SO BROKENNNNNNN IN

It's good to finally be back again... It's been a long time since I've done this.. .Probably close to two months or a little longer...and I'm sorry that I haven't been able to write as much like I promised. I've been so utterly busy with working, coaching and Jax that I just haven't had time to really breathe and put together any coherent thoughts on any subject not related to those three things. A lot of things have gone on recently... I just had a birthday, and now I am officially closer to 40, than I am 20. Ouch, it kinda pains me to say that out loud. I'm still looking good... What am I talking about... Dav is looking great!!!! Don't hate me, and don't worry, I probably don't like you either...

We're having a good season so far, we've lost a few but they've all been close games and we really haven't been beaten, but rather we've beat ourselves. I'm super excited about this group's potential come February and March.

The kid is growing like a weed... School year is half over and it seems to be flying by. Xmas is around the corner.. Time just keeps moving forward. As the year comes to an end, and the calendar changes from 2009 to 2010, it becomes a fresh start for everyone. With a fresh start comes change... In behavior, attitude, thought procession...but it's not always easy..

First on must have an acknowledgement that there is a NEED for a change, the COURAGE to start the change, and the ability to be consistent and dilligent in striving to make sure that the change is permanent.

If you know me, you know I LOVE body art. I'm addicted to tattoos...One of my most recent tattoos are a set of praying hands with the verse Matthew 10:16 and reads:

"Behold, I send you forth and Sheep admist the Wolves."

There is a certain belief about sheep and that is that they are not the smartest of the animals. They don't seem to make the best of decisions... Not only that, but they are rather weak, somewhat lazy, and constantly need someone to look over them and protect them from harm.

While meditating on this, it's not hard to understand why Jesus used the metaphor relating Humans to sheep. Now I know you, reader... and I know this doesnt apply to you. I know it's "Everybody else". You don't have to worry about stuff like that, you the BESTEST, you just be coming off the top, Asbestos. (lol, love that Nicki Minaj) But for us who are less fortunate than you, reader.. The ones among us that do not have it all together, that are perplexed about our own personal issues..Those of us who at times cannot see the Forest for the sake of the trees... This blog is for you.

I wanna talk for a little bit on the title of this blog. One of my favorite muscians and singers is a guy named John Mayer. White dude. Incredibly talented guitar player, singer, and songwriter. I'm sure a few of you know him... If not, he was the white dude on the Chappelleshow playing the guitar on that one episode when they was in the Barber shop and that dude was doing the robot... (WTF happened to him?)

When I came up with the idea for this blog, I was listening to his new CD, and getting ready for Saturday night playing a song of his called Assassin. Even used part of it as a status... It was while searching for this song on the Youbeeest of Tubes, that I saw a song that I fell in love with a LONG time ago. It's name. COMFORTABLE.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YX5ZAF21IDc

The title of this blog, "So Brokennnnnnn In" is part of the chorus of this song. I''ll provide a link to it at the end of this. I have been trying to mentally write this for two weeks, but could never find the direction to take. I guess I was a lil rusty with my "eyes going white" but when I clicked on this song, it happened IMMEDIATELY.

This song is just incredible.. and Mayer does a fantastic job of putting real life situations that people actually go through without being looked at like they crazy like that got damn "It Kills Me" song. Gawd, I dont think i've EVER hated a song as much as that one. Crazy enough, while rappin on the phone with my partner, French, it seems a lot of chicks really are closer to her line of thinking that I originally though. That, my friends, as a single guy, is a SCARY concept. Don't think this is going to be a bash piece. Yeah, I'll probably take a few shots cuz that's just was Dav does. If you don't like it.. My blog is called Middle Finger for a reason.

Ever wonder why people stay in certain situations for too long? Even when they know the situation isn't going to improve? Listen to this song. Over, and over, and over and over. I wanna quote a little bit of it before I get really into the meat of this.

"I just rembered that time at the market, snuck up behind me and jumped on my shopping cart...and rolled down... Aisle Five.
You looked behind you , to smile back at me.... Crashed into a rack full of magazines....They asked us..... If we.... Could Leave"

Man, isn't it always like this when you first start out new with someone? Everything is awesome. Colors are more color-ree-errr, everything is just great. You don't care who sees you and what you're doing because you're happy. And feeling that way is more important than anything currently in your world.


The song goes on, "Can't Remember, what went wrong last September, though I'm sure... You'd remind me.. If you have to."

Of course she'll remind you, John, she's a woman.. that's what they live for. To remind you of sh**. LOL, just kidding for all you soft a** ladies out there who can't take a joke.

Lemme jump a head in the song a little...

"She thinks I can't see the smile that she's faking.. and poses for pictures that aren't being taken." <----- That may be one of the greatest, most honest lines in a song I've ever heard..

" I loved you... grey sweatpants(my goodness I have some that I wear everyday) No Makeup... So Perfect..."

And now the Chorus... "Our love was, COMFORTABLE, and so Broken In, She's perfect...So Flawless, I'm not impressed... I want you Back........."

We have ALL, lemme repeat, ALL have been here. One of the biggest reasons in relationships that are becoming, have become or will become sour is Comfortability.

It's much easier to deal with the devil that you DO know, instead of the one that you do not.

I cannot believe how many women(still not bashing, crybabies) I've came across within the last year or so that are really deep into this. I remember that status that I had up about "WTF does it mean when you put up "It's complicated?" That's like the DUMBEST thing anyone can do. Again, if it is complicated, do you not think you are complicating it more by putting it out there that your ish is jacked up like an old buick on the side of the road waiting for Triple A?

And it be good looking girls too... Not the unattractive females that you would think would put up with more BS to keep a man around, but it be some cuties. I mean, THICK, BUSTY, lips all pouty and moist and wet with the Lip gloss... Hair(whether it's real or not, hell I don't even be knowing) be looking good. Skin be looking like a pan of Rice Krispy treats with just the right amount of butter than Momma used to make when you was getting good grades on ya report card... and then you talk to her and be like, "Wow, look at you, you have the look of someone who is potentially special..." and then they say, "Well, i'm single, but I got a situation."

Middlefinger <------------------ DEAD. Not really but hearing this is enough to just jump out the window.


Here's usually the rest of the conversation from a male perspective....

He says..."Well what's your situation baby"

She says..."I got a dude that I used to be with(we not dumb, ladies) and either he ain't treating me right, or it aint going no where... What she's thinking but doesnt say---->( And I dont know why I cant leave, but I haven't yet and I'm not getting any younger but still I don't present myself to other possibilities because i'm stuck on this dude.)

I have heard it countless times. Not always in females in which you try to approach but more times in general conversation. Now fellas, I am not a fan of dudes rollin they eyes like Ms Peachez, but if u hear this... You do have the permission of DAV and everyone at Middlefinger.Inc to do the FACEPALM.

Step one, Open your hand wide. Step 2, place ur open hand over your face. Step 3, Wipe down slowly. Repeat if necessary.

It's so sad to hear stories like this. It's like BETA MAX with these chicks, like.. "they still make you? Why cant you just go away and be obsolete."

I , for the life of me, cannot understand this line of thinking and I really wish someone would explain it to me without making excuses. Men or Women, because both do it.. But being a man, and the song coming from a man and hearing this more from women than men, that's why this blog is coming out how it is.

The craziest ish is that a majority of the time, the female, KNOWS... Lemme say that again, say that again Dav, I got you, "They KNOW" that it ain't going nowhere and yet, neither are they.

There is a reason I asked for it to be explained to me without excuses... Because it's damn near impossible. And nobody comes up with excuses better than the ladies...

It's been 2 years and he ain't treated you like he treated you in the first 2 months for the past 20. And you still there? Oh for real? Yeah, you got a situtation all right.. and it's F**** up. However, the one person who's fault it is... is YOU.

A statement I live by, "I have seen the enemy, and HE is ME."

Regardless of how crappy the other person is in your shotty bullish, fake, shell of a relationship, is, IF you stay around and waste time, It's on you. Stop complaining about how bull it is.. Stop allowing yourself to be guilted by sweet talk and texts when the actions don't mirror what they are saying. Ain't you worth more than that? Is that was you were born for? That's what you've overcame obstacles and struggles for? For someone to take you for granted and you really not do anything to stop it but whine? And it be that cheap ish too.. that $6.99 bottle.

So we're back to the song again... "Our love was, Comfortable and... So Brokennnnnnn in."

Newsflash, that ain't love. Ask any woman about love and she can quote First Corinthians like it is her child's social security number.. However, a majority of them have yet to ever experience that consistently or even still wanna try to look for it.

People say, A woman shouldn't seek, but she should be found.... Really, well Shi*, how you gonna find her when she's always in a situation?

"Hello, good woman? Where you be? Oh, there you are, you over there in that bullsh*t" Well, I just got these new sneaks and you know, I really don't feel like wading and walking thru that with you, so I'mma be over here... But i see you... How ya momma doin?"

I told French as I drove to basketball practice yesterday, "Yo son, it's crazy, it seems females rather walk barefoot in Bull Ish, than to come out of her comfort zone, step out on faith, and start walking on another path that possibly could turn into a street paved with gold."

We discussed this for a few minutes(yeah, guys talk too) and it's crazy. We could not come to any logical answer as to why, when someone finds out and has an Epiphany, an AH HA moment, or whatever, and finally realizes that someone ain't no good for you, or ain't what you thought they was... what is the hold up with you being out, B?

Why is there such fear of the unknown? Why don't people take risks anymore? I tell my players all the time, to be the HERO, sometimes you have to risk failing and taking the blame.

The sex can't be that good. Seriously. If there is a female out there with a sugar box that is so good that I allow myself to be treated like I'm stuck on stupid by her, I pray to every Angel that they make her shine so bright that my black @ss runs the other way.

Why can people not let some individuals go? What are you holding on to? Why do you want calloused hands? The tighter you grasp, the more damage you do and you don't undersand why.. Well I don't either. Eventually, you just end up existing instead of living..


I went thru this not too long ago. There was someone I was interested in... I really Dug her, used to write her poems in the moring on my way to work and texting her these creations. She was one of the very very few that met Jax. hugged on my boy..and i was like, "Maybe, just maybe..." and then, I asked a question and got an answer and I was like, "Oh for real? You did that? Hmmmm. Wow, I ain't think you was like that. But it seems that your handshake ain't matchin' your smile, B."

And that stung, stung for about 15 min... and then I was like, "Dav, what?" Why does it sting? It be that way sometime. You know how people are.. Not everything that Glitters is gold, People are selfish, and not selfless.. It's about them, son. You know because you used to just be about you too. So, I regrouped and handled that situation. Not a month later, not a week later.. Not a few days. That night.

"Baby, this will be the LAST time we talk. Don't call me no more, your action told me all I needed to hear." On the first of the next month, she was relieved of her duty as the Captain of My Favs (T-mobile people feel me) And the number was deleted from my phone. She called once and said, "I ain't gonna just let you cut me off or something like that"

For real, B? Hmmm. well, she ain't called anymore. She's probably moved on... Heck, maybe she's with the other dude.. If so, more power to her. Hope she's happy. But I love Dav far too much to waste another minute on BS. I dont care if we dealt with each other for 5 minutes of 5 years. You aint who I thought you was... Cool. I'm be over this way... I'll holla. Because I thought about all that I wasted, the energy, the time, the thoughts, the conversation, the creativeness and I won't be able to get any of it back.

Neither will you.. So the question is, "Well what chu goin do?" Cuz in his/her eyes, he/she knows, "LOL, he/she ain't going nowhere and even if he/she does, he'll/she'll be there when I call." Yeah, B, He/she laughin at you when you ain't lookin. He/She laughin with his/her actions. He/She done sized you up and measured you.. and they dont think you got the guts to make a move.. wait, They KNOWS IT.


This is the MiddleFinger, telling you. Outkast and Goodie was correct. You better Get up, Get out, and Get something, Don't let the days of your life pass by