way. I'd run from adversity with a female, sprint from committment, escape from Emotions...whatever because at the time, Not one female broke it down to me HOW to deal with her. They just EXPECTED me to know how. I didn't grow up with a mother. I had my sister and while she had compassion, she was a Great deal like my father... BE STRONG ALL THE TIME.

It was in my days of the Short Con( remember that blog) that I began to see that regardless of all that I accumlated, or thought that I accumlated from the girls I took for a ride... When I stuck my hands in my pocket, pulled out and opened my hand... They were EMPTY. I wasn't fulfilled by my actions. Satisfied... yes, Fullfilled, no. Satisfacation and Fullfillment to me are two different things. One is a short term fix, the other long term.

Quick story about me and my Ex before I wrap it up. For 1.5 of my two years coaching.... Do you know how many games she saw me coach? ZERO. Not a one. I know that we played early at times and that it was hard to get a sitter, but she never even tried. Not once. I LOVE COACHING, I'M GOOD AT IT. I'm in my element and the person who thought I was to make her my wife didn't show up. That hurt me. That's how I know about women and how they hurt. They just want their men to SHOW UP. When she would say all the things I did that I don't do anymore... I would come back with, "You won't even come to my games...to support me. I bust my ass to make sure we're good(she worked as well) and in one aspect, when I need support, just to see you there... You make no attempt to come. It was always an excuse.

Maybe she was tired. Hell, so was I at times. I was tired when she was pregnant and I had to do everything when she couldn't work. I was tired when I had to wake up at night to feed Jackson even though I had to work in the morning because I needed the practice and I wanted her to sleep. Tired when there was a problem financially, I had to be the one to solve it. So I will admit... I SHUT DOWN.

I put our relationship on the backburner and focused on what I could do to make life better for Jackson. I didn't wanna talk. I didn't wanna hang out. I didn't want physical contact. It was crazy being the only coach with no one there to support. Seeing my Head Coaches wife go crazy at home games... and I grew up with them, because he was my Asst Coach when i played in HS, but I never had that feeling. I was isolated... even in my own house.

If your havings struggles in your own relationship.... If you want to salvage it and your man won't open up and express to you his feelings, i have to ask you... "Have you made the first step in helping him do so?" It doesn't matter who makes the first move, and please, please, please don't think of it that way. If you want the best out of your man, and in turn the best for your relationship.... Do you best to UNDERSTAND HIM... Make him assured that he is safe with you, that he doesn't have to always be macho. That you won't look at him differently.

Men are crying out to their women and they cannot be heard.... Their voices are locked away inside them and they don't know how to let them out.

Don't EMASCULATE your man.... Help EMANCIPATE HIM. <------ VERY IMPORTANT.

And then watch him surprise you.

This is the MIDDLE FINGER.... Telling you... "To be Understood, One must be willing to Understand"

STAYING CONNECTED

2009-04-19T17:50:00.000-07:00

My new phrase... or rather My personal equation is now, Brandon Davenport = Creativity + Inspiration. I like that a great deal. You know, I just kinda came up with it. Wasn't really thinking about coming up with anything of the sort.

Arguably my greatest inspiration is sitting next to me in my recliner watching Space Chimps again. He's quiet. Usually, that's not Jackson. He's loud...He's active. He wants you know you're in his world. It's when Jackson gets quiet that I have to be on my toes...because If I can't see him, that means he's usually into something.

If you're a parent...then you know what I mean. You can relate.. In that type of situation, we are.....CONNECTED.

Yesterday, Jackson was in my bedroom watching Cartoons and I was in our living catching up on my DVR episodes. My son was quiet... Now, on certain cartoons, J is quiet, but nothing was on for him to be that quiet....Something told me to get up and go check on him...When I did, I was about to catch fire.... CHEETOS EVERYWHERE, he was jumping up and down on the bed and it was like Chester the Cheetah was on my Slumber box saying...."It ain't easy....Being Cheeeeesy".

My intial reaction was to get mad... I had a headache still from the Tequila that me and French smashed before going out to RAW. Then I realized... "Yo, he's two. Plus, you left the bag of cheetos on the bed instead of putting them in a bowl like usual. Because you were lazy, this is the result that you get. You can't be mad for a kid being a kid."

Still, that behavior, while not unexpected, was still not acceptable so J needed to be punished. I turned of the television and went to go get the vaccuum. However, J is smart and hard headed, he knows how to turn on the television. What Jackson didn't realize is that I had unplugged the TV because I had to get behind the stand to get all of the cheetos.

So there he was, pushing the power button repeatedly and nothing was happening. I'm standing there watching this and I sort of chuckle.... He looks at me and continues to keep pushing the button. No TV. Finally he gets frustrated and smacks the TV and by this time I'm cracking up.... If I would have gotten mad, I wouldnt have seen what was just shown to me in this situation.

Jackson, while knowing how the TV worked, didnt understand that the reason that it WASNT working like normal was because there was no electricity flowing through it. It was not CONNECTED to it's power source. It is in this recollection that my spirit spoke and asked me... "What are you connected to?"

If you know me or have read a certain blog, you will know that I am HUGE on energy. The Celestine Prophecy was one of my favorite books. If you haven't, go back and read the blog on the FOURTH INSIGHT, the Struggle for Power. However, this blog isn't on the same plateau as that. Energy is neither created nor destroyed...This is about POWER. POWER comes from a SOURCE, and you need to be connected to it in some way to channel it. Whether by being plugged in or whatever...You need something to funnel the power from the source into your life.

It takes a certain amount of power to start your car... Run your air conditioner, your refridgerator... the television you watch... the computer you surf the net on. I just put some oatmeal cookies in the oven for Jackson to eat before he goes to bed and even my range falls into that same category. It is powered with a certain cord. You can't just plug it into a regular wall outlet and expect it to be able to get to 350. It doesn' t have the ability to sustain the amount of power needed.

When you apply that same theorem to your life, if you are trying to solve for X, with X usually being the "Unknown" I advise you to go back in your life and see what you are "CONNECTED" to. What is your power source? I know lately my blogs have had a hint of "God" and "God's word" in them and that's just because of what I believe. I believe in Christ. I'm not overly religious, because that comes from Man, so I don't get caught up in dominations or customs.

I love my pastor, but I know that he's a man. Falliable just as I am. I'm not connected into him. I'm connected into the one he speaks about. I love my church, but again, they are imperfect people so I don't draw my power from them. I do my best to stay connected into God and his word.

I can try harder and that's something I'm working on, but being a PGK(Preacher's Grand Kid) I know a great deal of the word by heart. However, that's not enough. My grandfather, god rest his soul, was only a man. I can't get by based on his works or on his faith. Same with my father.

Now with me being a father, it will be the same for Jackson. I'll do my best to show him the way, but he will have to walk the path.

He looks to me to supply his needs...and I do. In that aspect, I do have some power. I have the power to feed Jackson if he is hungry. I have the power to satisfy his thirst if he needs something to drink.

However, my power is limited. Jackson will feel both hunger and thirst again.

I have, as his earthly father, accepted that as fate. The power to keep any and everything from happening to him is not within me. I do know where to get connected for that.

From Jackson's spilling the cheetos, to me having to clean them up... It's amazing to what inspires you... What reminds you of the things that you should already know.

So as Monday rolls around, and those of us who aren't the boss have to deal with people on our jobs who may have some authority... start hating, trippin, or whatever before you've even had your first cup of free coffee... Remember how small their power really is on your life compared to that of Christ.

Stay Connected, remember where your power comes from. Be Encouraged...

This is the Middle Finger, telling you, "If you are living in darkness, Go to where the POWER is."

Bonus*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aI-GOt-w90

Take a few minutes and check out the video. Shout out to Neesha who does this...and always remembers to remind me. At about 3:30-4:30 of the video... You can really feel the words through what you see.

THE POWER BEHIND THE THRONE, PART 3. REVOLUTIONS.

2009-04-19T06:04:00.000-07:00

This series is now coming to an end. I hope that it either helped you or will help you along your journey. I know this series spoke to women more so than the men. Hell, yall are my biggest audience, and in retrospect, if I can assist women in understanding the mindset and the make up of a man.... In the end, Men benefit as well.

A revolution is when something makes a circle around something. It's base word.... Revolve.

When you attempt to utilize the power behind the throne you have to ultimately realize where your focus for doing so is coming from. What does it revolve around? Yourself and your own selfish goals? If so, I wish you luck looking for your next relationship. Dollar Tree sells garbage bags for only a dollar so you shouldn't have much of a monetary expense in picking up the shattered pieces.

A huge part of keeping the King happy is knowing your role. Again, remember, submission does not equal weakness. Hold your tongue at times... and you know deep down those times that you should but just something in you HAS TO GET YOUR 2 cents in. Try putting those 2 cents in a jar and save up for your kid's college fund. When something costs 99 cents and your King as 4 quarters, your two pennies don't add up to anything that helps.

Also, recall that using your "woman parts" as a bartering chip is a big no no. Sex is suppossed to be an activity that reinforces the mental connection that you two have. It should not be a reward. Something I left out... DONT ALWAYS EXPECT THE MAN TO BE THE ROMANTIC ONE. I know every woman thinks that it's always the man's job to keep the spice going and that's just not fair. What's wrong with the woman surprising then man? Jump on him when he gets out of the shower and take him to town without saying a word. See how he acts then. I bet he's showering his ass off every day just to see.

If he does something nice for you... don't just blow him off. Even if you've got a similar gift before or he's done it for you before... Each time he thinks of you in this way...Be excited. Make him feel like he made a good decision and it MEANS something to you.

In truth, as much as a woman wants to feel like she is appreciated, so does a man.

You can make the first move. There is no law saying that you can't. Buy your man a gift.. "Honey, I was just thinking of you, and I wanted to get you this." It doesn't always have to be the man. 50-50 is more than you being able to get pissed off half of the time.

"Middle Finger... I was taught that it was a man's job to make the first move...I like when a man is a man."

No disrespect to who taught you that, but my daddy told me something that I tell to a lot of people... "A closed mouth don't get fed." Whoever taught you that... While I understand, i don't always agree. I bet your ass would make the first move to get out of a burning house wouldn't you? You wouldn't wait for your man to make a move first and say, "Nah, i'mma sit my ass down on this couch and inhale all this smoke until my King does something first." would you?

Didn't think so.

Almost done... so lemme wrap it up with a few more Don'ts

Don't take family business and put it out in the street. Watch what you say to everyone..Friends included. From the DAVISM, "Your friends talk about you when you arent there".

Don't stress your man over something small that you can accomplish on your own just because you think he should do it. Get R Done.

Do not purposely attempt to bring him down a peg just because you are mad at him. Saying things like, "What kind of man are you?" will fudge you up everytime. He's a man that's human and will make mistakes. He will forget things, and won't always make the right moves. If you know that before hand, you will save yourself a lot of stress. Don't expect perfection when you aren't.

Don't expect your man to be the man when you aren't being a woman. Having a domestic side is not a bad thing. You don't have to be Joan Cleaver, but shyt, even Claire Huxtable(Lawyer) took care of the crib.

Last, if you have a good man, DONT F it UP because of some past issue with someone, something, or whatever. Don't compare him to an Ex... don't keep some tape measure unrolled to see how he's measuring up. JUST ENJOY THE SHYT and be happy that it happened to you.

I know so many women that miss out on happiness because they get scared that something good is happening to them and then don't know how to take it... When you get something good in your life... Just say, "Thank Ya, Jesus, and if you have anything else good, I'll take that too"

I hope this helped someone and was entertaining at least to the rest. Please continue to stop by and I'll continue to tell the truth.

This is the middle finger, telling you.... "Show me a woman who is the power behind the throne... and I'll show you a woman who is "STYLIN"..."

THE POWER BEHIND THE THRONE PART 2...RELOADED

2009-04-15T16:09:00.000-07:00

No Foreplay this time to get you in the mood. The eyes just went white and it's time to go to work like a Jamaican. I left off answering the question about not feeling if your man is worthy. Joyce made a smart statement on the comments. You can't submit to "no demon". I agree. However, if you get married it still applies. You don't get a "Get out of submission free card" cuz he acting a donkey. If that's the case and you feel that way, Tyler Perry got a movie with Janet Jackson and Jill Scott. Rent it. Answer the question and then go get a Oreo Blizzard.

To finish up on that "Looking at your man as a King" , it's so vital to keeping a healthy relationship and marriage. I'm not married, however as a MAN (yep, I'm a MAN in errrr sense) I know what makes me feel good when it either comes out of my companion(Still Single) mouth or her actions that reinforces all that I do as a man in the relationship isn't taken for granted.

I gotta go to the ones that sit in the Throne for a second..... I am a different breed.... In my last relationship that ended, the (queen) pains me to say that, didn't look at me as a King towards the end. She was too busy looking at herself. However, I didn't roll out.. didnt stroll out until it was over. Because the "Prince" (Jackson) would one day have to look at the King in the eye and the King could say with his head held high that he tried to rule the best that he could. The King didn't put his own selfish desires and needs, that should have been met, above his love for the one who would take over the Kingdom and keep the name going.

As a King(or rather) when I was "King'n", I never asked something of the "Queen" that I wouldn't ask of myself first. A King should be that way. If it's something that you can accomplish, you can't expect your Queen to always jump to your beckoning. She's not a servant. She's not a Royal Subject. She's not the Court Jester or a concubine(sex slave for you non Bible Readers). She's the Queen. Now, if the Queen is not being a Queen, but acting like a spoiled, selfish, young Princess... Playas, you have a choice to make. There are two reasons she will do this. Either she doesn't know any better(possibly depending on her age and how she was brought up)... Or more than likely, she doesn't care. If it's the latter...

The Middle Finger want you to know... GET THE F*CK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you handling business on some real King shyt, regardless of how big the palace or castle is... Or how nice the Royal Carriages are, and she ain't playing her part. STROLL. And I mean shyt from the bottom of my Stacy Adams. Yeah... It is my season... just a lil bit...

"Middle Finger.... We love it when you style on us... Don't ever change"

"You ain't gotta worry... I give you my word."

KINGS.... No Ruler should ever be unhappy when he enters his own CASTLE. If this is addressed and you working to make KINGDOM as prosperous and peaceful as possible and your biggest enemy, the source of your frustration, is sitting in the throne next to you.... Make that power move. Take off your crown.. Hand it to her..and wish her well in her future endevors as the new ruler... There is a potential queen out there waiting to "CONNECT" with you and live in the abundance of Riches(not just money you golddiggers) instead of the animosity of Famine.

Before I was bestowed the honor of being a King(without the wedding, lulz) I was a Prince in my father's kingdom rest his soul. The Prince saw the father do what many men do. What Tupac said when he did on the song with the Digital Underground.... "I get around." So the Prince indulged in all of the lusts of that which the King did because the prince will emulate that which he sees on his road to one day becoming the ruler of his own land. That Prince did mature though. Even at times in the mirror he doesnt recognize the face that looks back because it's such a drastic change. No more manipulation... No more games. No more Cons... and while his last Kingdom did fall apart because of a weak foundation... The KING did not crumble. He's still optimistic that he didn't fail... He just learned a way "NOT TO DO IT".

KINGS, your princes and princesses for that matter are watching you. The decisions you make, and even some of the ones you don't will effect them one way or another. Be wise. Back talking to the "queens" and not to obsolve my father for his transgressions but at times... He was denied that which is a King's right as well. This only applies to Queen #2(my stepmother) because I do not recall much of my father's first marriage because of my youth. Oh yeah, I told you I brought the chicken, but the Middle finger got more than just that... I brought the Kool-aid, baby as well. With just enough sugar to satisfy ya thirst... Why don't you take a drink... See how this tastes...

1Cor 7:3-4 (NRS) The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

"Middle finger...(smack, smack, smack) it's just a little bitter... can you sweet'n it up for us queens?"

Uh, How about "HELL NO" You want sweet???? Go over ya grandma's house and ask her to make you a CHESS PIE...This ain't OPRAH. I will break it down though. That verse is saying that if your husband wants some... It's your job as a wife to give him some. Unless there is an agreed issue and the Bible in the next verse talks about Time set aside for Prayer..but basically, Paul is saying, "If your husband wants you to shake something.... Then ya betta get to shakin, baby" Like 3000 said, "Like a Polaroid picture".

"Oh hell, no Middle Finger... that shyt ain't gonna fly... cuz my husband(king) would be trying..."

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH, RIGHT NOW.... SHUT IT." I ain't ask you all that. " I'm giving you God's word... Not no hustle" (MALCOM X, should have won an oscar..Spike gotta be nicer to the white voters on the academy). That's more new testament for you. That is YOUR ROLE, regardless of how you feel about the issue. As is the reverse is true...

KINGS, if your Queen wants you to "lick around the icing of the Suga box... Then you need to stretch out ya tongue and get it ready for action.... I don't care if you spell the Alphabet as you do it... A... B... C...D, mutha sucka... You know them 26 letters...Start with that... Then get ya swag up and learn the "Tornado".

"Whoo Hooo, Middle Finger... I'm right there with you, baby... Please let the men know it's okay to do that.." (Whispers to her girlfriend)... "I like him, I'mma ride with this blog for a while"

Oh for real???? I did allow you to get hype for a second... but you forgot.... THIS IS POWER BEHIND THE THRONE....I ain't done yet. Let's see if You still feel that way cuz Shyt is about to get real.....

Ladies.... STOP BARTERING SEX. It's not a stock to trade, you ain't on WALL STREET... and it's not your right inside the marriage to do that. YOU ARE PROSTITUTING YOURSELF. Yeah, I said it... Straight up, All the way, 100. Need the Middle Finger to say it again? Cool... YOU ARE PROSTITUTING YOURSELF IN THE MARRIAGE IF YOU WITHOLD SEX TO GET YOUR WAY. Also, if you are trying to prove a point you still are the P WORD. Now, If you are offended... What's the name of this blog? Cuz that's what you can have if you are. Two of them... Two Middle Toes too. You see that X in the top right hand corner... If you dont' like what I'm saying... Take your mouse, and click on it. I dont want you here anyway if you can't handle some hard truth being directed at you. Cuz be damn sure...reverse the roles and you can't get to your feet fast enough to applaud.

However, Since you already know I DONT give a F***, I'mma talk about it, I'mma talk about it, I'mma Talk about...(RIP BERNIE MAC) Who are you to try and train your man to act as how you want him to act by witholding sex? He's your king, he's not a child. You ain't IVAN PAVLOV.(Yeah, Middle Finger was a Psych major). Stop trying to Classical Condtion your man. Trying to make him think... "If I does what she wants and make her happy, She'll give me some... and If I don't.. She won't."

Playas... If you allow this to go down... It's on you... However, the Middle Finger is giving you the OKAY to take your nuts outta the jar you allowed her to put them in and put them back in they right place.

I say it's prostitution because you are doing that pretty much in every sense. A prostitute trades sexual favors for money. While money may not be involved all the time... When you use your "coochie" as something to hold over your man's head to get something that you want or to have power over a situation... How is it not the same thing?

"Girl, I ain't giving him none till he does more for me... cuz I'm pissed at him" <---------- Common conversation among women.

You know what, You's about a dumb witch if this is you. You don't want it to work do you? What happened to Beyonce's little Clones? Yeah, I didnt think you really lived that shit. That is almost CERTAINLY going to make your man look for something else, not to mention it's trivial, immature and silly. "Schooling" your man is one thing. Trying to make him suffer, SEXUALLY, is totally different.

A word that has to dissapear when you enter into a marriage is " I ". That is a personal Pronoun. If you went to ST. STEPHENS over easter, you heard Doc talk about that. I must go away. The new word is "WE". Because it's no longer just you. Two flesh become One.

According to the Bible.... you know that book that you carry in church right before you start to gossip or look at someone's hair or dress and get ya Hate on, states that it is a sin for you to say, "I don't want to have sex even though you want to" Once you enter into a marriage ain't no more you. So if you so independent... Ya A** may be too independent to be made a wife.

Your body is his and vice versa... Them his titties. That's his Suga box.... If you ain't mature enough to understand that... DONT GET MARRIED. You may think that your love box is special, but trust... A guy will get the same feeling from someone elses that he will get from yours. Cuz when we finish...it don't matter if she's cute or ugly. WE GOT OFF. It's up to you to keep the power behind the throne and be the one that gets your man off as well as getting his other good traits.

I'd hate for you to do all the work creating a nice castle and then it falls apart cuz you got a lil crazy and went on a P*SSY POWERTRIP, and then another chick comes in and reaps the benefits from your effort. If the middle finger struck a nerve, that was my aim... but you still got time to change.

If you ain't married, you got time to learn. When it comes down, don't be like NEFFIE's baby daddy and be like, "Well, i'm ready to do what I'm already ready to do." Be the power behind the throne.

It still ain't over... There is more... I'mma wrap it up with Part three. The Power Behind the Throne Part 3... REVOLUTIONS... It's going to come full circle. Dont miss it.

This is the Middle Finger... trying to tell you... "If you wanna be able to STAND as the power behind the throne... Sometimes, you're going to have to LAY on your back when you don't want to. "

THE POWER BEHIND THE THRONE.

2009-04-14T14:58:00.000-07:00

Man, it's been hard for the Middle Finger the last few days. New Stimuli has entered into my energy, causing a cross wiring of my Time circuits, sending a negative 1.21 Gigawatts directly into my flux capicator and visa vee, concordingly, alas, systematically causing a temporary influx of a paradigm shift inside my temporal lobe and creating a slight malfunction in my hippocampus resulting in a delay in the written progression of the electrical impulse interaction of the neurons that you have grown to know as my blog.

Confused yet? Probably. Actually, what I basically said was that an outside influence has caused me to struggle in my ability to create my blog because the focus of my thought pattern had shifted. Still not clear? I was focused on other SHYT. Because of that, I couldn't get my eyes to go "WHITE" and zone out like I usually can. Them shyts was like Ivory, you know, the color that chicks try to wear when they get married but can't really wear white? Kinda like Luther's(RIP) Curl.... Just couldn't..... Just Wouldn't quite..... Kinda like University of Louisville winning a National Championship since Reagan was in office... Almost...but no cigar. <------------ Don't get mad, Card fans... Keep Reading.

No matter what I tried, or what I did, or where I either looked for, or found(A Smile in the Stars) inspiration, I couldn't put it into that Philosophical Laffy Taffy that you love to chew on.

You may ask yourself...."Oh Shyt, Middle Finger... Are you styling??? Cuz It Looks like you about to?"

"Why, yes.... Yes I am, and thank you for asking!!"

The Middle Finger doesn't discriminate based on race, creed, sex or color..... He is an equal oppertunity "STYLER ONNER." (Yes I made that word up, So what.. Who's blog is this... That's right. MY BLOG). So I want you to get comfortable... Playas... Go get you a cold one and kick back and lemme do my Iddish.

Ladies, this is gonna be focused more to you so I want you to go get extra comfy. Go turn on the kids TV and put them some snacks down on they table so you can get a few minutes... Go unloosen ya bra after ya hard day.... Put the Heels that you rocked today that got your feet hurting and place em in the closet.. No, Boo, I know, they ain't the Manolo Blahnik Crocodile Flat Shoes, but honey... you just ain't able to be on that right now. It ain't your SEASON...but The Middle Finger don't care... Go get you a glass of Domaine Pierre Wine and if it still ain't your season... That cheap shyt will do. I just want you to relax and let the Middle Finger do what he does. So I'mma Pause why you do that.....You back? Good.

As you may know, or at least we think because it's been hard to tell, but Warmer Climate is on the way. With the ending of the colder season, and the shedding of the layers of clothes that many women have been wearing, the sweaters will be put back in the closet and the Spaghetti straps and the form fitting skirts is about to be a daily routine. Whether planned or unplanned, this time of the year usually signifies the end of the "relationship" season. Ain't it funny how when it's cold, can't get that nukka away from you, but when it warms up, he can't find enough reasons to not be MIA. Many good women, who have invested their time, effort, dedication and normally, heart to a man, often find themselves in a small state of shock when the abrupt attitude change comes as the days get longer and the night's get warmer.

Why does this happen? I, in all my middlefingerness, cannot ultimately stand in front of you with a straight face and act as if I know that answer. Commonly, it's a cultivation of a group of things. You know what they are. Other women wanting to be where you at, the man feeling restrained, his wandering eyes, or just wanting to tap something new. These are certain aspects that you just cannot control. Understand, that they are going to happen with some types of men. Skepticism is justified in this situation. Do not be totally dismissive(for whatever reason) because you may miss something due to your cynicism.( Always thinking the worst for those who didn't get 700 on the Verbal... SAT). For those of you who have stronger bonds, and a REAL relationship, ladies, this was written with you in mind.

What's a woman's favorite verse in the Bible? John 3:16? Maybe. I like that one, It's pretty BAWSE. I'm cool wit it. First Corininthians 13:4? Eh??? Possibly, maybe if it is your god sister's 3rd wedding in 6 years and you hope that it sticks this time... No, you ain't gotta look up the verse... I know you was about to... It's the Love is Patient, Love is Kind.... and all that.
But this is the MIDDLE FINGER. WE TALKING ABOUT BLACK WOMEN. BLACK WOMEN WHO GO TO CHURCH....A black woman's favorite verse and the one that they LOVE to pull out like the COMING TO AMERICA scene in the Barber shop and Rocky Marciano and Joe Louis....(that's they one... that's they one...)

A black women's favorite verse, and they might not know where to find it in the Bible, but they know it's in there is PROVERBS, 18:22.
"He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD."

Ladies, you may be like...

"Uh oh, Middle Finger, You got me ready to shout in here.... You betta talk about it..."

I know, boo, but hold that thought.... This is the Middle Finger... So before you throw out them "AMENS"... Let's make sure that you got "A MAN." Cuz I know that some of you have a male in ya life.... but he ain't a MAN. Did that sting? Musta been a nerve.

Fellas you may be like "Wooo Hooo, Middle Finger, You is stylin today, playboy. I can Dig it with a Shovel"

"Oh for real? You can dig it? Well go look in the mirror and see if the person in that reflection is handling business like a MAN SHOULD, and you get back to me."

The Middle Finger likes Bible Verses too... yeah, I brought some chicken to the party... So let me feed you. Here is one of my favorites...

Ephesians 5:22-23

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the HUSBAND is the HEAD of the WIFE as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior."

Uh, oh Middle Finger.... You may have just lost half of your female audience. Maybe... But probably not, they probably just did the People's Eyebrow(Raised one up and the other stayed flat) Or made the Scrunchy face, but they still wanna see where I'm going. That's the Sugar Ray Leonard Verse... The counter punch. Gets the neck rolling, hands active and everything. All over one teeny, tiny word. SUBMIT.

I told you to get comfortable... You know how the Middle Finger does it... It gets broken, DOWN. I don't do quickies, baby. I don't rush... I take my time... You ain't read the Davisms? Submission. Ugly word, ain't it? You ladies may be like "Uh Un, Middle Finger... I ain't got a problem with it, but..." Hold that but, baby... cuz this is the internet...and I don't know if you thick or not(pictures lie) so you may not have a but... BUT, Lulz, there is no but. You know how the verse goes because it's there for you to read. And that's NEW TESTAMENT. If you are a wife, YOU ARE TO SUBMIT to YOUR HUSBAND. I ain't say it, You need to talk to PAUL. He was dropping knowledge to the Ephesians.

I call this blog "THE POWER BEHIND THE THRONE" because that power should be a WOMAN. If she works it right. See, a lot of women don't become wives because they have been disconnected. Mentally. From that time old creed, " A man has gotta be a Man." Now, if you got some weak, sniffling, purse carrying at St. Matthews Mall type cat, sitting down with tight pants and Slippers on while you shop... Eh, this may not apply. Weaker people like people they can dominate. We don't do weak at the Middle Finger. If you got a strong man, somewhat dominant, and likes to be a man and do manly stuff... Then you in the right spot. When I say a man has gotta be a man, that doesn't mean that he gets to make every decision based on what he thinks is best and only what he thinks.

That's the Caveman way of thinking. Normally, this is from those deep south men. Those who grew up watching their mother slave hand and foot for their father. I say A man has to be a man, because that's what allows a man to have confidence. If you constantly question your man or underscore him and his RIGHTFUL PLACE OF AUTHORITY according to the Word of God, then baby, you in the wrong. Even if your man is making a bad decision, sometimes you have to just be quiet and support him. Let him fall on his face as they say, and help him pick up the pieces. Get ya weave glue gun and piece him back together. You know your man... Or at least you should. After an amount of time, you know exactly how he is going to handle a certain said situation.

My advice, Get the jump on him. If he wants to do something and you don't think it's wise... talk about it. Talk to him and state your point of view, firmly and yet still remain a lady. Do not demean him, or insult him because that's only going to make him that much more stubborn. Plan around his plan. If you think he's going to waste some money on a pipe dream. Put some away to keep just in case. A wife's job is to support her man, just as much as it is to "school" her man. A woman that knows how to hold her peace and keep still and quiet and trust her man whether she believes in his idea or not, most of the time, will find herself in a power position. I'm not saying allow yourself to be dominated 100%. But YIELDING is not weakness. It takes a much stronger person to hold their peace when their emotions are screaming than it does to SNAP BACK. Anyone can REACT. Can you REMAIN is the question.

The throne reference is also used because the man is called the proverbial KING of the household. TD JAKES said it best. A man who is not looked at as a KING, by his QUEEN will find that look somewhere else. Somewhere, there is always a Bathesheba, bathing naked trying to catch the eye of your KING DAVID. You have to determine inside yourself how you will show respect for your KING. If he is a true KING, he will elevate his queen to his side and she will rule WITH HIM. Know your King. Respect him. However, don't be stupid. Think three steps ahead. "

But Middle Finger, what If my man ain't worthy of all that?" Well, Boo, you made a bad choice then, huh? Why are you still there? We'll continue this Later tonight, I have to do Kenpo X.

The Power Behind the Throne... Part 2.

This is the Middle Finger... Telling you, there is more coming, don't miss it.

GETTIN' GROWN

2009-04-10T14:00:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Ms. Jefferson for giving me the topic to blog about.

I'm sitting at my desk looking at an old newspaper article that I have hanging up trying to find my zone.... It says as the top Headline..... BRANDON DAVENPORT: MR. BASKETBALL. I've read this article countless times over the 12 years(April 26th, 1997 to be exact) it's been since I stood in the captial building in the Frankfort rotunda in front of the Governor of Ky and other members of the media, the State Senate and family and friends. I hang it up now because when I look at it, I'm constantly reminded on the belief that "Hard work, dedication, and faith will ultimately equal success." It may not be exactly what you want, but it will be success in some sense of the word.

I recall that day, vividly. It was a day similar to that of which the weather is outside. A cold, rainy, dreary day. I remember getting all jazzy in my fresh Navy Blue suit(the only one I owned back in HS) and My Tommy Hilfiger tie. I mean, I had my two gold hoops in, my shoes was polished, my shirt was pressed, and even before SWAG came out as a word that quite a few people hate(don't worry, I'mma blog on that in the future) I felt as if I was STYLIN on those Cats, like "WHAT!!! You thought I wouldn't win this award when I told you I would." When I used to write it on my notebooks and Trapper Keepers(damn) and put the year when I was a Freshman in HS, Teachers, students, everyone thought I was nuts. I had a teacher, who is actually on FB, that told me as a 9th grader ,"Brandon, you have almost no shot, they pick that award well before you become a senior."

I looked at him, like, "Yo, I'mma show you, playboy..." I used to write it on the blackboard everyday before his class, just so he'd see it. He'd shake his head like I was crazy. I had no clue how I was going to do it. I was a stocky PG, who didn't have a great outside shot off the dribble, hated to go left, big hands, big feet, and just really didn't look like a basketball player. I was overshadowed by a fellow teammate who was 6'7 and had perimeter skills that people raved about. I just had a vision. I made a declaration that whatever I took to win that award, to be recognized for my work... to hold that trophy as a tangible, visible piece of evidence that showed, not only did I demand your respect on the court, I earned it.

I didn't win that award on my own. Many people played a part. Two of my former teammates that are both on Facebook, Jon Moorman and David Phillips were two of my best friends. Without either of them, and their hard work, I wouldn't have been able to be entered into a part of Kentucky Basketball History. I'll come back to them in a bit. I can still feel the electricity that ran through my body as I stood up there speaking... unscripted, kind of like I'm doing now. I was asked to sum up how I felt in one word during an interview with a local news station. The word, ACCOMPLISHMENT.

I truly did feel accomplished. The next day me and David had KY All Star Tryouts and I remember being told that my father, who took my trophy home, was riding up and down the "Downtown" area of Owensboro(if you ain't from OB, you don't know what or where that is) Blowing the horn, pumping the brakes like he had hydraulics in his caddy, basically "STYLING" on "CATS"(his word that I picked up and use) who were hating on his son saying that he wasn't about nothing.

I chuckled when I heard that because I already knew he was off the Miller High Life as he did it. That was my Pops, GOD rest his soul.

As a father now of a three year old son, I understand why my father had so much jubilation when I would succeed in life. It's why I take being a father so serious. My son, Jackson Jerron Davenport, born July 10, 2006 at 9:10 pm changed my life exponentially when he entered the world. Jackson, or "DILLA" as those who are close to me and him call him, brings me a joy that I can't even put into words. He's allowed me to change from a immature, selfish, self-centered A** Hole into a Caring, loving, motivated, giving, grown up A** Hole. LULZ(My word). I'm still the A Hole that many have came to know and love(and hate). It's just that he chills alot more.

One thing my father told me is that it was his goal or rather, his duty to make sure that I had every oppertunity to go further and be more than he was. To ultimately be a "better man". I believe wholeheartedly that it should be every father's aspiration for their sons to reach that plateau. If I had a dream for Jackson, it wouldn't be for him to follow my foots and his grandfather's footsteps and play basketball(although he probably will), but I pray all the time, "GOD, please make him a Rhode Scholar. Give him Intellect that is unparalleled, Grant him health and prosperity.

Where I have failed, let him succeed, where I have fallen, allow him to SOAR" Before his birth, I would have prayed that prayer for me. God, GIVE ME, GRANT ME, ALLOW ME, but now, it's all about him. For anyone who knew me well, they know that actually putting another before me and my needs was something that I have acquired in the not so distant past. Responsibility now is a 34 pound, wild eyed little boy, with my light brown eyes, my hands, my feet, my build, my laugh and most importantly, MY LAST NAME.

That is without a doubt, the main reason that I GO HARD as a father. Jackson is the youngest Davenport male from my father's lineage. Both of my brothers have male children and that means that my father's seed will continue to be passed on whether Jackson procreates or he does not, but they carry a different last name. For reasons I won't go into, I place that on my father. It is the one black mark mistake that I could not understand he made in his life. Still, even with that, I owe it to my father to make sure that his name is carried on. In the best way possible.

One of the hardest Tattoos I had to endure pain wise(emotional, not physical) was the DAVENPORT on my back that is the top of the head stone. I remember being in that chair, and my eyes just started to run. My father always told me and my sister to live up to our name. To not disrespect it and to do everything in our power to take it further than our parents did. It was hard to hold back the tears at that time because I was wondering how in the world I would do that. My basketball career was over. I didn't go on to be a famous Doctor or Lawyer(I don't think I would have wanted to do either even though I could have) I was just Brandon. How would I honor my father as I was taught in bible study? God answered that question when He brought J into the world. I don't smile much in pictures, but usually in every picture that I had when Jackson was first born I was like the JOKER.

I have never been more proud, more excited, more filled with love and joy than when I held him. When I looked in his eyes and he looked back and I knew that he came from me. Jackson is the future as My newest tattoo states, he is my future. After God, he is #1 to me. Nothing means more than his happiness, even if it has to come at the sacrifice of many things that I used to love. He gets top billing. He gets my time. His safety comes before mine. His mouth is fed before mine. His back has clothes before mine. All in all, Jackson is more imporant to me than I am to myself. My two former teammates are fathers, as well as my brother from another mother, Calvin Brooks, and one thing I know amongst us all is that we all care deeply for our offspring.

I get to be around Calvin and his son from time to time, I and see the same look in his eyes that I have in mine when I look at J. I see Jon and his pictures with his son and I know what he goes through to see his child as much as possible and I know that he's right there lock and stock with me on this. I know that we all pray that our sons have it better than we did. Go futher than we went, dream larger than we dreamed...and I have faith that we will do everything within our power to give them those opportunities. I still get taken back a bit when I get compliments about being such an active and caring father. It's good to hear, but it's not the reason that I do it. I never will brag about taking care of my child. Because it's my honor. It's my privelage. It's my responsibility.

I do think I'm a good dad..but i'm not perfect. I'm still working. I remember practicing carrying around a teddy bear in my arms to get ready to learn how to hold a newborn. I was such a nervous wreck. Would I get this right? Would I screw up his formula? How does this diaper go? What is a One-z? When do I burp him again? Much like that former kid who had no clue how he would win Mr. Basketball, I'm now a father who feels a level of accomplishment. I've split from his mother. (PRAISE GOD) and I stayed much longer than I would have if not for him, but I wasn't about to leave him until there was NO other option. I didn't know how that was going to work out either, but God worked it out.

So I'm a single dad... and you know what... I love it. I used to bathe him(he's on big boy showers now), we brush our teeth together, we eat breakfast together on my weekends, we watch Spongebob(i have to suffer through it) and BEE movie, or "BEES" as Jackson calls it. We go to parks, I take him to Farnsley Middle and let him Run around the track and on the soccer field. We be stylin on Cats(my new phrase) in the Wal-Mart on Cane Run all the time and he gets mad when we drive past that and can't go in. I LOL'D just then. Even as I type this, I look at his pictures on my phone and I miss him.

It's such a different type of love. It really can't be put into the english language. There aren't enough adjectives to describe the ways I feel when I hold my son, when I watch him sleep... when I see him fall and pick himself up and say, "I'm okay". I already see toughness in him. Grit, strength, determination and some STUBBORNESS. Still, when I think about those two roads, "Basketball Glory" or "Fathering Jackson" if I could do it all again, Hoops don't come remotely close to the Boy.

He is my heart, personified. So as God gave us His Son, as we are about to celebrate EASTER, may we be as God was and give to our Sons all the love and all the reassurance that only a father can give.

This is Brandon Davenport, Author, Creator, and Head Writer of the Middle Finger blog telling you, " I'm a Daddy. Not just a father, but a Daddy" There's nothing in the world like it.

Happy Easter.

Sometimes... You have to go OVER the mountain.

2009-04-07T14:40:00.000-07:00

When I blog, normally I have an idea of what I wish to talk about. However, that rarely ends up being what the blog is about. One of my favorite shows on Television is HEROES. If you haven't seen it, it's somewhat like XMEN for TV, but more of a dramatic series. One of the people who had a special power was a guy named Isaac Mendez. Isaac died before the end of Season one but he had a very interesting power... He could Paint the future. When he would paint, his eyes would go totally and completely white, and he was like he was in a trance. He didn't awake until he was done with the painting.. Ironically, he never knew what he was going to paint... The ability just took over his hands and he created what he did.

Pretty much, that would describe me when I blog.... I may go in to talk about one thing but normally, something totally different comes out. As I type now, my mind is moving faster than my hands and the keystrokes are struggling to match the speed. My ideas are bouncing all around in my head like Mexican Jumping beans. The title is usually the last thing that I write... but this time, it was the first. My energy is telling me that this will not be a generic blog... It will speak to someone specifically. I have no idea who or whom or whatever the proper grammatical term is but I just know what I'm feeling.

Going over the mountain is a metaphor for the struggles we carry and the burdens that we must endure in our lifetime. Life is a series of struggles. It can be a puzzle, enclosed in a riddle, wrapped around an enigma. It's human nature that we as imperfect beings constantly wish for the simpliest passage to our destinations. It's in our nature. As newborns, we are carried everywhere, and in our youthful and newborn minds, we get used to that comfort and satisfaction. If I can't make it over there to the snacks, let me cry and Mommy or Daddy will carry me to it, or they will get it for me.

Fast forward to your teenage years and when you are starting to find your independence, you handle that same situation in a different light. If you cannot reach that which you are trying to obtain what does one normally do? Pout? Sulk? Complain? Yes, Yes, and yes. Why? Because you have "grown" too large to be carried by the arms that once lugged you around when you were smaller. As you grow, your problems do the same. Your struggles mature as your physical body matures. (Mental issues are a different type of maturity...we'll get there in a second)

Take for instance the young girl who develops faster than the others.. .She becomes the object of young boys hormones far before her female counterparts... In this, she becomes isolated and takes one of two roads, Acceptance, or Resentment. Acceptance of this type of attention usually leads to struggles in relationships as far as giving far too much of ones self far too easily. This is the female who has the children at the early age because she was so excited that someone showed that interest in her while she was coming to grips with who she was. (The middle finger wishes to state that we show no disrespect to you if you fall in this category... we believe that it is not totally all your fault, You should have been taught better.)

The other road, the resentment, is the one who constantly has the struggle with wondering, "Does people like me, or how I look." At an early age, it's hard to dicipher.... but sometimes, Yes, "A nukka just likes your ass and titties" It is what it is.

What do these both tie into, "Self Confidence" Belief in one self worth. You may be asking, "Yo, Middle Finger, you ain't really hit me yet... What is the deal with that, playboy?" To that I just gotta respond, "It's coming, let me light the candles and set the mood, baby, don't rush it."

Self Confidence plays a major role in one's ability go over the mountain. It's something that God instills in you once you realize who you are within His eyes. Go back to your toddler days... When you first took those first steps and you were so shaky that you looked like you were going to topple over after each step. Sometimes, you did, and sometimes you were able to go a little longer. Then you upgraded to 2 steps, 3 steps, being able to walk 6 feet, 10 feet, 15 feet, until you were able to just stroll around the house like you was grown.

I always talk about P90X and the workouts and how good I feel after each one. Yeah, I be stylin' on you lazy cats...but When I first started P90X i hated it. It was so hard. The pushups, the Pullups, The lifts, the jumps, the kicks, it was dreadful. Alas, I knew what I wanted from this workout. I knew that If I had the confidence in myself that I could get through it, if I would not succumb to the pain and give up, but rather keeping pushing forward, I would have the body and fitness that I desired. Almost 3 weeks in, I'm already seeing results.

There were times where things came up and they tried to take me out the routine of working out or possibly skipping a workout and normally, I would do just that... but I felt I had to be steadfast in this. Obidient to the discipline that I set for myself..with the working out, the diet, pushing myself to see what I was made of. The series of workouts work together to form one's body into a sculpted masterpiece. So that's the end goal I want. Yet, to get to that prize, I have to do the workouts, I have to keep pushing, and it's never going to be easy because they get tougher each day, but I keep climbing...

"You mean like climbing a mountain, Middle Finger?"

You got it, my friend.

Former slave and abolitionist, Frederick Douglass, said, "Without Struggle, there is NO progress." I've learned in life that God truly loves me. He loves me so much that He forces me sometimes to go the long route, the hard way, OVER THE MOUNTAIN, to see what he wants me to see. The gorgeous thing about succeeding or reaching your goal when you have to go OVER the mountain is when you get to the top, you can actually look back to see where you came from. Not only can you see immediately where you came from but you can look FURTHER behind you into your past and see that where the enemy wanted you to destroy yourself, you didn't.

For whatever reason, you perservered, you endured, you lasted. Going over the mountain is so much harder than going around it. It's tougher. The terrain is much more treacherous. It's easier to lose your way. You're open to attacks, and you cannot hide from that wish chases you. Most of the time, you know what your mountain is, and again, in human nature, you want the easiest way to get to your destination. Think back to the Potrait that many of our mothers and grandmothers hung in the halls of our homes, the story of the man on the beach and the one set of footprints... Long story short, a guy had a dream and God was with him on a beach but he only saw one set of footprints. He asked God, "Why did you leave me?" To that God replied, "Son, I'll never leave you(I'm paraphrasing), if you saw only one set of footprints, it's because I carried you.

While I love that piece of artwork, I know from experience that sometimes, God doesn't carry you. He doesn't leave you, but He requires you to do the heavy lifting. He is Mr. Myiagi and you are Daniel-San. You have to Sand the Floor(big circle) Paint the Fence, (UPPPPPPPPP DOOWWWWWWWWN), Wax On, Wax Off, Paint the House (Side to Side) and I know you get frustrated like Daniel did because Daniel was like, (What is this? I'm doing this hard work, going through all these struggles, I can't cheat or find a way around besides going over, but I'm not seeing not one result) while Myiagi is taking his time, chillin, going fishing, doing Crane kicks on stumps, putting on old Army clothes and getting drunk thinking about old loves, and my muscles are KILLING ME.

But what happened? Daniel learned the hard way...He didn't understand that what he was doing was getting him ready for the bigger picture...that of which is to come. We all know the story. Daniel ended up winning the tournament with the Crane kick that we all used to practice(guys mostly) at the Boys Club karate class.

Do you think Daniel could have won if he didn't have to go OVER his mountain instead of around it? In your struggles, in your pain, in your lonely places where you feel isolated and desolate and defeated.... Keep your legs moving. Don't stop where you are. It's not the place where you are going to end up. Yes, your mountain may be huge.... It may look as if it cant be climbed. You may not believe that you can make it. Everything could be against you... Your body, your mind, your spirit may all be tired and you just wanna be carried to the top.

You may scream out to God that you don't have the strength, you don't have the ability to make it one more step.....If and when you do this, and you do not hear or receive a response(breakthrough), then God is telling you....You have further to go, my child. I'm here... but I want to see you do this. I know you can do this because I know what I have put into you. Keep pushing, beloved. Don't give up on Me.... The reward is too great. But, you have to find the will, the grit, the FAITH, that you can get over this mountain.

This is the Middle Finger... telling you, when you become enlightened by God, The Hard Way, in retrospect, is the Easy Way.

Makes no sense.... Until It makes SENSE

2009-04-05T18:55:00.000-07:00

When I first started getting an idea for this post... i was watching a movie that I probably wouldn't tell anyone that I was watching... TWILIGHT. Yes, that sappy movie about 2 young kids(well, the vampire dude was like 108) being in love and longing for each other and having this intense emotional connection all wrapped in a vampie story.

When I read the book(audio style) I was like, "I kinda see it" why these HS girls were so gone off these novels. As much as part of it is Fairytale, a lot of that emotional connection comes across quite authentic as the author lays out the plot for the reader.

As I watched the movie, and actually got to see that connection personified and played out on the screen, I started to see it a little more. THEN I came to about 15 minutes from the end and the CLIMAX scene and this song comes on..... Already being an emotional person who feels and connects with my world in the smallest, atom like of things, I heard the first few chords of this song and it was like that first touch of that Tattoo needle again. That rush...that sensation...
The song is minute... actually about 2 min 20 seconds, and the verse is so short.... but the words with the music to me ERUPTS...and allows that SHIT in you that makes you know you're alive unfold.

The song is called, "Let me Sign"

"Ohh Ohh Oh
She was standing there by The broken tree
Her hands are all twisted.... She's pointing at me
I was damned by light comin' Out of her eyes,
she spoke with a voice that Disrupted the sky
She said walk on over here To the bitter shade
I'll wrap you in my arms And you'll know you've been saved
Let me sign
Let me sign"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7H47oQH1TW4&feature=related

(Sorry for the photos of this guy, but it's all I could find)

Looking at my Itunes, I've played this song 28 times in about 2 hours... It's just how I am, when there is something that I connect with, and I feel it, I become almost obsessive in finding the meaning in it.

The part that it was played on in the movie was PERFECT.. and I mean it. I'd watch the entire thing again just for the 2 minutes of the scene that the song was played. It literally wrapped itself around me and it was like this auora, where Joy, agony, tears, sorrow, jubilation, all things foribidden, all things desired all congregated right in my soul.

I love that I can feel.... I know I've been on this FREEDOM kick, but it's just where I'm at right now. It's the greatest gift God has given us... FREEDOM. We as people are all so enslaved by so many things of little consequence... Our Wealth, Our appearance, our status, our own self worth that sometimes, we lose what it feels to just be ALIVE.

To just inhale and really absorb what that breath of oxygen truly is to us. We don't take time to breathe anymore... it's already been reserved for something else. We don't enjoy the simplistic beauty of creation, of nature, of creativity, of ABSOLUTION, of abstraction, of anything.

To ask me if I get all of that from a 2 minute song, I'll tell you, NO, but it reminded me to be patient and not to fear what is around the corner.. To allow my life to flow effortlessly and not be one to force anything. To know when to extend and when to withdraw...

To know that what's in my head may not make sense to anyone else in the world, but if it's my song, to hold it close to who I am and Sing it for every day that I walk this Earth.

For 13 times, I've sat in a Tattoo chair, and in each visit, I've felt Alive because I was expressing MY SONG on my skin. Whether you like Tattoos, or you don't believe in them or whatever, that's for you... But My art is just me singing my song... Because I don't always have the voice to grab your attention, hopefully my appearance can...

Life is too short, NOT TO SCREAM YOUR SONG... because somebody other than you might need to hear it to find their own music... I needed to hear this song, this 2 minutes of guitar and blues/folksy words that you can barely understand to Rekindle that sensation which defines me.

I AM ALIVE!!!!!!! And because of that, the story isn't complete... Write the chapters of your own Life, with the passion of knowing that you EXSIST for a purpose.

This is the Middle Finger, telling you not to think outside the box. But rather, FUCK THE BOX, LIVE OUTSIDE of your own MIND. Because in that place, THERE ARE NO LIMITATIONS and the only absolute in this world is DEATH...and of that and when that comes you have no control...So LIVE, LIVE each second like the next one is going to be your last.

A DAY TO REMEMBER

2009-04-01T15:23:00.000-07:00

When I created the Middle Finger, I pomised myself that I would always keep it TRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAA., I would say what I felt and make it always be raw. I'd open up and show parts of me that many don't know. I'd radiate the Freedom that I have within myself to try and shed light and bring light to others. So this Blog may be pretty straight forward for some of the normal readers. It may sting you in your got dang mouth and make you bleed. If it does... don't spit it out... Lick the blood. Taste it... Embrace it, enjoy it. It's Freedom.

One thing I want people to take from the Middle Finger is not to block out the bad of you. The parts that you don't want others to know because it makes you seem as if you ain't perfect. You already know that you aren't. When I speak of the blood metaphor as bleeding as freedom, it's not to gross you out. It's to enhance what you are and what you can be. I remember a basketball game I played back in HS and I took a shot in the mouth from a guy and my mouth started bleeding. The dude intentionally meant to hurt me becuase he knew he couldn't stop my TRILLA. He had some sense of accomplishment in his face as I wiped the blood from my mouth. However, it didn't last. I looked him dead in the eye, smiled, and licked it right off my hand and said to him, "That's all you got? MuthF***a, buried my momma at 8 years old, it's going to take more than that weak ass shyt to stop me." I went on to score about 25 points from that point on and we easily won the game. See I couldn't give him that satisfaction. Not even for a second ....that he had enough control over my life to hold me down. If I would have went out of the game to wipe my mouth, or shed tears or showed any type of weakness in that one moment, he would have felt as if he won. As if he got the better of me. That was a gift to him that I could not give.

I'd been through TOO much in my life. I'd been knocked down too many times... I'd been doubted far too often... Been told that my dreams were too big, too bold. Laughed at, scoffed at, ridiculed for believing in a belief that was instilled in me as a child. You may ask youself, "You got all that from an elbow?" YES. I did. Because that was a moment in my life that I can go back to like a DVR and relive over and over when I need to recall that type of strength. That resolve. That Grit, that determination, that perserverance, that victory.

Now being a basketball coach of HS kids, I often tell them stories of when I was Mr. Basketball for Kentucky in 1997. The feeling. How I erupted into tears at the end of my speech because I remembered all the work I put in. All the sacrifices I made, the times where I shot jumpshots until I couldn't lift my arms. The times where my father, who would come home drunk after a night out of not dealing with his issues would awaken me from bed at 2 am to go to the park in the Freezing cold to do dribble work. To make my left hand stronger. To be able to succeed in any element. Snow, Rain, Wind. To deal with the triumphs when they came, and to be man enough to take the blame, even when it wasn't my fault. They ask, "why did you cry coach Dav, weren't you happy???" I replied, "Yes, that is exactly why I did. It was the tangiable reward for my dedication and my belief in myself and what God had told me." That was the truth. I cried because I was thankful. Because if it wasn't for the pain of seeing Cancer destroy my mother's body day by day. If it wasn't for seeing my eldest sisters tears as her best friend started her transition from one world into the next. If my father didn't abuse alcohol and frustrate me at times with his constant pushing me towards an aspiration of search to find perfection in a round ball and a metal hoop, I might not be who I am today.

A reporter asked me after I finished that speech, "I've seen you play and you play with such passion, such fury, it's like you explode right before my eyes... What drives you to go all out like that?" I replied with two words. "The Pain" He looked at me kind of like, "What". And I recall myself as a cocky 18 year old just nodding and repeating what I said. "It's the pain." A night when my team lost a game my Sophomore year, and I played like crap, my father came home in a drunken anger and threw my clothes on me as I slept and said, "Get up, you have work to do" I refused. I was one of the top Sophomores in the state of Kentucky. I didn't feel like working. I didn't feel like pushing. I was becoming satisfied. I'll never forget he grabbed me by my face, and said, "Get your ass up, Now, boy, I'm still your daddy" Back during a time where Daddy's were still daddy's..

Even in his drunken stooper, I drove us to the park at 1:15 am in freaking January with no jacket and short sleeves. He took my jacket from me. He told me, "FEEL THE COLD. EMBRACE it as part of you... and it won't bother you." I shivered as I shot jump shot after jump shot... I wasn't making a lot because I couldn't focus... I was angry... How dare I have to go through this. I've worked hard. I've sacificed. Why isn't my world working out as planned? Why am I suffering? Why are my friends in bed sleep and my father has to be drunk and yelling at me about arch on my shot. Why can't I just be free? And I remembered I cried.

I was hurting...so much inside. I wanted to just let it all out and shatter my molecules into a million different directions. I just dropped the ball. I looked at my father and said, two words that he told me never to say, " I quit".My father screamed at me, and said, "Boy, what is your last name?" I kept walking..... Step, Step, Step.... "Boy", he said louder... "WHAT IS YOUR LAST NAME" My steps became shorter and shorter but I kept moving forward. When i got about 25 feet from him he screamed, "SON, WHAT IS YOUR LAST NAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And I whirled around with tears in my eyes and yelled back, "DAVENPORT!!!" with all the force that I could muster left in my body.... I remember breathing, in, out, in out, and seeing the frost appear and then Vanish... and then it clicked in me.

I saw my mother, in tears on her deathbed telling me, "Son, make a noise so loud on Earth, that I will hear it in Heaven" I saw my grandfather working in a Country Club being spit on and embarrassed and have to turn the other cheek and remain humble and meek so that he could put food on my father's plate as well as his siblings. I saw my father's battle with alcohol which stemmed from so much but ultimately because he felt that He didn't live up to his talents to make our lives as easy as possible. I saw the joy he had when he saw me succeed. So I was standing there with all these thoughts running though my head, thinking, "I am a Davenport... I can't quit." The next moment is something that is something every father should share with his son. My father, looked me square in the eye and said, "You now know what it takes to be a man. To be able reach inside of you when you don't feel as if anything was there. I'm hard on you because the world is going to be harder. I'm preparing you. THE ONLY WAY THAT I KNOW HOW."

And that was all that needed to be said... We went home and my father told me before I went to sleep, he was proud of me. There were quite a few nights like that during my last few years at home....but that one always stuck out in my mind. I go back to it when I feel weary, and tired. When I wanna blame God for things not being perfect. When I make bad choices and have to live with the consequences.... I pull out that January night. Even in my father's death... He still drives me today. What drives you? If you get to rock bottom, how do you get up? When you scream out to God for Him to Carry you over your valley and he only gives you a bridge to walk on, how do you muster the courage to take the first step.

My advice... Use the problems.... the pain. Let it drive you and fuel you like never before to push you to reach aspects that you never dreamed were possible... When you are wounded, don't just lie there and bleed... LICK THE BLOOD. Look at your adversary, and tell it, whatever it may be.... YOU CANT WIN. I WONT LET YOU.... And then, you will be truly FREE.

This is The Middle Finger...telling you two things, The Price of Freedom really ain't free.... And Pain is only temporary, but even in death, a PROUD PARENT lives forever.

Being Perfectly Imperfect.

2009-03-31T18:31:00.000-07:00

From time to time, the Middle Finger will probably piss you off. Basically say "F You" without the cursing. That's why we created the Middle Finger. To be that place where you can come and get smacked in the face for the dumb shit that you know you have done, but were never called on it.

Even at times, I call out myself and this blog will be one of those times. As the creator of this blog, there are times where I wanna reflect on myself in front of the eyes of the reader. To make you see with my eyes.

As much as I speak on relationships, personal interaction, situations in general, I'm far from a know it all. Experience for me, has come from bad decisions, sleepless nights, fear, loathing, self-pity.

The Early death of my mother, the alcoholic abuse of my father, the failed aspirations of a dream... all helped to cultivate the world that I see and one in that which I now dwell.

I have the ability to connect with people through words. The ability to speak and have others pay attention. I love that connection. It's when I feel alive.

When people respond positively to what comes out of your mouth...it is like perfection personified.

I am perfect, perfectly imperfect. I inherited my father's insatiable desire for the attention of a woman. Because my mother passed when I was 8 years old I don't recall much of her. Photos, shotty memories, and stories seem to be all that I have.

It is from this, that I seem to relive the same cycle in each relationship with the opposite sex. In each conquest, each interaction, each connection... the depth of my heart longs to complete the emptiness that was left in her death.

I wasn't taught love. I learned it. From Television, novels, nature....and many other mediums. When I read Romeo and Juliet, I envisioned that love was suppossed to be that way. A bond that would transcend all, even death. Alas, it is a dream.

How could that type of love exisist, if it does not dwell in me? I am an incomplete math problem. The theorem with no solution. The unproven proof.

Pythagorean said that A2+B2= C2 and the issue with Math and the reason that I loved it as a student is because Math is a perfect language. It's universal truth. It's constant, faithful and true, each and every time. All the things that I am not.

My sister calls me the dumbest Genius she's ever known. Truthfully, the only thing that I truly know, is that I know nothing.

I don't know all the answers, I know fewer absolute truths... but I do know that I'mma live life to the best of my ability. To experience all that is laid out for me... To smile in adversity, to cry in triumph, To be born in death, and to marvel in life.

Confused yet? Yep, me too... But's it's a helluva ride.

This is the Middle Finger, telling you, dive deep into your inner soul to realize just how much you really don't have it together... and then look in the mirror and say, "FUCK IT, Let's see what Today brings."

Oh for real, you rocking Skinny Jeans?

2009-03-29T10:11:00.000-07:00

The Middle Finger Blog staff don't hate. That ain't us. We just bring you that REAL mixed with a Cup and a fourth of that Trill... uh. However, the MiddleFinger cannot and will not endorse the wearing of Skinny Jeans by males. Um, first because well, I can't wear skinny jeans. Not that I would want to, but my equipment and skinny jeans just wouldn't mesh. I don't even like tight draws. Boxer Briefs even gotta be a lil loose. I don't understand this fad and I think out right asanine for any male to wear skinny jeans and still wanna be looked at like a Heterosexual. In my opinion, they make you look sweet(no homo).

What's the next step, playa? Azz Chaps? Butt out jeans? Yo, if Butt out jeans become the fad, and chicks start saying that they like them and that they are cute on guys, I'm moving to Brazil. I ain't staying around here for that. I'll go live on the beach in Brazil and be a king on 28 dollars a day. I love Kanye, and Weezy is growing on me, but this two nukkas are off they rocker. Well, I always knew 'Ye was after his mom passed. The shag mullet hawk with an S curl wave kit kinda clued me on that. Weezy? Well, he did kiss baby in the mouth(no homo). I also ain't a fan of sagging. Ain't nuthin worse than seeing some lil young kid with pants so low that he damn near can't walk. I feel like saying, You stupid Mutha *******, and you know they ain't go no gun cuz they pants so low, it ain't no place to hide it.

But I can't understand the fad. Is it just a need to be different? Then "Blackman", Pay your child support every month. Read a book or two. Use the internet for more than going on Blackplanet and Facebook trying to find someone to holla at. Go to college and graduate and start a business that doesn't involve "Entertainment" and put other people on. Volunteer to help teenagers. There are so many ways to be different other than rocking Skinny Jeans. Trust me, your balls will thank you later on in life. I seen one cat with jeans so snug, he walked by me and I smelled smoke. Then I saw him light someone's newport after taking a mini jog up the street and walking back. Dude created FIRE.

So is like skinny the new big? I remember one summer that hot Bigs was in the building. This topic is so stupid, I'm struggling to even try to give it the Middle Finger blessing. I mean, ain't a lot you can say about the stupidity and utter humor of skinny jeans. The title of this blog says it all.

Yo this is the Middle Finger....Praying that this fad will end soon, or else the human race may die out for lack of sperm count..... Nah, that won't happen

Great Expectations

2009-03-22T17:09:00.000-07:00

The title of this blog is the title of one of my favorite novels written by Charles Dickens. It's widely regarded as one of the most sophisticated novels of its time. For you dumb mutha suckas, that kinda means it was written with a grown up swagga.

I wanna focus on what I've been dealing with lately since returning back into the field of being unhitched, unattached, and unspoken for. The expecations of the single woman.

WOW, I haven't been out the game that long.. yes, my relationship of 4 years ended last August, but still, some of the ladies I've encountered during that time have made me flat out LOL.

I had a lady friend actually get mad because I didn't offer to pay for her lunch at White Castle. WHITE MUTHA FUCKIN CASTLE. Oh for real? You mad that I didn't buy your 3 cheeseburgers and chicken sandwhich? The hilarious thing is that it was HER idea to come down and spend my lunch break with me. Not to mention, she was LATE, and made me late back to the office.

Not to mention, when we had a date, I actually paid for dinner. Now, I don't mind paying. However, when I knew that girl for like 2 weeks, and she started to EXPECT things, I had to look at her like she was crazy. I don't know who she had messed with before but I ain't that guy. It's not hard to realize she was single.

For all the Diva songs, and INDEPENDENT women anthems and all the other bullshit on the radio that niggas know all the words to but wont implement, shit ain't changed. Women still going to be women.. Still wanna be spoiled, pampered, princessed(not a word). I'm all for that, actually, i'm not really all for it, but i'm not against it. If we are exclusive, then I don't mind spoiling my girl, just not when I've known your muthafuckin ass TWO DAMN WEEKS.

I was talking to one of my homeboys from HS and we both had our share of chicks... we both at a stage now where we are looking to older women. More mature women. Those who are appreciative of a good man and dont cloud the situation with all the other trivial bull shit that can usually creates 99 percent of the problems in all relationships. 99 percent of the time, it's the little things, not the big things that cause breakups.

Older women, look out.. You are starting to become more and more attractive. You realize that it's okay to expect things, but it's more likely for you to get them when you earn them through being a good woman.

Just because you give a nukka some ass doesn't mean anything.. You ain't earned nothing from that.

Anyway, yeah, i coulda came stronger, but I didn't. I'm going to play with my son and watch spongebob and Eat Oatmeal cookies.

This is The MIDDLE FINGER... telling you, when you expect shit that you ain't earned nor deserve, expect your ass to be left alone.

Spotting BS early on in a Man....The Short Con vs The Long Con

2009-03-08T15:39:00.000-07:00

I feel somewhat like the masked magician.. You know, the cat with the mask on telling you all the secrets of all the things that magicians do? I admit it, I watched those shows when it came on. I wanted to know. I knew it wasnt real, but it seemed that way. I didn't know how to discern the truth, from what my eyes actually saw. With the masked magician, he often spoke on misdirection and distraction being major reasons for a successful magic trick... And man ole Man, if you could apply that to your life... and your relationships, you will have many more smiles than cries.

I was inspired for this blog by a status on Facebook. Someone wanted to know if you could really trust someone who "SAID" they wanted to get to know you. Well, there is a reason I placed "SAID" in quotations.

As a former playa, there were always two different ways, in my opinion, to go after a female and get what you want. The Short Con, and the Long Con.

Both are extremely effective if they are implemented in the proper way.... and both can have lasting, negative effects on the "mark".

I was always a fan favorite of the Short Con... the reason, it was shorter. It was better for me because it allowed me to get in and get out because I was the type of person who lost interest quickly. In the short con, you quickly find out what the mark wants in a partner. You basically do what you can to become her dream guy. You listen... you smile, you charm, you do not overlook one small detail of her and what she says and what she does. That is what allows you to speed up the short con and get what you want from her faster. It may be sex. Or to have her as arm candy, or just to boost your ego... whatever it was, the short con required a great deal of work, but you had to as Former President Dumbass would say, SHOCK AND AWE.

She had to leave your presence thinking,

"Wow, I'm the luckiest girl in the world. I found a good man who is about me and is this and is that and wants me to be happy and he's attractive and now all my girlfriends will look at me in envy and I'll feel better about myself because now, I'm normal. I have someone."

Did it always work? I can't say that it did... Not every female is the same. They do however, all have that weak spot... It just depends on how fast they reveal what it is to you. Once you find it out, and you exploit it, you pretty much have her.

In my past short cons, I've straight up lied. I've listened and repeated what she said "Which is what women want me to do" and they acted like no one has ever paid attention to them before. Before you say this was a weak minded woman... let me assure you, it was not. I hate when women say that. EVERYBODY, especially women, Plays the fool. Point blank, period. If you say you don't or haven't you are a lie. Either that or you have never been emotionally invested in someone.

I can't give away everything that I did, but let's just say the Short Con is very effective if you work it right. She feels so special in what you are showing her, she never realizes that she's just basically broke many of her rules(so she says) for you.

Women, if you find a man who seems to be too good to be true... YOU ARE RIGHT. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. Don't allow yourself to fall too fast... If he's overwhelming you, even if you are loving every move he makes... The middle Finger is telling you... WATCH OUT.

The Long Con is much different and takes much too much time for me to ever try, but it's out there. This is where the guy gets with you and plays Horse and Carrot with the female. Shows her just enough good dude to keep her around, but is just enough dog to still do what he does on the side but not to the point where she wants to leave.

The Long Con type of man usually cares more. It's just that after time, he wants what most men want, either Mental Control, or New Coochie. Pretty much, that's what every relationship will boil down to...after time has passed.

The long Con mark is often looked down upon by her friends. She's the girl that's been with the guy 5-6 years and ain't nowhere near being married but plays it off like she dont' wanna get married. She's the one that has 2 kids by him but everyone knows that he has another chick on the side but she won't accept it.

The Long con guy may have been great in the beginning, but then over time, he dwindled away the romance and started wanting more quickies and less spoilage of you. Less Candy, Less Flowers, less I Love You's, but he just won't totally leave you alone or let you go. You have became the "COW" and your milk has been taken away for free.

You wake up looking in the mirror thinking, "What happened to him? He used to be so loving.. Now, he's so distant..." If this is you, You are a long con mark.

In relationships, It's all a crap shoot. Sometimes you hit 7 on the First roll. Sometimes you crap out. It's all about the ability to discern truth. It really is a Game. Gotta be a player who makes strategic, logical, well thought out decisions if you want a chance to win...Either understand that, or don't get in the game. Sometimes, you have to RISK IT BIG, to WIN IT BIG.

This is the Middle Finger, telling you to never make someone a PRIORITY, when they have the ability to make you an OPTION.

BAWSE!