HELP ME....HELP YOU.

The Middle Finger is thankful for all of it's readers. Because of that... We decided to take a request for a topic of a blog.

While I've never read Steve Harvey's book, I do know that he has an awful hairline and his bald head scares young children. However, his book "Think Like a Man, but Live like a Lady" is like the new new craze sweeping females across the nation. *SIGH* I'm sorry... but the Middle Finger must "style" real quick. Why women continue to be manipulated and marketed to and constantly fall for it is beyond me.Some of ya'll will buy ANYTHING that claims to have answers or advice or claims it can improve your weight...your appearance..etc

As a man with a degree in Business(another in Literature and yeah I'm still stylin') you are taught everything from Marketing, Finance(my degree's focus), Business Ethics, Macro and Microeconomics as well as a slew of other classes. The largest group of consumers in America may not be who you think. It is Women, age 18-36... Or at least it was the last time I checked. Maybe it has changed, but since the Middle Finger aint about to check the net... We gonna go with what I said. Have I led you wrong yet? Didn't think so.

People have told me... "Yo, Middle Finger... you needs to write a book. You got skillz".

To this I reply, "Yeah, but it's hard baby when i gotta pay this house note and this car note and make sure that the fridge is stocked and still find time to coach these kids."

However, If I did write a book, it would be called "The Business Side of Love". Pretty much every business class I've mentioned can be translated into an aspect of how people interact in a relationship. You've got your MARKETING....(how we represent outselves to others to make who we are "Stand Out"), ....FINANCE...(how we monetarily maintain or possibly provide a lifestyle for ourselves and potential future mates)...ETHICS....( what our morals and values are and how they effect and affect the way we view certain things of importance in these relationships),.. MACROECONOMICS...(how our behavior in these relationships determine our interactions with EVERYONE in our lives) and MICROECONOMICS..(how our behaviors in these relationships determine how we interact with ourselves.)

"Damn, Middle Finger,.... I ain't never thought of it that way, you just broke it all down and I see it."

That was the point. That's why I write how I do. So you can't misunderstand what I say... That's how I like to be shown direction... Show me to how I can't misunderstand.

Just like with Steve's book... Or any book that tells YOU how you should be, look, dress, etc is all CRAP. How can someone else who ain't you, know what's best FOR YOU??

It's one of the biggest reasons that I switched from being a Pysch major in college as a Freshman into a Business one. I was so caught up with how prestigious being a Clinical Pyschiatrist was that I didn't stop to realize that I didn't need to go to school all those years to really be one. Hell, life experiences were an adequate enough teacher to show me as much as what I learned in those classes. My Psych 101 teacher was this blonde lady with these UGLY and I mean UGLY glasses and had some of the worst dresses in the world. I wanted to use my scholarship money to get her a gift certificate to somehwere... Hell, I didn't know where, but she needed to change that ish up. I remembered she called me out one day in class because I was trying to get this girl on the Track team's phone number.

I wasn't paying attention., but I don't know if she thought I was some dumb black athlete, or what, but I was one of the only black guys in the class along with this dude who looked like Carlton. LULZ. Anyway, I remember now, it was about Sigmund Freud...but she didnt' know I was already up on him. She got mad cuz I was missing the lesson on one of the greatest forefathers of Pyschology. I sighed and looked at the Track girl... and she was like, "Dayum, she cracked your face." Now, me, with my cocky attitude I had back then that was "REALLY BAD" had a decision to make... "STYLE back on her and at least save face with the Track girl, or straighten up and get punked by BAD dress...

So you already know which one I did. I had to Style back. So I said, "Ma'am, I don't know about anyone else, but I know all about the Coke head Austrian, who was in love with his mother, went crazy from his own dreams, and then asked his friend to help him commit suicide." She sat there with her mouth hanging open...She didn't expect me snap back... but, that was a fundamental difference not between teacher and student but between male and female. She thought I would retreat into my shell, she didn't know that I had already thrown my shell away..

That's what I want to discuss in this blog for my ladies... Understanding why some Men are the way they are in terms of expressing their feelings.

Again, I haven't read Steve's book, but I can probably tell you where he went. He probably broke down aspects of certain signs and issues to look for, and attempted to give advice in how to avoid these.... He probably even talked about putting stipulations in place to protect you. I fundamentally, and whole heartedly disagree with that approach if that's the way he took.

The Middle Finger ain't hating on Steve... Get ya money, man, but use some of it to cover that bald head. Shyt, I can almost see your thoughts. Plus, I care about you all too much to charge you for anything. If you don't like what the Middle Finger says, it ain't cost you nuthin but about 10 minutes. All of this is my opinion from what I've seen. If you dont agree, that don't make you wrong. As long as we have that established... I'd like to talk a lil bit.

The first thing we must realize in our difference as sexes is that we are going to look at things differently. I wouldn't want my woman to think like a man...because that implies that a man's way of thinking is either the correct way or it leads you think that men are simple enough to be placed into a box. Thinking like Dav may not help you in dealing with your man because we are two different people. As men, we as a whole do Compartmentalize our feelings. It's a defense mechanism that is instituted as a form of survival. That is one of the biggest reasons many men and women struggle to connect and understand each other on an emotional level. THIS, is my biggest beef with the title of Steve's book. Thinking like a man isn't going to help your man deal with this issue that he has. HE NEEDS YOU TO THINK LIKE A WOMAN.

Since the beginning of time, men have been conditioned that showing emotion when it is either compassion or empathy is a sign of weakness. Men are taught to be strong... Hunters, Gatherers. To protect the wife and the children. Men understand that women love to feel SECURE. Whether it is to feel secure physically from harm or financially from lack, men do there best to hold these two of the TRINITY of SECURITY in check. It is the third level of the TOS(my phrase, copyrighted by MiddleFinger, Inc) that men struggle with and that is the ability to make your woman feel secure, EMOTIONALLY. In my interaction with other brothas(not brothers) I seem to find that this is something that is acquired from experience rather than installed from birth.

How many times have you said either to your man(men in the past) or to yourself, "You (he) don't care, you(he) don't understand and (he)you dont wanna understand."

Occasionaly, my dear, this is true. Often times it is not. It's that the man often does not UNDERSTAND how to take his ability to sympathize and empathize and put it into a proper reaction to your dilemma. Many men, think this is a cry for him to "SOLVE" the problem for you. With some women, that's the case, but not usually it's not. You may be giving all the details of what's going down but as a man, normally all we hear is "PROBLEM, SHE HAS, WE GOTTA SOLVE IT, TO GET PEACE AGAIN". So then the man may try to solve it and then that makes you more angry because that's not what you wanted.

Now, your man is confused. This is why I told that story about my Psych class. You can't assume anything about anyone. Being able to be nice in the start of a relationship does not constitute that he can understand how to comfort you at your time of weakness.

As a man, I have learned and acquired many different talents and abilities to interact with others. Some I use with disgression, others I just put on autopilot. This is a situation where I have to fault the female because if you don't understand the language your man speaks, or the makeup of his personality... you can cry, scream, be frustrated all you want. You are gonna be on AM and he's gonna be on FM.

Wanna send your man into the arms of another woman as fast as possible???? Do what I just said. Because as a man, more times than not, we'd rather just remove ourselves from the situation than constantly have to deal with the nagging and the insecurities that life and society has placed into the subconcious of many women.

Read the following... Your man cheated on you in the past??? Shyt, I didn't, why you coming at me like that, have you not got over this dude? ..... OR, "I don't pay attention to you?? Why does it always have to be about you? Why do you always have to say something to me about shyt like this? EVEN, "I'm not romantic like in the beginning??" Shyt, what have you done for me, you always expect something...why? Cuz you're the woman?" F**K that"

These are thoughts that flow through the minds of men daily. Many just don't know how to form the words to say this to their woman without coming across as a whiny lil bytch. Until they do, there will be a Dichotomy of sorts... "How do I get my girl to understand I care, but still at the same time be able to remain masculine in my approach." Many guys around the world, if there were on that Nickelodeon show we watched growing up would be covered in Green slime because a majority of them would answer, " I DONT KNOW".

So the man then looks at the situation and has a decision to make... LEAVE or work through the Confusion to get to a solution. What happens? Most men leave... or do things to make the women leave them. Why? Because it's easier. From the male POV, it's easier to start all over with someone new and have that feeling of how it is in the beginning again before EMOTIONS become deeply involved. Basically, this is Relationship Fight or Flight Syndrome. Now, again, I don't want you to think this is all men. Some of you may have a good husband and your are past some of these things and you learn how to deal with these issues.

"But Middle Finger... The door is locked... Ain't you gonna open it up?"

Yep, and here is the KEY, it's called COMMUNICATION.

You, as a woman, have to communicate with your man to tell him that it's ALL RIGHT that he opens up to you. That he can spill his guts out to you and that you won't look at him any other way but PROUD to be involved with him. In a round about way, you have to possibly TEACH your man how to deal with his emotions and how they tie into yours to make your union better.

Now, if you are just an emotional wreck, the Middle Finger does not approve of you doing this.... If you are a classic, run of the mill, psycho nutbag who has thoughts that you cant tell anyone about, hear voices or whatever else.... We suggest that you call Seven Counties at one of their locations if you are in Jefferson County, or if there is not a Seven Counties near you... please check yourself into a mental institution. If you are F*****D up, don't F*** someone else up. Figure out your issue first.

Seriously, If you want your man to respond to you, you have to understand that the odds of him learning YOUR LANGUAGE on his own is pretty slim. Because after the smooth rap and the things used to get you, if he doesn't speak your language, he normally runs out of things to say. Then, like a box of old RITZ, things get stale.
But Middle Finger... You seem as if you get it??? Why can't they?

Well, baby, that's cuz I've been BROKEN. Life has kicked me in the butt, the nuts, the forehead, the back of my head, the armpit, jabbed me in the stomach and about 5 other moves. However, I used to be exactly that way. I'd run from adversity with a female, sprint from committment, escape from Emotions...whatever because at the time, Not one female broke it down to me HOW to deal with her. They just EXPECTED me to know how. I didn't grow up with a mother. I had my sister and while she had compassion, she was a Great deal like my father... BE STRONG ALL THE TIME.

It was in my days of the Short Con( remember that blog) that I began to see that regardless of all that I accumlated, or thought that I accumlated from the girls I took for a ride... When I stuck my hands in my pocket, pulled out and opened my hand... They were EMPTY. I wasn't fulfilled by my actions. Satisfied... yes, Fullfilled, no. Satisfacation and Fullfillment to me are two different things. One is a short term fix, the other long term.

Quick story about me and my Ex before I wrap it up. For 1.5 of my two years coaching.... Do you know how many games she saw me coach? ZERO. Not a one. I know that we played early at times and that it was hard to get a sitter, but she never even tried. Not once. I LOVE COACHING, I'M GOOD AT IT. I'm in my element and the person who thought I was to make her my wife didn't show up. That hurt me. That's how I know about women and how they hurt. They just want their men to SHOW UP. When she would say all the things I did that I don't do anymore... I would come back with, "You won't even come to my games...to support me. I bust my ass to make sure we're good(she worked as well) and in one aspect, when I need support, just to see you there... You make no attempt to come. It was always an excuse.

Maybe she was tired. Hell, so was I at times. I was tired when she was pregnant and I had to do everything when she couldn't work. I was tired when I had to wake up at night to feed Jackson even though I had to work in the morning because I needed the practice and I wanted her to sleep. Tired when there was a problem financially, I had to be the one to solve it. So I will admit... I SHUT DOWN.

I put our relationship on the backburner and focused on what I could do to make life better for Jackson. I didn't wanna talk. I didn't wanna hang out. I didn't want physical contact. It was crazy being the only coach with no one there to support. Seeing my Head Coaches wife go crazy at home games... and I grew up with them, because he was my Asst Coach when i played in HS, but I never had that feeling. I was isolated... even in my own house.

If your havings struggles in your own relationship.... If you want to salvage it and your man won't open up and express to you his feelings, i have to ask you... "Have you made the first step in helping him do so?" It doesn't matter who makes the first move, and please, please, please don't think of it that way. If you want the best out of your man, and in turn the best for your relationship.... Do you best to UNDERSTAND HIM... Make him assured that he is safe with you, that he doesn't have to always be macho. That you won't look at him differently.

Men are crying out to their women and they cannot be heard.... Their voices are locked away inside them and they don't know how to let them out.

Don't EMASCULATE your man.... Help EMANCIPATE HIM. <------ VERY IMPORTANT.

And then watch him surprise you.


This is the MIDDLE FINGER.... Telling you... "To be Understood, One must be willing to Understand"

STAYING CONNECTED

My new phrase... or rather My personal equation is now, Brandon Davenport = Creativity + Inspiration. I like that a great deal. You know, I just kinda came up with it. Wasn't really thinking about coming up with anything of the sort.

Arguably my greatest inspiration is sitting next to me in my recliner watching Space Chimps again. He's quiet. Usually, that's not Jackson. He's loud...He's active. He wants you know you're in his world. It's when Jackson gets quiet that I have to be on my toes...because If I can't see him, that means he's usually into something.

If you're a parent...then you know what I mean. You can relate.. In that type of situation, we are.....CONNECTED.

Yesterday, Jackson was in my bedroom watching Cartoons and I was in our living catching up on my DVR episodes. My son was quiet... Now, on certain cartoons, J is quiet, but nothing was on for him to be that quiet....Something told me to get up and go check on him...When I did, I was about to catch fire.... CHEETOS EVERYWHERE, he was jumping up and down on the bed and it was like Chester the Cheetah was on my Slumber box saying...."It ain't easy....Being Cheeeeesy".

My intial reaction was to get mad... I had a headache still from the Tequila that me and French smashed before going out to RAW. Then I realized... "Yo, he's two. Plus, you left the bag of cheetos on the bed instead of putting them in a bowl like usual. Because you were lazy, this is the result that you get. You can't be mad for a kid being a kid."

Still, that behavior, while not unexpected, was still not acceptable so J needed to be punished. I turned of the television and went to go get the vaccuum. However, J is smart and hard headed, he knows how to turn on the television. What Jackson didn't realize is that I had unplugged the TV because I had to get behind the stand to get all of the cheetos.

So there he was, pushing the power button repeatedly and nothing was happening. I'm standing there watching this and I sort of chuckle.... He looks at me and continues to keep pushing the button. No TV. Finally he gets frustrated and smacks the TV and by this time I'm cracking up.... If I would have gotten mad, I wouldnt have seen what was just shown to me in this situation.

Jackson, while knowing how the TV worked, didnt understand that the reason that it WASNT working like normal was because there was no electricity flowing through it. It was not CONNECTED to it's power source. It is in this recollection that my spirit spoke and asked me... "What are you connected to?"

If you know me or have read a certain blog, you will know that I am HUGE on energy. The Celestine Prophecy was one of my favorite books. If you haven't, go back and read the blog on the FOURTH INSIGHT, the Struggle for Power. However, this blog isn't on the same plateau as that. Energy is neither created nor destroyed...This is about POWER. POWER comes from a SOURCE, and you need to be connected to it in some way to channel it. Whether by being plugged in or whatever...You need something to funnel the power from the source into your life.

It takes a certain amount of power to start your car... Run your air conditioner, your refridgerator... the television you watch... the computer you surf the net on. I just put some oatmeal cookies in the oven for Jackson to eat before he goes to bed and even my range falls into that same category. It is powered with a certain cord. You can't just plug it into a regular wall outlet and expect it to be able to get to 350. It doesn' t have the ability to sustain the amount of power needed.

When you apply that same theorem to your life, if you are trying to solve for X, with X usually being the "Unknown" I advise you to go back in your life and see what you are "CONNECTED" to. What is your power source? I know lately my blogs have had a hint of "God" and "God's word" in them and that's just because of what I believe. I believe in Christ. I'm not overly religious, because that comes from Man, so I don't get caught up in dominations or customs.

I love my pastor, but I know that he's a man. Falliable just as I am. I'm not connected into him. I'm connected into the one he speaks about. I love my church, but again, they are imperfect people so I don't draw my power from them. I do my best to stay connected into God and his word.

I can try harder and that's something I'm working on, but being a PGK(Preacher's Grand Kid) I know a great deal of the word by heart. However, that's not enough. My grandfather, god rest his soul, was only a man. I can't get by based on his works or on his faith. Same with my father.

Now with me being a father, it will be the same for Jackson. I'll do my best to show him the way, but he will have to walk the path.

He looks to me to supply his needs...and I do. In that aspect, I do have some power. I have the power to feed Jackson if he is hungry. I have the power to satisfy his thirst if he needs something to drink.

However, my power is limited. Jackson will feel both hunger and thirst again.

I have, as his earthly father, accepted that as fate. The power to keep any and everything from happening to him is not within me. I do know where to get connected for that.

From Jackson's spilling the cheetos, to me having to clean them up... It's amazing to what inspires you... What reminds you of the things that you should already know.

So as Monday rolls around, and those of us who aren't the boss have to deal with people on our jobs who may have some authority... start hating, trippin, or whatever before you've even had your first cup of free coffee... Remember how small their power really is on your life compared to that of Christ.

Stay Connected, remember where your power comes from. Be Encouraged...


This is the Middle Finger, telling you, "If you are living in darkness, Go to where the POWER is."

Bonus*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aI-GOt-w90


Take a few minutes and check out the video. Shout out to Neesha who does this...and always remembers to remind me. At about 3:30-4:30 of the video... You can really feel the words through what you see.

THE POWER BEHIND THE THRONE, PART 3. REVOLUTIONS.

This series is now coming to an end. I hope that it either helped you or will help you along your journey. I know this series spoke to women more so than the men. Hell, yall are my biggest audience, and in retrospect, if I can assist women in understanding the mindset and the make up of a man.... In the end, Men benefit as well.

A revolution is when something makes a circle around something. It's base word.... Revolve.

When you attempt to utilize the power behind the throne you have to ultimately realize where your focus for doing so is coming from. What does it revolve around? Yourself and your own selfish goals? If so, I wish you luck looking for your next relationship. Dollar Tree sells garbage bags for only a dollar so you shouldn't have much of a monetary expense in picking up the shattered pieces.

A huge part of keeping the King happy is knowing your role. Again, remember, submission does not equal weakness. Hold your tongue at times... and you know deep down those times that you should but just something in you HAS TO GET YOUR 2 cents in. Try putting those 2 cents in a jar and save up for your kid's college fund. When something costs 99 cents and your King as 4 quarters, your two pennies don't add up to anything that helps.

Also, recall that using your "woman parts" as a bartering chip is a big no no. Sex is suppossed to be an activity that reinforces the mental connection that you two have. It should not be a reward. Something I left out... DONT ALWAYS EXPECT THE MAN TO BE THE ROMANTIC ONE. I know every woman thinks that it's always the man's job to keep the spice going and that's just not fair. What's wrong with the woman surprising then man? Jump on him when he gets out of the shower and take him to town without saying a word. See how he acts then. I bet he's showering his ass off every day just to see.

If he does something nice for you... don't just blow him off. Even if you've got a similar gift before or he's done it for you before... Each time he thinks of you in this way...Be excited. Make him feel like he made a good decision and it MEANS something to you.

In truth, as much as a woman wants to feel like she is appreciated, so does a man.

You can make the first move. There is no law saying that you can't. Buy your man a gift.. "Honey, I was just thinking of you, and I wanted to get you this." It doesn't always have to be the man. 50-50 is more than you being able to get pissed off half of the time.

"Middle Finger... I was taught that it was a man's job to make the first move...I like when a man is a man."

No disrespect to who taught you that, but my daddy told me something that I tell to a lot of people... "A closed mouth don't get fed." Whoever taught you that... While I understand, i don't always agree. I bet your ass would make the first move to get out of a burning house wouldn't you? You wouldn't wait for your man to make a move first and say, "Nah, i'mma sit my ass down on this couch and inhale all this smoke until my King does something first." would you?

Didn't think so.

Almost done... so lemme wrap it up with a few more Don'ts

Don't take family business and put it out in the street. Watch what you say to everyone..Friends included. From the DAVISM, "Your friends talk about you when you arent there".

Don't stress your man over something small that you can accomplish on your own just because you think he should do it. Get R Done.

Do not purposely attempt to bring him down a peg just because you are mad at him. Saying things like, "What kind of man are you?" will fudge you up everytime. He's a man that's human and will make mistakes. He will forget things, and won't always make the right moves. If you know that before hand, you will save yourself a lot of stress. Don't expect perfection when you aren't.

Don't expect your man to be the man when you aren't being a woman. Having a domestic side is not a bad thing. You don't have to be Joan Cleaver, but shyt, even Claire Huxtable(Lawyer) took care of the crib.

Last, if you have a good man, DONT F it UP because of some past issue with someone, something, or whatever. Don't compare him to an Ex... don't keep some tape measure unrolled to see how he's measuring up. JUST ENJOY THE SHYT and be happy that it happened to you.

I know so many women that miss out on happiness because they get scared that something good is happening to them and then don't know how to take it... When you get something good in your life... Just say, "Thank Ya, Jesus, and if you have anything else good, I'll take that too"


I hope this helped someone and was entertaining at least to the rest. Please continue to stop by and I'll continue to tell the truth.


This is the middle finger, telling you.... "Show me a woman who is the power behind the throne... and I'll show you a woman who is "STYLIN"..."

THE POWER BEHIND THE THRONE PART 2...RELOADED

No Foreplay this time to get you in the mood. The eyes just went white and it's time to go to work like a Jamaican. I left off answering the question about not feeling if your man is worthy. Joyce made a smart statement on the comments. You can't submit to "no demon". I agree. However, if you get married it still applies. You don't get a "Get out of submission free card" cuz he acting a donkey. If that's the case and you feel that way, Tyler Perry got a movie with Janet Jackson and Jill Scott. Rent it. Answer the question and then go get a Oreo Blizzard.


To finish up on that "Looking at your man as a King" , it's so vital to keeping a healthy relationship and marriage. I'm not married, however as a MAN (yep, I'm a MAN in errrr sense) I know what makes me feel good when it either comes out of my companion(Still Single) mouth or her actions that reinforces all that I do as a man in the relationship isn't taken for granted.

I gotta go to the ones that sit in the Throne for a second..... I am a different breed.... In my last relationship that ended, the (queen) pains me to say that, didn't look at me as a King towards the end. She was too busy looking at herself. However, I didn't roll out.. didnt stroll out until it was over. Because the "Prince" (Jackson) would one day have to look at the King in the eye and the King could say with his head held high that he tried to rule the best that he could. The King didn't put his own selfish desires and needs, that should have been met, above his love for the one who would take over the Kingdom and keep the name going.

As a King(or rather) when I was "King'n", I never asked something of the "Queen" that I wouldn't ask of myself first. A King should be that way. If it's something that you can accomplish, you can't expect your Queen to always jump to your beckoning. She's not a servant. She's not a Royal Subject. She's not the Court Jester or a concubine(sex slave for you non Bible Readers). She's the Queen. Now, if the Queen is not being a Queen, but acting like a spoiled, selfish, young Princess... Playas, you have a choice to make. There are two reasons she will do this. Either she doesn't know any better(possibly depending on her age and how she was brought up)... Or more than likely, she doesn't care. If it's the latter...

The Middle Finger want you to know... GET THE F*CK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you handling business on some real King shyt, regardless of how big the palace or castle is... Or how nice the Royal Carriages are, and she ain't playing her part. STROLL. And I mean shyt from the bottom of my Stacy Adams. Yeah... It is my season... just a lil bit...

"Middle Finger.... We love it when you style on us... Don't ever change"

"You ain't gotta worry... I give you my word."

KINGS.... No Ruler should ever be unhappy when he enters his own CASTLE. If this is addressed and you working to make KINGDOM as prosperous and peaceful as possible and your biggest enemy, the source of your frustration, is sitting in the throne next to you.... Make that power move. Take off your crown.. Hand it to her..and wish her well in her future endevors as the new ruler... There is a potential queen out there waiting to "CONNECT" with you and live in the abundance of Riches(not just money you golddiggers) instead of the animosity of Famine.


Before I was bestowed the honor of being a King(without the wedding, lulz) I was a Prince in my father's kingdom rest his soul. The Prince saw the father do what many men do. What Tupac said when he did on the song with the Digital Underground.... "I get around." So the Prince indulged in all of the lusts of that which the King did because the prince will emulate that which he sees on his road to one day becoming the ruler of his own land. That Prince did mature though. Even at times in the mirror he doesnt recognize the face that looks back because it's such a drastic change. No more manipulation... No more games. No more Cons... and while his last Kingdom did fall apart because of a weak foundation... The KING did not crumble. He's still optimistic that he didn't fail... He just learned a way "NOT TO DO IT".

KINGS, your princes and princesses for that matter are watching you. The decisions you make, and even some of the ones you don't will effect them one way or another. Be wise. Back talking to the "queens" and not to obsolve my father for his transgressions but at times... He was denied that which is a King's right as well. This only applies to Queen #2(my stepmother) because I do not recall much of my father's first marriage because of my youth. Oh yeah, I told you I brought the chicken, but the Middle finger got more than just that... I brought the Kool-aid, baby as well. With just enough sugar to satisfy ya thirst... Why don't you take a drink... See how this tastes...

1Cor 7:3-4 (NRS) The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

"Middle finger...(smack, smack, smack) it's just a little bitter... can you sweet'n it up for us queens?"

Uh, How about "HELL NO" You want sweet???? Go over ya grandma's house and ask her to make you a CHESS PIE...This ain't OPRAH. I will break it down though. That verse is saying that if your husband wants some... It's your job as a wife to give him some. Unless there is an agreed issue and the Bible in the next verse talks about Time set aside for Prayer..but basically, Paul is saying, "If your husband wants you to shake something.... Then ya betta get to shakin, baby" Like 3000 said, "Like a Polaroid picture".

"Oh hell, no Middle Finger... that shyt ain't gonna fly... cuz my husband(king) would be trying..."

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH, RIGHT NOW.... SHUT IT." I ain't ask you all that. " I'm giving you God's word... Not no hustle" (MALCOM X, should have won an oscar..Spike gotta be nicer to the white voters on the academy). That's more new testament for you. That is YOUR ROLE, regardless of how you feel about the issue. As is the reverse is true...

KINGS, if your Queen wants you to "lick around the icing of the Suga box... Then you need to stretch out ya tongue and get it ready for action.... I don't care if you spell the Alphabet as you do it... A... B... C...D, mutha sucka... You know them 26 letters...Start with that... Then get ya swag up and learn the "Tornado".

"Whoo Hooo, Middle Finger... I'm right there with you, baby... Please let the men know it's okay to do that.." (Whispers to her girlfriend)... "I like him, I'mma ride with this blog for a while"

Oh for real???? I did allow you to get hype for a second... but you forgot.... THIS IS POWER BEHIND THE THRONE....I ain't done yet. Let's see if You still feel that way cuz Shyt is about to get real.....

Ladies.... STOP BARTERING SEX. It's not a stock to trade, you ain't on WALL STREET... and it's not your right inside the marriage to do that. YOU ARE PROSTITUTING YOURSELF. Yeah, I said it... Straight up, All the way, 100. Need the Middle Finger to say it again? Cool... YOU ARE PROSTITUTING YOURSELF IN THE MARRIAGE IF YOU WITHOLD SEX TO GET YOUR WAY. Also, if you are trying to prove a point you still are the P WORD. Now, If you are offended... What's the name of this blog? Cuz that's what you can have if you are. Two of them... Two Middle Toes too. You see that X in the top right hand corner... If you dont' like what I'm saying... Take your mouse, and click on it. I dont want you here anyway if you can't handle some hard truth being directed at you. Cuz be damn sure...reverse the roles and you can't get to your feet fast enough to applaud.


However, Since you already know I DONT give a F***, I'mma talk about it, I'mma talk about it, I'mma Talk about...(RIP BERNIE MAC) Who are you to try and train your man to act as how you want him to act by witholding sex? He's your king, he's not a child. You ain't IVAN PAVLOV.(Yeah, Middle Finger was a Psych major). Stop trying to Classical Condtion your man. Trying to make him think... "If I does what she wants and make her happy, She'll give me some... and If I don't.. She won't."

Playas... If you allow this to go down... It's on you... However, the Middle Finger is giving you the OKAY to take your nuts outta the jar you allowed her to put them in and put them back in they right place.

I say it's prostitution because you are doing that pretty much in every sense. A prostitute trades sexual favors for money. While money may not be involved all the time... When you use your "coochie" as something to hold over your man's head to get something that you want or to have power over a situation... How is it not the same thing?

"Girl, I ain't giving him none till he does more for me... cuz I'm pissed at him" <---------- Common conversation among women.

You know what, You's about a dumb witch if this is you. You don't want it to work do you? What happened to Beyonce's little Clones? Yeah, I didnt think you really lived that shit. That is almost CERTAINLY going to make your man look for something else, not to mention it's trivial, immature and silly. "Schooling" your man is one thing. Trying to make him suffer, SEXUALLY, is totally different.

A word that has to dissapear when you enter into a marriage is " I ". That is a personal Pronoun. If you went to ST. STEPHENS over easter, you heard Doc talk about that. I must go away. The new word is "WE". Because it's no longer just you. Two flesh become One.

According to the Bible.... you know that book that you carry in church right before you start to gossip or look at someone's hair or dress and get ya Hate on, states that it is a sin for you to say, "I don't want to have sex even though you want to" Once you enter into a marriage ain't no more you. So if you so independent... Ya A** may be too independent to be made a wife.

Your body is his and vice versa... Them his titties. That's his Suga box.... If you ain't mature enough to understand that... DONT GET MARRIED. You may think that your love box is special, but trust... A guy will get the same feeling from someone elses that he will get from yours. Cuz when we finish...it don't matter if she's cute or ugly. WE GOT OFF. It's up to you to keep the power behind the throne and be the one that gets your man off as well as getting his other good traits.

I'd hate for you to do all the work creating a nice castle and then it falls apart cuz you got a lil crazy and went on a P*SSY POWERTRIP, and then another chick comes in and reaps the benefits from your effort. If the middle finger struck a nerve, that was my aim... but you still got time to change.

If you ain't married, you got time to learn. When it comes down, don't be like NEFFIE's baby daddy and be like, "Well, i'm ready to do what I'm already ready to do." Be the power behind the throne.

It still ain't over... There is more... I'mma wrap it up with Part three. The Power Behind the Throne Part 3... REVOLUTIONS... It's going to come full circle. Dont miss it.

This is the Middle Finger... trying to tell you... "If you wanna be able to STAND as the power behind the throne... Sometimes, you're going to have to LAY on your back when you don't want to. "

THE POWER BEHIND THE THRONE.

Man, it's been hard for the Middle Finger the last few days. New Stimuli has entered into my energy, causing a cross wiring of my Time circuits, sending a negative 1.21 Gigawatts directly into my flux capicator and visa vee, concordingly, alas, systematically causing a temporary influx of a paradigm shift inside my temporal lobe and creating a slight malfunction in my hippocampus resulting in a delay in the written progression of the electrical impulse interaction of the neurons that you have grown to know as my blog.


Confused yet? Probably. Actually, what I basically said was that an outside influence has caused me to struggle in my ability to create my blog because the focus of my thought pattern had shifted. Still not clear? I was focused on other SHYT. Because of that, I couldn't get my eyes to go "WHITE" and zone out like I usually can. Them shyts was like Ivory, you know, the color that chicks try to wear when they get married but can't really wear white? Kinda like Luther's(RIP) Curl.... Just couldn't..... Just Wouldn't quite..... Kinda like University of Louisville winning a National Championship since Reagan was in office... Almost...but no cigar. <------------ Don't get mad, Card fans... Keep Reading.


No matter what I tried, or what I did, or where I either looked for, or found(A Smile in the Stars) inspiration, I couldn't put it into that Philosophical Laffy Taffy that you love to chew on.

You may ask yourself...."Oh Shyt, Middle Finger... Are you styling??? Cuz It Looks like you about to?"

"Why, yes.... Yes I am, and thank you for asking!!"

The Middle Finger doesn't discriminate based on race, creed, sex or color..... He is an equal oppertunity "STYLER ONNER." (Yes I made that word up, So what.. Who's blog is this... That's right. MY BLOG). So I want you to get comfortable... Playas... Go get you a cold one and kick back and lemme do my Iddish.


Ladies, this is gonna be focused more to you so I want you to go get extra comfy. Go turn on the kids TV and put them some snacks down on they table so you can get a few minutes... Go unloosen ya bra after ya hard day.... Put the Heels that you rocked today that got your feet hurting and place em in the closet.. No, Boo, I know, they ain't the Manolo Blahnik Crocodile Flat Shoes, but honey... you just ain't able to be on that right now. It ain't your SEASON...but The Middle Finger don't care... Go get you a glass of Domaine Pierre Wine and if it still ain't your season... That cheap shyt will do. I just want you to relax and let the Middle Finger do what he does. So I'mma Pause why you do that.....You back? Good.


As you may know, or at least we think because it's been hard to tell, but Warmer Climate is on the way. With the ending of the colder season, and the shedding of the layers of clothes that many women have been wearing, the sweaters will be put back in the closet and the Spaghetti straps and the form fitting skirts is about to be a daily routine. Whether planned or unplanned, this time of the year usually signifies the end of the "relationship" season. Ain't it funny how when it's cold, can't get that nukka away from you, but when it warms up, he can't find enough reasons to not be MIA. Many good women, who have invested their time, effort, dedication and normally, heart to a man, often find themselves in a small state of shock when the abrupt attitude change comes as the days get longer and the night's get warmer.


Why does this happen? I, in all my middlefingerness, cannot ultimately stand in front of you with a straight face and act as if I know that answer. Commonly, it's a cultivation of a group of things. You know what they are. Other women wanting to be where you at, the man feeling restrained, his wandering eyes, or just wanting to tap something new. These are certain aspects that you just cannot control. Understand, that they are going to happen with some types of men. Skepticism is justified in this situation. Do not be totally dismissive(for whatever reason) because you may miss something due to your cynicism.( Always thinking the worst for those who didn't get 700 on the Verbal... SAT). For those of you who have stronger bonds, and a REAL relationship, ladies, this was written with you in mind.


What's a woman's favorite verse in the Bible? John 3:16? Maybe. I like that one, It's pretty BAWSE. I'm cool wit it. First Corininthians 13:4? Eh??? Possibly, maybe if it is your god sister's 3rd wedding in 6 years and you hope that it sticks this time... No, you ain't gotta look up the verse... I know you was about to... It's the Love is Patient, Love is Kind.... and all that.
But this is the MIDDLE FINGER. WE TALKING ABOUT BLACK WOMEN. BLACK WOMEN WHO GO TO CHURCH....A black woman's favorite verse and the one that they LOVE to pull out like the COMING TO AMERICA scene in the Barber shop and Rocky Marciano and Joe Louis....(that's they one... that's they one...)

A black women's favorite verse, and they might not know where to find it in the Bible, but they know it's in there is PROVERBS, 18:22.
"He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD."

Ladies, you may be like...

"Uh oh, Middle Finger, You got me ready to shout in here.... You betta talk about it..."

I know, boo, but hold that thought.... This is the Middle Finger... So before you throw out them "AMENS"... Let's make sure that you got "A MAN." Cuz I know that some of you have a male in ya life.... but he ain't a MAN. Did that sting? Musta been a nerve.

Fellas you may be like "Wooo Hooo, Middle Finger, You is stylin today, playboy. I can Dig it with a Shovel"

"Oh for real? You can dig it? Well go look in the mirror and see if the person in that reflection is handling business like a MAN SHOULD, and you get back to me."

The Middle Finger likes Bible Verses too... yeah, I brought some chicken to the party... So let me feed you. Here is one of my favorites...

Ephesians 5:22-23

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the HUSBAND is the HEAD of the WIFE as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior."


Uh, oh Middle Finger.... You may have just lost half of your female audience. Maybe... But probably not, they probably just did the People's Eyebrow(Raised one up and the other stayed flat) Or made the Scrunchy face, but they still wanna see where I'm going. That's the Sugar Ray Leonard Verse... The counter punch. Gets the neck rolling, hands active and everything. All over one teeny, tiny word. SUBMIT.

I told you to get comfortable... You know how the Middle Finger does it... It gets broken, DOWN. I don't do quickies, baby. I don't rush... I take my time... You ain't read the Davisms? Submission. Ugly word, ain't it? You ladies may be like "Uh Un, Middle Finger... I ain't got a problem with it, but..." Hold that but, baby... cuz this is the internet...and I don't know if you thick or not(pictures lie) so you may not have a but... BUT, Lulz, there is no but. You know how the verse goes because it's there for you to read. And that's NEW TESTAMENT. If you are a wife, YOU ARE TO SUBMIT to YOUR HUSBAND. I ain't say it, You need to talk to PAUL. He was dropping knowledge to the Ephesians.


I call this blog "THE POWER BEHIND THE THRONE" because that power should be a WOMAN. If she works it right. See, a lot of women don't become wives because they have been disconnected. Mentally. From that time old creed, " A man has gotta be a Man." Now, if you got some weak, sniffling, purse carrying at St. Matthews Mall type cat, sitting down with tight pants and Slippers on while you shop... Eh, this may not apply. Weaker people like people they can dominate. We don't do weak at the Middle Finger. If you got a strong man, somewhat dominant, and likes to be a man and do manly stuff... Then you in the right spot. When I say a man has gotta be a man, that doesn't mean that he gets to make every decision based on what he thinks is best and only what he thinks.

That's the Caveman way of thinking. Normally, this is from those deep south men. Those who grew up watching their mother slave hand and foot for their father. I say A man has to be a man, because that's what allows a man to have confidence. If you constantly question your man or underscore him and his RIGHTFUL PLACE OF AUTHORITY according to the Word of God, then baby, you in the wrong. Even if your man is making a bad decision, sometimes you have to just be quiet and support him. Let him fall on his face as they say, and help him pick up the pieces. Get ya weave glue gun and piece him back together. You know your man... Or at least you should. After an amount of time, you know exactly how he is going to handle a certain said situation.


My advice, Get the jump on him. If he wants to do something and you don't think it's wise... talk about it. Talk to him and state your point of view, firmly and yet still remain a lady. Do not demean him, or insult him because that's only going to make him that much more stubborn. Plan around his plan. If you think he's going to waste some money on a pipe dream. Put some away to keep just in case. A wife's job is to support her man, just as much as it is to "school" her man. A woman that knows how to hold her peace and keep still and quiet and trust her man whether she believes in his idea or not, most of the time, will find herself in a power position. I'm not saying allow yourself to be dominated 100%. But YIELDING is not weakness. It takes a much stronger person to hold their peace when their emotions are screaming than it does to SNAP BACK. Anyone can REACT. Can you REMAIN is the question.


The throne reference is also used because the man is called the proverbial KING of the household. TD JAKES said it best. A man who is not looked at as a KING, by his QUEEN will find that look somewhere else. Somewhere, there is always a Bathesheba, bathing naked trying to catch the eye of your KING DAVID. You have to determine inside yourself how you will show respect for your KING. If he is a true KING, he will elevate his queen to his side and she will rule WITH HIM. Know your King. Respect him. However, don't be stupid. Think three steps ahead. "

But Middle Finger, what If my man ain't worthy of all that?" Well, Boo, you made a bad choice then, huh? Why are you still there? We'll continue this Later tonight, I have to do Kenpo X.

The Power Behind the Throne... Part 2.

This is the Middle Finger... Telling you, there is more coming, don't miss it.

GETTIN' GROWN

Thanks to Ms. Jefferson for giving me the topic to blog about.

I'm sitting at my desk looking at an old newspaper article that I have hanging up trying to find my zone.... It says as the top Headline..... BRANDON DAVENPORT: MR. BASKETBALL. I've read this article countless times over the 12 years(April 26th, 1997 to be exact) it's been since I stood in the captial building in the Frankfort rotunda in front of the Governor of Ky and other members of the media, the State Senate and family and friends. I hang it up now because when I look at it, I'm constantly reminded on the belief that "Hard work, dedication, and faith will ultimately equal success." It may not be exactly what you want, but it will be success in some sense of the word.

I recall that day, vividly. It was a day similar to that of which the weather is outside. A cold, rainy, dreary day. I remember getting all jazzy in my fresh Navy Blue suit(the only one I owned back in HS) and My Tommy Hilfiger tie. I mean, I had my two gold hoops in, my shoes was polished, my shirt was pressed, and even before SWAG came out as a word that quite a few people hate(don't worry, I'mma blog on that in the future) I felt as if I was STYLIN on those Cats, like "WHAT!!! You thought I wouldn't win this award when I told you I would." When I used to write it on my notebooks and Trapper Keepers(damn) and put the year when I was a Freshman in HS, Teachers, students, everyone thought I was nuts. I had a teacher, who is actually on FB, that told me as a 9th grader ,"Brandon, you have almost no shot, they pick that award well before you become a senior."

I looked at him, like, "Yo, I'mma show you, playboy..." I used to write it on the blackboard everyday before his class, just so he'd see it. He'd shake his head like I was crazy. I had no clue how I was going to do it. I was a stocky PG, who didn't have a great outside shot off the dribble, hated to go left, big hands, big feet, and just really didn't look like a basketball player. I was overshadowed by a fellow teammate who was 6'7 and had perimeter skills that people raved about. I just had a vision. I made a declaration that whatever I took to win that award, to be recognized for my work... to hold that trophy as a tangible, visible piece of evidence that showed, not only did I demand your respect on the court, I earned it.

I didn't win that award on my own. Many people played a part. Two of my former teammates that are both on Facebook, Jon Moorman and David Phillips were two of my best friends. Without either of them, and their hard work, I wouldn't have been able to be entered into a part of Kentucky Basketball History. I'll come back to them in a bit. I can still feel the electricity that ran through my body as I stood up there speaking... unscripted, kind of like I'm doing now. I was asked to sum up how I felt in one word during an interview with a local news station. The word, ACCOMPLISHMENT.

I truly did feel accomplished. The next day me and David had KY All Star Tryouts and I remember being told that my father, who took my trophy home, was riding up and down the "Downtown" area of Owensboro(if you ain't from OB, you don't know what or where that is) Blowing the horn, pumping the brakes like he had hydraulics in his caddy, basically "STYLING" on "CATS"(his word that I picked up and use) who were hating on his son saying that he wasn't about nothing.

I chuckled when I heard that because I already knew he was off the Miller High Life as he did it. That was my Pops, GOD rest his soul.

As a father now of a three year old son, I understand why my father had so much jubilation when I would succeed in life. It's why I take being a father so serious. My son, Jackson Jerron Davenport, born July 10, 2006 at 9:10 pm changed my life exponentially when he entered the world. Jackson, or "DILLA" as those who are close to me and him call him, brings me a joy that I can't even put into words. He's allowed me to change from a immature, selfish, self-centered A** Hole into a Caring, loving, motivated, giving, grown up A** Hole. LULZ(My word). I'm still the A Hole that many have came to know and love(and hate). It's just that he chills alot more.


One thing my father told me is that it was his goal or rather, his duty to make sure that I had every oppertunity to go further and be more than he was. To ultimately be a "better man". I believe wholeheartedly that it should be every father's aspiration for their sons to reach that plateau. If I had a dream for Jackson, it wouldn't be for him to follow my foots and his grandfather's footsteps and play basketball(although he probably will), but I pray all the time, "GOD, please make him a Rhode Scholar. Give him Intellect that is unparalleled, Grant him health and prosperity.

Where I have failed, let him succeed, where I have fallen, allow him to SOAR" Before his birth, I would have prayed that prayer for me. God, GIVE ME, GRANT ME, ALLOW ME, but now, it's all about him. For anyone who knew me well, they know that actually putting another before me and my needs was something that I have acquired in the not so distant past. Responsibility now is a 34 pound, wild eyed little boy, with my light brown eyes, my hands, my feet, my build, my laugh and most importantly, MY LAST NAME.

That is without a doubt, the main reason that I GO HARD as a father. Jackson is the youngest Davenport male from my father's lineage. Both of my brothers have male children and that means that my father's seed will continue to be passed on whether Jackson procreates or he does not, but they carry a different last name. For reasons I won't go into, I place that on my father. It is the one black mark mistake that I could not understand he made in his life. Still, even with that, I owe it to my father to make sure that his name is carried on. In the best way possible.


One of the hardest Tattoos I had to endure pain wise(emotional, not physical) was the DAVENPORT on my back that is the top of the head stone. I remember being in that chair, and my eyes just started to run. My father always told me and my sister to live up to our name. To not disrespect it and to do everything in our power to take it further than our parents did. It was hard to hold back the tears at that time because I was wondering how in the world I would do that. My basketball career was over. I didn't go on to be a famous Doctor or Lawyer(I don't think I would have wanted to do either even though I could have) I was just Brandon. How would I honor my father as I was taught in bible study? God answered that question when He brought J into the world. I don't smile much in pictures, but usually in every picture that I had when Jackson was first born I was like the JOKER.


I have never been more proud, more excited, more filled with love and joy than when I held him. When I looked in his eyes and he looked back and I knew that he came from me. Jackson is the future as My newest tattoo states, he is my future. After God, he is #1 to me. Nothing means more than his happiness, even if it has to come at the sacrifice of many things that I used to love. He gets top billing. He gets my time. His safety comes before mine. His mouth is fed before mine. His back has clothes before mine. All in all, Jackson is more imporant to me than I am to myself. My two former teammates are fathers, as well as my brother from another mother, Calvin Brooks, and one thing I know amongst us all is that we all care deeply for our offspring.

I get to be around Calvin and his son from time to time, I and see the same look in his eyes that I have in mine when I look at J. I see Jon and his pictures with his son and I know what he goes through to see his child as much as possible and I know that he's right there lock and stock with me on this. I know that we all pray that our sons have it better than we did. Go futher than we went, dream larger than we dreamed...and I have faith that we will do everything within our power to give them those opportunities. I still get taken back a bit when I get compliments about being such an active and caring father. It's good to hear, but it's not the reason that I do it. I never will brag about taking care of my child. Because it's my honor. It's my privelage. It's my responsibility.


I do think I'm a good dad..but i'm not perfect. I'm still working. I remember practicing carrying around a teddy bear in my arms to get ready to learn how to hold a newborn. I was such a nervous wreck. Would I get this right? Would I screw up his formula? How does this diaper go? What is a One-z? When do I burp him again? Much like that former kid who had no clue how he would win Mr. Basketball, I'm now a father who feels a level of accomplishment. I've split from his mother. (PRAISE GOD) and I stayed much longer than I would have if not for him, but I wasn't about to leave him until there was NO other option. I didn't know how that was going to work out either, but God worked it out.


So I'm a single dad... and you know what... I love it. I used to bathe him(he's on big boy showers now), we brush our teeth together, we eat breakfast together on my weekends, we watch Spongebob(i have to suffer through it) and BEE movie, or "BEES" as Jackson calls it. We go to parks, I take him to Farnsley Middle and let him Run around the track and on the soccer field. We be stylin on Cats(my new phrase) in the Wal-Mart on Cane Run all the time and he gets mad when we drive past that and can't go in. I LOL'D just then. Even as I type this, I look at his pictures on my phone and I miss him.


It's such a different type of love. It really can't be put into the english language. There aren't enough adjectives to describe the ways I feel when I hold my son, when I watch him sleep... when I see him fall and pick himself up and say, "I'm okay". I already see toughness in him. Grit, strength, determination and some STUBBORNESS. Still, when I think about those two roads, "Basketball Glory" or "Fathering Jackson" if I could do it all again, Hoops don't come remotely close to the Boy.

He is my heart, personified. So as God gave us His Son, as we are about to celebrate EASTER, may we be as God was and give to our Sons all the love and all the reassurance that only a father can give.


This is Brandon Davenport, Author, Creator, and Head Writer of the Middle Finger blog telling you, " I'm a Daddy. Not just a father, but a Daddy" There's nothing in the world like it.

Happy Easter.

Sometimes... You have to go OVER the mountain.

When I blog, normally I have an idea of what I wish to talk about. However, that rarely ends up being what the blog is about. One of my favorite shows on Television is HEROES. If you haven't seen it, it's somewhat like XMEN for TV, but more of a dramatic series. One of the people who had a special power was a guy named Isaac Mendez. Isaac died before the end of Season one but he had a very interesting power... He could Paint the future. When he would paint, his eyes would go totally and completely white, and he was like he was in a trance. He didn't awake until he was done with the painting.. Ironically, he never knew what he was going to paint... The ability just took over his hands and he created what he did.


Pretty much, that would describe me when I blog.... I may go in to talk about one thing but normally, something totally different comes out. As I type now, my mind is moving faster than my hands and the keystrokes are struggling to match the speed. My ideas are bouncing all around in my head like Mexican Jumping beans. The title is usually the last thing that I write... but this time, it was the first. My energy is telling me that this will not be a generic blog... It will speak to someone specifically. I have no idea who or whom or whatever the proper grammatical term is but I just know what I'm feeling.


Going over the mountain is a metaphor for the struggles we carry and the burdens that we must endure in our lifetime. Life is a series of struggles. It can be a puzzle, enclosed in a riddle, wrapped around an enigma. It's human nature that we as imperfect beings constantly wish for the simpliest passage to our destinations. It's in our nature. As newborns, we are carried everywhere, and in our youthful and newborn minds, we get used to that comfort and satisfaction. If I can't make it over there to the snacks, let me cry and Mommy or Daddy will carry me to it, or they will get it for me.

Fast forward to your teenage years and when you are starting to find your independence, you handle that same situation in a different light. If you cannot reach that which you are trying to obtain what does one normally do? Pout? Sulk? Complain? Yes, Yes, and yes. Why? Because you have "grown" too large to be carried by the arms that once lugged you around when you were smaller. As you grow, your problems do the same. Your struggles mature as your physical body matures. (Mental issues are a different type of maturity...we'll get there in a second)


Take for instance the young girl who develops faster than the others.. .She becomes the object of young boys hormones far before her female counterparts... In this, she becomes isolated and takes one of two roads, Acceptance, or Resentment. Acceptance of this type of attention usually leads to struggles in relationships as far as giving far too much of ones self far too easily. This is the female who has the children at the early age because she was so excited that someone showed that interest in her while she was coming to grips with who she was. (The middle finger wishes to state that we show no disrespect to you if you fall in this category... we believe that it is not totally all your fault, You should have been taught better.)

The other road, the resentment, is the one who constantly has the struggle with wondering, "Does people like me, or how I look." At an early age, it's hard to dicipher.... but sometimes, Yes, "A nukka just likes your ass and titties" It is what it is.


What do these both tie into, "Self Confidence" Belief in one self worth. You may be asking, "Yo, Middle Finger, you ain't really hit me yet... What is the deal with that, playboy?" To that I just gotta respond, "It's coming, let me light the candles and set the mood, baby, don't rush it."

Self Confidence plays a major role in one's ability go over the mountain. It's something that God instills in you once you realize who you are within His eyes. Go back to your toddler days... When you first took those first steps and you were so shaky that you looked like you were going to topple over after each step. Sometimes, you did, and sometimes you were able to go a little longer. Then you upgraded to 2 steps, 3 steps, being able to walk 6 feet, 10 feet, 15 feet, until you were able to just stroll around the house like you was grown.

I always talk about P90X and the workouts and how good I feel after each one. Yeah, I be stylin' on you lazy cats...but When I first started P90X i hated it. It was so hard. The pushups, the Pullups, The lifts, the jumps, the kicks, it was dreadful. Alas, I knew what I wanted from this workout. I knew that If I had the confidence in myself that I could get through it, if I would not succumb to the pain and give up, but rather keeping pushing forward, I would have the body and fitness that I desired. Almost 3 weeks in, I'm already seeing results.


There were times where things came up and they tried to take me out the routine of working out or possibly skipping a workout and normally, I would do just that... but I felt I had to be steadfast in this. Obidient to the discipline that I set for myself..with the working out, the diet, pushing myself to see what I was made of. The series of workouts work together to form one's body into a sculpted masterpiece. So that's the end goal I want. Yet, to get to that prize, I have to do the workouts, I have to keep pushing, and it's never going to be easy because they get tougher each day, but I keep climbing...

"You mean like climbing a mountain, Middle Finger?"

You got it, my friend.


Former slave and abolitionist, Frederick Douglass, said, "Without Struggle, there is NO progress." I've learned in life that God truly loves me. He loves me so much that He forces me sometimes to go the long route, the hard way, OVER THE MOUNTAIN, to see what he wants me to see. The gorgeous thing about succeeding or reaching your goal when you have to go OVER the mountain is when you get to the top, you can actually look back to see where you came from. Not only can you see immediately where you came from but you can look FURTHER behind you into your past and see that where the enemy wanted you to destroy yourself, you didn't.


For whatever reason, you perservered, you endured, you lasted. Going over the mountain is so much harder than going around it. It's tougher. The terrain is much more treacherous. It's easier to lose your way. You're open to attacks, and you cannot hide from that wish chases you. Most of the time, you know what your mountain is, and again, in human nature, you want the easiest way to get to your destination. Think back to the Potrait that many of our mothers and grandmothers hung in the halls of our homes, the story of the man on the beach and the one set of footprints... Long story short, a guy had a dream and God was with him on a beach but he only saw one set of footprints. He asked God, "Why did you leave me?" To that God replied, "Son, I'll never leave you(I'm paraphrasing), if you saw only one set of footprints, it's because I carried you.


While I love that piece of artwork, I know from experience that sometimes, God doesn't carry you. He doesn't leave you, but He requires you to do the heavy lifting. He is Mr. Myiagi and you are Daniel-San. You have to Sand the Floor(big circle) Paint the Fence, (UPPPPPPPPP DOOWWWWWWWWN), Wax On, Wax Off, Paint the House (Side to Side) and I know you get frustrated like Daniel did because Daniel was like, (What is this? I'm doing this hard work, going through all these struggles, I can't cheat or find a way around besides going over, but I'm not seeing not one result) while Myiagi is taking his time, chillin, going fishing, doing Crane kicks on stumps, putting on old Army clothes and getting drunk thinking about old loves, and my muscles are KILLING ME.

But what happened? Daniel learned the hard way...He didn't understand that what he was doing was getting him ready for the bigger picture...that of which is to come. We all know the story. Daniel ended up winning the tournament with the Crane kick that we all used to practice(guys mostly) at the Boys Club karate class.


Do you think Daniel could have won if he didn't have to go OVER his mountain instead of around it? In your struggles, in your pain, in your lonely places where you feel isolated and desolate and defeated.... Keep your legs moving. Don't stop where you are. It's not the place where you are going to end up. Yes, your mountain may be huge.... It may look as if it cant be climbed. You may not believe that you can make it. Everything could be against you... Your body, your mind, your spirit may all be tired and you just wanna be carried to the top.

You may scream out to God that you don't have the strength, you don't have the ability to make it one more step.....If and when you do this, and you do not hear or receive a response(breakthrough), then God is telling you....You have further to go, my child. I'm here... but I want to see you do this. I know you can do this because I know what I have put into you. Keep pushing, beloved. Don't give up on Me.... The reward is too great. But, you have to find the will, the grit, the FAITH, that you can get over this mountain.


This is the Middle Finger... telling you, when you become enlightened by God, The Hard Way, in retrospect, is the Easy Way.

Makes no sense.... Until It makes SENSE

When I first started getting an idea for this post... i was watching a movie that I probably wouldn't tell anyone that I was watching... TWILIGHT. Yes, that sappy movie about 2 young kids(well, the vampire dude was like 108) being in love and longing for each other and having this intense emotional connection all wrapped in a vampie story.

When I read the book(audio style) I was like, "I kinda see it" why these HS girls were so gone off these novels. As much as part of it is Fairytale, a lot of that emotional connection comes across quite authentic as the author lays out the plot for the reader.

As I watched the movie, and actually got to see that connection personified and played out on the screen, I started to see it a little more. THEN I came to about 15 minutes from the end and the CLIMAX scene and this song comes on..... Already being an emotional person who feels and connects with my world in the smallest, atom like of things, I heard the first few chords of this song and it was like that first touch of that Tattoo needle again. That rush...that sensation...
The song is minute... actually about 2 min 20 seconds, and the verse is so short.... but the words with the music to me ERUPTS...and allows that SHIT in you that makes you know you're alive unfold.

The song is called, "Let me Sign"

"Ohh Ohh Oh
She was standing there by The broken tree
Her hands are all twisted.... She's pointing at me
I was damned by light comin' Out of her eyes,
she spoke with a voice that Disrupted the sky
She said walk on over here To the bitter shade
I'll wrap you in my arms And you'll know you've been saved
Let me sign
Let me sign"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7H47oQH1TW4&feature=related

(Sorry for the photos of this guy, but it's all I could find)


Looking at my Itunes, I've played this song 28 times in about 2 hours... It's just how I am, when there is something that I connect with, and I feel it, I become almost obsessive in finding the meaning in it.

The part that it was played on in the movie was PERFECT.. and I mean it. I'd watch the entire thing again just for the 2 minutes of the scene that the song was played. It literally wrapped itself around me and it was like this auora, where Joy, agony, tears, sorrow, jubilation, all things foribidden, all things desired all congregated right in my soul.

I love that I can feel.... I know I've been on this FREEDOM kick, but it's just where I'm at right now. It's the greatest gift God has given us... FREEDOM. We as people are all so enslaved by so many things of little consequence... Our Wealth, Our appearance, our status, our own self worth that sometimes, we lose what it feels to just be ALIVE.

To just inhale and really absorb what that breath of oxygen truly is to us. We don't take time to breathe anymore... it's already been reserved for something else. We don't enjoy the simplistic beauty of creation, of nature, of creativity, of ABSOLUTION, of abstraction, of anything.

To ask me if I get all of that from a 2 minute song, I'll tell you, NO, but it reminded me to be patient and not to fear what is around the corner.. To allow my life to flow effortlessly and not be one to force anything. To know when to extend and when to withdraw...

To know that what's in my head may not make sense to anyone else in the world, but if it's my song, to hold it close to who I am and Sing it for every day that I walk this Earth.

For 13 times, I've sat in a Tattoo chair, and in each visit, I've felt Alive because I was expressing MY SONG on my skin. Whether you like Tattoos, or you don't believe in them or whatever, that's for you... But My art is just me singing my song... Because I don't always have the voice to grab your attention, hopefully my appearance can...

Life is too short, NOT TO SCREAM YOUR SONG... because somebody other than you might need to hear it to find their own music... I needed to hear this song, this 2 minutes of guitar and blues/folksy words that you can barely understand to Rekindle that sensation which defines me.

I AM ALIVE!!!!!!! And because of that, the story isn't complete... Write the chapters of your own Life, with the passion of knowing that you EXSIST for a purpose.


This is the Middle Finger, telling you not to think outside the box. But rather, FUCK THE BOX, LIVE OUTSIDE of your own MIND. Because in that place, THERE ARE NO LIMITATIONS and the only absolute in this world is DEATH...and of that and when that comes you have no control...So LIVE, LIVE each second like the next one is going to be your last.

A DAY TO REMEMBER

When I created the Middle Finger, I pomised myself that I would always keep it TRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAA., I would say what I felt and make it always be raw. I'd open up and show parts of me that many don't know. I'd radiate the Freedom that I have within myself to try and shed light and bring light to others. So this Blog may be pretty straight forward for some of the normal readers. It may sting you in your got dang mouth and make you bleed. If it does... don't spit it out... Lick the blood. Taste it... Embrace it, enjoy it. It's Freedom.


One thing I want people to take from the Middle Finger is not to block out the bad of you. The parts that you don't want others to know because it makes you seem as if you ain't perfect. You already know that you aren't. When I speak of the blood metaphor as bleeding as freedom, it's not to gross you out. It's to enhance what you are and what you can be. I remember a basketball game I played back in HS and I took a shot in the mouth from a guy and my mouth started bleeding. The dude intentionally meant to hurt me becuase he knew he couldn't stop my TRILLA. He had some sense of accomplishment in his face as I wiped the blood from my mouth. However, it didn't last. I looked him dead in the eye, smiled, and licked it right off my hand and said to him, "That's all you got? MuthF***a, buried my momma at 8 years old, it's going to take more than that weak ass shyt to stop me." I went on to score about 25 points from that point on and we easily won the game. See I couldn't give him that satisfaction. Not even for a second ....that he had enough control over my life to hold me down. If I would have went out of the game to wipe my mouth, or shed tears or showed any type of weakness in that one moment, he would have felt as if he won. As if he got the better of me. That was a gift to him that I could not give.


I'd been through TOO much in my life. I'd been knocked down too many times... I'd been doubted far too often... Been told that my dreams were too big, too bold. Laughed at, scoffed at, ridiculed for believing in a belief that was instilled in me as a child. You may ask youself, "You got all that from an elbow?" YES. I did. Because that was a moment in my life that I can go back to like a DVR and relive over and over when I need to recall that type of strength. That resolve. That Grit, that determination, that perserverance, that victory.

Now being a basketball coach of HS kids, I often tell them stories of when I was Mr. Basketball for Kentucky in 1997. The feeling. How I erupted into tears at the end of my speech because I remembered all the work I put in. All the sacrifices I made, the times where I shot jumpshots until I couldn't lift my arms. The times where my father, who would come home drunk after a night out of not dealing with his issues would awaken me from bed at 2 am to go to the park in the Freezing cold to do dribble work. To make my left hand stronger. To be able to succeed in any element. Snow, Rain, Wind. To deal with the triumphs when they came, and to be man enough to take the blame, even when it wasn't my fault. They ask, "why did you cry coach Dav, weren't you happy???" I replied, "Yes, that is exactly why I did. It was the tangiable reward for my dedication and my belief in myself and what God had told me." That was the truth. I cried because I was thankful. Because if it wasn't for the pain of seeing Cancer destroy my mother's body day by day. If it wasn't for seeing my eldest sisters tears as her best friend started her transition from one world into the next. If my father didn't abuse alcohol and frustrate me at times with his constant pushing me towards an aspiration of search to find perfection in a round ball and a metal hoop, I might not be who I am today.


A reporter asked me after I finished that speech, "I've seen you play and you play with such passion, such fury, it's like you explode right before my eyes... What drives you to go all out like that?" I replied with two words. "The Pain" He looked at me kind of like, "What". And I recall myself as a cocky 18 year old just nodding and repeating what I said. "It's the pain." A night when my team lost a game my Sophomore year, and I played like crap, my father came home in a drunken anger and threw my clothes on me as I slept and said, "Get up, you have work to do" I refused. I was one of the top Sophomores in the state of Kentucky. I didn't feel like working. I didn't feel like pushing. I was becoming satisfied. I'll never forget he grabbed me by my face, and said, "Get your ass up, Now, boy, I'm still your daddy" Back during a time where Daddy's were still daddy's..


Even in his drunken stooper, I drove us to the park at 1:15 am in freaking January with no jacket and short sleeves. He took my jacket from me. He told me, "FEEL THE COLD. EMBRACE it as part of you... and it won't bother you." I shivered as I shot jump shot after jump shot... I wasn't making a lot because I couldn't focus... I was angry... How dare I have to go through this. I've worked hard. I've sacificed. Why isn't my world working out as planned? Why am I suffering? Why are my friends in bed sleep and my father has to be drunk and yelling at me about arch on my shot. Why can't I just be free? And I remembered I cried.


I was hurting...so much inside. I wanted to just let it all out and shatter my molecules into a million different directions. I just dropped the ball. I looked at my father and said, two words that he told me never to say, " I quit".My father screamed at me, and said, "Boy, what is your last name?" I kept walking..... Step, Step, Step.... "Boy", he said louder... "WHAT IS YOUR LAST NAME" My steps became shorter and shorter but I kept moving forward. When i got about 25 feet from him he screamed, "SON, WHAT IS YOUR LAST NAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And I whirled around with tears in my eyes and yelled back, "DAVENPORT!!!" with all the force that I could muster left in my body.... I remember breathing, in, out, in out, and seeing the frost appear and then Vanish... and then it clicked in me.


I saw my mother, in tears on her deathbed telling me, "Son, make a noise so loud on Earth, that I will hear it in Heaven" I saw my grandfather working in a Country Club being spit on and embarrassed and have to turn the other cheek and remain humble and meek so that he could put food on my father's plate as well as his siblings. I saw my father's battle with alcohol which stemmed from so much but ultimately because he felt that He didn't live up to his talents to make our lives as easy as possible. I saw the joy he had when he saw me succeed. So I was standing there with all these thoughts running though my head, thinking, "I am a Davenport... I can't quit." The next moment is something that is something every father should share with his son. My father, looked me square in the eye and said, "You now know what it takes to be a man. To be able reach inside of you when you don't feel as if anything was there. I'm hard on you because the world is going to be harder. I'm preparing you. THE ONLY WAY THAT I KNOW HOW."


And that was all that needed to be said... We went home and my father told me before I went to sleep, he was proud of me. There were quite a few nights like that during my last few years at home....but that one always stuck out in my mind. I go back to it when I feel weary, and tired. When I wanna blame God for things not being perfect. When I make bad choices and have to live with the consequences.... I pull out that January night. Even in my father's death... He still drives me today. What drives you? If you get to rock bottom, how do you get up? When you scream out to God for Him to Carry you over your valley and he only gives you a bridge to walk on, how do you muster the courage to take the first step.


My advice... Use the problems.... the pain. Let it drive you and fuel you like never before to push you to reach aspects that you never dreamed were possible... When you are wounded, don't just lie there and bleed... LICK THE BLOOD. Look at your adversary, and tell it, whatever it may be.... YOU CANT WIN. I WONT LET YOU.... And then, you will be truly FREE.


This is The Middle Finger...telling you two things, The Price of Freedom really ain't free.... And Pain is only temporary, but even in death, a PROUD PARENT lives forever.