HELP ME....HELP YOU.

The Middle Finger is thankful for all of it's readers. Because of that... We decided to take a request for a topic of a blog.

While I've never read Steve Harvey's book, I do know that he has an awful hairline and his bald head scares young children. However, his book "Think Like a Man, but Live like a Lady" is like the new new craze sweeping females across the nation. *SIGH* I'm sorry... but the Middle Finger must "style" real quick. Why women continue to be manipulated and marketed to and constantly fall for it is beyond me.Some of ya'll will buy ANYTHING that claims to have answers or advice or claims it can improve your weight...your appearance..etc

As a man with a degree in Business(another in Literature and yeah I'm still stylin') you are taught everything from Marketing, Finance(my degree's focus), Business Ethics, Macro and Microeconomics as well as a slew of other classes. The largest group of consumers in America may not be who you think. It is Women, age 18-36... Or at least it was the last time I checked. Maybe it has changed, but since the Middle Finger aint about to check the net... We gonna go with what I said. Have I led you wrong yet? Didn't think so.

People have told me... "Yo, Middle Finger... you needs to write a book. You got skillz".

To this I reply, "Yeah, but it's hard baby when i gotta pay this house note and this car note and make sure that the fridge is stocked and still find time to coach these kids."

However, If I did write a book, it would be called "The Business Side of Love". Pretty much every business class I've mentioned can be translated into an aspect of how people interact in a relationship. You've got your MARKETING....(how we represent outselves to others to make who we are "Stand Out"), ....FINANCE...(how we monetarily maintain or possibly provide a lifestyle for ourselves and potential future mates)...ETHICS....( what our morals and values are and how they effect and affect the way we view certain things of importance in these relationships),.. MACROECONOMICS...(how our behavior in these relationships determine our interactions with EVERYONE in our lives) and MICROECONOMICS..(how our behaviors in these relationships determine how we interact with ourselves.)

"Damn, Middle Finger,.... I ain't never thought of it that way, you just broke it all down and I see it."

That was the point. That's why I write how I do. So you can't misunderstand what I say... That's how I like to be shown direction... Show me to how I can't misunderstand.

Just like with Steve's book... Or any book that tells YOU how you should be, look, dress, etc is all CRAP. How can someone else who ain't you, know what's best FOR YOU??

It's one of the biggest reasons that I switched from being a Pysch major in college as a Freshman into a Business one. I was so caught up with how prestigious being a Clinical Pyschiatrist was that I didn't stop to realize that I didn't need to go to school all those years to really be one. Hell, life experiences were an adequate enough teacher to show me as much as what I learned in those classes. My Psych 101 teacher was this blonde lady with these UGLY and I mean UGLY glasses and had some of the worst dresses in the world. I wanted to use my scholarship money to get her a gift certificate to somehwere... Hell, I didn't know where, but she needed to change that ish up. I remembered she called me out one day in class because I was trying to get this girl on the Track team's phone number.

I wasn't paying attention., but I don't know if she thought I was some dumb black athlete, or what, but I was one of the only black guys in the class along with this dude who looked like Carlton. LULZ. Anyway, I remember now, it was about Sigmund Freud...but she didnt' know I was already up on him. She got mad cuz I was missing the lesson on one of the greatest forefathers of Pyschology. I sighed and looked at the Track girl... and she was like, "Dayum, she cracked your face." Now, me, with my cocky attitude I had back then that was "REALLY BAD" had a decision to make... "STYLE back on her and at least save face with the Track girl, or straighten up and get punked by BAD dress...

So you already know which one I did. I had to Style back. So I said, "Ma'am, I don't know about anyone else, but I know all about the Coke head Austrian, who was in love with his mother, went crazy from his own dreams, and then asked his friend to help him commit suicide." She sat there with her mouth hanging open...She didn't expect me snap back... but, that was a fundamental difference not between teacher and student but between male and female. She thought I would retreat into my shell, she didn't know that I had already thrown my shell away..

That's what I want to discuss in this blog for my ladies... Understanding why some Men are the way they are in terms of expressing their feelings.

Again, I haven't read Steve's book, but I can probably tell you where he went. He probably broke down aspects of certain signs and issues to look for, and attempted to give advice in how to avoid these.... He probably even talked about putting stipulations in place to protect you. I fundamentally, and whole heartedly disagree with that approach if that's the way he took.

The Middle Finger ain't hating on Steve... Get ya money, man, but use some of it to cover that bald head. Shyt, I can almost see your thoughts. Plus, I care about you all too much to charge you for anything. If you don't like what the Middle Finger says, it ain't cost you nuthin but about 10 minutes. All of this is my opinion from what I've seen. If you dont agree, that don't make you wrong. As long as we have that established... I'd like to talk a lil bit.

The first thing we must realize in our difference as sexes is that we are going to look at things differently. I wouldn't want my woman to think like a man...because that implies that a man's way of thinking is either the correct way or it leads you think that men are simple enough to be placed into a box. Thinking like Dav may not help you in dealing with your man because we are two different people. As men, we as a whole do Compartmentalize our feelings. It's a defense mechanism that is instituted as a form of survival. That is one of the biggest reasons many men and women struggle to connect and understand each other on an emotional level. THIS, is my biggest beef with the title of Steve's book. Thinking like a man isn't going to help your man deal with this issue that he has. HE NEEDS YOU TO THINK LIKE A WOMAN.

Since the beginning of time, men have been conditioned that showing emotion when it is either compassion or empathy is a sign of weakness. Men are taught to be strong... Hunters, Gatherers. To protect the wife and the children. Men understand that women love to feel SECURE. Whether it is to feel secure physically from harm or financially from lack, men do there best to hold these two of the TRINITY of SECURITY in check. It is the third level of the TOS(my phrase, copyrighted by MiddleFinger, Inc) that men struggle with and that is the ability to make your woman feel secure, EMOTIONALLY. In my interaction with other brothas(not brothers) I seem to find that this is something that is acquired from experience rather than installed from birth.

How many times have you said either to your man(men in the past) or to yourself, "You (he) don't care, you(he) don't understand and (he)you dont wanna understand."

Occasionaly, my dear, this is true. Often times it is not. It's that the man often does not UNDERSTAND how to take his ability to sympathize and empathize and put it into a proper reaction to your dilemma. Many men, think this is a cry for him to "SOLVE" the problem for you. With some women, that's the case, but not usually it's not. You may be giving all the details of what's going down but as a man, normally all we hear is "PROBLEM, SHE HAS, WE GOTTA SOLVE IT, TO GET PEACE AGAIN". So then the man may try to solve it and then that makes you more angry because that's not what you wanted.

Now, your man is confused. This is why I told that story about my Psych class. You can't assume anything about anyone. Being able to be nice in the start of a relationship does not constitute that he can understand how to comfort you at your time of weakness.

As a man, I have learned and acquired many different talents and abilities to interact with others. Some I use with disgression, others I just put on autopilot. This is a situation where I have to fault the female because if you don't understand the language your man speaks, or the makeup of his personality... you can cry, scream, be frustrated all you want. You are gonna be on AM and he's gonna be on FM.

Wanna send your man into the arms of another woman as fast as possible???? Do what I just said. Because as a man, more times than not, we'd rather just remove ourselves from the situation than constantly have to deal with the nagging and the insecurities that life and society has placed into the subconcious of many women.

Read the following... Your man cheated on you in the past??? Shyt, I didn't, why you coming at me like that, have you not got over this dude? ..... OR, "I don't pay attention to you?? Why does it always have to be about you? Why do you always have to say something to me about shyt like this? EVEN, "I'm not romantic like in the beginning??" Shyt, what have you done for me, you always expect something...why? Cuz you're the woman?" F**K that"

These are thoughts that flow through the minds of men daily. Many just don't know how to form the words to say this to their woman without coming across as a whiny lil bytch. Until they do, there will be a Dichotomy of sorts... "How do I get my girl to understand I care, but still at the same time be able to remain masculine in my approach." Many guys around the world, if there were on that Nickelodeon show we watched growing up would be covered in Green slime because a majority of them would answer, " I DONT KNOW".

So the man then looks at the situation and has a decision to make... LEAVE or work through the Confusion to get to a solution. What happens? Most men leave... or do things to make the women leave them. Why? Because it's easier. From the male POV, it's easier to start all over with someone new and have that feeling of how it is in the beginning again before EMOTIONS become deeply involved. Basically, this is Relationship Fight or Flight Syndrome. Now, again, I don't want you to think this is all men. Some of you may have a good husband and your are past some of these things and you learn how to deal with these issues.

"But Middle Finger... The door is locked... Ain't you gonna open it up?"

Yep, and here is the KEY, it's called COMMUNICATION.

You, as a woman, have to communicate with your man to tell him that it's ALL RIGHT that he opens up to you. That he can spill his guts out to you and that you won't look at him any other way but PROUD to be involved with him. In a round about way, you have to possibly TEACH your man how to deal with his emotions and how they tie into yours to make your union better.

Now, if you are just an emotional wreck, the Middle Finger does not approve of you doing this.... If you are a classic, run of the mill, psycho nutbag who has thoughts that you cant tell anyone about, hear voices or whatever else.... We suggest that you call Seven Counties at one of their locations if you are in Jefferson County, or if there is not a Seven Counties near you... please check yourself into a mental institution. If you are F*****D up, don't F*** someone else up. Figure out your issue first.

Seriously, If you want your man to respond to you, you have to understand that the odds of him learning YOUR LANGUAGE on his own is pretty slim. Because after the smooth rap and the things used to get you, if he doesn't speak your language, he normally runs out of things to say. Then, like a box of old RITZ, things get stale.
But Middle Finger... You seem as if you get it??? Why can't they?

Well, baby, that's cuz I've been BROKEN. Life has kicked me in the butt, the nuts, the forehead, the back of my head, the armpit, jabbed me in the stomach and about 5 other moves. However, I used to be exactly that way. I'd run from adversity with a female, sprint from committment, escape from Emotions...whatever because at the time, Not one female broke it down to me HOW to deal with her. They just EXPECTED me to know how. I didn't grow up with a mother. I had my sister and while she had compassion, she was a Great deal like my father... BE STRONG ALL THE TIME.

It was in my days of the Short Con( remember that blog) that I began to see that regardless of all that I accumlated, or thought that I accumlated from the girls I took for a ride... When I stuck my hands in my pocket, pulled out and opened my hand... They were EMPTY. I wasn't fulfilled by my actions. Satisfied... yes, Fullfilled, no. Satisfacation and Fullfillment to me are two different things. One is a short term fix, the other long term.

Quick story about me and my Ex before I wrap it up. For 1.5 of my two years coaching.... Do you know how many games she saw me coach? ZERO. Not a one. I know that we played early at times and that it was hard to get a sitter, but she never even tried. Not once. I LOVE COACHING, I'M GOOD AT IT. I'm in my element and the person who thought I was to make her my wife didn't show up. That hurt me. That's how I know about women and how they hurt. They just want their men to SHOW UP. When she would say all the things I did that I don't do anymore... I would come back with, "You won't even come to my games...to support me. I bust my ass to make sure we're good(she worked as well) and in one aspect, when I need support, just to see you there... You make no attempt to come. It was always an excuse.

Maybe she was tired. Hell, so was I at times. I was tired when she was pregnant and I had to do everything when she couldn't work. I was tired when I had to wake up at night to feed Jackson even though I had to work in the morning because I needed the practice and I wanted her to sleep. Tired when there was a problem financially, I had to be the one to solve it. So I will admit... I SHUT DOWN.

I put our relationship on the backburner and focused on what I could do to make life better for Jackson. I didn't wanna talk. I didn't wanna hang out. I didn't want physical contact. It was crazy being the only coach with no one there to support. Seeing my Head Coaches wife go crazy at home games... and I grew up with them, because he was my Asst Coach when i played in HS, but I never had that feeling. I was isolated... even in my own house.

If your havings struggles in your own relationship.... If you want to salvage it and your man won't open up and express to you his feelings, i have to ask you... "Have you made the first step in helping him do so?" It doesn't matter who makes the first move, and please, please, please don't think of it that way. If you want the best out of your man, and in turn the best for your relationship.... Do you best to UNDERSTAND HIM... Make him assured that he is safe with you, that he doesn't have to always be macho. That you won't look at him differently.

Men are crying out to their women and they cannot be heard.... Their voices are locked away inside them and they don't know how to let them out.

Don't EMASCULATE your man.... Help EMANCIPATE HIM. <------ VERY IMPORTANT.

And then watch him surprise you.


This is the MIDDLE FINGER.... Telling you... "To be Understood, One must be willing to Understand"