WHY I DID NOT GET MARRIED...

Yes, it's your favorite blogger, the world's sexiest poet, you already know it... Back again, on the blog tip. I had meant to start blogging again regularly but I went off on an experiemental poetry binge... and now, I'm off that. Anyway, people have been saying that it's hard for them to read my blog because they are rather long...and for those.. I think you are just an idiot with OCD. They don't take longer than five to eight minutes to read unless your ass is hooked on phonics, level 2. How about you just STFU, read it, absorb it and then understand it. <---- MIDDLEFINGER!!!!!!!!!!! Man, it's been so long since I styled... it felt tremendous to just say that.

As you may now have realized if you are not a complete moronic idiot... that I titled this blog entry somewhat similar to black women's favorite playwright, and no I'm not talking about William Shakespeare... as if they would be so cultured as to understand and appreciate the idiosyncrasies of ole Bill. Yeah, I'm talking about Mr. Unoriginal, Mr "I've done got lazy with my ideas and I know that women with issues are gonna wanna see a movie about someone with more issues than them." Mr, "I'mma recycle all my plays and basically my other movies, switch up the characters and put bald black men in AFRO wigs, give them a job as a guy who works at the Ketchup packet factory, and let a woman fall in love with him when she doesn' t have but just mustard for her hot dog and he saves the day with his free ketchup and they fall in love and it's a happy ending thanks to Oscar Meyer's"

Yes, your boy, Mr. Tyler Perry. Shout out to my boy , Tywan French, who I just learned has a new blackberry and is playing with it at work when he should be working, as his status states, but yet he ain't hollared at his boy in a while. Guess he's still muggin that the CARDS SUCK. KRAGTHORPE SUX. And just for Good measure, let us throw in Ricky P.... He just kinda suck... cuz he lied. Don't be Lying, Ricky P... Don't Be Lying... 3 G's? Shoulda went to Magic City in ATL and you woulda had much more fun. Heck, you coulda went to PHAT's and been like the Biggest Bawse that we've seen thus far.

Anyway, that's enough bagging on French and his team... but French allowed me to watch one of the few Tyler Perry movies I could actually get through without cooking French Fries in my head like me and Jon and David used to do in Eight grade when we used to get lectures every morning from he who used to lecture.

LMAO.... If you reading, Jon..... remember, "MMMMMM, Salt... Ketchup.."

Back to the real intention of the blog.... When I watched this Tyler Perry movie, I wasn't as bored as I usually am. It was pretty decent. It wasn't as Lady Gaga as some people think his movies are.. .In my opinion, actually none of them really are all that. Ain't nothin really worth bringing out of the movie to use as a tool within this blog... I'm sure you seen it.

I've been getting a little flack, on the sly from a few partnas, about some of my recent penmanships.... most notable, DREAMGIRL... I love that poem. I love part 1, part 2, and if I could ever decide on how to wrap it up, I love part 3. Part 3 has been a bytch with no hair and bad breath to write.... In conversations, I've been asked why it's taking me so long to finish when I normally write poems in 30 min or less like Dominos.

Part 3 is such a reflective look at myself and the cultivation of my attitude and my interpretations on what I feel that love is and how it should be bestowed and honored, and how choices and bad decisions in my life have kept me from reaching that pinnacle.

It is quite simply, the most HONEST piece of literature that I have ever written.... I know, I've gone thru FOUR DRAFTS of it and scrapped them all.... Well, one, Jax scrapped by turning off the power to my CPU before I could save it.

The idea for this particular blog entry has been bouncing around in my head for quite a while. Because in conversations with my own mind, it has came up numerous times... No, Inner dialogue.. Watchu think? Dav don't do that.

I have tied the struggle with writing Dreamgirl, part 3 into this blog because on the grand scale of things... the lack of reflection, honest and brutal reflection on one self is something that many of us lack to do in our lives.

I told someone that I will keep at least one draft of DG(let's call it that for sake of key strokes) because it did something that my writing hasn't done since the death of my father.... It actually made me shed a tear. About Four fell from my face onto the page...and I can see the stain marks... Maybe I can sell it when I make it big... EBAY!!!!!!

Now, if you thinking I'mma punk for admitting that... LOL... Take the name of my blog and put it right up ya ass... I am human. I am also emotional... Not this whiny sensitive EMO type of girly emotion. I mean PASSION. Those who played ball with me growing up will co-sign. I'd punch teammates in the chest, hell I think I jumped and kicked one of them down once when they made a big shot... It's how I have always had my release of energy.

DG, as it has been written, is actually my inner reflection and release portrayed in real time. From part 1 and the large number of comments to part 2 as it began to become more dark and somewhat desolate and as you can see, not as many people commented...

I take that as, it is easy to fall in love with the first version... It was the essence of it... It's what we want.. Someone to love us, to adore us and make us feel as if we are not as insignificant in this world as we really are. When I was inspired to write that poem, I was re-charged if you will. Dealing with issues stemming from my last relationship, I felt that it would be safer if parts of my died instead of being subjected to pain and frustration. I get the questions from people such as " Are you as you say in your writings?" "What inspires you?" and the most prevalent question during chats... "Why are you single?"

To those, I say, "YES", "Life and Love" "Because I needed time to heal and make sure that the resentment and anger was not taken out on the next woman".

Ironically, something touched me.. and opened up my mind and my heart to realize that even though it didn't work out... I don't have to stay anywhere I don't want to stay. I can have what I want. I can find someone who I can love and protect...If i don't close myself off to that possibility.

I have to admit, that I have lost faith in women for a time being and I touched on those reasons in previoius blog entries.... I believe my soul is rather old...and times have changed. Especially in terms of Marriage... It has truly mighty morphin power rangered it self into a Joint Venture rather than a union of two people who are deeply in love for one another.

You have to look at Assets prior to nuptials, Liabilities prior, Assets during, Liabilities during, as well all the other questions and unknown unknowns( GIN RUMMY from BOONDOCKS).

While I agree finances play a role in this, I do believe that we've made them play a much larger role than they have to. Somtimes, Money is grand and sometimes, I understand why people hate it.

I've seen first hand what it can do, the divide it can cause... the problems that can be solved and problems that can occur. Money may buy comfort... Trips to Africa, Spain, Benz's whatever... I do not believe or at least I hope that it's not true, that it cannot buy happiness...

I often ponder why it is that we all seem to know what we want but many of us seem to struggle to find it? We make excuses about not settling, or knowing what I want and not finding it yet... I used to believe that last line with all my heart... and that was the true reason that I had yet found a companion. The more I mature and grow older, the less I believe myself. Deep down, I know qualities that I look for in a woman, but honestly, I dont know what I want. If i'm gonna be totally honest... I have no utter clue.

I interact with numerous types of women daily, weekly, and I find attraction in quite a vast majority of them. Certain aspects I truly can smile about. Whether it's physical attributes, emotional stability, or a just plain old fasioned good girl, with a good heart. When I have further in depth conversations, or in the rare times that there is interaction within another's presence, often I see that much of the words or descriptions of what I was told or what I thought I saw, were rather hollow.

For the life of me, I do not understand why people have the need to want to make others feel as if they are complex.... Many of us just aren't that hard to figure out when we are honest with ourselves...

We ain't Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery....but I believe many are conditioned into thinking that "If i'm not mysterious, I'm not attractive, I do not stand out." I have made that mistake a few times in my day. My ego wouldn't allow someone to compare me to another... DAV had to be one of a kind.. But you know what... All though I am... concurrently, I am not.

There are lots of DAV's out there... I had a convo with my homegirl who lives in ATLANTA after my recent trip to Georgia and she had me thinking.... She told me, "Brandon, there are a lot of guys like you here...Good looking men, talented, articulate, successful, etc... So some of the things you used to be able to do and get away with, wouldn't fly here."

She was right... No, I digress...She IS right. I know coming to that conclusion, as hard as it was for me to hear, it was needed...

I can have the ability to make someone feel special, without being special in how I used to believe I was... I have nor will I ever lack not one ounce of confidence ever... but it's like I told the guy who asked me for that dollar that day... "If the dead could speak, they'd call all cynics, realists...." It is my cynical nature that caused me to believe that I would probably never get married because I doubted I could find someone who could understand that level of commitment and what it means in the face of adversity and triumph in today's society.

One coversation I've had recently was that I told someone that I want a woman that I can smile at the the thought of as I lay on my death bed. She doesn't like that I talked about my dying so effortlessly, but I know what comes for me... it comes for us all. I look at my life somewhat backwards and instead of viewing it terms of LIFE, I view it in terms of death. When I die, am I going to regret? Will I be fullfilled and not just satisfied?

I want to be with someone that I can have incredible memories with.... because those are timeless... Those are the small and intricate things that are interwoven into our souls and that I truly believe that we take with us into the transition of the next phase of our evolution as concious beings.

In my last hours, I don't want thoughts and recollections of the time we fought because I couldn't buy you something or the time we wasted 2 weeks on being upset because you didnt' think I listened to you when you spoke...

That should be a time for retrieving the sensation that is within our hearts and minds of that time I held you from behind when you were so frustrated at life and I wrapped you in my arms and whispered in your ear, "You are amazing... and I love you..." and you finally realize that it's not worth losing it over and you grasp my arms with your hands and exhale knowing that we are.... Truly free.. as long as we don't make our own prisons..

Inner reflection of ourselves... honest assessment of our feelings, letting go of the trivial things that do not matter, and being able to love and be loved in a way that can trascend all.... should all be factors when you join a union with someone... If you are not or cannot do these things yet... it would be better to wait until you can.... It's a work in progress... and we learn daily. Waiting until I truly master these things, are a reason Why I did not get married.

In closing, if we look at ourselves as a flower... and when the rain falls on us...yes, it dampens us... but without it... We'd never grow... We'd wither and die.


This is the MIDDLEFINGER.BLOGSPOT.COM... Sometimes, home to where the writer of the blogs lets you know his inner most feelings on topics that he thinks are important.

Expect the Unexpected

You know... I've enjoyed myself a great deal over the last two weeks. A small vacation to Cincy to see my cousin and go to the Jazz Festival... I've met some interesting people.... I've got to see my favorite group in the world, Foreign Exchange, perform in Indianapolis with some of my best friends. That last one was a blast because everytime I see them, whenever I listen to their music, it makes me smile. Looking at my pictures, and yes, there are a lot (i've actually been deleting some..) you can see that I'm not a huge smiler(is that a word?). It's not that I don't like to smile... I love when I actually have things to smile about. I smile at Jax but lately, he's just been on one. There's been less smile and more, "Boy, what in the Hell are you doing? What would give you the idea to just dump everything out of your toybox and just start lobbing them up the steps?"

Kid keeps me SMH. (Shaking my head for you slowbies).

You know what else keeps me SMH????? LIFE. How it progresses, how it changes, and how it unfolds. How certain aspects are effected by the choices we make and more specifically, the consequences of those choices. Choose to stay with the wrong person after they've done you wrong multiple times and you end up with esteem issues, heartache, cynisism, time lost, and a plethora of other internal complications. All... from....one.....bad....choice. Doesn't seem fair, huh? I'd have to agree. In the balance of this world, and within the battles of Good and bad, right and wrong, light and dark, those who follow the positive of those previously posted in the prior statement should probably project a small portrayal of those positions personified... primarily... If you do good, you should have good returned to you. Makes sense doesn't it?

Alas, we do know that this is not the case... More times than we'd care to admit or even than we can even believe... those who do not attempt to do good in the least always seem as if they are the ones who profit and are rewarded the most. I dont have to share examples of that... i'm sure if you're reading this you know plenty.

Yesterday, after picking up Jax like I do everyday thru the week, I noticed my car smoking. Immediately I started thinking, "WTF? Now what?" I looked at my tempature guage and I saw it rising almost to the highest and I realized that my car was starting to overheat. GREAT... JUST GREAT. (sidebar... I want some Famous Dave's Rib Tips... Ionno why..I smell something and my brain just gave me that craving.)

So hear I am, driving down Cane Run Road, saying, "God, not now... Come on... don't let this happen to me." (WHY THE HELL DO I KEEP SMELLING FAMOUS DAVE'S??? I will be right back, I gotta see who's eating ribs at 8:50 am). Okay I'm back.. It wasn't Dave's but I still want some... Where was I? Oh yeah.. So I'm driving and my car looks like Snoop Dogg's dressing room circa 1993. I'm trying not to curse because Jax is in his car seat and he doesn't need to pick up anymore bad habits.

I pull into that new Walmart on Cane Run and I'm in the parking lot with my hood up staring at my car and I notice that all my coolant has ran out and I'm hoping that it's just a hose or something. Normal ish. Wear and tear, some things gotta get replaced every now and then... So I bend down to look and see if I can see where the leak is coming from... It's not a hose... It's the Radiator. Great... Just Great. I stand looking at my inner makings of my automobile and by this time I notice that Jax has undid his buckle, opened the back door and climbed out and has came around to stand next to me.

I'm already furious and I'm about to take it out on the kid for getting out, but I pause. He looks at me and doesn't say anything, but just kinda shrugs like, "ISH HAPPENS, POP... You know that."

I knew that... I knew because that's what went into my mind when I looked into that kids eyes. BUT I wasn't trying to hear that right then. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to be pissed off.. And Complain and throw a fit and break shyt, because that's where my heart was at. Back to what I said about smiling... I used to be afraid to smile. When I was growing up, anytime I would smile or get too happy or think things were just peachy, something bad or something adverse would happen shortly after. I still deal with some risidual effects of that... although I'm working on it.

Long story short... I was thankful to make it to the car place this morning to get it worked on... $476.13 is what it's gonna cost me. OUCH. That's why I said in that status I was hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. Immediately I went back to thinking,

"Dav, you smiled too much. You had too much fun... You started to "LOSE YOUR WAY" (song by Nicolay and Carlitta Durand, first single off Nicolay's new album, CITY LIGHTS 2, which is what I'm listening to on repeat as I write this entry... Sept 15, pick up City Lights 2.)

As children, and even as adults, when obstacles and speed bumps appear in our paths at unexpected times often we look at our own selves to and say, "Damn, what did I do for this to happen.. What did I do to deserve this?" Now, sporadically , your actions will merit and reflect your current situation, but not always. Sometimes, you just have to listen and meditate on what Jesus said in his Sermon on the Mount....


Matthew 5:45

So that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.

That's a helluva verse to meditate on... My father used to always say the last part to me... "The Rain falls on the Just and the Unjust, alike" It's raining as I create this piece and that just kinda hit home. Go outside. If the rain falls on you and you have done good today... You know what??? Smoove!!!! If someone is outside and has done bad, the rain is falling on them as well. I can even quote DMX from Belly... "When it rains... N***** get wet...."

Although Earl Simmons didn't put it as eloquently as I would have, you get the what he's saying with at least a small modicum of understanding.

What I take from that verse is just because you do good, doesn't mean you are always gonna get good things at all times. If you did not understand adversity, how could you recognize Triumph? How can you understand the jubilation of winning, if you've never lost? Things happen and unfold how they unfold because there is a purpose. Frustration occurs from our frail human minds, in all our spledor and acclaimed wisdom, can not grasp hold of such a simple truth. .. Bad things happen to Good people sometimes, and Good things happen to bad people sometimes. That's just how this shyt works.

In wrapping this up... I'd ask you to revisit one of the most powerful stories in the Bible that deals with an amazing shift from Favor, to brokeness and despair, and ultimately, RESTORATION.

JOB. not (JOB as in where you work) but JOBE. Ionno why they spelled it JOB, I didn't write it. I don't know how you have a "V" in FAVRE and get "FARVE"


Think of JOB... here is the richest most faithful man walking the Earth. Got it all, Big Body Benz's... Kids with no child support, a wife(not a baby momma) Cribs with Flat Screen, Pools, Food in the Fridge, Bills paid and far ahead on his Cable... Job was balling so hard, he was on the 5G network when everybody else was on 3G.

What happens? Job lost everything. Why? Nothing that Job did. Job was upright and pleasing to God. God spoke this Himself. God bragged on Job to satan and was like, "You see my servant Job? He loves Me, and keeps it 100 in his praise and his faith.. watcha gotta say about that?" And satan, the hater that he is, always muggin replied, " He only that way cuz you hooked him up with all kinda stuff. You broke him off with all that money, and stuff and what not.... let him lose it all and watch what he does... Cuss you the heck out."

Now, I'm paraphrasing Bible.... I know what it says but just for comedic relief inside a great moral.. .Ride with me.

What does God do? Not what you think a loving God would do. At least, not what your small mind would believe a loving God would do... But God told satan... "Okay, playboy... Is that what you believe... fine, take it all from him... but don't touch his life." With that, satan did the Stanky leg outta God's presence and went to work on JOB.

Dude lost it all... like Tiger Woods in the Racial Draft on the Dave Chappelle show. No more money, cars, the clothes....Job just wanna be, Job just wanna be, Job just wanna be SUCCESSFUL. Not no more Job.

How many of us would lose our rabbit @ss minds if that happened to us? Well, lots of people lost a great deal in the flood we just had. Tragic and unfortunate... but JOB's suffering was not over.

That devil went back and God told him again, "See, you took all Job's stuff and he still praises me...Job is that truth." and to that satan replied, "Yeah, but he still has his family and his good health... he can make his bread again...take away his support structure on EARTH, and he'll crumble like old bread."

God once again, said, "You know what, satan, be like Digital underground and "Dowatchalike" but again, don't touch his life."

And this time, satan did the gangsta walk outta God's presence and went to work again on Job. He lost all of his kids.. Died one after the other... as a father, I couldn't fathom life with Jax... losing him would be too much. He's one child. Job lost EVERY CHILD he had.

So by now, Job was on the verge of tweeking out. He had big boils all over his body.. His wife was telling him to curse God and die. His boys was like, "Ah man, you look like you got hit for a Hot Boyz T-shirt"

Everybody was in his ear about giving up, just saying I can't take it and letting go of his life. In every way, Job had suffered immeasurably. No one could fault Job for wanting to throw in the towel. If in the history of this spinning ball of rock, if one person had the right to end it all and not be scoffed at, it is JOB.

He didn't. And Job has some fiyah quotes in his book. Job styled on his wife in JOB 2:10 when she said Curse God saying:


"He replied, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" In all this, Job did not sin in what he said


Or one of my personal favorites in Job 1:21

And JOB said, Naked came I from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: The LORD givith, and the LORD hath taketh away;blessed be the name of the LORD

In the end... do you know what happened? JOB got it all back. WITH INTEREST... HE GOT HIS CHIPS, WITH DIP(FRENCH's fav movie).

He got a new and better wife...he made more money than ever before... he had even more childrens..

God restored Job, not only to where he was, but even further because in the tough times, Job remained faithful. He didn't bird out(I'm stealing that Phonte) he just knew that things happened...and even though they do.. God is still God.


No matter how bad it is... how fall you've fallen.. How many times you've screwed up.. You can be restored.

There is something about brokeness in human species that is so tangible...that I struggle to put it into words. The emotion of tears that stream down ones face... The unanswered questions, the silent screams that are choked off by boisterous sobs..The pleas that you say so much that you wonder if God has tuned you out.... I know...Trust me, I know.... It's in those times, when you think that you're "Dying.." but in Real Time.... my friend..please understand... that you are "LIVING."



This is the Middle Finger...saying, even though it inspired a powerful blog.... I still don't wanna write that Check. :)

I AM, WHO I AM.

Man, it's been so long since I been doing what I love to do and that's write my thoughts out for the world to see... Been almost 2 months. Where has the time gone? I know that you missed the Middle Finger... Well, he's back... with a Vengance like Samuel L Jackson and It's A TIME TO KILL this PULP FICTION and give it a LONG KISS GOODNIGHT.. See, I created the Middle Finger to assist me in battles and STAR WARS, and I do my best to keep it BASIC and spit that truth to all the JACKIE BROWN's out there but it's hard when people put up this front like they are UNBREAKABLE.

It's frustrating when it seems that on some issues people applaud you for your efforts but then on others they don't seem to want to be on the same SPHERE of wisdom that you occupy. It is my goal with this lingusitic commentary to ONE-EIGHT-SEVEN the acceptance of coonery and the bafoonery of a group of people that are the most creative, innovative, and duplicated on this planet.

Alas, it seems that I will come up against a great deal of opposition on this quest because taking stances, or saying things similar to what I say, seem to be TRIPLE XXX. Mindstates rarely change when people are so focused on the straight and narrow and they seem to always wanna resist to CHANGING LANGES, and drive a different path mentally. I do not speak to you from an elevated LAKEVIEWTERRACE, but sometimes I do attempt to acheive a level of conciousness that is so elevated that there are no SNAKES ON A PLANE, flying that high.

True, at times My Black Snake can make you moan, but it ain't always about that... So let's get into today's topic while I drink my JUICEand daydream of holding my dreamgirl as we stare at the sunset over Eve's Bayou.... I've given up my stance as THE NEGOTIATER and have since decided to become COACH CARTER... Why you ask? Because I can... the middle finger is MY BEER... DRINK MUTHAF****.

If you caught what I was doing earlier in this entry, good for you. I like smart people. If you did not, it does not mean that you aren't smart, just that you didn't pick up on it. I was describing, in a creative way, basically the mission statement of my blog and my attitude with movies either starring of featuring my favorite actor, Mr. Samuel L Jackson. If you wondering.. Nope, I didn't have to look them up... My memory is just one of those that can recall information from within it's depths.

Middle Finger... Why you do that though? Is there a purpose?

Indeed. There is always a method to my madness. Each power move is calculated, recalculated, and then finally put it play. I love strategery...

I just wanted to do that because I wanted to. I love Sam Jackson. He's a jack of all trades... He can be funny, serious, dramatic, and he's also the HIGHEST grossing actor(as far as films starred in Revenue) of all time. Did you know that Samuel L used to be on drugs? Yes sir. Mr #1 of the silver screen used to be a junkie. The lowest of the Low. The people you look at and scrunchy up your nose and be like, "Ewwwww".

Just goes to show you, it's not where you start.. but where you finish.

I always thought about being an actor growing up.... But you know what, I wouldn't be very good. It would be a difficult transition from one role to the next. To put on different faces at different times and live in an exsistance of Make believe so to speak.

I like being me too much. I like being real a great deal. ALL MY REAL PEOPLE... I KNOW YOU FEEL ME. WE AREN'T FOR EVERYONE, WE'RE AN ACQUIRED TASTE.

It seems lately, though, the middle finger has been looked at as revvin' up his A** hole engine to about 8000 RPM's. I don't believe that's the case.. Hell I've been the exact same. Like the Jigga song... I NEVA CHANGE...

Yes, he's the guy who brought you, Going Over The Mountain... and Stay Connected, and many other positive, feel good, inspirational blogs. I encourage you to go back and read those if you have not and even if you have, just go read them again.

He's also the guy who's brutally honest and blunt. He doesn't like to sugarcoat it because sometimes you just have to have someone give it to you RAW. Like Yo, "You F**** up" or "That's probably one of the dumbest things I've heard."

I've been told on numerous occasions that it's not what you say... but rather how I say it. I say it how it needs to be said. They're the same words. Whether I'm nice about it or straight to the got damn point. Either way with me, you're going to get the same message.

If you think I act as if I'm a know it all, you what, I don't give a shyt. I'm not, nor do I claim to be. The only reason that I have the level of reasoning that I own is that I have F'd up so often that there was no other choice for me but to learn, adapt, retain, and distribute that information back out to help someone else. Hov didn't tell you to sell drugs... he did that, so hopefully you didn't have to go thru that.

I had a status that said, MY INNER CIRCLE IS MATHETMATICALLY PERFECT, SO I KNOW THAT THEY WILL ALWAYS BE (A)ROUND. I mean that shyt... I love my homeboys. I don't have a great deal of them, but I know that they are rock solid, stand up guys. I care about what they think... Not to the point of changing who I am because Dav has to play the role given to him by the Almighty and use the talents he was blessed with to form his piece of VOLTRON, but these are the cats who I opinion I hold in high regard.

Other than them, and my family, I'm good. F' ya. You ain't GOTTA LIKE ME. What you eat don't make me ISH. I've walked this earth DOLO, like KWY-CHANG- CAIN( dude from the old movie KUNG FU) for upwards of 30 years... What type of idiot would I be to let how someone feels about me derail me from who I am?

I don't apologize for anything I've said in the aspect of it being TRUTH. It's funny to me to see people act one way, when you know really, they ain't always like that... Why? Cuz you've seen them away from the Flashing lights and others.

Wanna get to know a person... GET THEM AWAY FROM ANYONE ELSE... and that person will show you who they truly are, regardless of how many masks that they may wear. It's an innate human function. In the end... You will be who you are. If that's a closet freak who likes to get busy.. Then that's what's gonna come out. If it's a person with fake confidence but really they are afraid of what everyone thinks and how they look... then that will come out. Defense mechanisms, Escapism, it's all a tool developed to keep from dealing with what is real within oneself.

I was up last night fighting sleep, talking to two ladies... both asking me advice on two different things. Yeah, that's me. The A** stayed up to make sure that he could help two people whom he's never met in person have a different level of perspective put on their situations. Why? Because I could. Because they asked, and Because I believed that I could help them. They both said that I did, and I went to bed with a smile. Ya boy did good.

If you asked them... I didn't sugarcoat it... I told them straight up the situation. One struggled to make a decision on her future and is not used to dealing with issues of a certain magnitude all at once like she has been forced to. The other broke a cardinal rule in JUMPOFFDOM, and caught feelings for the jumpoff but now ish has changed and she has a choice to make. Give up the jumpoff and keep it moving but not have anyone to have sex with for a while... or stay in it and probably continue to feel more confused and allow him to keep having his Cake and eating it too.

That's all life boils down to is choices. I choose to be how I am because it fits me. I'm the agitator... I'm the Devil's Advocate.. I'm the 1 % in the the perfect harmony of your own individual Matrix. I can't be the type of person to smile in your face and talk about you behind your back and then have the gall to hang out with you when we hit the town... And that happens a GREAT deal. I know because I've had the conversations with many of people. Funny what people are willing to tell you if you just listen and ask... Stroke their ego a little bit... and boom. ALICIA KEYS STOPS singing in the background because your "SECRETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSSSSS are NOT SAFE WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

Don't worry.. . The middle finger doesn't snitch, but I know what I know. I'm able to be trusted. I'm reliable and I'm available with an ear to listen. People may say I'm opinionated, that I'm judgemental, that I'm harsh. I'll take the first and the last. I am those. I don't judge anyone. No where in any blog do you find me going after a specific person. Now, situations and ideas and choices are fair game. Just because I don't excuse someone from making a bad choice or a non power move doesn't mean I view them as a bad person. But Stupid is as Stupid does. I saw the clip from Real Coonery in Atlanta...on DIMEWARS.COM. KANDI is DUMB. SIX kids and 4 baby mommas and you thinking about ending up with him? There is no other way to say it but it being DUMB. You may say it's my opinion, that's fine... It is, but that don't change the fact that it's dumb.

What SELF ASSURED, CONFIDENT, WOMAN, you know, like every single one that you meet and ask them if they are, and they all say YES, would actually believe, under any circumstance that she has the capability to change him or that he is ready to change himself? Who would want to deal with that Stress. The momma was spot on.. ONE BABY MOMMA is hard enough, but FOUR of them??? Then all the children? That's a situation where you just gotta say, "You know what... I gotta pass."

You know I had to take a shot at the Coonery... I know many readers can tell me more about that show and Tiny and Toya than they can tell me who was the first black Supreme Court Justice, What was the outcome of Plessy Vs Ferguson, The Dred Scott case, what was The Grandfather Clause, What is the function of the Trilateral Commison, or the Council on Foreign Relations... But let me close..

Last thing before I end this is that there is a word that I love and it's something that I want in my future wife(if I ever get married).

Starts with a "C". Compassion???? Yes, but that's not the word. Cooperation? Another good one, but still not it? Candygirl? Negro, who are you, Ralph Tresvant?

The word is CONSISTENT. There is no more joy as a man in knowing that your lady is CONSISTENT.... That you can count on her to be who she is, ALL THE TIME. Not one day she's nice, and another she's a Bish, and another she's clueless... Just plain ole Consistency.

One thing I am beginning to stay away from... is the girl who seems to have it all together. The girl who is the princess... the one who knows all the political correct things to say about a man or a relationship, or blazay blazay... The one who has all the options but is by herself. I often step back and evaluate and be like, "Yo, there's gotta be a reason." Usually, it is. I wont name them though because it's a vast number of possibilities.

You know what I love? The broken girl. The one who knows what it's like to have tears in her eyes from her struggles and yet she can still muster enough strength to look up from her Valley and say Thank you, to the SkyChief. The one that KNOWS she doesn't have it all together and doesn't even try to portray that she does... She just wants to live her life the best she can with peace and to find happiness in someone and something before she gives up her ghost. Give me the one who's SHATTERED... Who knows what it's like to be in a million pieces and not know if you have enough glue to put yourself back together.

I'm not looking for the glitzy, prinstine, shiny, girl made of priceless crystal... The one who's never got a blemish on her dress.. or her slip is never showing... The one who in public is the "FIERCEST" (No H*M*) chick walking around, but in private she truly a mess... Nah, that's not for me...Give me the chick with the dress that has the stain on it...the one with her nails not perfectly manicured... the one that can take the punch in the mouth and shake it off and spit out the blood cuz she's a FIGHTER... I want the one that has the callused hands from being in the TRENCHES and knowing the work and the struggle and the WILL POWER it takes to keep digging.

The lady who looks at my problem as OUR problem, and doesn't stand on the sideline, but checks herself into the game to help fix the shyt. The woman who understands, "Yes, there are some people smarter than me... wiser than me, better looking than me, but they can't be a better ME than I can be." The lady who when she doesn't know the answer... she is smart enough to know where to GO TO GET THE ANSWER and is not afraid to do so.

The one who has the TRUE confidence to say, "F what they lips may say about me, because YOUR lips are the ONLY ones that touch me..."

Shyt, I gotta end this cuz yall gettin a free preview of NOVEL material....


I know this blog kinda jumped around, but it's been so long that I didn't really wanna stay on a focused issue... There is something in there for everyone. I'll get my mojo back.


This is the Middle Finger... Telling you, The world is just a stage... and we are all the players... What role will you play? Your true self... or your Representitive?


PS, I"M BACK MUTHA******

STYLIN AND PROFILIN'

It's been a crazy day... however, it's been one to remember. I lost power this AM and woke up late for work and was so warm that me and Jax was both a lil sweaty. However, I slept thru the storm. Didn't even wake me. Guess I kind of had some peace. Then, Michael Jackson died yesterday, RIP, and everybody and they momma had it in their status. Kudos to yall and the King of Pop.

My partna Calvin had the red jacket and my boy Tywan, BOTH OF THEM ARE ON FACEBOOK, had the Glitter glove and could spin around like nobody else.

LULZ, nah they didn't.. I just wanted to rag on them.

Just stylin a lil bit. Been Profilin too. Changing my profile pics pretty much every week with different shots.. Getting my JON MOORMAN, SHIRT OFF POSE on... Still Coming for you, JON, and we going to Dallas soon to ball outta control. Brandy, I'm on the way next time with Jon so he better get this gig so we can come "SOONER THAN LATER"... one of my favorite Drake songs.

Anyway, while watching the Draft last night(SNORE, I'm going Free Agency to the Orlando Magic to play with Jameer Nelson(who I have been mistaken for, but I'm much more attractive)... I went back and was thinking, "Yo, you ain't blogged in a while... Gotta find some inspiration."

So layin in bed last night I was lookin at my Facebook page and admiring my profile pic(Yes, I'm proud of my hard work... you don't like it, BLAH, Cuz I'm in Polo's and flops) but I was like, "Why did I choose this one." You don't even see my face.. Just my back...and while it is quite LUSCIOUS(yeah, u know it is... u ain't gotta tell me, shhhhhhhh) I have changed it a few times, but I came back to it.

Wow, just got hype because DIAMOND GIRL just came on in my playlist and I did the real hard shoulder shrug(Kara and Sheena know what I mean) Loves this song, and maybe I'll find her soon.

Returning to the pic... Today, was going to be a good day... I keeps it real at the Middle Finger so I'll let you all know that I had fallin behind a lil bit in my finances dealing with house upkeep(running a house on 1 income when it was being ran on two) and fixing ish and making sure that the car I got from my sister to replace the car I allowed my son's mother to take possesion(she was on the loan, long story, big mistake) and take over payments, was up to par.

Pretty much is there...waiting for a small piece to come in 2ma from AutoZone to fix the AC, cuz it been rough since it went out. I made due though...

The reason that today was really suppossed to be good was that I was going to finally drop my mortgage checks for the time that I had fell behind. I mean, it was pouring the last 40-50 days with expenses, but I didnt' get too frustrated. Didnt' get too high, or too low.. I told God, "Just make a way like you always do, I trust You, Lord... but I need You."

Hard work and scrimping and saving doesn't bother me. I can eat the same thing over and over 8 days a week and not be tired of it cuz I'm a picky eater.. So I had to cut back a lil to get back to the top. Had to take out a loan against my 401K and cut back on a lot of luxury items. What was left over, Jax got first dibs and then if there was anything, I'd maybe get that cash..

I was pumped though when I got to work... I called my mortgage company and was planning on apologizing for being a little behind(2 months) but that I was back on track again. Here's the thing that you won't believe and I still don't really believe.

I called them and when I got the automated system, it said, "YOUR ACCOUNT IS CURRENT."

"DO WHAT" I screamed into the phone to the robot voice...

Uh oh, I might have to shout like Dr. Cosby was up in here.... cuz I think you know where I'm going...

I didnt believe it.. How could that be, Nah, I'm behind 2 months, but I got all my bread and for July, I'mma be smooth to get it to you before the 16th when it's due.

Hit back to main menu and rekeyed the info.... "YOUR ACCOUNT IS CURRENT"

Why is Bank of America playin with me???? I'm behind. I know it.

So I talked to the Home Retention dept, because when me and my ex broke up and she split, she wasn't giving me ANYTHING on any bills for the last 2 months she was here so I had to foot the entire ish and I was still having to pay on my car, etc. I ended up getting a Loan Modification and they lowered my interest rate.

When I spoke to the guy, he was like "Mr Davenport, the account is current and your next payment isn't due until July 1st and as long as it's in by the 16th, you're fine."

I was like, "Nah, but playa, u ain't hearin me, I owe for 2 months, there gotta be a mistake."

So he puts me on hold and goes and checks... comes back in 2 minutes and was like, "Mr. Davenport, it's been taken care of." Payment is due on July 1st. I can transfer you to Customer service and they can tell you who did it."

So I get transferred and I talk to the girl in Customer Service...tell her the same situation and was like, "You serious???" Cuz she said the same exact thing. She went to go check why it was paid and then she was like, "Well, it won't tell me that, but I know it's paid." Payment is due July 1st.

I'm like, "Can I get this in writing?" She was like "I can send you another statement stating that you only owe the amount your payment is for July."

Are you sure?? I am like, "WHAT THE HELL is going on????"

She said, "Yes sir."

So I get off the phone and call back Home Retention and was like, "Nah, this ain't right..."

And I got another girl and she was on it... She said the same thing... but she found out the reason... When I did the Modification, when it was approved an adjustment wasnt made to assist me in catching up. Get this, the Collection dept of Bank of America caught it and adjusted it and paid the payment. FOR MAY AND JUNE.

I'm shocked. And like really shocked. They said, "Mr. Davenport, we have it documented that you don't owe a payment until July and you've talked to two people and we have told you this... Here are our names for your reference..."

All I could say was Thank you, JESUS...cuz I was just happy to get back to where I was before my finance trouble hit.

Now, let's get back to the Profile pic... What am I doing???? My arms are outstretched and my head is down . What does it remind you of?

I don't compare myself to HIM, but I was driving back from my lunch and looking at FACEBOOK and saw the picture again and then it hit me....

HE PAID IT ALL.... JESUS paid it all... OH, I know you betta be shoutin right now, cuz I'm about too myself again...

PAID IT ALL...HE HUNG ON THAT CROSS and PAID ALL OUR DEBTS... He took the reward that we deserved, DEATH, and gave us instead, LIFE ETERNAL.

See, I only deserved, in my opinion to get back to where I was and I was thrilled about that... However, GOD, had MORE in store for me...

Nah, Playboy, I heard your prayers, I see you hustlin, I see you sacrificing... and not losing faith.... You ain't about to be back to where you were, I'm PUTTIN YOU AHEAD... Yes, I just shouted.

And when I was pulling into the parking garage to walk back into my building, two tears fell because I got it.

I called my sister after I got off the phone and she shouted.... I'm still in amazement. God knew... I was ready to settle in what I thought I was gonna have, but GOD showed me, Keep your Faith and I'll always take care of your needs.

So, in wake of Michael Jackson and Ferrah Fawcet both passing on, be encouraged that as of today, you have life and as long as you have that... You are ahead of the game.

You may not have much, but what you got, use it, and be thankful and keep your faith and God will take care of you... He always does.

This is the Middle Finger... Happy as he** that I didn't lose faith, and kept looking at my "STACK" instead of my "LACK".

PATIENCE....GRASSHOPPER

As Father's Day approaches this coming Sunday, I was inspired, well, not inspired but thinking about writing a blog about something that ties into it...However, going back thru the blogs that I have already written, I vaguely touched on being a Father already. However, because this is THE MIDDLE FINGER( and I'm sorry but this song I keep playing with DRAKE and LLOYD, A NIGHT OFF, has me wanting to spoil somebody with kisses and and all kind of other stuff for a special occasion, so I don't know how this is gonna come out) we don't repeat topics.

Did you just re-read that last thing that is inside the parenthesis? I know you did... You ain't slick, Middle Finger knows you by now.... Yes, men do actually do those things when the oppertunity and the right person allow them the permission to do so... Unfortunately, I don't think I'm gonna get permission for the actions I wanna take, but HOT DAYUM, I'd freak the hell outta that song on her. Cuz the Middle Finger knows what to do with it....(Like the song says).

It's difficult because I want to do that soooooooo bad, but alas, It doesn't seem to be in the cards, in my opinion. ... BUT... Who knows, I may get a message with the Disarm codes and then The MIDDLE FINGER may get to RAISE up to DEAFCON 5... LOL. Get ya minds out of the gutters... Okay, I guess I gotta get mine out first. There, I just did it. But I'mma play this song one more time and then visualize all my spontaneous moves and counter moves, cuz the Middle Finger plays a STIMULATING game of Chess with ya body that ya man probably won't take the time to do...CHECKMATE!!!!!!!


Okay, Okay, Okay..... I gotta get you to refocus with me because I don't want you to miss this message and I can't be passing on the enlightenment that is bestowed upon me as get kinda, well, You know... .. YEAH.

Whew, had to get that out of my system... But I want it..... I WANT IT, I WANT IT, I DESERVE IT, WHY AIN'T IT GONNA HAPPEN? UGH, I'M SO FRUSTRATED... I'M SURE THAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE PROBABLY FREAKIN THAT SONG(probably not, and not like I would, but saying that for dramatic effect and to prove a point)... I GOT TO DO IT BEFORE WITH SOMEONE ELSE(another example) BUT I WANT TO DO IT WITH HER.... LOOK @ HIM??? DUDE OVER THERE....DAMN, HE LOOK LIKE HE'S SPOILING HIS CHICK(I'm better at it) WITH ALL KINDS OF AFFECTION... I WANNA BREAK SOMETHING BECAUSE IT'S NOT FAIR. I'M ME.... I AM SPECIAL... WHY CAN I NOT GET EVERYTHING I WANT, WHEN I WANT IT? SHE GOT IT... 20 OTHER PEOPLE GOT IT, BUT I DIDN'T GET MINE. THE WORLD'S F'D UP CUZ OF THAT.....


Now, there was a reason I wrote that last paragraph...Ever had thoughts like that?? Said similar words like that in other situations?? I'm sure you have, even if you wanna admit it because we know this is the INTERNET and we ALL have it together don't we? As I went on in those first few paragraphs... and yes, that is a real situation... but I just couldn't let it go. Why you ask??? Because I desire it. Part of me feels that I need it. That my energy craves it... but it's not up to me. I'll say it again... It's not up to me. However, even if I don't get to show that particular person how it feels to have my mouth gently move like a BISHOP and ROOK(Chess pieces) all over her mid-section... eventually, there will be someone who I feel the same way about and probably will end up showering her with that affection.


The point I'm trying to make is something that many Granny's and Momma's have told you and I since we hit our grown up years as we begin to accumlate different types of thing..... "What God has for you, is for You." So why stress? Seriously? I know it's easier said than done but why Stress about what someone else gets or someone else has that you don't have? Why do we always look at our "lack" instead of our "stack"? True, it's difficult at times to see people constantly reach a level that you are trying to obtain, especially when you don't believe that they are as talented as you are, or have worked nearly as hard as you have or struggled nearly as long as you may have. They may be blowing money on IPHONE's and Kanyeezy shoes and you may have to hit up the Check Advance place to make sure that you have enough cash to make all the payments on time...


You know what??? It's how it is... and complaining, or whining, or crying or envying ain't gonna do NUTHIN in terms of an aspect of getting you to where YOU wanna be. Everybody at your job may have got that RAISE, and even if they only got 3 percent and you didn't get anything.... You know what... It sux, but at least you still got a job. At least you not at Sixth and Cedar at the UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE, standing in line wondering if they gonna get you together...(No offense to ANYONE who has to deal with that right now because you wont be like that forever).. We should all really take the time to mediate on that phrase that we've been schooled on by our loved ones... WHAT GOD HAS FOR ME, IS FOR ME.

Deep down, I think we really all understand it but I don't think that we always wanna go thru the tough times that we occasionally have to endure to get our reward. God promised to supply our NEEDS... Not our WANTS. You may WANT new Jimmy Choo's, but right now, you gotta rock what is already in your closet. You may want a new SUV truck but right now, you gotta drive your Honda Civic. You may want a HOUSE and a yard, but right now, You gotta reside in your Apartment... or even your momma's house.

One thing I've learned about God over my years is that.... GOD KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING. FROM EVERLASTING TO EVERLASTING is a LONG TIME, so I'm sure that the ALMIGHTY has had plenty of Practice getting people together. Think back to Bible Stories... It's full of them. JOSEPH... who's brothers sold him into slavery and was out KICKING it while Joseph was locked up...It was while JOSEPH was in that jail that he began to interpret dreams...and long story short, In the end, the Brothers who sold Joseph, bowed before him. Think of the Virgin Mary.... and being pregnant by the Holy Spirit.... Imagine her thinking??? "Why I gotta do this?" "Why do I have to endure this??? Everyone knows that I haven't been with my future husband who I am engaged to, but yet here I stand pregnant. They gonna think I'mma ho." You know how that story goes.... She gave birth to the savior of the world. See, That was FOR her.


That's the plan GOD had laid out for her since she was first thought of. And think about the person who wrote more of the NEW TESTAMENT than ANYONE.... PAUL the APOSTLE. Think about PAUL and how he started off KILLING and MURDERING Christians... Only to be given the task to push the message and name of JESUS further than anyone in the BIBLE. Think about that. THINK OF THAT RADICAL effect. It wouldn't be as spectacular of a testimony to the power of GOD if it was someone who was always put on that path. Again, that was what GOD had in store for PAUL. Even in the midst of his struggles and the killing and slaying, GOD had him right where HE wanted him to be.


There are countless other stories. The MIDDLE FINGER knows how it is... Yeah, I wanna ride BIG BODY BENZ, huh???(HOT BOYZ CD INTERLUDE) but right now I ain't. I'm thankful though... I have a car. It is Mine and it's making it to and from work and to and from getting JAX VEGAS every day. I want a huge house, like Tpain...(man, his house is LAID, cuz I saw it on Cribs and was like, "T-pain can me and Jackson come ova???") but right now I don't got it. I have a house and a roof that's over my head and my air works... and my Power is on.... and the Windows work and the ROOF doesn't leak ( thank you Jesus) when it rains... I eventually want to be with someone long term... It's hard at times being alone as much as I am. Not really connecting with anyone on some serious progression ISH long term...

I've been the type that scrolled through the phone at night.... Listening to the LOVE BELOW and VIBRATE( LOL @ Nard)... but I haven't been into that in so long that I ain't really trying to go back... Sure, I'd like her like 2 weeks ago, but again... What God has for me is for Me. I have a lot of female friends who are incredible to conversate and talk with about many subjects... To laugh and joke and cut up with... So I'm not doing too too bad. I'll get what God wants me to get when I am ready. Not because I think it's owed to me, or that I deserve it, or that because other people have it and so should I but because there is a level that I have to get to myself, so that I can show Him that I can handle how he REALLY wants to bless me.

We live in a MICROWAVE popcorn society... We wanna be able to throw the bag in, push a button and get what we want...ASAP. In closing... think deeper on that bag of popcorn. On most Microwaves, isn't there a preset button for POPCORN? So doesn't that mean that it is ALREADY programmed in when the BAG is going to be ready to be enjoyed? How much heat and power is gonna be used to maximize the unpopped popcorn to get a FULL BAG?

If you don't use the button and say you don't know how long the button's time is and you put it on for TOO long what happens? The popcorn burns. If you put it on for too short of a time, what occurs? Yep, not all the popcorn gets popped and you lose a lot of the bag to waste. Mediate.... You are the Bag... If you wait too long, you'll ruin your blessing.... If you want it too fast, you will WASTE it. But be thankful and rejoice that GOD has already had a PRESET button ready for your life... and when YOU are done popping.... I promise you, if you TRUST in HIM...Your bag will ALWAYS be full. Might not be FULL of Hundeds and Twenty's.... But it will be Full.


THIS IS THE MIDDLE FINGER, HOPING THAT AT LEAST ONE PERSON WAS REMINDED OF SOMETHING THEY NEEDED TO HEAR....


PS WATCH THE VIDEO OF THE SONG I'M JAMMIN LATELY.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1C0GFJHADgs

EYE OF THE STORM....

Growing up... all I wanted to ever do was play in the rain....

Fully Grown, now it seems... in life, I remain in the pain...


Ain't changing the game..driving a Range...damn... sometimes it 's sooo tuff..


In the eye of the storm...outside of da norm...why these winds be blowin' so ruff


This is no bluff.. lookin down at the hand I'm holdin'.... it's not great... Cuz I'm....poker faced in


dispair.... with a.... small pair, and the dealer just flopped a "nut straight"...


Damn !!!!!







That was just a freestyle that I made up for this blog.. Me and my boy, French, was flowing to J Dilla this past weekend, to one of the illest beats I've heard from the Late, Great, Producer... Glamour Sho(75)... and if he's reading this... which I'm sure he is... French knows that was was getting grimy on the beat like we already had a deal. I was reminded of how much I got love for my homeboys...seriously. We have been together as a crew since we was like 3-4 years old and that's all the way 100 honest. I mean, we all went to the same daycare together... We rep the same area of town we grew up in, MECHANICSVILLE, (OB, Baby)... we've been in fights together, we've been in fights with other people... we stood up to the neighborhood bullies who tried to pick on us, we laughed at the haters who were jealous of our bond...





We've experienced the death of my parents, the birth of my and Calvin, and Jon's and Mason's sons. The death of Jon's first son, the death of Mason's father...and a lot more. True Friends.... aren't easy to come by and while I type this listening to "BE ALRIGHT" by my favorite group, Foreign Exchange(yes, I'mma always plug these guys) I'm smiling. My favorite MC in the world currently, PHONTE, of Little Brother and lead vocalist and Spitta of Foreign Exchange, talks on the intro, and this is why I love Phonte and believe he is truly gifted as an artist... Everytime he spits... I feel exactly what he's saying... It's no wonder this album is called, "CONNECTED" because it connects to me... Super Producer, NICOLAY(Betta Man from the Netherlands) is the other half of the group and his creativity and amazing ear, and imagination on the boards, embraces Phonte's words with the strength of an old school box style Lincoln town car...( I used to drive one and it was like a tank...French, remember when I ran into the pole at Headliners when we was buttered off Jimmy Beam???).





I love that album, and when I first heard Be Alright.... It hit me like, "Oh Snap... I gotta hear that again, and again, and again.." I think I played it like 5 times in a row before I went to the next song...



On the intro, Phonte says.... "





I know, I know how it can be somtimes...youknowwhatImsayin??? When you feel like, youknowhwhatImsayin...like, you know when you feel like it's nobody you can turn to...or when it's, shyt starts getting real out here... I know how it is man... We can identify with that shyt for real....Since yall know it's going to be okay...yaknowImmean??? It's goin be alright.... TROUBLE DONT LAST ALWAYS...Ya Mean?"





SideBar-----Then he spits one of his classic verses... I mean... I am including the link to the video... WATCH IT. This is from like 2004 and it's so much better than the bullshyt out today...



It's that last part, the trouble don't last always, that perked my ears up the first time I heard it and it became stored away in my mental roledex to be contacted at a later date....The later date was today. It's something that people say, in many different forms and connotations, but the utter and simple truth is that it's exactly right... Trouble don't always last. However, knowing that the end of the storm will eventually come.... doesn't always comfort you when you are within those winds... Remember when the disciples were with Jesus on the boat and they were all of a sudden awakened by a massive storm..where the winds and water were crashing upon their small vessel and they were all afraid and worried..and Jesus was in sleepy land, thinking about feeding the 5,000 and cheesin' like he was going to get the last piece of chicken and cornbread from Grandma's house??? I'm sure you do...





Can you recall what Jesus said???? 5 seconds....I'm going to have to know if that's your final answer???? LOL... Well, I'm sure many of you do...at least you know the part of the statement which is what he said to the storm.... "Peace, Be still." It's something about what he said..AFTER he calmed the winds and the waves that is on my mind... "Why were you afraid... Where is your faith?" In virtually every aspect of our exsistence, and some point, we will have storms... Now, I know you remember the blog, OVER THE MOUNTAIN??? Yeah, I liked that one too... but this is a wee bit different. See, in OVER THE MOUNTAIN, I wanted to express the actual movement toward a goal... toward the completion of a task...Toward growth in both your mind and your spirit.





Over the mountain was about YOU moving..... Eye of the storm is written to remind you about GOD moving. My sister...man... She's incredible.... I love her so much...She's held me down since I was a small, big headed, nappy headed, buck tooth, lil boy to now that I've grown into a fine, sexy, piece of visual stimulation... (Don't hate...you lucky you ain't seen the new pics and videos of the workouts..) But back to my sister.... I wouldn't trade her for the entire world... and she knows how I am.... Brandon is a super duper thinker and she even tells me, "As smart as you are... how come you struggle to remember the simple lessons we was taught growing up..." She knows me... I always think within a storm... Worst case Scenario... and I try to cut things off at the pass, often to my own demise because I think that I'm talented enough, and smart enough to do it... Time and time again, she reminds me as well as life reminds me.... I am not.





I'm in a mini storm right now...dealing with some iddish that I'm sure many of you probably can relate to. Relationships with certain people, thoughts of financial comfort, future aspects of things...etc. But it's this verse that I awoke with on my heart after my sister was sending me a series of text messages last night reminding me not to be discouraged. I have to ask myself from time to time... Where is my faith? See, like the disciples, I rip and run and try to stop the water from coming into my own personal boat...



I attempt to keep the winds from blowing my sails away... but to no avail, my efforts go in vain... If you are like me, then it is within the storm that you have to seek the answer as to why.. It's because there are times where God wants you to move....and there are times where He wants you to "BE STILL." It's much easier, In my humble opinion, to move rather than be still. Because when you are still, it reminds you just how little control you really have over your own life in many situations.





I couldn't control the fact my Water Heater busted a few weeks ago... but it did. That's part of life... Things occur. Luckily, I had the money to get it repaired, even if it did set me back a little bit. The belt on my car broke...and now I'm without my ride until probably Friday...and at first I was pissed and agitated and angry because it seems like it's one thing after another. Like you only get ahead to shortly be kicked right back to where you were.... Like you just won a big hand at poker only to get caught in a bluff with a small pair and the dealer has a "nut straight" When it seems like the harder you push, the more you grind, the faster you sink into the quicksand...the more problems and pitfalls you accumulate...the more you wail and flap your arms in the water... the faster you sink... It's those times, where you have to know... It's not the season for you to go over the mountain.... It's time for you to Be Still.





To open your ears... To listen, to shut off your fear and worry and apprehension and remember to take God at His word. To remember who He is and that He is bigger than your storm. The Disciples, after Jesus spoke and calmed the winds, were amazed....and they whispered amongst each other... "Who is this man that even the winds obey him?" No matter how much you prepare, or how much you plan, or panic, Storms are going to come...and when they do, remember where to go and what to do... When you are in your storm....and your behind on your rent, and your car payment is late...or you are struggling to find a job, or struggling with your own inner issues, and you feel as if the winds are blowing too hard and that there is no end to the raging Waves that crash all around you, and your boat is rocking to and fro....take a deep breath. Remember, as a believer, who you belong to...





Remember the promises, and clutch onto them with all the life you have in you.... My friends, if the storm flattens you to the ground...remember... All you need is the strength to get to your knees...and once you are there... Remember... Peace is there for you, if you remember to Be Still. I know you have so much that relies on you, so many that depend on you, but remember... Be Still.... Your kids are having issues and you are struggling to find out what and why... Be still. People are turning their backs on you and hating on you.... Be Still. Bills are due and you may not know if you going to have all the money to pay them.... Be Still and let God do what He does...Return the raging waters of your life back into Calm seas.





This is the Middle Finger..... Being Still.... cuz actually, It's the only move I got left.





http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kD0zoziotU0&feature=PlayList&p=E7A19862939DC265&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=6